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Jedi Jokes

Who was the first Jedi?

Isaac Newton, he's the one who discovered the Force.

Why did the Jedi kill his master?

To get to the other side.

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

Return of the Jedi....

Is not possible, without the Receipt of the Jedi.

A Sith, a Jedi, and a Mandalorian walk into a bar...

They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The...

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

Why didn't Leia email Obi-Wan the Death-Star plans?

The Jedi Code forbids attachments.

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

The original name for Jedis was "Force Kin".

I wonder why they rolled it back?

Why was the Jewish Jedi lonely?

Because he had no Force Kin.

What did the Jedi Knight say to the proctologist?

“These aren’t the ‘roids you’re looking for.”

Happy Star Wars day!

what do you call a Nun with Jedi powers?

A force of habit

Did you hear the one about the Jedi Knight who went on a hunger strike?

It got so bad that his master had to Force feed him

Why couldn’t Anakin Skywalker be promoted to a high Jedi rank?

He would have been a Master Vader.

What OS do Jedi run their computers on?

The DagobahSystem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who did the dyslexic Jedi hunt down?

The Shit Lord

What would happen if a Jedi had to complete an Olympic Marathon?

You get Luke Skyrunner.

What does a Jedi use to open files?

Adobe-wan Kenobi

What's a Jedi's least favorite smell?

Odor 66

Why can’t jedis have a good marriage?

Because they always end in da force

Did you know Henry VIII was the first Jedi?

He was a master of divorce.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the D...

Why don't Jedi Knights use the Kelvin scale?

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

ok so a stoner, a jedi, and a surgeon walk into a bar.

Blunt force trauma.

Why do Jedi's always burn their pancakes?

They refuse to turn to the darkside.

Why is the Jedi weapon a sabre rather than a trident?

Because for them there is no tri.

What did the Jedi say to the cowboy?

May the horse be with you.

How hot is the core of a Jedi lightsaber?

Lukewarm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to force feed my child...

After a while, my wife said, "Just use a fucking spoon Mike, you're not a Jedi."

Why don’t the Jedi have a navy?

Because sailing is a path to the dockside.

If you go to a Jedi bar, the only vodka that you can get is Grey Goose.

Because..only the Sith deal in Absolut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jedis don't have sex?

They are afraid of catching Sithilis.

What does a Jedi on a budget eat for dessert?

Only one Cannoli

What do jedi younglings and jokes about youngling have in common?

They never get old.

Why were luke and leia Jedi’s?

Because they were children of di vorce

I would rather be the child of a Storm Trooper, than one of a Jedi.

Because when I eventually leave the house, they would always miss me.

Did you hear about the Anorexic Jedi?

She had to be force fed.

What do you say to your Jedi friend when his wife cheats on him?

„Divorce will be with you!“

Why did the Jedi let a Korean into the order?

Because he was the Choson Wan

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there’s a long break in the ledge they can’t cross...

“Something for this I have.” Yoda says. He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape.

He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda’s hovel, th...

Did you hear Disney is making Austin Powers into a Jedi?

It's called Obi-have

Kenobi was wondering if he should become a Jedi

So Qui-Gon gave him this advice:

"Oh, be one."

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best?

Obi-Wan Spumoni

Did you hear about the Jedi nun who kept accidentally picking up banthas, hundreds of feet into the air?

You can’t really blame her, it was force of habit.

Did you hear about the Jedi who was married 100 times

Divorce is strong with dis one.

Do you know why Ben Kenobi was the most powerful Jedi ever?

He’s the Obi Wan with the force

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

Why’d the Jedi get charged with police brutality shortly after joining the police academy?

He used excessive force

Why do Jedi hate alarm clocks?

Because of The Force Awakens.

What kind of cars do Jedi’s drive?

A Toy-Yoda

Jedis make amazing IT Professionals

They can force quit anything.

Why was Luke Skywalker called the last Jedi ?

Because he was the Obi Wan left

The Last Jedi was really good

Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies

Why can't a Redditor be a Jedi?

They tell the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise all the time.

How did the Jedi know what you were getting for Christmas?

He felt your presents.

How can you tell if you are a redneck Jedi?

You have uttered the phrase “ May the force be with ya’ll”

Why are Jedi so bad at rugby?

Because there is no try.

Luke Skywalker took a hissy fit in a restaurant. Try as he might, using Chopsticks was seemingly far beyond his fledgling Jedi skills. Embarrassing himself and causing a bit of a scene, Ben Kenobi leans over and offers some wisdom:

"Use the forks, Luke!"

How many Jedi does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obi-wan

What do you call a Mexican Jedi youngling?

A padajuan.

I was asked to describe the feeling of cuddling with a Jedi

It was Lukewarm.

Why does Yoda have the best seat on the Jedi Council?

He gets a seat next to a Windu.

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

What do you call a dyslexic Jedi with cancer?

Leuk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do female Jedi do when their breasts are lopsided?

Padawan.

Why don’t Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table?

Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.

What is Jedi's favourite computer language?



JabbaScript

\-Borrowed from source

Why do Jedi like Newton's 3rd law?

Because its about balancing the force.

How do married Jedi split up?

By using Di Force

How do Jedi close programs

force quit

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastical...

What type of toy car is a Jedi's favorite?

Toy Yoda

How does a fat Jedi get their robes on?

By Force

There was an alcoholic Jedi who used the Jedi mind trick to get a drunk driving incident removed from his record.

They called him DUI-Gone Gin.

Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire were finally able to get into the Baseball Hall of Fame by using a Jedi mind trick...

"These are not the 'roids you're looking for ..."

What does a Jedi use to wash their hands?

The Forcet

Where did Luke Skywalker go shopping between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi?

Second Hand Store

What did the Jedi eat after a big dinner at the Italian restaurant?

Only One Cannoli
(My 8 year old just told me this, and I laughed way too hard.)

[StarWars] What Do You Get When You Cross a Jedi and a Mannequin?

**Manakin Skywalker**

Jedi Knights love analogies.

"Metaphors be with you!"

I didn’t like Obi-Wan’s Jedi master...

But I’ve decided to let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons.

What is Jedi Master Qui Gon Gin's favorite part of a movie

The credits

How hot was Jedi’s blaster after he fired it several times?

How hot was Jedi’s blaster after he fired it several times?


*Lukewarm*

What type of boat can young jedis use

A padiwan

Why are the Jedi LGBTQ+?

Because their enemies are the Cis

Concerning the jokes in Star Wars - The Last Jedi

They all seemed a bit forced.

What do you call an Indian Jedi?

Mace Hindu.

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

Have you guys heard of that new anime about a jedi who grants wishes?

Kawaii Gone Djinn

How do you tune a Jedi tuba?

Use the fourth.

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