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Kiosk Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Walmart recently installed a medical kiosk and for $10 it would diagnose any condition through a urine sample.

When my friend went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow. Soak it in warm water and avoid heavy work for 2 weeks" Impressed, my friend wondered if he could fool the machine.

He mixed tap water with dog crap, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and then pl...

A newspaper kiosk in Russia

Man comes in, buys a newspaper, browses the headlines and throws it away.

This repeats day after day, after a while the kiosk owner asks "Say, why do you buy a newspaper but only read the headlines, what are you looking for?"

"An obituary"

"But they are way back in the newspaper...

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

A family of country bumpkins visit the big city for the first time.

A family of farmers--Ma, Pa, and their son Jim--take a trip to the city and walk into a shopping mall for the first time. They gape in awe at all the shiny surfaces and gleaming store windows full of fancy objects. Before long, the boys wander off and leave Ma ogling a kiosk of crystal jewelry.
<...

A southern baptist and her two daughters are shopping at the mall, when suddenly, the three are separated

In hopes of finding her children, she talked to the employee at the Customer Service kiosk


Southern Baptist Woman: I'm looking for my daughters, have you seen them?







Kiosk Worker: I can't say I have. May I have their names, please?






...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced...

He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, "Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A toothbrush salesman at the mall

A toothbrush salesman is tasked with selling his product at the mall.
So he sets up a small kiosk by the escalator with a bag of chips and cup of dip.
A man and his wife walk up and the wife eats a chip and remarks about how good it is.
The salesman says "you really must try the dip"
And...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man approaching his fiftieth birthday decides to have a facelift.

He spends $5,000 on the operation and is very happy with the results. On his way home from surgery, he stops at a kiosk and buys some cigarettes.
Before leaving, he says to the vendor, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About thirty-five,” is the reply.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Currency caper

A Japanese man visits Australia.

On the way in he converts his 4000 yen to $100.

A couple of weeks later, he is returning home and converts his last $100, but this time only receives 2000 yen.

"what's up with this?", he enquires, "why is the conversion rate half what it was wh...

So I went to the cinema to book my tickets to the new Starwars

I walked up to the desk, and said "Hi, I'd like two tickets to see Star Wars: The Last Jedi, as close to the release as possible".

The worked replied "Ok, I can get you two tickets for the 16th of December, your showing will be at 16:45. It will be $60 though."
A little miffed at the pric...

It's a long one so please bare with me...

Homecoming is coming up soon, and a boy has been meaning to ask his crush to go with him, but has been pushing it back because of fear. He wants to go with her so finally, at the end of the day he builds up the courage to ask her. He approaches her standing in front of her locker and asks her the q...

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