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Consuming Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a man do after consuming only half a pill of Viagra?

Nothing... just fucking around a bit.

At first Maximus Decimus Meridius felt remorse for consuming his wife.

But in the end. He was gladiator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband dies after consuming spaghetti..

Doc: It appears that your husband died from a pierced abdomen.

Wife: How is it possible? All he had was spaghetti.

Doc: After consuming spaghetti, he took some viagra. You know what that does to limp noodles.

Everyone knows eating a clock is very time consuming

But I hope you saved room for seconds

Yesterday, I ate a clock. It was very time consuming.

Especially when I came back for seconds.

Becoming pigeons can be extremely time consuming...

It took a pig eons to become one.

An American, a German and a Chinese got arrested consuming alcohol in Saudi Arabia

An American, a German and a Chinese got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia.

So for the terrible crime, they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:

“It’s my first wife’s bi...

I've invented a rocket that intercepts incoming warheads by consuming them.

It's a cannibalistic missile.

Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?

It's because they have anty-bodies!

Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problem with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about consuming a mother of two.

But upon further consideration he was gladiator.

I'm so hungry I could eat my watch.

But that would be time consuming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.

I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.

.

.

.

.

I'll see myself out.

Jack, a renown atheist, dies...

... and to his utter surprise ends up in hell where he's greeted by Satan himself.

Completely shocked he talks to the devil and says: "Welp, I've been wrong all my life and I guess I'm now to pay the price for my lack of faith"

Satan laughs and replies: "Awh it's not so bad down here, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit is like anal sex

You dont know how it works for the first time,
It can be painful and time consuming,
But if done correctly you start enjoying it later.

AND ITS NOT FOR EVERYONE.

Have you ever tried eating a clock?

It's very time consuming.

EDIT: Also, I don't want my time to go to waist.
Courtesy of /u/Carter127

Last evening when I came out of hot shower after a long day of work, I saw my dog eat my watch.

It was time consuming.

I was so hungry this morning I almost ate a clock....

I didn't because it's time consuming. Also, I'd have to go back for seconds.

I'm here all day..

drunk driving.

I would like to share an experience with you, which has to do with drinking and driving. As you may be aware, some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. The other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much wine, and knowing full well that I was wast...

My friend ate a clock....

Well I guess you could say it was time-consuming

I just read that in an alternate ending to Beauty and the Beast the Beast turns ravenous and eats Cogsworth

He was delicious, but the whole process was time consuming.

I just read a study that the hops in beer can irritate men's prostates

If anything in beer bothers your prostate you're consuming it the wrong way.

A very rich man is having a very big party on the hottest day of the year

The party features a full big band performance and an open bar. In order to fight the extreme heat, the party is littered with large fans running full blast, inadvertantly causing the musicians to tie the sheet music down to their music stands to prevent them from blowing away. Meanwhile, the bass s...

I live every day like it is my last.

Lying in bed consuming morphine while my family cries.

Why would you eat a clock?

There’s no real good reason, it’s just time consuming.

What is the most toxic gas? (Possible Dad Joke?)

Air, every person died consuming it.

There once was a woman who became horribly addicted to eating little rubber clocks from dollar general...

eventually she had to stop because it was becoming to time consuming.

I once was dared to eat a clock

I would not recommend doing it, as it was really time consuming.

Was not that bad though, i even had seconds...

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