I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning.

Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart.

We may not have as much experience as y'all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a tire out of snow is a pretty dumb idea.


We'll keep our tires made of rubber, thanks.

I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children,

itโ€™s their responsibility to choose whatever medical school theyโ€™ll graduate from.

Someone had the audacity to delete every version of Microsoft Office from my computer.

I have no Words.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My cat had the audacity to pee in the same spot I did.

Motherfucker, I bought 2 litter boxes for a reason.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch

Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,


This bitch had the Auda...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The other day I was so frustrated I yelled out, โ€œFuck my life.โ€

It had really been a rough week of work and everything else. Anyways fast forward to today and I come back home from work to catch my neighbor sleeping with *my* wife in *my* bedroom, and had the audacity to smile at me and wink and give me a thumbs up.

When the neighbor noticed that I was a...

What city do all Karens come from?

THE AUDACITY.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Little Johnny asked his teacher if he could talk to her after class

Johnny:" Miss I believe im too smart for my age I want to move on directly to high-school, I'm bored in here."
Hearing that, teacher can't believe his audacity, but nevertheless aranges with the principal an exam in his office for the boy.
The principal is astounded to find that Johnny had an...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Amazing non-Antisemitic Joke About the Rich Jew

This is a long joke.

There were two Jew friends: one of them was rich, and he lived in the city; the other one was poor, and he lived in a village. At one point, the poor Jew happened to visit the rich Jew in the city.

The rich Jew invited the poor Jew to the opera, to theaters, and to...

I punched the Mailman the other day

He had the audacity to tell me I had a small package

The barkeep asks the guy sitting at the bar, "What can I get for you?" The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The barkeep was not impressed, but says to the guy, "O...

Working in a bank is a very ungrateful job.

A lady asks me to check her balance. I politely said I sure will.

So I push her over, and they have the audacity to fire me!

I was victim of mugging once

I had walked down to the grocery store to get a few ingredients for pot roast. I already had the meat in the fridge at home so I really just needed the vegetables. I picked out some onions, carrots, and some potatoes. After paying, I started walking back to my apartment. Some mean looking guy po...

I asked my doctor friend if he ever slept with a patient...

He had the audacity to get MAD!
Man, vets really have no sense of humour...

How do you fit an elephant in the fridge in three simple steps?

* How do you fit an entire elephant in the refrigerator in three simple steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you stick the elephant in, and you close the door



* How do you fit a giraffe in the refrigerator in four easy steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you take the elep...

My audio editor keeps shutting down unexpectedly while I'm working.

The Audacity.

My computer decided to replace all my icons to this weird yellow bubble with headphones...

The Audacity...

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