UPJOKE
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My new loud exhaust pipe

Before buying my new loud exhaust pipe, I was secretly ashamed of how little sex I was having. But now that's no longer a secret.

It's exhausting going down on waitresses...

I'm really tired of them asking "How's everything tasting?" 5 seconds in.

Batman says to Alfred, “I’m really tired Alfred, it's been an exhausting day, please can you just get the bathtub ready for me?"

Alfred replies, "Master Wayne, what is a htub?"

I think my local garage is ripping me off...

does anyone else think £500 for a Tesla exhaust is a lot?

I’m not having much luck with jobs lately.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor.

The muffler factory was just exhausting.

I couldn’t cut it as a barber.

I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor.

I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it.

The paper shop folded. Pool maintenance...

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A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

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Crocodile.

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, ...

Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards

The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway.

"Sergeant Andreyev, come into the hallway."

"Yes, sir!" Andreyev ...

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Onestone

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle And whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!"

The word got arou...

In a small town, a doctor is about to retire and a young colleague comes to replace him.

They visit all the patients together, and the old doctor introduces the young one everywhere.

"Doctor, I've been having a constant stomach ache lately." cries one of the patients.

The old doctor answers,

"Didn't you eat too much fruit? I think you should eat less, that'll make ...

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for mo...

Fair warning...

Daughter to Father:

"Dad there is something my boyfriend said to me, that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags, and a fantastic bumper."

Father's response:

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with ...

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Finally managed to get my penis out of the exhaust pipe after half an hour.

I don't care what my girlfriend says, I'm never trying car sex ever again.

Have you heard about the gynecologist who quit his job?

Yeah so he became a mechanic.

Went to school and for the first test, he had to disassemble then reassemble an engine.

He got a %150. He got confused and asked his teacher how he got that grade.

Teacher says, "I gave you %50 for taking it apart, %50 for reassembling it and runnin...

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A women wanted to spice things up in the bedroom so she went to a professional sex therapist. The Therapist went through an exhaustive list and importantly how to look sexy, which is to gently bite your lips and raise your eyebrows suggestively.

the next morning the women was in tears... she called the therapist and explained that not only did it not worked but it had completely ruin the mood. The therapist then proceeded to ask here her intimate details ( did you wear the lingerie, perfume, etc ) and could not figure out whey it didn't w...

A man arrives at a hotel after a long train journey, exhausted. He comes into a communal room and sees three other guys who are drunk and talking loudly.

They are cracking anti-government jokes and laughing at Khrushchev. The man is annoyed that he can't sleep so he hatches a plan. He walks out into a corridor and asks a staff member to bring him a cup of tea. He then comes back into the room and starts talking to the noisy fellows:

"Comrades,...

Sleep

An exhausted blonde dragged herself to the doctor's office.

“Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood," she said."They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep.""

“I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills," said the doctor."A few of these and your troubles w...

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The old man and the blond

An 80 year old Oil billionaire and a 25-year-old blonde runway model are getting married today.

In an effort to prove that she wasn’t out for the old man’s money, she asked her husband to arrange for separate honeymoon suites.

This way after the marriage was consummated, he could go b...

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I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.

I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”

Why was the spaghetti so exhausted?

Because it strained itself

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house.

Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. ...

Recovering from Thanksgiving.....

An exhausted Tyson industrial butcher walks into a bar two days after Thanksgiving and orders a beer. "So you're a butcher, eh?" the bartender asks. "Do you have to do nasty stuff like pluck the turkeys?" "Yes," the butcher sighs. "So which side of a turkey has the most feathers?" the nosy bartender...

Confucius say

Confucius say,

Man who run behind car get exhausted

Man who run in front of car get tired.

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A college professor reminds her class of the next day’s final exam saying, “I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, “Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

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A fat man wants to lose weight...

A fat man is looking for a way to lose weight. He has already tried all kinds of slimming diets and fitness programs, but they didn't work for him. One day, he comes across an ad that says: "New revolutionary method - weight loss 100% guaranteed. Satisfied or your money back!"
He thinks: "Since ...

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A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw an elderly man walking past. She hasn't had a customer in a while, so she calls out to him

"Hey, would you like to have a fun time with me?"

