A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

(As it's Advent now:) Karen goes to Bethlehem

She demands to see the manger.

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned.

Susie said, "He was born in a manger."


Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."


Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."


Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?"
...

Where does the baby Jesus get his coffee?

Pret a manger

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger...

One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed.
Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

The three wise men came to the manger with gifts for baby Jesus. They brought gold and frankincense...

But wait, there's myrrh!

I went into a Apple store and farted. The manger told me to leave.

It's not my fault they had no Windows

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Night to remember

A man is super horny and goes to a brothel but it's new years eve and everyone is booked out. He eventually finds the manager and begs.The manager is firm it's new years there no one free desperate the man says he'll pay double. The manager thinks for a moment and says well there is someone but i wo...

One day, a little boy decides to write his Christmas letter as usual. When all of a sudden, his mom pops into his room.

Mom: What are you doing son?

Boy: Writing my letter to santa mom

Mom: With how bad you've been this year you'll have to write a letter to Jesus to get anything!

So the boy starts to write his letter to Jesus, and has to think about what he's going to say.

'Dear Jesus, I'v...

Man: Hello, is this hotel manager speaking?

Manager: Yes. What happened Sir?

Man: My wife is arguing with me and saying that she will jump out of the window.

Manger : Sorry Sir, this is your personal issue, we cannot help.

Man: I know, I know but I want help because the window is not opening.

How did Mary know that Jesus weighed 7 lbs 6 oz?

Because there was a weigh in the manger.

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Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

Why did the Karen travel to Bethlehem on Christmas Eve?

She wanted to speak to the manger!

Why did dyslexic Karen go to the Christmas nativity?

To see the manger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a long a tiring interview process that turned into a pissing contest....

I got the offer and the hiring manger said, “Urine!”

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I met my girlfriend in high school,

We were immediately best friends and spent days together having the most fun I had ever had. Then one day I asked her the question.

She said yes!

We were so happy together and we stayed together through high school. We both finished college together, we both got jobs together and event...

The three wise men were visiting the little baby Jesus

As Melichior leans over to get a closer look at the infant he bumps his head on the roof of the manger and shouts, "Jesus Christ!" Mary looks up and says, "What a nice name, I was going to call him Irving".

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NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

"I think Karen has dyslexia."

"Why do you say that?"

"We put a nativity scene in town square, and she demanded to see the manger."

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It was the first Christmas and the first of the three wise men slowly approached the stable and gingerly crossed over the threshold into a big pile of horse crap...

Looking down at his gold slippers he let out a shriek---" Je-sus Christ!"

The woman at the manger turned to her companion and said,"Joseph,that's a better name for the kid than Irving."

Mary and Joseph are trying to find a name for their son

Joseph paces back and forth inside the manger, and hit his head because of the low roof.

"Jesus Christ!"

and Mary: "Ehy, I like that"

Why is it risky for kids with dairy allergies to attend Christmas Eve church services?

There's a whey in the manger.

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Man walks into a bank

He steps up to the teller and says...
"I would like to open a fucking checking account"

The teller looks at him and says "I would love to help you sir, but could you please watch your language"?

The man say.
"Listen Bitch, shut your mouth and open a new checking account for me!"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Toothbrush (Long)

3 men apply for a sales job at toothbrush company. The first day the manger send them out for their first try at selling toothbrushes.
At the end of the day they come back and report in:
Manager, “how many did you sell?
First guy, “I sold 42.”
Manager, “Not bad”
Second guy, “I sold 86...

There was a fire at Sea World.

Over the intercom, everyone was told to calmly make their way to the exits.
Some staff stayed behind to secure the animals and maybe stop the blaze.
The Pool Manager noticed Timmy was at the entrance of the building with the fire.
He saw Timmy was throwing dead seals across the doorway.
...

Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Cyclops heard of the birth of Jesus and decided to pay him a visit

They had travelled many miles following a star, until they came to Bethlehem.

Finally, the found the stable wherein the tiny baby lay in a manger, watched over by his mother Mary.

They knelt before the babe and asked of his mother, "May we worship the holy child?"

Sadly she s...

Did you hear about the board game which traps you in a mystical world of French cuisine from which you must eat you way out?

It's called "Je manger."

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[NSFW] The coal-miner's lust

On his payday, coal-miner Joe wanted to get laid, especially now since he was just paid. He goes to a brothel and asks for the finest broad there. The manger says to him "sorry, we don't have any women right now, but you can have sex with a chicken for free." Wanting sex so badly, Joe thinks for a m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man walked in to a hotel...

and asked to rent a room. The clerk said, "Sorry, no vacancies." The man pointed at a couple who were checking out and asked, "What about their room?"

"Sorry," the clerk said, "this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed."

The old man, looking to have a little fun, said "What makes you t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve

They all arrive at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter looks at them and says “In order to enter, you must present me with one item that reminds you of Christmas and gives you Christmas Spirit”

The men are confused, but the first one reaches into his pocket and takes out his keys. He says “the jingle...

A dog applies for a job as an accountant...

So a dog goes in for an interview at an accountant's. Unfortunately the manager HATES dogs for some obscure reason from his youth.

Anyways, the manager tells the dog that it's got to pass three tests, else it can't be hired.

"First, you've got to be good with computers."

The do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.

A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.

Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous Mick Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.

Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?

Kermi...

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