What does a Jewish Jedi not have?

Force kin

Why were luke and leia Jedi’s?

Because they were children of di vorce

What kind of cars do Jedi’s drive?

A Toy-Yoda

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Nsfw] My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom...

...The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The nigh...

Where did Luke Skywalker go shopping between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi?

Second Hand Store

Why do jedi always burn their pancakes?

Because they wont turn over to the dark side.

Why can't you email a photo to a Jedi?

because attachments are forbidden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who did the dyslexic Jedi hunt down?

The Shit Lord

What do you called it when a Stoner, a Jedi and a Surgeon walk into a bar?

Blunt Force Trauma

Who was the first Jedi?

Isaac Newton, he's the one who discovered the Force.

Why don’t Jedi parents let their kids use the Force at the dinner table?

Like any other parents, they believe children should not be Force-fed.

Yoda and Luke are walking through the swamp. Part of their usual training course involves shimmying along a cliff ledge, but today, there's a long break in the ledge they can't cross.

"Something for this, I have." Yoda says.

He reaches into his bag and takes out a bunch of regular dinner table forks and a roll of duct tape. He tapes several forks together to make a bridge and lays it down, allowing the two of them to get across.

When they get back to Yoda's hovel, t...

What flavor ice cream do Jedi like best?

Obi-Wan Spumoni

Why do Jedi hate alarm clocks?

Because of The Force Awakens.

How can you tell if you are a redneck Jedi?

You have uttered the phrase “ May the force be with ya’ll”

Why did the Jedi kill his master?

To get to the other side.

What do Jedi use to open PDF files?

Adobe wan kenobi

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

Why was the Stormtrooper so sad when his Jedi friend left?

He always misses him.

Even a Jedi gets the 'force in brain' when using the 'force in strings'.

I think the word is Tension.

Why can't a Redditor be a Jedi?

They tell the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise all the time.

Order 66 forced many Jedi to find new jobs in hiding.

I hear one working the streets is Obi-Wan Can-blow-me

Have you guys heard of that new anime about a jedi who grants wishes?

Kawaii Gone Djinn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know if a lightbulb is a prostitute?

Its been screwed in and out by teams of scientists, skateboarders, narcissists, every one of the human races, Vietnam vets, Grateful Dead fans, computer scientists, Army Rangers, stoners, Yankee fans, dead babies, roaming hippies, alchoholics, cops, Comcast employees, Jedis, Dragonball-Z characters,...

I was asked to describe the feeling of cuddling with a Jedi

It was Lukewarm.

What do you call an Italian Jedi?

Obi Wan Cannoli.

Don't worry, I'll see myself out.

What do you call a dyslexic Jedi with cancer?

Leuk.

Jedis make amazing IT Professionals

They can force quit anything.

What is Jedi Master Qui Gon Gin's favorite part of a movie

The credits

What did the Jedi eat after a big dinner at the Italian restaurant?

Only One Cannoli
(My 8 year old just told me this, and I laughed way too hard.)

How many Jedi does it take to change a lightbulb?

Obi-wan

[StarWars] What Do You Get When You Cross a Jedi and a Mannequin?

**Manakin Skywalker**

The original name for Jedis was "Force Kin".

I wonder why they rolled it back?

Jedi Master finally named after being found dead from radiation poisoning in Ukraine

Obi Wan Chernobi

What do you call an ugly Jedi?

Dontluke Skywalker

What do you call a Mexican Jedi youngling?

A padajuan.

Why does each Jedi have a fat stomach and saggy ass?

Only a Sith deals in abs n glutes

A Jedi would make a terrible stand up comedian.

Their jokes would always feel forced...

I didn’t like Obi-Wan’s Jedi master...

But I’ve decided to let Qui-Gons be Qui-Gons.

Why is a Jewish Jedi Master always an only child?

Because he has no Force-kin.

Why do they only serve Smirnoff in a Jedi bar?

Only a Sith deals in Absolut.

What's a Jedi's favorite brand of vodka?

Skyy. Only Sith deal in Absolut.

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

How heavy is a jedi saber?

I'm not sure, but I reckon that it's pretty light.

What type of toy car is a Jedi's favorite?

Toy Yoda

Did you hear about the Anorexic Jedi?

She had to be force fed.