The old man said, "But I won't be able to..."

"Aww... give it a try... "

Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his dick and fucks her harder than he had in decades, and for 30 minutes!

When he's done, the pr...

World War II, occupied Poland - three partisans who survived a firefight run into a village, fleeing a Wehrmacht squad. Exhausted, they stop by a well...

"They've surrounded the village" one of them says. "There's no way out, sarge!"


"Let's hide in the well" the sergeant responds. "We can hold on to the bucket and brace ourselves against the top walls. Just remember, if anyone comes near, we have to act like the echo, or they'll get suspic...

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A farmer is worried that his sex life with his wife is getting a bit dry They go to see a therapist, who asks them what they think the problem is.

The wife says, "I just don't have time for it, I'm too busy cooking, cleaning, doing the laundry and everything else. Sex is starting to lose its appeal".

The farmer is disheartened to hear this, but listens to the therapist, who tells him, "You need to change things up a bit. You'll just hav...

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A woman comes home early from work to surprise her husband for his birthday.

She enters her house, walks up the stairs, and heads towards the direction of her bedroom. As she eagerly walks to her bedroom, her adrenaline was spiking, she was anticipating a very dirty night. She slowly opened the door and astonishingly, she saw two people on her bed covered with a blanket, wit...

A construction worker sits down in his favourite pub at the end of a long, exhausting week.

He orders a beer and takes a sip in pure bliss. From the corner of his eye he notices a cute little girl, but he pays no mind. All he can think of is the shimmering glass in his hands, filled to the brim with golden ale. As the night progresses, the folk get cheerier and louder each passing minute. ...

An astronaut lands on an alien world.

Once upon a time an astronaut landed on an alien world. The world was full of trees and plants and wildlife. But one species in particular caught his eye. Short and round with huge feet, they were kind. They sang songs all day, drank, and made merry. After observing them from afar for many days, the...

Parenting is stressful! Parenting is a sacrifice, it’s exhausting, it’s expensive and at times it feels thankless but….

Eventually you die! -Jim Gaffigan

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
"What do you think of the stock market situation?"

The CEO arrogantly asks him:
"Why are you so interested in this...

A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks.

"No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is.

A bear walks into a bar...

The bartender is extremely busy and looks tired. He eventually makes his way over to the bear.

The bear immediately tells him, "You look exhausted."

"Yeah, it's been a rough day," says the bartender, "What are you drinking?"

"I'll have a glass of..." says the bear. He waits a pa...

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I am absolutely exhausted from my French self-defense class.

I've never run so far in my life.

I did not get exhausted walking up that flight of stairs!

The air is just thinner up here is all.

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day

while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what
he went through so he prayed.

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know
what I go through, so please allow her body to switch
with mine for a day."

God, ...

What happened to the exhausted horse?

He hit the hay

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Xi Jinping was on his balcony during the early morning, admiring all that Bejing has become

He inhaled a sweet breath of fresh Bejing air and looked East to see the sun smiling down.

"Hello, Sun", said Xi Jinping.

The sun replied "Hello Glorious Leader, the architect of a grand Communist Utopia. Best wishes leading your already prosperous nation."

Xi Jinping, despite h...

Two drunk guys walk into a hotel

snippering one word after another they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

"So you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken". The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping o...

Three vampires enter into a competition

The first vampire tells the other 2:

\- “Hey! I have an idea! Let’s have a competition between the three of us to see who is the best at sucking blood!”

Since they have nothing to else to do, the other two vampires think it is a good idea and agree to the competition.

After tha...

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television,and tells his wife,“Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Fifteen minutes later, he says,“Get me another beer before it starts.”She looks cross,but fetches anothe...

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Sexual Exhaustion

The teacher started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition, or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass male student asks , "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" causing the class to burst into l...

After climaxing to near exhaustion, my gf asked me to keep going

I replied, “Come again?”

Why is the Dutch fly exhausted?

Because it Netherlands.

A bear and a moose get into an argument in a Canadian forest.

They don't want to get into a fight, but they just want to prove which of them is stronger so they steal a piece of rope and the bear wraps it around the moose's antlers and holds the other end in its mouth.

