Bono and The Edge walk into a bar

Bono and The Edge walk into a bar and the bartender shouts:
"HEY! Get out, not U2 again!"

I was trying to decide what my favourite U2 song was

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

The band U2 went to the premiere of the new Mr. Rogers film...

...because it’s a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

I just recieved the worst gift of all time...

.. A Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps on telling me to “turn around”

And every now and then it falls apart.

Still, not as bad as the U2 one, where the streets have no names, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

Did you hear about the lawyer who refused to represent U2 in court?

He didn’t want to work pro-Bono

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2

Bought a new sat nav made by the band U2 , bloody things useless.

The streets have no names

I've started a U2 cover band!

And the best part is we're playing our shows pro-bono

A woman walks into a lawyer's office...

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I want to sue a band. They stole a song I wrote, and I can prove I wrote it."

"I might be able to help you," says the lawyer. "What band was it?"

"U2," she replies.

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "Sorry, ma'am, but I only wor...

My girlfriend is a big fan of Bono’s music.

Every time I tell her I love her she tells me she loves U2.

How does U2 spell color/colour?

With or Without U

U2's Bono got lost today.

He told us all the streets had no names.

The bacteria on U2's guitar player are total badasses.

They are living on The Edge.

I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans

Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.

I'm doing it completely pro bono

[original] Which band is the most tolerant and inclusive?

U2

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...

When my friend turned 40

I sent him a CD in the mail, UB40

A month later on my 40th I received a CD in the mail from him, U2

What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate?

Nothing, he was pro-Bono

Bono and a Lightbulb

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.

TIL U2 got sued over copyright and didn't have money to afford a lawyer. The ACLU stepped in for free and they won the case.

It was pro Bono.

If the FBI wants to get into people's iPhone's without permission...

They should just ask U2

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at a U2 concert the other night...

After one of the song's ended, there was complete silence in the arena.



*clap*



*clap*



*clap*



Bono was standing above everyone clapping every few seconds. After about a minute of this he went up to the mic and said, "Every time I clap my han...

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

U2 just announced a world tour.

Are they going tosell tickets, or just break into my living room and start playing?

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

TIFU They say you should NEVER meet your heroes and after today I believe it is true.

So I have seen the YouTube videos of celebrities meeting their fans and some stand outs are Taylor Swift meeting young fans and the emotions of these kids see them crying uncontrollably. I always wanted to meet Sting from the Police or Bono from U2 or Ed Sheeran, I mean how cool would it be. Well to...

The Edge walks into a bar.

U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."

The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappi...

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