Why do gorillas have huge nostrils?

Because they have huge fingers.

My left nostril is always very congested.

You could say it doesn't get a lot of air time.

Why are a gorilla's nostrils so big?

Just look at his fingers.

I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. What am I?

ugly

I walked into my doctor's office with a celery stick in each ear and a carrot in each nostril and mumbled, "I think there's something wrong with me." He took one look at me and replied…

"To be perfectly honest with you, I don't think you're eating right."

Why do Gorillas have large nostrils?

Why do Gorillas have large nostrils?



Fat Fingers.

An explorer spent weeks scouring the jungles of Skull Island, hoping to see the legendary King Kong. One day, when he was all but certain that it was nothing but a myth, he came to a clearing - and right there before him, sitting pensively, was the imposing figure of King Kong...

The explorer glared at King Kong in awe, and approached him slowly. King Kong seemed to be quite passive, so the explorer slowly reached out and shyly touched him. But as soon as he made contact with the gorilla’s fur, King Kong went berserk. He immediately rose to his feet, began beating his chest ...

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A Teacher asks the students..

‟Is it possible to insert 2 holes through one hole?”

Nobody is able to answer

Teacher: ‟You guys are so stupid. Go and ask your parents and come back tomorrow with an answer.”

The next day too, nobody is able to answer the question.

Teacher: ‟Well, it seems your parents a...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

Batman is the Covid Vigilante

Given:
a) He covers his entire body except his mouth and nostrils
b) He’s a bat

Therefore:
He may be a superspreader.

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Why do black people have big nostrils?

Because air is free

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers!

Not mine. Told to me by my late grandfather, funniest pastor ever. :)

The guy with spoons up his nostrils

A man goes into a hotel, orders for a cold drink with a straw to sip it, and sits there with the handle of the tablespoons up both his nostrils. People find it weird, but he does it, every day.

It's about a month, and no one knows why he is doing what he does. Finally, the waiters decide that...

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

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The Voodoo Dick

A man enters a sex shop, looking for a new toy to keep his wife busy while he goes on business trips. As a higher-up in his corporation, he tends to be away from home several times a month, and wants to ensure his wife stays faithful.

When he reaches the counter, he's shocked to see an old, w...

We were at Kyle's place last week and had an idea

You know how everyone has occasionally had the great idea to try and snort assorted things? Like pixie stix and rock candy? That's where this story takes place.

Somehow the topic of conversation wandered to the effects of cocaine and other substances on the nostrils. The attention seeker of t...

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A traveller enters a mysterious looking hotel and is greeted by a rather attractive girl sitting behind the check in desk.

She smiles at him, exposing slightly crooked teeth and endearing dimples. "You can have me, right here, right now." She gestures to a door he hadn't noticed before and continues, "Or, you can carry on to success."

The traveller is a little nonplussed, a little flattered about being propositio...

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That scene in Pulp Fiction

where Vincent revives Mia by stabbing her in the chest with an adrenaline shot, except it’s me on a Saturday morning when my kid shoves his finger in my nostril to wake me up.

A joke one of my 3rd graders claims to have made up

Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers!

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What are the two most important holes in a womans body?

No!! Not them you dirty bastards!!!!

Its her nostrils...they allow her to breathe while she's sucking your dick.

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A friend suggested that I should get a nose job

But I just can't see my cock fitting into anyone's nostril

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I am getting tired of porn that say her used all her holes..

I have never seen a dick go into a nostril or ear yet!

Aboriginal Rituals

A couple years back, I stumbled on a surprising reference to the astonishing longevity of Aboriginal shamans living in the Australian outback. Reliable birth records aren't available before the early 20th century, but government officials have noted an astounding number of nonagenarians and centenar...

Dad joke: A woman goes to the doctor with...

A carrot in her ear, a mushroom in her nostril and a piece of steak on the other ear.

"I see" says the doctor. "You're not eating right"!

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

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A state trooper pulls over a speeding car.

The trooper approaches the car and says “90 miles an hour in a 65, what’s the rush?”

The man in the car replies “I’m a magician and juggler at the circus and I’ll be late!”

