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Packing Jokes

I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.

The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.

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Man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks “what are you doing?”…

She says, “I’m off to New York. I read that prostitutes can make $500 for doing what I do with you for free”.

As the wife is getting to leave, she walks by the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. “Excuse me, what are you doing??”

Husband replies - “Coming to New York, I...

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A woman is packing up and leaving her husband...

and tells him she's moving to Las Vegas. The husband asks, "Why Las Vegas?"

She says from what she understands, she can get $100 for every blowjob she gives. Upon telling her husband this he starts packing as well. The wife asks, "Where are you going?"

The husband says, "I'm goin...

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A married couple were sitting at their dinner table when the wife says, "I cannot believe it!"

The husband looks up and asks, "you can't believe what?"

The wife turns her phone around and shows him what she was reading.

"Did you know, in Las Vegas, you can make $400 just for giving a BJ! Easy money! Fuck you, I'm out of here!"

She goes to the bedroom and starts packing a...

/u/username hates the hotel he is staying in and starts packing his stuff.

Username checks out.

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I was in the supermarket today and the cashier asked the foreign couple in front of me if they needed help packing their bags

Fuck me, we only voted out yesterday give them a chance

I was sacked from a packing factory.

I had a big roll of bubble wrap and I said to the foreman "Boss, what shall I do with this?" He said "Just pop it over there in the corner". Took me all bloody day.

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"

"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

Ventriloquist to roadie packing the van: Got all the gear?

Roadie: No thanks, I'm driving.

I got my brother really good earlier today.

We were packing up for an early morning fishing trip and I told him to turn the light on in the garage.

He looked at it and he said "It's already on."

I looked at him and said "It's not on enough."

He said "What? It's on!"

I said "More on".

He said, "It's an on/of...

Why is packing tape better than regular tape?

Well.. it's unclear

I was packing up for vacation

When my wife yelled from down stairs "YOU BETTER NOT BE TAKING EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK". I yelled back "thanks for reminding me i will go get the wrench"

A man comes home from work to find his wife packing her bags.

He asked “What are you doing?” She says “I’ve had it with this life! I’m going to Vegas and let men have their way with me for $1000 a night!”

Man says “Ok! I’m coming with you!”

“Why?”

“I want to see how you live on $2000 a year!”

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An Arab man is wandering lost through the desert

An Arab man is wandering lost through the Sahara. He sees a man in the distance and struggles to get there hoping it's not a mirage. He finally arrives and sees a nice Jewish man with a table of ties.

"Please, I've been lost for hours and so incredibly thirsty, do you have any water?". The Je...

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A guy comes home to find his girlfriend packing her stuff...

He says "What's wrong? Are you leaving me?"
She says "That's right! My therapist finally convinced me that you're a pedophile."
He says "Pedophile huh? That's a pretty big word for a 10 year old."

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Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

“Happy anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed son number one, a surgeon, “Sorry I'm late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father, “the important thing is that we're all together today.”

...

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A wife cheats on her husband, so he starts packing his things.

He's got most of his stuff packed but needs one more box, so he goes down to the basement to find another one. But the only box he can find is shaped like a duck. He figures he just wants to pack and get out, so he takes it.

As he's packing his remaining things, his wife says "why the hell a...

A man comes home to find his wife of 10 years packing her bags.

"Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 cash to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing his bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going t...

Why can't mimes work in packing and shipping?

Because they just can't think outside the box !

What's the worst part of working at a meat packing plant?

It's a total sausage fest.

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I hit the lotto jackpot!

I immediately left work, went home, kicked the door open, and shouted, "Honey, I won the big prize! Start packing your bags!"

She got all excited, and asked, "are we going to Jamaica, or Hawaii, or Prague, or..."

"I don't give a fuck where you're going. Start packing."

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When ...

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Have you heard about the man who dreamt he was packing his parachute in preparation for a jump?

His wife had to be rushed to the hospital with half of the bedsheets stuffed up her ass.

Two Irishmen have a bright idea

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy, “I’m gonna get the day off. I’m gonna pretend I’ve gone mad!” He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts “I’m a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”

Murphy watches in amazement.

The foreman shouts: “Paddy...

Did you hear about the employee who was hired by a rival Egg packing factory?

You could say he was poached

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