Saxophone Jokes - 53 Hilarious Saxophone Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saxophone penis...

A guy goes to the doctors with a problem with his penis. The doctor takes a look and his penis is shaped uncannily like a saxophone.

"Wow,", the doctor exclaims,"that's incredible."

"Yes,", replies the guy,"in my family, we all have genitals that resemble various musica...

My brother told me he made a saxophone entirely out of haddock

Sounded fishy to me.

I took saxophone lessons for six months...

...until I dislocated my jaw. How did I know I was supposed to blow in the small end?

(credit: Tommy Cooper)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy comes home completely drunk one night.

He lurches through the
door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

"Where the hell have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.
It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor and even the ur...

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?

You can tune a chainsaw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stuck in their apartment with their kid during the COVID quarantine, the Smith’s are desperate to fuck...

So they send little Johnny out on the balcony with a popsicle and a notebook with the directions to log what all the neighbors are up to during the quarantine.

After they finished with their twenty minute *alone time,* Mr. Smith lets Johnny back in from the balcony. ”So, Johnny, what did you...

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

A sax offender

What do women and saxophones have in common?

They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.

Something I noticed about Saxophones

They really do be do be do be do

Paddy was coming back from his holiday in America.

As he came through Customs, he had two sacks over his shoulder. The Customs officer asked him what he had in the sacks? Paddy replied Mobile phones.

The customs officer didn't believe him and asked to be shown. Paddy opened each sack and sure enough both sacks contained quite a few phones. "W...

What do you call someone that plays Tenor and Alto saxophone?

Bisaxual

10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...

authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.

Did you hear about the two friends who pooled their money to buy a brand new saxophone?

They recently entered into a same-sax relationship.

Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management?

He had a bad ALTOtude problem.

A man went into a music shop

A man went into a music shop looking for a new instrument.

The owner introduced him to a lot of different instruments: flutes, trumpets, drums and guitars but none of them caught the man's interest.

The man nearly gives up when he spots a saxophone hanging in the corner. He tries it an...

I'm not saying I got too excited when I kissed that saxophone player...

But I jazzed in my pants.

What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone

"Not until you get rid of that HarMonica."

A guy walks up to a musician...

"You ok?" He asks?
"Yeah." The musician responds, "Just thirsty."
"There's a vending machine with some water over there if you need it."
"Yeah I tried it... It only accepts ones."
The musician opens a suitcase next to him, revealing a saxophone.

"I only got a tenor on me."

Greg wants to show his friend Max the golden toilet in the house he cleans in.

Greg cleans a big luxury house every week, the owner of the house is Mustafa. In the house the owner has a golden toilet and Greg thought it looked really luxurious and decided to show it to his friend Max. One day they go over to the house and ring the doorbell. Mustafa's wife comes to the door and...

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus under his arm

Bartender says "what's up with the octopus?" Guy says "this octopus can play any musical instrument you put in front of him." There's a band on the stage, so the guitar player walks up and puts down his guitar. Tentacles start flying, and the guitar starts making the most beautiful sounds you ever h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor visit.

Had to go to the Doctors yesterday, doctor said strip off, he immediately mentioned the fact that my genitalia was perfectly shaped like a saxophone...

I explained that it was a family trait and we all had genitalia shaped like musical instruments.

He was amazed and said, "Well in 27 y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bandleader for a traveling music troupe decides to hold auditions one day

and encounters a man who claims that he's found a perfect new member for his troupe. To the bandleader's surprise, the man pulls an octopus from his bag, and explains that the octopus is a musical genius who can flawlessly play any instrument. Hoping to test the octopus, the bandleader hands it a gu...

On the eve of Joe Biden's inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.

Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google's targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Golden Urinals

So a man is always cheating on his wife. She finally gets fed up with him and says the next time he gives her a lame excuse, she is going to leave him. A few days later he comes home extremely late.
"So what's the excuse this time," she said.
"Hey, I was drinking all night with my buddies. I...

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chain saw?

You can tune a chain saw.

Alternate answer: vibrato.

Sad saxophone solo

The policeman takes back his breathalyzer

\-How did you do that?

A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus.

He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play.

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right ...

In Self Defense

Tenant - "I simply won't stay here any longer. Those people above me banged on the floor early this morning, slammed doors, and jumped up and down as hard as they could. I won't stand it, I tell you!"

Landlady - "They woke you up, I suppose?"

Tenant - "No, I hadn't gone to bed yet. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Face the Music

A man is walking around the streets of the city one day when he spies an old friend of his from college.

"George!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," George replies. "I am the Clarinet player for the International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into a fancy restaurant

When he gets to his table he sees that they have gold plate and says
"wow this restaurant has gold plates how fancy."
Then he sees that they also have gold silverware and says
"Wow they also have gold silverware how fancy."
After that he goes to the bathroom and sees they also have gold...