Why do the Jedi refuse to measure temperature using Kelvin?

Because only a Sith deals in absolutes

What do Jedi Knights say to encourage the use of analogies?

Metaphors be with you

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If…

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya’ll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a...

What do you call the Redditor whose Jedi mind trick tricked you into upvoting their joke to the front page?

OP Wan Kenobi

The Last Jedi was really good

Definitely in my top 10 Star Wars movies

Did you hear about the Sheep who wanted to become a Jedi?

He hailed from the Dagobaaaaaaah system.

A Jedi is fighting...

A Jedi is fighting some clone troopers when suddenly he drops his laser sword in the heat of battle. Luckily it comes back to him, seemingly of its own accord. After he has won, he looks down at his weapon with amazement, and says “thank you, you’re a LIGHTSABER!”

How amazing is that scene from The Last Jedi where Rey makes the boulders float..

CGI Rocks!

Why do Jedi like Newton's 3rd law?

Because its about balancing the force.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do female Jedi do when their breasts are lopsided?

Padawan.

How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?

None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.

Two Star Wars super-fanboys who hated The Last Jedi die and are at the gates of heaven

St Peter is there and tells them that before entering the afterlife, they may ask God himself one single question that He will answer truthfully for them.

"All the secrets of the Universe, past present and future are all available to you. Ask, and He will answer."

They whisper with ea...

What is Jedi's favourite computer language?



JabbaScript

\-Borrowed from source

Why are Jedi so bad at rugby?

Because there is no try.

What type of boat can young jedis use

A padiwan

What does a Jedi use to wash their hands?

The Forcet

My friend and I recently watched the Star Wars films back to back in preparation for The Last Jedi...

unfortunately I wasn't the one facing the screen.

Creds: The one liner king Milton Jones

Concerning the jokes in Star Wars - The Last Jedi

They all seemed a bit forced.

What do the Jedi build up in their body when they go running?

Galactic Acid

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker’s last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, “Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!”

What kind of car does Master Yoda drive?

A Volkswagen Jedi.

Luke Skywalker went to the Jedi temple

Obi-Wan Kenobi's force ghost materialized and noticed that Master Luke seemed perturbed, and so asked him what the matter was.

Luke replied "Ben, my life outside the Jedi Order is in shambles. It's mainly my marriage. It started off great, but something's changed in recent times. Drastical...

How do married Jedi split up?

By using Di Force

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as the end of a Jedi's penis.

I'm Forcekin

"Remember, Luke, a Jedi always has doubts about something. Only a Sith can be 100% sure about everything."

"Dad, are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

What do you call a Jedi from Korea?

Luke Skywalker, the Choson One.

What do Jedi do when a program stops responding?

They force close it.

What unit of measurement do Jedi use?

Imperial

What does a Jedi Rabbi say to a Christian?

May the foreskin be with you

Why does Yoda have the best seat on the Jedi Council?

He gets a seat next to a Windu.

Many of my tumblr friends identify as otherkin. Be it wolfkin, eaglekin or yes even fantasykin. I myself identify as a jedi.

So I'm forcekin.

I’m currently writing a screenplay about two Jedi knights who fall in love, only to discover that their midichlorians are killing them.

I’m calling it The Fault in Our Star Wars.

Did you hear what the Jedi council said about Mustafar?

They called it a Sith hole.

What did the Jedi Knight say to the proctologist?

"These aren't the 'roids you're looking for."

Why didn’t the Jedi return his weight scale?

He wanted to keep the balance.

Why do Jedis make bad marriage counsellors?

Their only advice to males is "use the force".

Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the wise?

I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life. He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared ab...

What do you call an Indian Jedi?

Mace Hindu.

There was an alcoholic Jedi who used the Jedi mind trick to get a drunk driving incident removed from his record.

They called him DUI-Gone Gin.

How does a Jedi wash their clothing?

With midi-chlorine bleach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just realized the fight between obi wan and Anakin perfectly sums up the past year of fighting between Millenials and Boomers, respectively.

When Jedi business becomes too real.

---------------

Millenials: You have allowed this giant turd to twist your mind, until now, until now you've become the very thing you swore to destroy.

Boomer : Don't lecture me, child, I see through the lies of the libtards I do not fear t...

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