How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the time they don't work.

A wasp expert walks into a record shop

He goes to the owner and asks if they have the new edition of wasp sounds 2019.
The record shop owner says that they have it in stock and asks if the wasp expert would like to listen too it before he buys.

The wasp expert agrees and the record is placed on the record player.
The pin goe...

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

A Blonde, a Redhead, and a Brunette are running from some guards in a medieval castle c.1320.

They stumble into a storage room on the far side of the keep that is piled high with boxes, barrels and sacks. The Redhead hurriedly empties a bunch of potatoes out of one of the burlaps and climbs inside. The Brunette and the Blonde quickly follow suit.
The guards are about to rush past the sto...

A golfer tells his buddy, “Check out this “Impossible-to Lose” golf ball I have...

If you hit it in the water it floats and then activates a small propeller that moves it over to the edge so you can retrieve it. If you hit it in high grass it emits a smoke signal. If you hit it into a bush, it chirps. It’s literally impossible to lose!”
His buddy says “Wow! That’s awesome. How...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men crash on a small, tropical island.

They discover a tribe of cannibals, and are quickly captured and brought to the chief. The chief says that he will spare any person who can fit 20 of the same kind of fruit in their ass without making a sound. They are allowed to forage, and the first man comes back with 20 apples. Despite all of hi...

Scientists finally found out how to turn back time...

It's emit.

Two golfers are playing a round...

One of them slices one hard and after a bit of a search he comes back complaining of how much he hates losing golf balls. The other guy says;

"I actually have a ball that's impossible to lose... I'll give it to you"

"Impossible?" the first guys says, "That's hard to believe. What if it...

The 3 Paddies Encounter a Genie

The 3 Paddies encounter a lamp, and the decide to buff it up a bit, as it was dust covered. While polishing, out emits a Genie.

The genie tells them that he is going to imprison them each for 10 years, the same length of time he was trapped in that lamp. But, he will allow them each to choos...

An older lady visits a doctor to seek help with her frequent gas issues.

**Lady:** Doctor, you've got to help me. Lately I've had uncontrollable gas. Fortunately all my toots are silent and emit no odor. As a matter of fact, in the few minutes you've been in here I've probably tooted 10 times and you can't even tell.

**Doctor:** I see. I have a couple of ideas. Le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The future of technology (long)

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (Heads of Microsoft, Intel, and Advanced Micro Devices) were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Jerry is sitting. Jerry says, "Oh, that's my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I...

Han, Luke, Obi Wan and Chewie begin there journey to the Death Star aboard the Falcon...

... immediately Chewbacca begins to emit a low, growling whisper - clearly trying to indicate something to his shipmates

Obi Wan: I can't hear a word he's saying
Luke: Yeah, Han, can't you tell your friend to speak up a bit?

Han: Sorry guys.. thats just how the Wookie mumbles

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