A man said he was going to go out by hooking a hose to an exhaust and put it in his car while sealed in his garage.

Saw him the next day looking defeated, he said he forgot he owned a hybrid

After 40 years as a gynecologist,

John decided he had enough money to retire and take up his real love—car mechanics. He left his practice, enrolled in a car mechanics class and studied hard. The day of the final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. ...

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Did you hear about the guy who fucked his car's tailpipe for 3 hours straight?

He was exhausted.

You see my neighbour worships exhaust pipes

He's a Catholic converter

What do you do when you're racist and all the immigrants exhaust you?

You kip.

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A mate of mine once had sex with the exhaust pipe on the back of his lorry.

He found out a week later he was HGV positive.

Why did bat fly about the car's exhaust

It was an autoexec.bat

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh!" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me…"

God commented, "Well, what a big deal – inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was appare...

I had a dream I was a muffler

I woke up exhausted

A gynecologist gets sick of his medical career and decides it's time for a change.

He does a bit of research and settles on trying his hand at being a mechanic. He attends mechanic school diligently and pays attention in the hopes of being the best mechanic in town. After taking his final exam, he notices a mistake on the marking of his grading paper and enquires with the teacher....

A terrorist was told to blow up a car.

He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe.

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Guy gets off a long 12 hour shift at the mill

as he walks out to the parking lot to get in his beat up old pickup, he sees a high end sports car pull up with the exhaust crackling. It’s his boss inside. “nice car boss” he says. Boss says “ yeah it is and If you come to work every day, work hard and bust your ass I’ll be able to afford another o...

What's the difference between a male and a female fire sprinkler system?

The male will exhaust the fire, the female will exhaust the water supply

In a far away place... In a small rural town...

There was a boy named john. John didn’t have many friends growing up as he preferred to keep to himself. Johns family were farmers through and through, his favourite thing to do was to drive their tractor around and around the farm, john always adored tractors, the big back wheels and the small fron...

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The long troubles of Nelson Mandela (LONG)

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by an Asian man clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" while pointing at a truckful of car exhausts. Mr Mandela says, "I believe you have the wrong address" and shuts the door. T...

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

The news reports of a Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus...

Poor guy...burned his lips on the exhaust pipe...

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Confucius says... (maybe slightly nsfw)

...man who take woman camping have one in-tent.

...man who puts rooster in freezer gets stiff cock.

...man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

...man who makes love to exhaust pipe have hot rod.

My dad and brothers(and uncles) are to blame for most of these horrib...

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Cliff and Billy are two farmers, who have been friends their entire lives.

Billy goes to Cliff's house, but he can't find him anywhere. Just as Billy is about to leave, he walks by the barn doors and sees Cliff through the gap. Cliff has his pants around his ankles and his dick in the exhaust pipe of his old John Deere.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bill exclaims.<...

A blonde gets her car damaged in a hail storm

It's a mess. looks basically like a golf ball--dents everywhere. So she takes it to a body shop, and the technician sees she's blonde and decides to have some fun. He tells her that the fix is simple, that as soon as the tailpipe is cool, to blow into it and all the dents will just pop right out.<...

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The rabbi moves next to the priest.

The rabbi moves next to the priest. On the first day, the priest sees how dirty is the car of the rabbi, and he washes the vehicle, as an act of courtesy. When he wakes up on the next morning he hears the sound of a hack saw. He looks through the window, and sees that the rabbi just cut down the end...

Little Johnny

One day little Johnny was playing in the sandbox with his crush, Sally. As they are playing, Johnny let's out a little fart causing the smallest little puff of sand. Embarrassed, Johnny starts to apologize. Before he has the chance, Sally interupts him proclaiming "that was amazing, how did you do t...

A man was riding his Harley along a California highway...

suddenly the sky cleared above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your r...

Dad there is something my boyfriend told me, that I didn't understand. He said that "I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

"Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking from his exhaust pipe."

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A Hispanic carpenter is feeling depressed

After living a life of always reading other people's directions and instructions to do his job, he decides he wants to to make his *own* decision for once: Committing suicide.

So he scribbles down some words on a piece of paper and reviews what he wrote, nodding in approval. He hops into his...

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A guy walks into a Urologist's office

"So what seems to be the problem?"

