UPJOKE
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Sup Jokes

How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already lit fam.

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How do you say " 'sup dawg" in Japanese?

Konichihuahua

A farmer has 3 daughters, each has a date lined up for the night.

The farmer waits on the front porch for the dates to arrive, shotgun on hand.


The first date shows up and says "Hello sir, I'm Eddy, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna go get some spaghetti, is she ready?". The farmer nods, and Eddy and Betty go on their way.


The next date sho...

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A new teacher is assigned to teach geography class in school.

When she enters the classroom, she's horrified by what she sees. The kids are fighting, cursing, throwing chairs, drinking, and smoking.

"Hello class" she says.

"Fuck off, bitch!" the kids shout back.

Crying, the new teacher runs to the principal's office.

The principal...

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A Soda Called Sup

Back in the 80's, the Coca-Cola company sold Sup, a combination of Sprite, 7 Up, and a secret ingredient that was never revealed. It was a beloved beverage that was unfortunately discontinued within a couple months and without any intention of going back on store shelves. People started buying Sup l...

A man walks into a bar.

A man walks into a bar.

"What can I get you?" Asks the landlord

"I'll have a beer please"

The landlord pours him a beer and puts it in front of him.

"That's £3.50 please"

"Oh I'm not paying for it. You offered me a drink so I said I'll have a beer"

"Don't b...

What did one eyebrow say to the other eyebrow?

'Sup brow?

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What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don't get some support soon people will think that we're nuts!

Salt: So nice to see you. Paprika: How do you do?

Nutmeg: 'Sup.

Garlic: Yo!

Pepper: HI!

Oregano: Hola.

Seasons' Greetings everyone

What did the shoes say to the pants?

Sup britches!!

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It's funniest if you look up the verses yourself

A pastor has just moved to a new town, and the day before services, he goes around visiting members of his new congregation. He comes to one house and knocks... no answer. He rings the doorbell... no answer... but he can tell someone is home, so he pulls out a card and writes on the back, *Revelatio...

What does the speaker say to the dog when they first meet?

"Sup, woofer!"

A clergyman called on one of his lady parishioners hoping for a cup of tea and a chat.

When he rang the doorbell, no-one answered, although he was sure he could hear someone moving around in the house; so eventually he wrote on a visiting card "Revelation 3:20" and went away

>! Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice and open the door, I will come in ...

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A gecko was walking through the forest, when he saw a lot of smoke at the top of the tree where his friend monkey lived.

"He's got some good stuff there", he thought. He climbed up the tree and met his friend monkey, who was already high.

They smoked together for a while, then the gecko felt very thirsty. "I'll go down to the river and get some water, brb", he said to his friend.

As he was having his fre...

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A blind man walks into a biker bar andvorders a beer

While supping on his beverage, he asks the barmaid if she would like to hear a blonde joke.

The barmaid, in a rather gruff tone says
"Listen here sir, because of your disability, i will warn you now, im 6'2", weigh 300 LBS and lift weights in my free time. Im also blonde, the young ...

What did the letter F say when he became cool?

Sup G?

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A farmer travels to the nearest town to see the doctor.

The doctor diagnoses the farmer and hands him a jar of pills, explaining, “these are suppositories, take one a day for a month.”

The farmer thanks the doctor, adding, “Doc, I’m not an educated man. What is a sup-pos-it-ory?”

The doctor humbly answers, “they’re just like any pill, excep...

English: A dog.

Swedish: What?

English: The dog.

English: Two dogs.

Swedish: Okay. We have: En hund, hunden, Två hundar, hundarna.

German: Wait, I wan’t to try it too!

English: No, go away.

Swedish: No one invited you. ...

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Joe dies and goes to hell, when he is greeted by a demon at the gate..

The demon says "Sup Joe, Welcome to hell my bro! You're gonna love it here!"

Joe responds "But this is Hell, why would I love it here?

The demon replies "well do you like drinking? Yes he loves it he says. Well on mondays we drink the whole day.

Do You like getting high? Love i...

An adventurer finds a huge tower

On the first floor he finds to his left a ladder and to his right an attractive woman. She tells him, "Take me here or climb to success." His curiosity gets the better of him so he climbs the ladder.

On the second floor he finds a woman even more attractive than the first one! She says, "Take...

A man was known for throwing elaborate costume parties. [Long]

A successful lawyer and bachelor, he had a large home on the countryside where, once a year, he would welcome hundreds of guests to a gorgeous masquerade ball complete with a live band and exquisite catering. He would send out fancy invitations, and patrons would only be allowed into his party if th...

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Arianna Grande is on her way to a photoshoot...

in a plane. The plane crashes on a remote, deserted island. Everyone dies, except for Arianna and her male photographer.

At first they're scared shitless, but it turns out the island has lots of fruit and fresh water. Life isn't so bad. They soon realize that they're soul mates and they fall ...

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Series of Romanian Alinuta jokes.

Sup ya'll! I've translated some dark Romanian jokes about a girl named Alinuta. Any other Romanians who know more please share!

-Brother: Mom, Alinuta hung herself in the basement!
Mom goes and looks to find nothing.
Mom: She's not there.
Brother: April fools! She's in the attic! ...

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A few I picked up...

JOKES!

A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "five drinks please"

What begins with a " C" ends with a "T" has a "U and a "N" in it, is hairy on the outside and wet in the middle.

Coconut

What do dentists call their X-rays?

Toothpicks

Dir...

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Farmer's Fetish (VERY NSFW)

Once upon a time there lived an elderly, wise old farmer, who was horny as fuck. Seriously, it gets pretty lonely out there in the sticks.

Anyway, one day he purchased a new milking machine for his cows which promised rapid, efficient delivery of a near-endless supply of dairy goodness by att...

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A man is on vacation in the country. . .

He decides to visit a local pub.

He sits down, and as he orders a drink he notices a large jar full of cash at the end of the bar. Curious, he asks the bartender what it's for.

"Well, you see we have a tradition here..." the bartender responds. "You put $10 in the jar. If you can pass ...

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The DOD was putting together a new special forces unit...

In response to rising global tensions the Department of Defense decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.

A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The firs...

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