This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At a U2 concert in Belfast,Ireland

Bono asked the audience for total silence.

Then in the silence he started to clap his hands. Once every few seconds.

Keeping the audience in silence he said into the microphone, “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a broad Irish acc...

I’m in favour of a free U2 concert.

Pro Bono

Did you hear about the lawyer who moonlights as a U2 impersonator?

He calls himself Pro Bono.

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

I called into a Russian radio station to request that they play some U2...

They shot me down :(

Bono and the Edge walk into a bar, the barman looks up and says

Not U2 again

Did anyone get a U2. Satellite Navigation System for Christmas?

I am returning my one, The Streets have no name.

And I still haven't found what I am looking for.

I was U2's bass player in their early days

One night I shoved Bono into our guitar player while he was doing a solo, and after tumbling over him, he got up and stabbed me with his pocketknife.

I thought that was a bit extreme, but guess I shouldn't have pushed him over The Edge.

My friend who absolutely loves U2 just passed the BAR exam

He says everything he does now will be Pro Bono

Having U2 as a client would be the worst

All the work is pro bono.

My lawyer is a U2 fan

So he was glad to represent them in a court case pro Bono

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U2 is playing a gig in Glasgow

Midway through the song, the band stops and Bono comes out to the stage, clapping his hands slowly. After a minute he says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." There is a tremendous silence throughout the venue, until one Glasgow man says, "Well stop fucking clapping you arse!"

What do you call people who enjoy the band U2?

Pro Bono

U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.

Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.

TIL I learned that Bono from U2 holds the record for most private investigators hired to recover a lost heirloom.

To this day he still hasn't found what he's looking for.

My friend and I were backstage with band U2 and two other people.

I said “hey look, I’m here with u2, you two, and you too!”

The U2 spy plane took many pictures during its military career.

But it still hasn’t found what it’s looking for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

Did you hear about the lawyer who refused to represent U2 in court?

He didn’t want to work pro-Bono

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

I've given up my U2 obsession

I was getting close to the Edge

I was trying to decide what my favourite U2 song was

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

The band U2 went to the premiere of the new Mr. Rogers film...

...because it’s a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood.

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

Bought a new sat nav made by the band U2 , bloody things useless.

The streets have no names

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this fo...

I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.

I'm doing it completely pro bono

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans

Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?

U2 just announced a world tour.

Are they going tosell tickets, or just break into my living room and start playing?

How does U2 spell color/colour?

With or Without U

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate?

Nothing, he was pro-Bono

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

I told my girl I love you.

She said I love U2. That was kind of depressing. She's talking about music at this vulnerable moment. So I broke up with her.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

What did the awkward quark say to the diuranium after it said "enjoy your meal"?

Thanks, U2

Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2

If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission..

They should just call U2 and ask how they did it

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

I just recieved the worst gift of all time...

.. A Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps on telling me to “turn around”

And every now and then it falls apart.

Still, not as bad as the U2 one, where the streets have no names, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

I tried to get a lawyer pro bono but found it impossible

Every one I contacted hated U2

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

When my friend turned 40

I sent him a CD in the mail, UB40

A month later on my 40th I received a CD in the mail from him, U2

A woman walks into a lawyer's office...

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I want to sue a band. They stole a song I wrote, and I can prove I wrote it."

"I might be able to help you," says the lawyer. "What band was it?"

"U2," she replies.

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "Sorry, ma'am, but I only wor...

My girlfriend is a big fan of Bono’s music.

Every time I tell her I love her she tells me she loves U2.

The Edge walks into a bar.

U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."

The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"

Bono and a Lightbulb

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappi...

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