The teacher asked Little jimmy, “if I give you 4 cats today and 2 more tomorrow, how many cats will you have?” Little Jimmy said, “Seven” The teacher said, “no Jimmy, four plus two equals six. Why did you say seven?

Little Jimmy said, because I already have a cat!”

Cats can learn up to 50 different words and commands

They just don't want to

I have just found out that I'm allergic to cats.

Either that or I undercooked it.

Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians.

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"

Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"...

What do cats cook for dinner when they're in a hurry?

Minute Mice

Where do music loving cats go to for vacation

Sing-a-purr
(I know it’s cheap, I’ll see myself out)

An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?

I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!



...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

What’s a cats favorite color?

Purrrple!


(Told by my 5yo niece.)

Cat's playing football

A man went to the doctor and told him:

"Hey doc, every night I see this dream where a bunch of cats are playing football"

The doctor replied, "hmm, this is weird"

The man said: "Yeah, what should I do?"

The doctor answered: "OK, you should skip sleeping tomorrow, and then...

Two cats are having a swimming race

One is called 'one two three'. The other 'un deux trois'. Which cat won?


'one two three' won because 'un deux trois' cat sank.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Radioactive Cats

They have 18 half lives


*I know its shitty, my teacher told me it and i just had to post.*

^(I'll leave now)

I have never understood why women love cats

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is worse than when it's raining cats and dogs?

Hailing Hitler.

I think my cats are communists

They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.

Why is the Pope obsessed with cats?

He's a cat-holic.

TIL that there's no living cats on Mars.

Must be true what they say about Curiosity.

My girlfriend wants me gone because of my obsession with cats.

Shes kicking meowt

Accidentally took my cats meds

Don't ask meow

What’s the deal with Furries? Haters think there’s nothing wrong with drawing cats.

But oh, when the cat becomes a femboy it’s suddenly a problem.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a cat...

"Hey, we don't allow cats in here!" the bartender says.

But the man objects. "This isn't just any fucking cat," he drunkenly slurs. "This is a very special cat. I've taught him to do fucking math!"

The bartender is skeptical. "*You* personally taught *that* cat to do math?" he asks....

Cats don’t cause accidents

Everything they do is on purr-pose!

Cats are a lot like guns

Regardless of whether you love them or you think that nobody should own them, you've probably thought about shooting one before.

Don't date African cats

A lot of them are cheetahs and the ones who say they aren't are lion.

Why can't they send cats to mars

Because curiosity killed the cat.

How programmers and cats are alike?

They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug

Two cats met at a river bank to cross the river. One was named One-Two-Three, the other was named Un-Deux-Trois.

Unfortunately, only One-Two-Three cat made it across. Un-Deux-Trois cat sank.

What mineral do cats want their paws on?

Jaspurr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher telling the first grade class that man is the only animal that stutters...

Little Susie raises her hand and says, "oh no, Ms . Smith. I heard my kitty cat stutter once."

Ms. Smith says, "no Susie, somethings not right. Kitty cats don't stutter . So lets hear your story."
"Well, I took my kitty out in the backyard one day, and theres two Rottweilers living next...

Where do cats go for fun?

An a-mews-ment park

BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.

Because ants have antibodies.

Ill see myself out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

When the children went back to school after bonfire night, the teacher asked the class what they had seen and enjoyed the previous night. Johnny stuck his hand up and shouted out “we stuck fireworks up a cats arse miss”. “No, no” said the teacher, “it’s rectum Johnny”. “Rectum” said Johnny, “I shoul...

I don't know why everyone is saying Cats (the movie) was bad.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

Why cats can't hold alcohol?

Because they have paws.

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