UPJOKE
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A cello player was found dead earlier this week. Police suspect he was murdered

They think the crime was orchestrated, but could not rule out a random act of violins

Roses are red, Cellos are brown

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down ;)

What happened to the conductor when half the cello section called in sick before a concert?

He had to resort to excessive violins.

Why did the cello teacher get arrested?

For fingering A Minor.

I was walking down the street today, and noticed a woman screaming at her son. How do you lose a cello, it's as big as you are? Where could you have possibly lost it, tell me or so help me.

I walked up to the woman, and said for the sake of your son, please do not resort to violins.

A musician walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

"I play flute in a travelling orchestra" he said. "Last month, we played for the Ottoman sultan. He liked our performance and ordered to fill our instruments with sapphires. The cello got 1000 sapphires in, the drum got 2000 sapphires in, this piece of ...

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You stole my viola, cello, and double bass.

You made me so angry, I'm violint now.

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

A luxury boat sank and a passenger was holding on to a floating piano...

All of a sudden, someone floats by sitting atop a floating cello and asks: “ May I accompany you?”

How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone?

Cello?

I play my women like I play the cello.

I don't play the cello.

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

How does a viola greet a relative?

Cello!

What's the difference between Yo Yo Ma and Yo Mama?

One is a famous cello player


The other is a heinous fellow layer

A girl asked if I play any Indian instruments.

I told her I play mandolin, violin and cello. Close, but no sitar.

Terminator walks into a police station

He opens the first office and two police officers stand there mouths open. They reach for their pistols, but the Terminator opens his mouth and out shoots the sound of ear piercing violins. The police officers drop their pistols and clench their hands against their ears, but it's too much, their hea...

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An octopus walks into a bar...

Claiming that he can teach himself to play any instrument in a matter of minutes. The bar's patrons are sceptical and decide to test his boasted ability. First, they present him with a cello, to their astonishment he plays with ease. Next, he is provided a saxophone which also fails to present a cha...

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