Ingest Jokes - 26 Hilarious Ingest Jokes

A boy scout says to his scout leader, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?" The scout leader says, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all." So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror...

The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

What do cannibals ingest to freshen their breath?

Men toes!

How can you ingest alcohol nasally?

Punch line

Although fiber helps pass stool, you need to be careful about the type of fiber you ingest.

From my experience, T-Shirts work well but Jeans are a big no.

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Jesus Christ ! In a drunken stupor last night, I ingested 45 Viagra pills.

Don't worry. I'm okay now.
But the wife -- she took it pretty hard.

I feel guilty about this parasite I ingested.

It's been eating me up inside.

Science confirm that humans can ingest deadly poison or even molten lava.

Once

Why is it impossible to hastily commute whilst abstaining from ingesting food or beverage and surrounded by foes?

Because you cannot fast travel when enemies are nearby

What happened to the guy who ingested helium?

He became enlightened.

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded.

There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

After a group of scientists invented a tasteless orally ingestible Covid vaccine they had a meeting to decide which products would be best to put it in to get to finally get to 100% coverage in America.

Ranch dressing will get 98% and Horse dewormer paste to cover the last 2%

Did you hear about the girl who drank bleach as a joke?

She did it ingest

I once got some minor blood poisoning.

I tried to ingest the antidote, but it turns out it was in vein.

Fun Facts about ants

So as you may or may not know, ants have many breeds, but above these breeds, two general groups can be seen in ants around the world. These groups are the Macro ants (Big ants), and the Micro ants (Small ants).

Multiple different breeds of ants can be found in each of the two groups (Such ...

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'd like some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some H20, too.”

The bartender says, “You damn fool! Don't ingest disinfectants! You’re supposed to be scientists—act like it, for pity’s sake. And how’d you even find an open bar violating the stay-at-home order?”

A man brought his chemist friend to the bar for a drink with the other friends. When asked what he wanted, the chemist decided that since she's the designated driver, she'll order water. "I'll have some H20, please!" the chemist said, with the man replying "I'll have some H20 too!"

The man died of ingesting hydrogen peroxide.

Toughest time of my Life

I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic ci...

Who could have predicted that in 2020,

Trump would introduce us to Hydroxychloroquine and ingesting bleach, while Falwell would come clean about his HyProxyChlorineQueen?

Science teacher fail.

Little Johnny is on a field trip with his science class; they're in the woods.
Johnny spies a snake. He asks "Hey teacher, is this snake poisonous"?
The teacher responds "No, that snake is not poisonous".

Johnny catches the snake. He proudly shows it off to his classmates. The snake tur...

As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire

Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire.
Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...

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My kidnappers enjoyed torturing me

It was days before one of them allowed me to finally drink any water. When he gave me the jug of discolored water, the grin on his face had me terrified to drink it, and I instantly imagined it was full of poison. But I couldn't help myself; I was too thirsty. I drank it all.

Still I couldn't...

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

 

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

 

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

 

"You see, that ott...

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The Big Bang Theory

# Some Background Info

The TV show "The Big Bang Theory" was created by Chuck Lorre. At the end of each episode he inserted a one screen humorous comment.

While season 4 was being produced, the lead actress had a horseback riding accident unrelated to the show which caused her a broke...

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Enjoying a meal at a nice restaurant, ended up saving a life!

So I’m at a restaurant enjoying a nice meal with my wife. She’s ingesting the smoked pork jowl while I’m enjoying a nice rack of lamb cooked to perfection. All of a sudden at a few tables near us, the lady who’s splitting with her husband a smooth roast chicken (with an immensely enjoyable aroma) s...

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A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night...

A lady pregnant with triplets is cooking stew for dinner one night when her husband, who has been out hunting all day comes home empty handed. As he leans over to kiss her, three bullets fall out of his pocket and into the stew. The husband and wife are unaware and dinner is served. With the first s...

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