My grandma just walked into my room with a young barista wearing thick rimmed glasses.

I said, “Who is that?”

Grandma: That’s my hip replacement.

A customer walks up to a barista at Starbucks

They are not a huge coffee drinker so they ask the barista “what’s your mildest roast?” The barista thinks about it for a moment and says “you have mediocre ears.”

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What did the Jew barista do?

Hebrew coffee

Did you hear about the Israelite barista?

Hebrews

Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask

I asked "Why are you wearing a surgical mask?"


She said "I'm not, it's a coughy filter."

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and shouts:"Get me the best whiskey you have!".

The Barista does as told and the man drinks the whole glass in a few seconds.

"Wow! I haven't seen anyone drink so fast before!"

"Well, you'd drink as fast as me if you had what I have"

"And what is it...

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What does a barista, a stripper and a middle aged office worker have in common?

When they return to work, they all say "Well, back to the grind."

What happened to the single IT technician when he tried to flirt with a barista at a cafe?

He was unable to make a connection to the server

My barista makes the worst coffee in town

But I keep going back to him, the legal advice he gives is brilliant.

What’s the main job of a Jewish barista?

He brew

What kind of coffee served by a sad barista?

A depresso.

A Canadian walks into a cafe, and the barista asks, "Would you like a latte?"

And the Canadian responds to him "Nah, just a bit, eh."

"Hey barista, how much for a cup of coffee?” says a customer. “Two dollars,” replies the barista, “and refills are free.”

“Great. Then I’ll have a refill."

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The other day I saw a big-breasted bikini barista working in a coffee stand

So I pull into the drive through and order a small coffee, just as an excuse to get a closer look at her 36DD boobs. She hands me the coffee & says "That'll be $9!"



Shocked I asked her why it costs so much. She shrugged & responded "All drink prices are based on cup size."...

I made a Starbucks barista cry

I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply.

What does an Italian barista say when they can't remember the letter between N and P?

Affogato.

This barista at StarBucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee.

I think she was scared because she spelt my name wrong, she wrote "callthecops".

I didn't bother leaving a tip.

Barista: "Would you like Synonym on your Chai latte?"

Customer: "Don't you mean Cinnamon?"

Barista: "It means the same thing, doesn't it?"

What language does a male barista speak?

Hebrew.

I want to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.

It was a regular French roast.



*edit "went"

I don't know why the barista got so angry when I knocked over her container of cash and coins...

The sign said "tip jar"...

Every day a man goes into a coffee shop. Everyday he orders the same drink from the same barista and pays exactly 5 dollars . He always sits in the same seat, finishes the drink and leaves.

One day he orders the same drink from the same barista and extends the 5 dollar bill. The barista informs the man, “sir, I’m sorry but we’ve raised the price to $5.25.” The man hesitantly takes out another dollar and hands it to the lady. She tries to hand him back the extra .75 cents but he refuses...

Starbucks Reacts to Covid-19: Baristas to start wearing masks

Our as they call them, coughee filters.

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My barista said he likes my coffee like he likes his women

That motherfucker put his dick in my coffee

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

So a man walks into a coffee house late in the afternoon and asks for a tall drink with 4 shots of espresso and the rest filled with milk.

The barista looks at him lightly concerned and she says,

Are you sure sir? That’s a latte coffee.

A barista, a viking, and a veterinarian are getting dinner together.

The topic of vacation comes up and the barista says, "I don't have a lot saved up, so I think I'm going to stick around town this year and just take it easy."

The viking chimes in, "I'm going to take my ship out with my mates and raid the lands to the south." The other two look a bit shocked....

It's hard to argue with a barista.

They know how to hold their ground.

What did the Italian barista say when he received a new car for his christmas bonus?

It's a merry car, no?

When I argued with the barista on how to make my coffee

I got expertly roasted.

My barista told me he wants to major in advertising when he goes to college

I thought it was a great idea, it'll help him sell more coffee.

I made funeral arrangements for my friend who was a barista.

First stop is the creamertorium.

Most common over the counter medicine for Baristas

Throat lozenges, because they get coffee.

Hello, I'd like to introduce you to my friend. He's a Jewish Barista.

Hebrew.

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I think this barista with the Juggalo tattoos just pissed in my coffee.

I see pee.

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A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and sit down on a chair in front of barista and orders a drink.

While barista was preparing drink, he pulls out a 8-inch man from his pocket who has a small piano, and that small guy starts to play a great tune.

Surprised, the barista asks the man, "Where did you...

What does a barista wear?

A cap and chinos.

Did you hear about the barista who became really buff?

She's been working on her French Press.

The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista...

He brews.

Jesus walks up to his favorite Starbucks’ counter and politely asks for a grande macchiato.

The barista, puzzled, inquires, “Why the new order?”

“I’ve been stuck on a tall Pike for a while.”




(An original by me.)

Great coffee

A gentleman drinks coffee everyday at the same place, one day he asks the Barista 'you know it would be wonderful if you give me a free coffee as I pay for it everyday' and the barista replies 'sure, since we are changing the routine, how about i serve you an empty cup?'

What do you call male and female Jewish baristas?

Hebrews and Shebrews.

Isn't it annoying when engineering students call themselves engineers?

It's stupid. You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors or arts students calling themselves baristas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a coffee shop

And orders a shot of espresso with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top. When he receives his order, he's dismayed to find only a shot of espresso.

"Hey!" he asks the barista, "why didn't you add the ice cream?"

"Sorry sir" he says, "affagato."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is it called when....

What is it called when the Starbucks barista cums in your coffee?


>!A Fappucino!<

I hired a guy to represent me in court today.

He was very cheap and brought me the best cup of coffee. Unfortunately we lost the case.

