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I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...!!

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had!!

I just watched a great documentary on Cocaine.

I think I’m going to watch all my documentaries this way now.

How much cocaine can Charlie Sheen snort?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men...

I rarely find cocaine jokes funny.

But occasionally, an one-liner makes me snort.

What's the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never drop a bag of cocaine.

I don't like cocaine.

I just like the smell.

I Hate Cocaine

But I love the way it smells.

I don’t always enjoy jokes about cocaine.

But some one liners make me snort.

Did you hear about the cocaine addicted improv actor?

He was constantly thinking about his next line

What do you get when you snort a mix of cocaine and speed?

Speed bumps

What do you call an intelligent cocaine?

A wise-crack.
And a cocaine who makes a lot of jokes?
A wisecracking wise-crack.

What do you get when a kkk member makes cocaine

WHITE POWDER

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Walmart recently installed a medical kiosk and for $10 it would diagnose any condition through a urine sample.

When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pl...

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

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Elbow

One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drugstore that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose you...

My one friend does a ton of cocaine but says he won’t take the vaccine

Awfully scared of needles

I’ve only done cocaine two times in my life..

..once for 2 years, and once for 5 years.

I have no problem with drugs but

Cocaine is where I draw the line

Why did the cocaine dealer retire?

He decided to stop putting his business into other peoples' noses.

I have a serious cocaine problem..

I can't find my cocaine.

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A recent scam has popped up involving a prostitute, a bit of cocaine and a kitchen appliance

People have been falling for it, hooker, line and sink.

I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.

But cocaine is where I draw the line.

A man was arrested for having 5 pounds of cocaine stashed in boxes of Lucky Charms.

The police found the whole ordeal as "magically suspicious".

I do a magic show where I make a bunch of marijuana and cocaine disappear.

Its all smoke and mirrors!

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What do coffee and cocaine have in common?

After having some good, you're gonna need to shit.

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A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

I'm gonna start a cocaine delivery service

I'll call it instagram

The cocaine that I bought is so white..

..That the cops just let it go with a warning.

Why can you find cocaine in every town and city?

It’s federally distributed.

Drugs are not that bad But when it comes to cocaine

We’ve got to draw a line somewhere.

What do you call bags of cocaine materials?

A crackoon.

My friends and family swear I’m addicted to cocaine, but I’m not.

I just like the smell.

Here's a joke my cocaine dealer used to tell:

"Is Pepsi ok?"

So Mike Myers was sent to jail for cocaine charges

Rumor has it his fellow inmates have started calling him Austin Powders

I was at a party and an old buddy of mine offered me cocaine. I said, "Buddy, I'm a father of three young kids..."



..."of course I'll do some."

My friend’s life goal was to try cocaine from all the different countries in the world.

He finally stopped at the Finnish line.

Dear Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands. ...

Someone knocked on my door.

"Who's there?" I asked.

"Police," replied two men.

I asked them what they wanted. "We need to investigate your property for cannabis."

"I haven't got any," I said. "Now be on your way."

"Sir," they said, "what harm is there in us checking?"

"Because you might find ...

A 5-year-old brought a bag of cocaine to school; he said it made him feel like Spider-Man.

This may be the first time cocaine has been a gateway drug to Mary Jane.

My local barber got arrested for selling cocaine. This surprised me, since I have been a customer of him for years now, and i'd never known...

...that he was a barber.

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What’s the difference between a woman and cocaine?

How sleepy you feel after a blowjob.

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

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I was fucking worried when my son overdosed on cocaine.

But thankfully he hadn't used any of my stuff.

What do you call a spider with a cocaine addiction...

An acracknid

I don’t think I could ever do cocaine

I just think it smells weird

What do you call an unhealthy glow on your face after a week long cocaine bender?

Charlie Sheen.

Cocaine isn't addictive

I've been doing it for 5 years i would know

Cocaine

It always cracks me up

My friend with a cocaine addiction recently quit.

It was the end of the line for him.

I was reading a book on cocaine addiction the other day

After the first few lines I was hooked.

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

Mexico should stop importing cocaine for a month;

then the Americans will be the ones climbing the wall...

What do you call a guy who just left cocaine?

"OFF-White" ahem ahem.

I got a part in a movie called Cocaine.

I only have the one line.

I have no problem with cocaine.

I've quit it 146 times.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

I had a cocaine​ joke, but now I can't find it

It makes me really mad because I had it all lined up

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I thought my stash was looking a little light, so I asked my Japanese roommate "hey, have you seen my cocaine?"

And he said "Oh yeah, he was rearry good in Re Itarian Job!"

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Need advice. My best friend started dealing cocaine today.

He came home tonight bragging about his first blow job.

I don't like cocaine.

It blows away too easily.

"Commissioner, we've found 20 kilograms of cocaine."

"10 kilograms you say?"

"Yeah, 5 kilograms"

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can’t seem to remember it.

I’m really upset—-I had it all lined up.

They arrested Bob the barber for selling cocaine!

I've been his faithful customer for 5 years and I don't even know he's a barber!

A recent study shows that a weird side effect of doing too much cocaine is really glossy skin.

Scientists are calling it the Charlie Sheen.

I have never done cocaine

but it smells amazing!

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

I heard this great joke about cocaine

It was so funny that I snorted a little.

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My gf asked me if she could snort a line of cocaine on my erect dick,

I got so weirded out by this demand of hers that I had to dickline it.

I've developed a love for reading while doing cocaine..

One could say I read between the lines.

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

Cocaine

I thought that might crack you up

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

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Did you hear about the guy who smuggled cocaine up his butt?

He was shitting bricks.

My friends keep calling me a cocaine addict, but that's a lie...

I just REALLY like the way it smells.

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What is cocaine mixed with semen called?

A coconut

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My new meth cocaine combo called methaine hasn't been selling well.

I think it's because it smells like shit.

I tried rock cocaine today.

It wasn't all it's cracked up to be.

They say just doing a little cocaine wont lead to addiction

So I just do a small line every 30-45min

The price of lumber has gone up so much...

That the Feds confiscated a load of 2x4's buried in kilos of cocaine.

What’s the most popular drug with ducks?

Quack cocaine

What do you call cocaine cut with flour?

Diet Coke.

What happens when you snort 12 lines of cocaine in Mexico?

You over Doce

I'm sick to death of cocaine dealers...

always sticking their business in other people's noses.

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Did you hear about the sexually active squirrel on cocaine?

He was fucking nuts

It's not selling cocaine...

If they only pay for delivery

I caught my INFOSEC engineer doing cocaine today

On the upside, he's an excellent packet sniffer.

I want to start an online donation website for my cocaine and hookers habit.

I'm going to call it GoBlowMe

My friends are always doing cocaine but I keep telling them I don't want any

I just like to smell it sometimes

What do you call a water slide with cocaine at the end?

A slippery slope

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

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How much cocaine can a smuggler sneak into prison?

a buttload.

A comedian who starts doing cocaine...

...becomes twice as good with one-liners.

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I hate that I regularly snort cocaine...

I'm not even addicted, it just smells so fucking good.

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