They agree on three rounds, and they each get to choose their battlefield.

3, ...

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The screw and the bellybutton

So a guy I work with told us this joke on the plane, went on for full 30' which made it even funnier smh, this is a short version:

A boy is born and is perfectly normal, arms legs ears and stuff, except a tiny detail: He had a screw on his bellybutton. Parents send him to all doctors imagina...

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Doctors advice

Jay's primary care doctor recently retired and that forced him to find a new one, which he did.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, Jay's new doctor said he was doing "fairly well for a man his age"… Having just turned forty-four in July, Jay was a little concerned about the doctor's c...

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I had a massive bowel movement the other day that left me exhausted.

I guess you could say that shit really took it out of me.

An elderly couple has fallen on hard times…

After exhausting all other options, the husband and wife agree that she will go out and turn tricks to make ends meet. The next day, she gussies herself up by putting on her best wig, her reddest lipstick, and her lowest-cut dress. Then out the door she goes around 4 pm.

When midnight rolls a...

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It must be exhausting to have sex with a Norwegian

They never Finnish

Had to quit working at the gym because I got too exhausted racking all the weights..

Put in my too-weak notice.

What do passionate Indian chefs and functional programmers have in common when they are exhausted?

They curry on.

I just had the most exhausting enema...

I gotta say, it took a lot out of me.

So there's this matchstick climbing up

On the hill. And it's all sweaty because it's exhausted. Nearly at the top of the hill, there is a hedgehog walking by and the matchstick goes

"Ohh! If only I had known there was a bus, I would have taken the bus."

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*The Viagra package*

The man was just prescribed Viagra to help his love life.


Eager to try it out, he takes one as soon as he gets home, and waits for his wife to come home from work, but in his excitement he forgets and leaves the package open on the table and his cockatiel eats all of them.

...

It dawned on me in the shower that my ex gf must be related to hurricane Dorian. You've been waiting for them to come but they just keep gyrating until they exhaust themselves.

The worst though is when you see the video of them ravaging and gushing all over their previous fling, leaving you feeling completely inadequate and devastated.

New study shows bodies found from the Bermuda Triangle all died from heat exhaustion...

...everyone knows its 180 degrees inside a triangle, I don't know why people even bother traveling through it.

Two women who recently died were waiting at the Gates of Heaven

Woman 1: “So, how did you die?”

Woman 2: “I froze to death.”

Woman 1: “Wow, that must’ve been so painful. I’m so sorry.”

Woman 2: “It was, but after a while you go numb & don’t feel as much. How did you die?”

Woman 1: “Well, I thought my husband was cheating on me. So...

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3 brothers own a cow, which suddenly dies.

The cow being almost a part of their family and a major income source for the family, the 3 brothers become very heartbroken and decide to commit suicide in the river. So they approach the river and are almost about to jump in when a fairy comes out of the river.

Fairy: "If anyone of you is ...

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A good wish from Genie!!!

4 friends made their annual monthly meeting. Every 3rd week of each month they go out same bar same time same friday night.

As always they endup pretty drunk and a 3 o'clock in morning they call out this night and start go home. While walking on empty and dark street they were still having f...

I was exhausted after work today. I delivered a roll of bubble wrap. The lady said just pop it in the corner.

It took me 7 hours.

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A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into a taxi in New York and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, “What’s wrong with you, honey? Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?”

The old Jewish driver answered, “Let me ...

A doctor changes Careers.

A Gynecologist is tired of dealing with Insurance companies and decides to become an auto mechanic. He studies hard, and for the final, he needs to diagnose and rebuild an engine. He need an 80 to pass an become a certified Mechanic.

He takes test, and waits for his score.

He g...

In the beginning, God asked Adam to name the animals, so he began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig...” Then God said, “You must name the sea animals too.” Adam was exhausted, but he knew how important this was, so he continued...

“Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

What do you call an exhausted woman on her period?

Drained

A woman wakes up after an exhausting day of giving birth.

Not long after she wakes up, the doctor walks in gleefully.

"Good morning, how are you feeling?" He asks her.

"Decent," she answers, "where's my baby?"