"Well, doctor, I have this very young, very sexually demanding wife, and she just can't seem to keep her hands off of me. As soon as I come home from work she drags me to bed and pounces on me, and after dinner it's round two. Otherwise she's restless and ca...

President Obama is doing his morning exercises...

...and jogging around the White House grounds when one of the Secret Service agents suggests he should see how fast he can circle the White House ten times. After all, it is a presidential tradition to try it at least once, and being moderately athletic, he figured he'd make pretty good time. So he ...

OB/GYN gets fired

OB/GYN doctor gets fired. And he is looking for a job and get an interview at a car repair shop. And the managers says

"If you take the carburator apart you get 2 points and if you put it back you get 5 points and if it works after that you get 3 point.But I'll only hire you if you get all 10...

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The Autobots had just landed on our green planet.

Optimus tells them to go look for disguises that are suitable so that they can all adequately blend into their new home. Two hours pass and the Autobots reconvene.

Mr Prime: Do you all have suitable disguises?

Company: Yes, Mr Prime.

Mr Prime: Well then, let's see it.

The...

Love Story

I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and control you.

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.

And you will be weak for ...

A blonde goes to a mechanic to ask about fixing dents in her car

She asks the mechanic
"How can I fix the dents myself as I have no money to pay for the repairs."
The Mechanic being a funny guy responds
"Just blow into the exhaust pipe as hard as you can and the dents will disappear".
So the blonde goes home and starts blowing into the exhaust pipe....

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Meeting the parents

A man goes to meet his girlfriends parents, but they live far away and he doesn't have a car.

So off he goes looking for a car - and he finds one, a clunky banger but with a really clean engine.

"Nice car man" he says to the seller, "That is one smooth engine."

"You bet," says t...

A Dutchman is driving in Belgium when he hits a Belgian car.

The Belgian whose car he hit was upset, as it was severely dented and the Dutchman was clearly at fault. But the Dutchman, unwilling to pay for the damages, managed to calm him down by explaining to him how to remove the dents: "Just blow into the exhaust, and the dents will pop out in no time". So ...

Bored Proctologist

A Proctologist who got tired of his profession decided to follow his lifelong dream and become a mechanic. After 2 years of school, he took a final exam where he passed with 150 percent. Confused, the Ex Proctologist asked how that was possible. The teacher replied that he received 50 points for cor...

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Did you know Germany's Beer Purity Law is 500 years old this year?

**500 year?! Has it been that long? Amazing! 500 years of an entire people say “Nein!” no more sewage for me thank you!... Take note you Belgian swine.** *Belgian Guy:“But we have the most varieties of beer in the world!!”* **Yeah, you do and you are barely batting .100 when it comes to quality brew...

Career Change

A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skill-ful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classes,
attended dili...

Little Jewish boy that can't understand math

Two Jewish parents are very concerned that their little boy is failing at mathematics. They exhaust every method of tutoring and schooling, until they reach their last resort.... Catholic School.

The very next day little Elisha comes home from school, runs to his room, and began studying. To ...

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Nelson Mandela...

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.

Nelson is standing there in...

Blonde Auto Repair...

A blonde was driving to the mall (of course!) when she got caught in a sudden hailstorm with hail the size of golf balls. Her car was ruined. She took it to a body shop and asked the appraiser, "How much to fix it?" The appraiser's answer was $5,000. The fair-hair girl exclaims, "Wow! That much? Isn...

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."

The doctor...

Blond joke

A blonde goes to her car in the parking and to her shock there is a dent on the flank. A guy passing by seeing she is blonde tells her: "you need to go on your knees on blow in the exhaust pipe as hard as you can. Then just like a plastic bottle it will go back to normal."
The blonde is very tha...

A gynecologist decides to retrain as an auto mechanic

He goes to a technical school and learns how to fix cars. The final exam is to take a working engine, take it apart and reassemble it in working order.

After completing the test, he gets the results in the mail: he scored 150 out of 100 points. He calls his instructor to make sure there wasn...

A gynecologist quits her job to become a mechanic...

It was something she had always wanted to do, but her parents had pushed her into medicine instead. She had prospered as a gynecologist, but never felt completely fulfilled. Finally, she decided it was time to live for herself. Being a well-educated high-achiever, she figured the best place to st...

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