Luggage Jokes

Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage.

A worst case scenario.

I lost my case.

The photon says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

It was a brief case

The photon replies "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

He slowly came around.

Or would I have to carry on my wayward son?

But cases continue to rise.

“You don’t have much of a case,” he replied.

One's case sensitive and the other's a sensitive case.

Customs officer: "Do you have something to declare?"

Man: "No."

Customs officer: "And what do you have in the sack?"

Man: "Sand."

During the check it turns out: actually sand.

Every day for a whole week the man comes with the bike and the sack on the luggage rack. ... read more

Apparently he lost his case

But I lost my case.

The photon replied, "No. I'm travelling light."

I rest my case.

He lost his case

Its cargo

He asked again, in German.

Again, the two workers did not understand him.

He tried in Polish and then again in French, but both times, the employees couldn't understand him.

He walked away trying to find someone else who could help him.

One guy turned to the other guy and... read more

His wife and son have already left and settled in the States, and he's finally able to go and join them.

On his way out through the Soviet border, the guard looks through his luggage and finds a bust of Lenin.

"What is this?" he asks.

"Don't ask me *what* this is, ask me *who* ... read more

It was an accusative case.

Took a while, but he was coming around slowly, though...

My lawyer keeps saying I’ve already lost my case

For joust in case.

People were being thrown out of their seats and luggage was flying everywhere. Then, as suddenly as it started, everything is back to the calm, smooth ride he was used to. Everyone sorted themselves out and found seats again.

When they reach the next stop, the man went forward to the engine c... read more

The judge threw it out because we had no case

The first thief picked one up and asked “Is this it?”

The second thief replied “It seems to be the case.”

Carrion bags.

Guess what, I lost the case

They said they'll carry on, they'll carry onnnnnnnn

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"

"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

It was an opened and shut case.

It was an open and shut case.

Psychiatrists say he's the strangest case they've ever come across.

They only bring carrion.

It might get stolen.

At least that was the case with me.

A suitcase

Terminal velocity.

they said it's case by case

One is totes blessed and the other is blessed totes.

He lays what looks like a leather bag on the counter. The clerk looks at it and asks, “What is it?”

“I collected all the foreskins I trimmed over the years, and sewed them together. It’s a change purse.”

The clerk looked disgusted. “I can’t imagine any customer buying that!”

“Wa... read more

No space.

So does British Airways.


160 Destinations, Over 90 Countries Worldwide.



Could be in any one of them.

Because he ate his carrion.

carry ooooooooonnnn, carry ooooooonnnnnnnnnn

Could you say you solved the case?

he had to much baggage

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

He goes to the office and the clerk asks, "what can I do for you?" The man says, "well, I just got married and we'd like a room by the lake."

"Oh, well congratulations," the clerk said. "I'll give you a nice cabin by the lake." He gives the man the keys and directs him to a cabin. He wa... read more

No, thanks, it's just carrion...

#Because of the horrible stench coming from his carrion luggage.

*I deserve any and all insulting comments I will get for this joke, I make no excuses for myself and should probably be ashamed.*

*edit: thank you for the gold benevolent stranger. :-)*

… and as he books his flight, asks the attendant if one of his 3 pieces of luggage could be sent to Paris, another to London, and the third to Cairo.

That’s impossible, I’m afraid sir, the attendant replied. We can’t send your luggage to 3 different cities.

Man says, we’ll you did last... read more

The crew throw all the luggage on the plane off to lighten the load, but they are still too heavy. The pilot goes on the intercom and says that 3 people need to jump off the plane to save everyone else. The Brit stands up and says, "God save the king!" before jumping to his death. Next, the Frenchma... read more

Flying home from France on a recent trip I noticed a rather haggard looking mom walking into the customs area with eight children-- all under age 10. Collecting their many suitcases, the nine of them entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched the large entourage in disbelief,... read more

That someone passed out and fell on to the luggage carousel at the airport!

Apparently, they are just coming round now..

An engineer is getting an 8 hour business flight and next to him sits an academic. The engineer is tired and had a crammed week of line side meetings, design meeting, improvement meetings etc. he just wants to get some sleep as its a night flight and he is back in the office in the morning, so forms... read more

A photon us going through airport security. The security guard says "that's not a lot of luggage" the photon says "I'm travelling light.

snippering one word after another they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

"So you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken". The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping o... read more

She won't find out until she unpacks her luggage.

dragging some mangled roadkill in its beak. The stewardess looks down in distaste, and asks “Wouldn’t you prefer to put that in the checked luggage compartment?”
And the vulture said “No thanks. It’s carrion.”

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.

"No" replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishma... read more

With the high cost of gas and the airlines canceling flights right and left, I've come to the realization I won't be taking a vacation this year. I even told my luggage that as I sadly put them in storage. Now I'm dealing with a lot of emotional baggage.

Your luggage is another story.