He told me next time hire a barrister and not a barista.

I was up in Canada for vacation last year...

And the morning after I arrived, I went down to this little cafe beneath the hotel for a coffee. I approached the counter and said "howdy!" to the barista...

The barista asked me, "where are you from, eh?"


To which I replied "oh, I'm from California..." ...

Excuse me, there’s a large rat in the bathroom!

Barista: You mean a Venti rat.

I went to a fancy new coffee shop today and ordered a cup

I took a sip and it tasted awful.

“This coffee tastes like mud!”

The barista replied, “well, it’s fresh ground”

A guy walks into a coffeeshop.

When it’s his turn in line he says, “I’d like a dark roast.”

A gothic barista with thick eyeliner, a flaming skull tattoo, and an eyebrow ring looks at him dead in the eye and in a deadpan voice:

“Your mother is so severely comatose that not even Evanescence can wake her up inside.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of horses walks into a juice bar...

"What'll it be for ya?"

The first horse replies "wheat grass"

The barista says "that's not on the menu"

The second says "wheat grass, it's on the board"

The barista: of course you eat grass, you're horses. But I'm telling you we don't serve grass."

Sensing some ...

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He goes the counter and asks, “So what’s the special?”

The barista shakes her head, “I can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. “What do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

“A mocha?”

She shakes her...

So an Australian walks ito a cafe and orders coffe

The barista says “want any creamer”

The Australian replies “Just coffee, mate”

[OC] A programmer walks into a coffee shop

A programmer walks into a coffee shop on his lunch break with his pet, a black Labrador. He comes in with a scowl on his face and a furrowed brow, his expression showing a frustrated yet pensieve look about him. He asks for a plain, black coffee.

The barista compassionately eyed the man fo...

I Hate Engineer Students

I hate engineer students, they always walk around saying "I'm an engineer" this, or "I'm an engineer" that.

You don't hear a math student say "i'm a mathematician" or an art student say "i'm a barista".

A mexican walks into a french coffee shop

barista: How would you like your coffee?

mexican: Au lait

A man is sitting in a coffee shop

(Kinda long) The man is sitting in a coffee shop, when his nephew walks in, his nephew tells him that his brother has died, and that the child is homeless. The man yells at the boy: “I haven’t had my coffee yet! Don’t talk to me!” The boy runs away. A voice calls out: “help! We need a doctor! This m...

I think the weirdest thing about being dyslexic

Is the look the barista gives you when you add to the spit jar. Like I’m not the one who put it there, Kenlynn, chill out.

Surprise encounter

I was on a trip to California and stopped for a coffee. I was startled by whom I saw behind the counter.

“Arnold Schwarzenegger, what are you doing here?”

“I’m a barista, baby!”

What does a Jewish bartender do?

Hebrew.

When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop.

He was known as the pasta barista baby.

A guy walks into a coffee shop

He orders a coffee. The barista asks him if he'd like milk or cream. He responds "I'm allergic to the protein in milk." The barista replies "No whey?"

How do you get your Starbucks in less than a minute?

Tell the barista your name is ‘Fire’. When they call your name, everyone will run outside quickly.

Roast

Me: Barista, can I have your mildest roast?


Barista: You have medium sized ears.

A man was in a cafe

He took one sip of the coffee, and grimaced.

Walking to the barista, he asked why it tasted so bad.

The barista shrugged, and told him "well, it was ground this morning!"

How do you take your coffee?

**Barista:** How do you take your coffee?

**Customer:** Ferguson Police

**Barista:** Huh?

**Customer:** Black, two shots.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timmy wakes up in the morning.....

And he feels great! He then gets ready for work and, on the way, he goes to a coffee shop.
The barista tells him: "are you ok? You look terrible".

He replies, "really? But I feel great!" He then continues to work.

He arrives, and his boss asks him, "Are you ok? You look terrible".<...

A camel Goes into the coffee shop

The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"

A man was walking into Starbucks for his daily coffee,

except this time there were a ton of birds, numbering in the thousands. He walked in and asked the barista, "Hey, what's up with all these birds?" The barista replied, "I'm not sure, but it's affecting our business. Tell you what, I'll give you a dollar for every bird you can kill. I've got some bur...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL about Kopi Luwak, an expensive coffee made from partially digested coffee cherries defecated by the Asian palm civet.

Imagine the barista's face when you go to the coffee shop then ask for a crappuccino.

I decided to go to a coffee shop today

The barista behind the counter said that I should try a new but expensive brew of coffee. It was $9 but I decided to try it. I took a sip of the beverage, and almost instantly spat it out.


"Wha... This tastes like mud!" I shouted at the barista.


He turned and smiled. "It shou...

A man walks into a coffee shop...

A man walks into a coffee shop and asks

"I'll have a ztsherkmflurgchtrokzykk with two sugars."

Surprised, the barista answers:

"A ztsherkmflurgchtrokzykk with two *what*?!"

I stopped off to get some coffee on the way in to work today

I took a sip after paying and walking away from the counter, it tasted terrible.

I turned around and told the barista "hey, this coffee tastes like mud".

She replied "well it should, it was just ground this morning".

A guy is standing in the street shouting out "I am God. I am God."

The police call a social worker who comes over to see if he can help,
Walking up to the guy he asks "What is your name?" "I am God." the guy replies getting agitated..
The social worker says "Calm down. Why don't we go into this coffee shop, sit down and have a talk.
As soon as they ...

An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop...

The barista asked what he wants, and he replies "Affogato".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

Earlier today at a coffee shop, I spilled my drink all over the paper I was working on.

The barista looked over and said, "Well, essay chai tea happens."

My grandma got a hip replacement

My new grandma is a 24 year old barista and an aspiring artist.

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