3 Instruments are Catching Up

School is back in for the fall and 3 instruments are sharing their musical journey through the Summer.

The saxophone says, "I got to go to New Orleans and play with a real jazz band."

The guitar says, "I went to Mexico and played music so beautiful that the audience threw roses on the ...

50 years later most people have no idea who Neil Armstrong is

Or what kind of saxophone music he played

There are only two instruments mentioned in the Bible

Trumpets and saxophones when they mention the "wailing of the damned"

I don't want to sound like I'm showing off or something, but people put bricks through my windows...

...just so they can hear me practicing my saxophone louder.

Before his inauguration, George W. Bush was invited to take a tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of water, he asked President Clinton if he could use the bathroom in the Oval Office. He was astonished to see that the president had a solid gold urinal installed. That night, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal.

“Just think,” he said, “whe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A musical joke [kinda NSFW]

A man won a weekend in 5 star hotel with all inclusive package - free food, drinks and presidential apartment.

Wanting to fully enjoy the package, the man visited each night the luxury restaurant and ordered the most expensive dishes and drinks.

At the end of his stay, one of the recep...

What do you do when your dog has the blues?

Give it a saxophone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had to go to the doctor's the other day, for a full examination.

While I was naked, he remarked how much my genitalia resembled a saxophone. I told him it was a family trait, we all had private parts that looked like musical instruments.

"Most remarkable" he mused, " I can't remember seeing anything like it in 30 years, apart from that one lady who's...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] My first music class in school started with the teacher letting us check out the instruments to decide what we wanted to play.

I put a thump on a drum. I put a twang on the guitar. I even put a honk on the saxophone. After I was given my instrument I confessed that I wanted to play the bell. My teacher told me that if I liked it then I should have put a ring on it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Magical Octopus

There was once a Man who traveled with the local fair, portraying his Magical Octopus. One fair a little boy cam up and said "how is he magical?" the man replied with " he can sing and play any instrument" so the little boy handed over his harmonica to the octopus. The octopus glanced at it, picked ...

(NSFW) Dave went to a business trip in a foreign country...

after meeting with some of his collegues they decided to go drinking in some local bars. They got pretty wasted and hopped from bar to bar. The next day, Dave wakes up in his hotelroom with a massive hangover but without his wallet and passboard. The last thing he could remember was that he had been...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home late one night, drunk.

"Where have you been?" asks his wife.

"In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!"

This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.

"Do you have golden chairs?"

"Yes."

"Do you have golden glas...

The golden urinal

Late one night, a husband returned home from the bar. His wife woke up, and turned on the lights, angry her husband was out late drinking again.
“Where were you”
“Just wait, Honey! I can explain. I didn’t go to my normal bar tonight. I went to this really fancy one with urinals made of gold”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Golden Bar

Three guys go out to a a bar, called The Golden Bar. They have a great time, have too much to drink but agree to meet back there the next day.

The next night, they take seats at the bar and start talking about the previous night. They start talking about the gold theme and asking the bartende...

So there's the two guys...

One plays a contrabass saxophone and the other plays a contrabassoon. They decided to get together and start playing music for the local townspeople. After a couple months of working up their reputation and getting a few more gigs at some fairs and carnivals, they decide to go big with their talent....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Musical Octopus

A guy walks into a bar carrying a bucket.

Bartender ask's "what's in the bucket"?

Guy say " it's my octopus and he plays musical instruments ".

Bartender says " bullshit "

Guys says " I bet you free drinks, he will play whatever you got "

Bartender says " fine, her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Golden Bar

A man comes home late at night and he is pretty smashed. His wife who was worried sick asks “Where the hell have you been?”
“The Golden Bar”, the man replies. “It’s an awesome place. They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer of course and even a golden urinal.”
The wife is not convi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Old but gold

Slightly old joke about Bill Clinton and former Serbian would be dictator, Slobodan Milosevic
(In a word for word translation to English, his name means: Freeman Gentlefuck)
Anyway, here is actual joke:

Milosevic goes to visit White House during Clinton's presidency.
He participate...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An octopus walks into a bar...

Claiming that he can teach himself to play any instrument in a matter of minutes. The bar's patrons are sceptical and decide to test his boasted ability. First, they present him with a cello, to their astonishment he plays with ease. Next, he is provided a saxophone which also fails to present a cha...

Band Jokes!

I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.

What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.

What...

Everyone needs a little relaxation time once in a while [Long]

So my friend and I decided to unwind and visit this Day Spa that she highly recommended.

I had never heard of it before and asked her what was so great about it. However she refused to tell me why it was so good.

So we scheduled a visit for the following Sunday and when we arrived I r...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.