What do you call a documentary about a trombone

A slideshow

How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

I used to sit in front of the trombones in band

I would keep both my sheet music, as well as theirs, so I knew when to duck.

How do you tell who at the playground plays the trombone?

They can't swing and are always complaining about the slide

My trombone teacher said I was the worst student she ever had.

I guess I'm just bad to the 'bone.

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.

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Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

Guy says “if you let me drink for free my octopus will play the trumpet”
Bartender pulls out a trumpet and the octopus plays it great.
Bartender says “cool but can he play the trombone”
Bartender pulls out a trombone and the octopus plays ok but not as well
Bartender says “I got one mor...

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Two buddies are up late smoking a little weed.

The first guy says “what time is it” to which the second guy says “I’m not sure, here give me that trombone”

The first guy asks “how the hell can you tell the time with a trombone?!”

“It’s magic” replies his friend and as he says that he lets out a long, low belt on the trombone. He s...

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

A trombone!

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Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

A truck ran over a trombone player...

You could say he was a little flat.

What’s the difference between a trombone player and a dead frog on the side of the road?

The frog was probably headed to a gig.

What do you call a trombone player who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

What do you call a trombone that was born into the body of a trumpet?

A ***TRANS***-^bone.

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

“I got my neighbor to lend me his trombone.”

“But you don’t play the trombone.”

“I know. And now he doesn’t, either.”

‘What time is it?’

‘Dunno. Pass me that trombone and I’ll find out.’

*plays trombone loudly*

Someone shouts: ‘WHO’S THAT PLAYING THE TROMBONE AT 2AM?’

Dad joke alert! What is made out of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited.

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”


“No way!”


“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
\-
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing...

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- Would you believe me? Tom is so rich that he has a golden toilet in his house!

– No way! You have to be kidding me!

– Last weekend he had a house party, and I was there. I was really surprised when I saw his toilet!

– I don't believe you. Let's visit him.

The two friends go to Tom's house. The first one knocks on a door and he is welcomed by Tom's wife, wh...

How to know the time

Dude 1: Yo what's the time.

Dude 2: Dunno pass me that trombone and I'll find out.

Dude 2: (plays trombone loudly)

3 Neighbours Simultaneously: HEY WHO'S PLAYIN' THAT TROMBONE AT 2AM!?!?!?

Dude 1: Broooooo...

Guy walks into a bar with an octopus

The bartender, upon seeing the octopus, says "hey hey hey I run a respectable establishment here, no cephalopods allowed!"

The owner of the octopus says "no, wait, this is the most amazing octopus in the world, it can play any musical instrument known to man."

As fate would have it, th...

A musician starts talking to a couple of girls in a bar.

Much to his surprise they turn out to be Siamese twins, joined at the hip. One thing leads to another and the girls wind up back at the man's apartment. They have more drinks and the man eventually talks the twins into bed. He makes love to one girl, then starts to make love to the other. The first ...

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

Why is calcium vital in the brass instrument manufacturing industry?

Because calcium helps build trombones

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First post here so idk if it’s already been done. What kind of erection does a musician get?

A tromboner

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What do you call an erection that plays brass?

A tromboner!

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One friends asks the other one what time is it

Hey john, what time is it?

Oh I don’t know .. get me that trombone and we will see


He blows really hard and someone screams


WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING TROMBONE AT 2 IN THE MORNING ??

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Two mates were reminiscing about the party they'd been at the week before..

"Great party that, last week, wasn't it?"
"Wow, yes, great food, great booze, great girls...and a posh house to boot."
"Posh house?? it was a suburban semi?"
"Never....they had a gold-plated toilet?"
"What?, I can't remember that, you must have been drunk."
"No, honestly, I remem...

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What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

If you were thinking a tromBONE you were wrong - they have no lungs! Obviously it’s a xyloBONE!

(Probably a really crappy joke but I came up with it last night and thought to post it here)

A long time ago a man was walking around the streets of Vienna...

...when he spied an old friend of his. "Boris!" he yells. "I haven't seen you in ages! How have you been?"

"Well," Boris replied, "I am the piccolo player for an International Orchestra."

"Spectacular!" the man replied.

"It is not what you might think, my friend. We play for ...

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I was in the school band with this guy

One day, when we were practicing, I missed a note on my trombone and this guy, already pissed off, smashed his instrument at me.

Holding my bIood-dripping head, I screamed in anger: “Why are you so goddamn violin?”

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The municipal philharmonic symphony and chorus were rehearsing....

The municipal philharmonic symphony and
chorus were rehearsing Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Von Beethoven. Since
the chorus doesn't enter until the final movement, the singers were
becoming very bored - especially the men in the back row. Then the
basses had a clever idea. During break, th...

I asked a girl in marching band what cup size she had

She said she was a C, but since it was cold I guess she was a C#.

Bonus Round:

She pulled it out of her trombone and said about 6 inches.

The hidden golden toilet

Two friends, Barry and Larry, meet up at the restaurant for lunch and order some food.

While eating, Barry talks about what happened to him a few nights ago:

“Man, you’re never going to believe me: on Thursday night after being quite drunk, I ended up in a bar where if you order the st...

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A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus

The bartender says the the guy "we can't have that octopus in here".

The guys responds, saying "but this is a special octopus - he can play any musical instrument you tell him to"

So the bartender points to the piano and says "get him to play the piano then... and I'll give you a free ...

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