Why do all the Norwegian military vessels have barcodes on the bow?

So upon their return, they can Scandinavian

If you took all of the blood vessels in your body and laid them end to end across a football field

you would die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know if you took all the human blood vessels and layed them out end to end

You would go to prison and they would make a documentary about you. You sick fuck

[Long] This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. It was released by the Canadian Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

I failed my medical school entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was blood vessels.

Fun fact: if you take a man, remove all of his blood vessels and lay them out end to end...

He’ll die

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

The Navy captain was approached by his lieutenant.

“Captain! There is an enemy ship incoming! They are armed with cannons and a hundred men with muskets and swords!”

“Very well,” said the Captain. “Fetch me my red shirt.”

“Why your red shirt, sir?”

“Because if I am wounded in the fight, the blood will be hidden by the shirt, a...

What do you call a shop that sells aquatic vessels?

A boat-ique.

...I'll get my coat.

The Red Shirt

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Cap...

US Battleship and Canadian Navy

I remembered an old joke I read awhile back. Some details may be off, but figured I had to share:

An American battleship ship is traveling at night around Canada when the radio comes on. It says "Canadian Navy to American Battleship, we have detected that you are on a collision course with us...

The Brave Captain

In the vast ocean of the new colonies, a British ship patrols the outskirts of its territory.

Suddenly, the lookout yells from the top of the ship: “Captain!Captain! Pirate vessel in sight!”

With a stern look on his face, the captain declares: “Go fetch me my red blouse!”

And wi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and wife and the captain of a small charter boat capsized and ended up stranded on a deserted island.

It was a very small island with one solitary palm tree.Each day the captain and the husband of the wife would take turns climbing the tree to look for rescue vessels.This went on for days then weeks.The captain was starting to get restless and horny so he came up with a plan.He was high up in the tr...

A man and his wife built a boat...

They called it the *Alfred1*, after a friend of theirs. However, it was poorly constructed and sank immediately.

They continued to try to build seaworthy vessels, but the same thing happened over and over. With the *Brian2*, the *Chris3*, and the *Daniel4*.

"We're really not very good ...

Some engineers were arguing about God.

One says, "God was clearly a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the bones, how they're shaped to carry their loads without wasted weight, how the joints interlock to give free movement, how the muscles are optimally placed as actuators with the best leverage."

The second repli...

What do vampires cross the sea in?

Blood vessels.

To earn extra money, I started a home-based business building small boats in my attic ...

Business was really slow until I switched to larger vessels, and now sails are through the roof!

John Cleese talks about the terror threat levels of nations

The English are concerned about the recent increase in terrorist activities, and have therefore raised their security level from “miffed” to “peeved.” If the threats continue to grow, the security levels may be raised to “irritated” or even “a bit cross.” (The English have not seen “a bit cross” sin...

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

The Fearsome Pirate

The most fearsome pirate captain on the seven seas is sailing through the Bermuda Triangle when suddenly his first mate comes up next to him and says "Sir, one of the King's ships has been sighted over the horizon. They're armed and we should be ready for battle."

The captain turns around and...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.