Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

I was playing the squeeze box and a policeman told me to stop, so I acted accordioningly.

\*boom tish\*

Pay me $10 and I'll play accordion for you

Pay me $100 and I won't play it.

Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..

of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

What’s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?

Terrorists have sympathisers.

Accordion to several scientific reports and surveys,

When replacing words with instruments they tend to go unnoticed.

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

What's the difference between an accordion and an Uzi?

An Uzi quits after 100 rounds.

There was an accordion player

He was going out for a drink after a show with his friend and was nervous about leaving his instrument in the car as he didn't want to get it stolen. His friend told him it was alright and nobody would try to steal an accordion. After a night of drinking they walk back to the car and notice a window...

A friend of mine once left his accordion in his unlocked car.

Imagine his shock when he returned half an hour later to find *two* accordions in the back seat.

Accordion and Tuba Duo

A party planner has organized a huge new year's eve party. At the last minute, the band he hired has to pull out because of death in the family. The planner is totally stressed out because he has 500 partiers and no band.

On December 30 he contacts the only local band that was avaliable, a ...

How can you tell when you've found a really good rock n roll band in Minnesota?





They have two accordions

What do you call a haunted accordion

Polka haunt us

A sailor is stationed on an exotic island for months...

He writes to his wife and tells her "I miss you so much, and I'm surrounded by gorgeous island woman every day. I need something to keep my mind off of them so I don't cheat."

The wife responds with a package and a letter that says "I miss you, too, and I have a solution to your predicament. ...

An accordion player goes to a bar... (warning: dumb joke)

After a long night at performing at a local restaurant, an accordion player goes to have a few late night drinks. He drives up to the bar and goes inside. After finishing his first drink, he realizes he left his car unlocked! He rushed outside, opened the trunk of his car.....but it was too late......

A bagpipe player, a banjo player and an accordion player all walk into a bar...

everybody leaves.

Why didn't Bach buy his wife a new accordion?

He couldn't afford it; he was "Baroque".

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

9/10 people.

Accordion to research, 9/10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

A sailor leaves his wife to join the navy.

He writes to his wife that he is on an island surrounded by beautiful women and while he will try to be faithful, he needs something to distract himself from the war.
His wife writes back but sends a package along with her letter. The letter reads, "here's an accordion. I want you to practic...

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.

Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine!" the blond...

Did you know?

Accordion to a recent study, 90% of the world don't realise when a word has been swapped with an instrument.

Some musician jokes

Q. Why don't violinists play hide and seek?

A. No one would look for them.

Q. How can you tell if a stage is level?

A. Drool is coming out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

Q. What is the definition of perfect pitch?

A. Tossing an accordion into a dumpster with...

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion.

...I'll, uh, see myself out.

A man walks into a bar...

Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze...

Going to war without the French

Is like going hunting without an accordion

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