UPJOKE
star warsjediflashsithhiltfictionalmetalenergybladerelightilluminationlightlylightforceilluminate

How much does a red lightsaber cost?

An arm and a leg



^^edit: ^^slightly ^^improved ^^punchline

(from my 11 yo) What does Darth Vader say after cutting someone's head off with a lightsaber?

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife FINALLY agreed to a Star Wars role play in the bedroom

The only catch was I had to be Obi Wan, because she always had a thing for Ewan McGregor.

"Of course!" I said, and got to work putting together the sexiest Obi Wan costume I could. I even managed to find Glow in the Dark condoms so I could impress her with my "lightsaber".

The night f...

How hot is the core of a Jedi lightsaber?

Lukewarm...

The final lightsaber duel between Anakin and Count Dooku was the best. duel. evar!

Hands down.

My friend just told me he’s got these little lightsaber chopsticks he uses when he eats ramen.

I told him he should use the forks.

Yoga class instructor: Welcome. Uhh why are you carrying a lightsaber?

Me: Misread the brochure I have.

Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are engaged in a lightsaber duel, when Vader whispers....

"Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"

Luke ignored him and continued to to fight.

But he whispers again "Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas"

Luke stops fighting and says "Ok, what are you going on about?"

"I have felt your presence"

Why don't lightsabers have picatinny rails?

Jedi aren't allowed to have attachments.

Why doesn't Kylo Ren's lightsaber look like a normal lightsaber?

Because it's a First Order approximation.

Someone snuck aboard the Death Star and stabbed Darth Vader with a lightsaber.

It was a space in Vader.

Where did Kylo Ren get his lightsaber?

At the Darth Mall.

^I'm ^sorry.

Who do Jedi call when someone steals their lightsaber?

The Kyber Police.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a Star Wars character stroking his lightsaber

Obi Wankernobi

Is a lightsaber's blade hot or cold?

Neither. Its warm.

*picks up lightsaber

*warm warm warm*

Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are having a lightsaber battle

And Luke is losing. He knows that unless he does something soon, he's going to die. So he thinks fast and says to Darth Vader, "Darth Vader, I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Darth Vader hesitates for a moment and says "How do you know?"

And Luke responds "I felt your presen...

Roses are red...

Yoda is green
My lightsaber needs two hands
If you know what I mean

Bad VR star wars joke

So there's a guy playing at VR game his friend walks into the room and sees him swinging his hands around like he's swinging a lightsaber and he assumes he's playing beat saber and judging from the height of his swings there are a lot of low blocks his friend taps hin on the shoulder and says hey ca...

Life is not fair

My mom said i couldn’t get a lightsaber but she bought herself a purple lightsaber, to make matters worse, it vibrates and it’s in some crooked shape, but on the bright side, it’s short.

Trump gets Impeached

Me: The Senate will decide your fate.
*ignites lightsaber*

It was the height of the Clone Wars, and Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin had just finished a heated battle against separatist spacecraft.

After making sure that the civilian freighter they were escorting was undamaged, they prepared to hyperspace jump back to Coruscant. However, just as their craft are about to enter lightspeed, a mysterious pulse of energy fries their systems and instead jumps them to a planet they’ve never seen befo...

A Jedi is fighting...

A Jedi is fighting some clone troopers when suddenly he drops his laser sword in the heat of battle. Luckily it comes back to him, seemingly of its own accord. After he has won, he looks down at his weapon with amazement, and says “thank you, you’re a LIGHTSABER!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anakin, obiwan and yoda are sitting round a table playing poker

They’ve played a number of rounds until Anakin has built up quite a big pile of chips

Suddenly his face lights up as he sees he’s got a nearly unbeatable hand.

Feeling lucky he force pushes all of his chips to the centre of the table

Obi wan: don’t try it

Anakin: I’m goin...

There has been some controversy lately...

...about what would happen if you put a lightsaber in water. Would it break? Would the water heat up or cool? Recent scientists have discovered the water will heat to about the internal temperature of a tauntaun...luke warm.

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

There lived a Jedi known as Luke Skywalker. Luke was a mighty warrior, and quite the ladies man. His use of his 'lightsaber' attracted the eye of the beautiful Princess Leah. Luke wooed the Princess, and they fell in love. All was great in the world, until Han Solo, the ex lover of Princess Leah, fi...

How do Jedi reduce both lighting use and costs?

Lightsaber

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