UPJOKE
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At a U2 concert in Belfast,Ireland

Bono asked the audience for total silence.

Then in the silence he started to clap his hands. Once every few seconds.

Keeping the audience in silence he said into the microphone, “every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”

From the front of the crowd a broad Irish acc...

I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees

Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.

My lawyer dumped me after I said I hated U2.

He was working under a Pro Bono agreement.

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Bono and u2 were performing at a gig in scotland

And as you all will know, bono is a cause celebre for all sorts of charity aid, world peace, ending hunger, heal the world etc that sort of thing. He jets around the world having concerts and all that for the benefit of others and frequently raises this at his concerts.

He begins this concert...

I work as the lead singer in a U2 tribute band that provides free performances for charities and at protests

I'm a pro bono pro Bono

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Bono started clapping slowly between songs during a U2 concert. "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies from starvation", he told the audience

Some guy at the front shouted, "Well stop fucking doing it then!"




^actually ^a ^true ^story

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.

Bono from U2 says he's given up on alternative search engines like Bing and will just use google from now on.

He still hasn't found what he's looking for

U2 are one of Ireland's most successful bands.

Or according to their tax returns, one of Netherlands' least successful hardware store owners.

I called into a Russian radio station to request that they play some U2...

They shot me down :(

My friend who absolutely loves U2 just passed the BAR exam

He says everything he does now will be Pro Bono

My lawyer is a U2 fan

So he was glad to represent them in a court case pro Bono

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U2 is playing a gig in Glasgow

Midway through the song, the band stops and Bono comes out to the stage, clapping his hands slowly. After a minute he says, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." There is a tremendous silence throughout the venue, until one Glasgow man says, "Well stop fucking clapping you arse!"

TIL I learned that Bono from U2 holds the record for most private investigators hired to recover a lost heirloom.

To this day he still hasn't found what he's looking for.

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Bono, the lead singer of U2 is known for being self-righteous ...

... He is also an A-list rock and roll celebrity.



At a recent concert in Glasgow Scotland, he asked the audience for complete and utter silence.



Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds. Holding the audience hostage in total silen...

Did anyone get a U2. Satellite Navigation System for Christmas?

I am returning my one, The Streets have no name.

And I still haven't found what I am looking for.

After the invention of time travel, many historic figures were brought to the present to experience modern culture with varying degrees of success.

George Washington nearly had a heart-attack because of the current state of the two party system, Napoleon tried to conquer Europe once more, and Alfred Einstein became an avid redditer, amongst many other historic events.

But out of all the crazy things happening because of time travel, the ...

My friend and I were backstage with band U2 and two other people.

I said “hey look, I’m here with u2, you two, and you too!”

Did you hear about the lawyer who refused to represent U2 in court?

He didn’t want to work pro-Bono

The U2 spy plane took many pictures during its military career.

But it still hasn’t found what it’s looking for.

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U2 are holding a concert in Scotland.

Halfway through the show, as the other band members take a break, Bono takes to the stage and begins clapping his hands. A steady, rythmic clap. He leans into the microphone and addresses the crowd:

"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies".

From somewhere in the crowd, a v...

I was trying to decide what my favourite U2 song was

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I met U2 once..

I stood very close to the Edge.

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

I've given up my U2 obsession

I was getting close to the Edge

Bought a new sat nav made by the band U2 , bloody things useless.

The streets have no names

I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs

But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.

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U2 has a concert...

and at the end of one of the songs, Bono takes off his guitar, places it on the ground and slowly walks up to the mic. He asks the crowd to be silent for a moment, the crowd immediately quiets down. After a few seconds, Bono claps. Another couple of seconds pass and Bono claps again. He does this fo...

You guys hear that Bono fell off the stage at the big U2 concert last night?

He got a little too close to the edge.

U2 just announced a world tour.

Are they going tosell tickets, or just break into my living room and start playing?

I don't get why all these people praise lawyers just for being U2 fans

Suddenly they're special for taking on Pro-Bono cases?

How does U2 spell color/colour?

With or Without U

In a little-known piece of rock history..

Courtney Love once asked Jon Bon Jovi to name her new band. Bon Jovi jokingly suggested 'Hole'.

Love though this was great - provocative and rude - so she went with it. Her ex, Corey Hart, of 'Sunglasses At Night' fame, did not approve. He sought to confront Bon Jovi on the night of Hole's fi...

The bacteria on U2's guitar player are total badasses.

They are living on The Edge.

What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate?

Nothing, he was pro-Bono

I had booked a U2 for my wife's birthday party...

Unfortunately they had to cancel. Luckily I found a replacement at the last minute. This new guy was amazing. He looked the part, sang all the songs exactly, and even his mannerisms were spot on.

After the party I went up to the replacement and asked how much I owed him for the gig. He ...

Lawyers must be pretty big fans of the legendary Irish rock band U2.

Almost all of them go on about all the pro-Bono things that they do.

I told my girl I love you.

She said I love U2. That was kind of depressing. She's talking about music at this vulnerable moment. So I broke up with her.

I have ranked the greatest musicians of all time in order:

Nelly

Erika Badu

Vanilla Ice

Eminem

Rhianna




Green Day

Oasis

Nirvana

Nine inch Nails

Aerosmith



George Strait

Ilene Woods

Vince Gill

Enya



Yoko ono

Otis Redding

U...

Why does Bono always say ‘I love you’ first?

Because it’s the only time he gets to hear someone say: I love U2

What did the awkward quark say to the diuranium after it said "enjoy your meal"?

Thanks, U2

If the FBI needs to get into someones's iPhone without permission..

They should just call U2 and ask how they did it

I just recieved the worst gift of all time...

.. A Bonnie Tyler sat nav. Keeps on telling me to “turn around”

And every now and then it falls apart.

Still, not as bad as the U2 one, where the streets have no names, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of.

Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Topical Jokes for 10/19

(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)

Carmaker Audi has tested a driver-less car at speeds of up to 140 mph. The driver-less supercar is perfect for the parent who’s too drunk to drive, but needs to pick their kids up from school in three seconds.

In Be...

When my friend turned 40

I sent him a CD in the mail, UB40

A month later on my 40th I received a CD in the mail from him, U2

The Edge walks into a bar.

U2 guitarist The Edge walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll ......................................... have a pint of Guinness."

The bartender replies "What's with all the delay?"

A woman walks into a lawyer's office...

A woman walks into a lawyer's office and says, "I want to sue a band. They stole a song I wrote, and I can prove I wrote it."

"I might be able to help you," says the lawyer. "What band was it?"

"U2," she replies.

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "Sorry, ma'am, but I only wor...

My girlfriend is a big fan of Bono’s music.

Every time I tell her I love her she tells me she loves U2.

[original] Which band is the most tolerant and inclusive?

U2

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An asian man goes to a tattoo studio

He says: I really like the band Rolling Stones, so I wanna tattoo "Rolling Stones" on my dick.

The tatto artist took a look at his dick and says: I don't think I'll be able to write it, is there any other hand you like?

For which the Asian man says: I like Iron Maiden can you tatto It?...

Bono and a Lightbulb

How many members of U2 does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



Three to screw it in and Bono to explain it to the world.

My favorite Robin Williams joke

U2 is playing a concert in Scotland, and as a hush comes over the crowd, Bono starts clapping his hands above his head very slowly.

As he claps, he tells the crowd, "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." And a man stands up in the back of the room, and shouts "Then stop clappi...

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