My girlfriend told me I spend too much time playing fantasy football

But, in my defence, I have Andy Robertson, John Stones and Kyle Walker

I once dated a girl with a twin. We all know the immediate fantasy that springs to mind, and so i thought i'd ask.

I asked and they agreed.
It was a wonderful experience and if anything her twin was a really nice guy.

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Busted axle

The doc told a guy that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it," He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it before he got home to his wife. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroo...

Once upon a time, in a magical fantasy kingdom, there lived a young monk named Sam.

His order was renowned for their beautiful choral singing. They trained, hours every day, refining their voices and their art. Their song floated down the mountainside, enriching the lives and souls of the townspeople below.

Sam was particularly gifted, and on his 19th birthday, in mid-song, ...

I once had a dream where I was in an ocean full of orange soda.

Actually no, it’s not a dream.

It’s more of a fantasy

My girlfriend agreed to fulfill my "schoolgirl" roleplay fantasy.

All I need to get now is a gun.

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Pissed Off

A small, balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit worse for the wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink an...

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

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I told my Girlfriend my ultimate fantasy is to have sex with two women at the same time. She actually agreed...

She was livid when I told her she was neither of them.

A lot of man have this fantasy of being with 2 women at the same time

One to cook and another one to clean.

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I’m trying to introduce my wife to my Scooby Doo sex fantasy.

I think it’s working, she said we should split up. She went to her parents house and I’m looking for clues in the garden.

They put Chocobos in Final Fantasy VII for fast travel.

So you don't have to wark.

My girlfriend just told me she has a schoolgirl fantasy.

But honestly, I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.

When my girlfriend told me that her fantasy was to be abducted, I thought she was joking.

But she demands to be taken, seriously!

I accidentally walked into my daughter’s room and was shocked to see her reenacting a fantasy scene from 50 Shades of Grey.

Like the one where she gets a decent job right out of college.

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Anniversary fantasy

A man and wife were married for almost 15 years but their sexual life was lacking. The husband desperately wanted to please his wife so he said,

“honey whenever we have sex you don’t seem to be having any pleasure, tell me your fantasy, anything and I’ll do it”

She says “Well... there ...

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You know what my sexual fantasy is?

To have sex.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and voter fraud?

One is a childish fantasy about getting what you want. The other has flying reindeer.

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A maths teacher’s sexual fantasy?

3 sums.

Why do calculus teachers hate the Final Fantasy games?

The characters keep breaking their limits.

My wife's fantasy is to be with another man. Mine is to have two girls at the same time.

She must have misunderstood because now we have twin daughters from the mailman

If the Colts' QB was on your fantasy football roster

You're officially out of Luck this season.

If you already drafted Andrew for your fantasy football team

You're out of Luck.

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One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab...

A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everythi...

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I refuse to participate in my girlfriend’s western fantasy, where she dresses up as a cowgirl.

I’m just not a fan of chapped lips.

I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight...

to fulfill my fantasy that we have health care

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A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

Why are there never black dwarves in fantasy films?

Because Kevin Hart keeps suing the production companies for using his likeness without his approval.

What is the difference between reality and fantasy?

In fantasy, if you're exposed to radiation, you become spider-man. In reality if your exposed to radiation, you get visited by spider-man

Last night I let my boyfriend indulge his "scat" fantasy...

<sigh>

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

I’ve been writing a fantasy world.

At first I thought it’d have two nature deities: a tree-person for the land and a mermaid-like being for the ocean.

But then I thought that combining the two would be more “a fish-ent”.

My wife left me because she said that I live in a fantasy world.

When I first heard it, I was so shocked that I almost fell off my dragon.

Do you hear about the man who died playing an erotic video game?

He had his final fantasy.

Why does Nintendo require an online subscription to finish Final Fantasy VII?

Cloud saves.

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I like watching stepmom fantasy porn

Because I get to pretend I have a family

Why is Bill Cosby so good at Fantasy drafts?

He always nails the sleepers

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Dressed in sex costume for my wife

She said "you wearing a dragon costume is not a sexual fantasy"

I handed her a donkey costume and said "Yeah baby!"

You know how we should rename makeawish?

Final fantasy

Did you hear Donald Trump was in a fantasy action movie?

He was the White Power ranger

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Why are Harry Potter movies and books labeled as fantasy?

Because the ginger cunt has friends.

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My girlfriend had a sexual fantasy to roleplay as a 14 year old in bed.

I think it's pretty gross. Besides, she'll be 14 in 2 years anyway.

The Taxi Driver and the Nun

One Halloween night a taxi driver is driving down the street. On a corner he sees a nun. Being a gallant fellow, he pulls up and offers her a ride. The nun graciously accepts and off they go. After a little bit the driver turns to the nun.

"Forgive me sister," he begins, "but it has always be...

A cabbie picks up a nun.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.


She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and ha...

Me: "Hi Reddit, where is the best sub discussing when the pandemic will end?"

Replies: "R/fantasy"

How do you know you're an adult?

You realize The Sims is a financial fantasy game where a 2 story house costs 100 000$ and can be afforded with a working salary

New Doctor is doing rounds in a psychiatric ward [Long]

He comes across a patient who looks perfectly fine otherwise and starts talking to him casually

Doctor: so what do you want to do in your life ?
Patient: I just want to make myself a slingshot and hunt myself some swallows

Doctor thinks to himself maybe that’s what’s wrong with the ...

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One of the best jokes in the world?

A man has been stranded on a deserted island for 5 years. He is all by himself. His only source of pleasure is masturbation...but after 5 years, he has thought of every single fantasy 100s of times, and is therefore no longer able to get a hard on.

Depressed beyond belief, he sits alone an...

A Blonde woman had a christmas fantasy

She had a dream of doing santa claus, and so in the 24th she got all dressed up with lingerie, and put some perfume as well, by the time Santa was there, she asked if he wanted something "special", he replied "thank you, but I must deliever other presents".Not convinced, she took off her panties and...

A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy

In a recent On-line poll 38,562 men across the UK were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy.

98.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.



While this has been verified by a recent sociological study,

it appears that mos...

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Diffrence between potential and reality

An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'

Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"

Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."

Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with B...

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