Golden Toilet

Two colleagues, Elon and Felix, meet after work and Felix is all excited: "Man, I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude's house who had toilet made of gold!"
"You're kidding!".
"Nope" said Felix as he took Elon to the house.
They rang the doorbell and a middle-ag...

Two teenagers, Fred and Joe, meet after school and Fred is all excited.

“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!”


“No way!”


“Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.”
\-
Twenty minutes later they’re ringing...

I used to sit in front of the trombones in band

I would keep both my sheet music, as well as theirs, so I knew when to duck.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do trombone players have the best sex

They always get two holes in seven positions

“I got my neighbor to lend me his trombone.”

“But you don’t play the trombone.”

“I know. And now he doesn’t, either.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two mates were reminiscing about the party they'd been at the week before..

"Great party that, last week, wasn't it?"
"Wow, yes, great food, great booze, great girls...and a posh house to boot."
"Posh house?? it was a suburban semi?"
"Never....they had a gold-plated toilet?"
"What?, I can't remember that, you must have been drunk."
"No, honestly, I remem...

What do you call a trombone player who just broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

What's worse than the sound of one trombone playing?

-The screams of the dead.

-What's worse than the screams of the dead?
--Two trombones playing.

A truck ran over a trombone player...

You could say he was a little flat.

A human fart can be louder than a trombone.

I discovered that at my daughter's school concert.

What's brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

Trombones.

How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?

Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a musician's erection?

A tromboner.

Q: How can you tell if it's a trombone player you're kissing?

A: You feel his hand going up your ass!

How to know the time

Dude 1: Yo what's the time.

Dude 2: Dunno pass me that trombone and I'll find out.

Dude 2: (plays trombone loudly)

3 Neighbours Simultaneously: HEY WHO'S PLAYIN' THAT TROMBONE AT 2AM!?!?!?

Dude 1: Broooooo...

The hidden golden toilet

Two friends, Barry and Larry, meet up at the restaurant for lunch and order some food.

While eating, Barry talks about what happened to him a few nights ago:

“Man, you’re never going to believe me: on Thursday night after being quite drunk, I ended up in a bar where if you order the st...

Q:What is a skeleton's favourite instrument ?

A:The tromBONE

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One friends asks the other one what time is it

Hey john, what time is it?

Oh I don’t know .. get me that trombone and we will see


He blows really hard and someone screams


WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING TROMBONE AT 2 IN THE MORNING ??

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Brass Section

I've been told different instruments are played better if you have more control over certain parts of your body.

Tubas are played better by those who have more lung control and breathing practice.

Baritones are played better by those with quick and precise tongues.

French Ho...

I asked a girl in marching band what cup size she had

She said she was a C, but since it was cold I guess she was a C#.

Bonus Round:

She pulled it out of her trombone and said about 6 inches.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus

The bartender says the the guy "we can't have that octopus in here".

The guys responds, saying "but this is a special octopus - he can play any musical instrument you tell him to"

So the bartender points to the piano and says "get him to play the piano then... and I'll give you a free ...

There was once a marching band director named James

James had a passion for music, but also a notoriously bad temper. One day during practice, one of his trombone players kept playing out of tune. After the third time yelling at him, James decided to come down and beat him over the head with the trombone, and James ended up killing him. The trial was...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The municipal philharmonic symphony and chorus were rehearsing....

The municipal philharmonic symphony and
chorus were rehearsing Symphony No. 9 by Ludwig Von Beethoven. Since
the chorus doesn't enter until the final movement, the singers were
becoming very bored - especially the men in the back row. Then the
basses had a clever idea. During break, th...

In a parallel universe the world is ruled by a fascist government.

Every year the Supreme Dictator is entertained on his birthday by way of a grand concert performed by the Great Orchestra.

On the 50th birthday of the Supreme Dictator the Great Orchestra's performance is being guided by a new and young music director by the name of Saba Saging.

The wh...

Collection of band jokes:

I used to be in a Jazz band and there were a bunch of band jokes our conductor made, here are the ones I can remember:

How do you know if a drummer is at your door?

He never knows when to come in.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None, the piano ...

Band Jokes!

I'm a band geek and love terrible band jokes. Here are some of my favorites!

How do you get two piccolos to play in tune? Shoot one.

What is the best use for a clarinet? Kindling.

What is the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower? You can tune a lawn mower.

What...

A guy is talking to two women in a bar...

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turn out to be
conjoined twins and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She sa...