The state trooper thinks for a minute and puts the man up to a challenge. The state trooper says “Alright, here’...

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A Gargoyle, A Jinn, and A Dark Shaman are hanging out in a cemetery...

A gargoyle a jinn and a dark shaman are hanging out in a cemetery, close to midnight.

The shaman turns to the jinn and says,
"I bet my soul against your eternal servitude, that I can raise more corpses freshly dead within the past 10 years, than you can steal the souls of the living by gra...

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What are the two most important holes on a woman?

The Nostrils. So she can breathe while giving me a blow job.

*My 10 year old brother told me this today

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The White Man, the Black Man and the Jew are summoned in front God

"It is time to chose your noses for your particular races", said God.

"White man, how would you like your nose to look like?"

"Where we live it's quite cold so I would like to have a long nose so that the air could be warmed up a bit when we breath in."

"Black man, how would you...

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A woman goes to the doctor... [NSFW]

A woman goes to the doctor and says "By Hubbanb li nadal deck."
The doctor is baffled and says, "I'm sorry, I can't understand you at all."
The patient takes a deep breath and tries to speak a bit more clearly: "My hubband like nadal decks."
The doctor realises what she is trying to say. "Y...

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I heard this one today.

A man asks a woman:

*Do you know which two holes are the most important on a female body?*

**You pig! How dare you ask a lady such a question?**

*Well I'll have you know, it's the nostrils*

**Oh, I'm sorry, why is that?**

*So she can breathe while she su...

At the doctors

A man shows up for his doctor's appointment with a piece of celery in each ear and a carrot in each of his nostrils.
He says to the doctor, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."
Whereupon the doctor replied, "Perhaps you're not eating right."

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor...

Astute Diagnosis

A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

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In 1859, there was this German Chemist living in London, England.

One day he received a new batch of experimental powder from Columbia. Curious to find out what the substance was, he opened the package and it erupted in a puff of powder. After inhaling half the cloud the Chemist felt vibrant, energised and happy.

“I hast not seen ziss beefore”, thought t...

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An old joke a good friend of mine told me.

There was a traveller going for a drive through some deep dark woods. At around 3 AM, he found an inn to stay at for the night. He went up to the front counter and asked the manager if he has a room available. "Yes, we have one more room up for rent. It's 10 bucks a night, you interested?" He takes ...

Coach Larry

There wasn't anywhere in Florida you could go without hearing about how great a football coach Larry was. And he was, no doubt, one of the greatest, most respected coaches of the University of Florida.

On the first day of training, he decided to take the Freshman on a run to prepare and inspi...

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gross and not PC, but funny...

A guy walks into a brothel, and the madam greets him at the counter. He explains that he would like to have a go, but he is a little short on cash. The madam points to a very plain looking woman sitting in the parlor, and says "Well, that's Brenda. She will cost you $20." The guy explains that he re...

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An intimidating cowboy rides into town on his horse...

This badass cowboy is riding a horse, alone, armed to the teeth, through the desert and comes across a wild west bar.

He hitches his horse and walks in...his boots thumping the floor. The room goes silent. This a guy no one wants to fuck with.

He sits right between two men by the bar, ...

My girl friend wanted a nose job...

So I tried. But her nostrils weren't big enough.

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Two boys go on a visit to the zoo.

After wandering around looking at all the different animals, they finally make their way to the gorilla exhibit. One boy looks to the other, says "Watch this," and sticks his fingers in his ears and looks at the gorilla. To his friend's astonishment, the gorilla copies him. He then opens his eyes wi...

Cracked me up when I was 5, still cracks me up as an adult.

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils?
Because they have such big fingers!

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A guy walks into the doctor's office...

He's got a strawberry shoved up each nostril, carrots sticking out of his ears, and a hotdog shoved halfway up his ass.

Hey says, "Doctor, I don't know what it is, but I feel terrible!"

"For starters, you're not eating right."

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Three roaches and a woman.

These three roaches all live among this dirty woman. Every now and then, the three roaches get together and shoot the shit. This time they convened at her belly button. Sitting around the navel like a campfire the roaches begin to speak.

The first roach says,
"God my home sucks. I live u...

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