Cats Jokes

Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"... read more

This phenomenon is known as many paws

They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.

They played it on my flight home and there were only two walkouts.

Mew-tiny!

Purrrgatory

Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

They expect free food and keep talking about Mao.

An English cat named “OneTwoThree” and a French cat named “UnDeuxTrois” decided to swim across the lake, but only one cat survived the journey. Which cat made it?

OneTwoThree, because UnDeuxTrois cat sank

Curiosity killed them all

She said it rang a bell but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

When you are done holding a cat you can just drop them.

They have the best whiskers

Dunlop radials.

They can't get past the laser defenses

Neow

The English cat's name was One-Two-Three, and the French cat's name was Un-Deux-Trois. They both swam as fast as they could across the Channel, but in the end, the One-Two-Three cat was declared the winner because.....

the Un-Deux-Trois cat sank! (quatre cinq)

Because they live in the meow.

>!No way a cat would ever work for the cops.!<

Either that or I undercooked it.

They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug

Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

Fishing links

Miaoists

The English cat was named One Two Three; his French competitor was named Un Deux Trois.

Unfortunately, Un Deux Trois cat sank.

Bartender: What'll ya have?

Cat: Shot of rum

[Bartender pours it]

[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]

Cat: Another.

It'd be a catastrophe

The first one says, “I really like milk.” The second one chimes in “I couldn’t agree more. There’s nothing quite like a good bowl of milk.” The third cat says, “I don’t know - I hear that water is better to drink than milk and costs less too.”

The first cat says, “OK, but I’m sure we all a... read more

a dog and a cat are having an argument on who is the favorite of humans.

the dog says, "humans like us more, they have even named a tooth after us, the canine tooth. Naming such an important body part after us shows that they like us more."

the cat slowly smiles and says, "you're reall... read more

Mayo

Cat-tholism

Because it’s Fur Boatin’

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said, “You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”

The cat thought for a moment and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a... read more

Just haven’t had them cooked right.

It described training tactics on how to use cats to pilot miniature sub marines. Thus the US started training dogs to counter such a tactic. These dogs were called sub woofers.

Don’t ask meow.

He noticed there is an animal's head hanging on the wall and asked the bartender what is it

"A moose" replied the bartender

"Jesus christ! How big are the cats here?" Said the scot

In the FEE-line.

Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?

Purrsian

Hailing taxis

Sing-a-purr
(I know it’s cheap, I’ll see myself out)

Now my lab is full of interfering kittens..

Well -- it was and it wasn't.

In their purrrs.

they said nothing.

It's due to they way their hind legs are built and they can generate so much forced with them and also because house can't jump.

They take time off from you.

Purrrple!


(Told by my 5yo niece.)

Little Jimmy said, because I already have a cat!”

A man went to the doctor and told him:

"Hey doc, every night I see this dream where a bunch of cats are playing football"

The doctor replied, "hmm, this is weird"

The man said: "Yeah, what should I do?"

The doctor answered: "OK, you should skip sleeping tomorrow, and then... read more