"You mean babies? You had twins, a boy and a girl. The nurses are taking care of them, they'll be in any minute. By the way, yo...

During Jimmy’s turn with Santa they have a tense interaction at the end of which Santa shouts “NO!!!!” at Jimmy and storms off leaving the kids angry and crying.

When parents ask him what went down between them Jimmy says it was going well till Santa asked him who his favorite president was and he told him it was Obama. So Santa asked him for his next favorite president on and on and Jimmy diligently answered one by one - Abraham Lincoln, JFK, The Roosevelts...

Are you a car muffler?

Because you are exhausting!

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

A man said he was going to go out by hooking a hose to an exhaust and put it in his car while sealed in his garage.

Saw him the next day looking defeated, he said he forgot he owned a hybrid

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When I get Tired.. I read this and laugh like hell. Must see if you are exhausted

I always look for a way to chill out after working for hours in front of my computer..and I never get bored reading the same lines I'm sharing here I smile each and every time..read,refresh and back to work!

Enjoy...



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you ...

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This is long, but I think it's worth it.

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If y...

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The cleanup work after sex can be quite exhausting

Especially reburying the body

I had the strangest dream last night, I fell asleep inside a muffler

I woke up exhausted

I'm exhausted. Just came back from the hospital.

My girlfriend was in a bad way. Tonight the doctors told me that she urgently needed a blood transfusion and I had no idea what blood type she was. Obviously she saw my panic, and god bless her, with her last breath she reassured me by saying, "Be positive. Be positive." For her, I was. I'll miss he...

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition

Three men, exhausted from selling colored automobile wheels all day, decided to enter in a competition: who could render a knot out of a multi-colored suit-tie the fastest. They went on, waited in line, and eventually competed against each other, however in the end they all had the same time.
...

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How did the ISIS camel pass out from exhaustion?

It had to teach sex ED and Driver's ED at the same time.

A man is making jeans and gets exhausted.

What does he do?

Pants.

My friend and I are just in the middle of climbing Mount Everest. We are so exhausted, when we get to the top...

Me and Himalayaing down for a bit

OBGYN turns car mechanic (probably my favorite joke of all times)

A gynecologist was getting sick of his job and decided a career change was in order. Being an automotive enthusiast, he felt he should become a car mechanic.
He read and studied hard, and then came the day of the official exam.
Scores range between 40 and 100, where 60 is enough to pass the ex...

Every morning, I see this exhausted guy who looks like he would murder someone for a cup of coffee.

I really should move that mirror.

What do you call a kangaroo that's exhausted from trespassing?

Out of bounds.

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. 'Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, 'I want to hang out with God.'

St. Peter took Ar...

Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin and Boris Johnson had a near death experience together.

They met God and his closest angels, who told them that their time wasn’t up yet but that each of them could ask one question.

Biden went first. He asked "God, when will the Coronavirus pandemic end?" God made a sign to his angels. They went away and after 30 seconds they came back and whisp...

A couple are on holiday on a pacific island...

When they arrive they hear a constant drum beat; the ask the taxi driver and he says "Drums must never stop!"

They get to the hotel and the drumming is still going, so they ask the cleaner and she says "Drums must never stop!"

The drums continue all night and the couple can't sleep. Ex...

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An exhausted woman goes to see the doctor...

who asks her how she is sleeping.

She says, not much, because I like having sex.

The doctor asks her how often she has sex.

She replies, Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.

She says, I can't. It's the only night I am home ...

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A mate of mine once had sex with the exhaust pipe on the back of his lorry.

He found out a week later he was HGV positive.

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The sheep Farmer

A Welsh man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.
After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but...

God and the Biker, I will grant you one wish...

A biker was riding on a highway along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said: "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I  c...

Did you hear about the guy who tried to outrun a car?

He got *tired*!

What about the guy who chased after a car?

He got *exhausted*!

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Confucius did NOT say

>Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient.

>Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

>Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

>Woman who dance wearing jock strap, have make believe ballroom

>Squirrel who runs up woman’s' ...

A Man Met a Beautiful Girl in a Bar

and wooed her until he brought her back home for some love making. After an hour the guy asked her "Are you finish?", to which the girl shook her head. He then continues to make love to her for another hour. "Are you finish?" The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minute...

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The Energizer Bunny was found dead today from sexual exhaustion

His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming.

What's the difference between a man who pushes a moving car and a man who pushes a stationary one?

Nothing. They're both exhausted.

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My girlfriend has a fetish for getting caught having sex, but I find it exhausting

I'm really getting tired of catching her.

Why did bat fly about the car's exhaust

It was an autoexec.bat

Jeremy Clarkson on the farm.

After a disastrous first year on the farm Jeremy Clarkson hatches a new plan and gets ten sows and a hog to make lots of piglets.
He calls the vet and asks for any help and what to look for. The old vet tells him if the hog has been successful the sows will be asleep on their backs with all for ...

People say that having a baby makes you exhausted.

But I usually get eight solid hours of sleep every month.

My nose is exhausted

It's been running all day.

Thanks Dad.

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Sexual Exhaustion

An attractive young female professor announces a test that would begin the next morning. No rain checks, no make-up opportunities. Be there or get a zero.

A young man in the back raises his hand, winks at the professor and says "But what if we're incapable of taking the test tomorrow due to ...

A man sat in the pub.

He had been there all day from 3 onwards. As sunset was approaching he was still there. Midnight was closing time so the bartender asked him to leave.

The man, now very, very drunk from a day of non-stop drinking, stood up and fell over flat on his face. He tried standing up again, once agai...

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An injured American soldier is boarding a train to the hospital, but the train is full because a woman and her dog took up the last two seats.

The man says to the woman, "would you please mind taking up only one seat? You don't need two separate seats for you and your dog." But the woman refuses. Then the man tells the woman that he is exhausted from the war and is injured, the last seat on the train isn't too much to ask for, yet the woma...

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A student tells his teacher he is sexually exhausted from the weekend and therefore cannot do his schoolwork, the teacher says

“then use your other hand”

Why was Snoop Dogg so exhausted after Christmas?

Because of all the ho ho hos.

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Horny Rooster

A farmer is in dire straights as his only rooster died. Desperate, he went to his neighbors farm to see if he might be able to purchase one of his.

The neighbor said he only had one for sale, but warned the farmer, this is one horny rooster. He'll screw pretty much anything!

With no ...

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A man with a tendency to over-explain things lays on his therapist's couch.

The therapist says “I have a new exercise for you today. Instead of spending an hour talking about your day, try to tell me the essentials of what happened in one breath.”
The patient agrees and takes a deep breath

“So they cast Callie Hernandez as Supergirl and I’m not sure if it was th...

I felt super exhausted after giving blood.

It's such a draining procedure.

Jane and Erica are talking in heaven

"How did you die?" Jane asks Erica.
She replies, "I froze to death."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says Jane.
"It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling, just before you black out. How did you die?"
"Well," she says, "I suspected my husband was cheat...

I am a psyicician specializing in growth hormone deficiencies. I had planned to present an exhaustive list of the conditions and syndromes that I treat but I couldn't wait to post this...

I have little patients.

How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak?

"Beat beet, meet meat."

A man sees his friend covered in blood and scratches

A man was walking and see his friend clearly exhausted, scratched and covered in blood.

- What happened to you?

- Well, I just came back from burying my mother in law.

- Sorry to hear that, but how does that explain your injuries?

- ... She didn't want to.

What do you do when you're racist and all the immigrants exhaust you?

You kip.

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Socket to me...

A guy is on a business trip to another state and on the last evening decides to spend a few hours drinking downstairs at the bar. He hits it off with one of the barmaids and after flirting heavily with each other they decide to meet up in his room for a nightcap. Later on, she knocks on his door and...

Assembly line

John: "My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Oldsmobile, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Plymouth."
Dave: "Really? What did he get?"
John: "Fifteen years."

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Two Ladies talking in heaven

1st woman: Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: ; It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What ab...

A Man Buys several Acres in the Countryside

and hires a local contractor to build a fence around his new property.

The next day, the contractor arrives in his pickup with a small trailer of tools and materials to begin work on the fence.

The contractor begins digging the first hole with a shovel only to find the ground is mostl...

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