UPJOKE
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A high school bully sees an old victim at their reunion,

Bully: Hey virgin!

Victim: Im not a virgin, just ask your sister.

Bully: I dont have a sister, dumbass.

Victim: Just wait nine months.

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Bully: I bet your dick is a size of a tic tac

The quiet kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good

Years ago, I viciously beat up my high school bully with a baseball bat. Both of his arms were broken.

Come to think of it, that's probably why I felt brave enough to beat him up.

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A bully called me pussy

I replied i am what I eat. You Dick

I got one of them anti bullying bracelets today

Nicked it off some fat ginger prick at the park

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My son got suspended for defending himself against a bully

So I went to the school to see why that happened...

“It’s against our policy to hit other students.” Says the principal.

“So you’re telling me that anyone in your school who feels threaten in a situation shouldn’t even fight back?” I say

“Yes”

So I did what any rational ...

If online bullying has taught us anything.

It's that some kids would rather kill themselves than lose a bit of weight.

I didn’t attend the funeral of my high-school bully

But I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

A victim of bullying on death row

There was once a man who was bullied for looking sort of like a clown, with pale skin and a red nose. After years of being bullied by classmates and coworkers alike, he snaps and commits a homicide in the office he worked at.

For the murders of several people, he gets put on death row.
Aft...

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What should you reply when a bully asks you ''Why are you so fat?

Everytime i fuck your mom she gives me a cookie.

What did Sigmund Freud say to his high school bully?

"Yo mama so ugly, even your own subconscious don't like her"

The kid that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the other hand, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

What do you do when a playground bully stands one inch away and say "I'm not touching you...I'm not touching you.."?

Hope that he pulls the army back to the Kremlin soon.

At school one day, a bully told me I had a face only a mother could love.

I went home and found out I was adopted.

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High School Bully

The guy who picked on me all through high school and then became a millionaire just placed a delivery order at KFC.

Now I get the last laugh. I gave him original recipe and he ordered extra crispy. Checkmate Justin, you fucking loser

Height bullying is no joke.

Seriously guys, we need to stop looking down on short people.

Why is it wrong to bully people in wheel chair?

Because they can't stand up for themselves.

An apple a day keeps the bully away

If you throw hard enough

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Bully in HS

High School Principal calls for the father to come to school one morning and he doesn't quite understands what would be the reason...

Getting there, he starts complaining with the receptionist about why he was called to go there.

Dad: Lady, I don't know why the principal called me here...

What is a bully’s favorite kind of joke?

One with a punchline.

A bully walks into a bar

He walks to a man whose eyes are on the ground and grabs away his drink. He gulps it loudly and after it is finished he let out a disgusting belch. Then he asks in a woeful tone: "what happens, granpa?".

The man lifts his eyes and sighs: "yesterday I got fired from my job and when I returned...

I finally plucked up enough courage to beat up the school bully.

It was a different school, and 15 years later,
but damn it felt good

Wanna bully someone? Bully the wheelchair kids cuz they can’t stand up for themself!

This is a joke, don’t cancel me

What type of shoes does a bully hate?

A goody two shoes.

What did the bully use when he experimented with the dark arts?

A Wedgie Board.

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The boy got his ass kicked by his bully after he followed his father’s advice.

The boy thought forsure that playing a nice tune on his violin would dissuade his bully from attacking him through the power of music.

He didn’t understand why it didn’t work, his father was a wise man. The father’s advice advice to the boy was:

“Son, sometimes you must respond to a ph...

What did the Zombie say to the Jock Bullying the Nerd?

Don't Touch my Food!

What do you call a vegetable that always bully you?

A BEATroot

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A schoolyard bully is picking on a nerd and says, "Hey, loser, see that guy over there? He told me your mother fucked a donkey, and you're the result!"

The nerd gets upset and says, "Ignore him! Hee-haw, hee-haw, hehaways says that."

Kid asks his mum if he should bully Hispanics

his mum says no Juan deserves it

I've never understood the concept of bullying

Why are YOU mad that I'M ugly?

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Jebediah the shepherd wanted to make a statement about bullying and stood up at the town meeting.

"Friends, there is a cruel and unfair practice that is infiltrating our community. You may not have noticed, but it is here and it is doing grave damage to my sense of well being and comfort in our beautiful village.

Perhaps Englebert has noticed? The man who bakes our bread every day, who f...

After years of getting yelled at and doing his work, i finally stood up to my bully...

He fired me.

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A guy named John Hitler was tired of people bullying him for his name so he went to the federal court and changed it hoping the harassments would stop.

But Peter Hitler is still getting bullied to this day.

What did the banana say to the banana bully?

You hurt my peelings

There was once a forest man named Imm...

Imm always wanted to have a child and would always talk about it to his best friend Epp. One day when they were in their early twenties, Epp met a girl and quickly fell in love. Not long after, Epp and his girlfriend got married and had a baby girl they named Goo. Imm was happy for Epp at first, but...

"STOP HITTING YOURSELF, STOP HITTING YOURSELF" the bully chanted

But I could not, for he popped off my prosthetics

I was bullying and kicking this pregnant lady for quite some time

It was soooo awkward when she birthed me lol

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A bully at school told me my clothes were gay

So a choked that asshole with my "Pale Heather Cashmere Scarf".

My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name...

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"

All these people are so quick to criticize Melania Trump for wanting to take on cyber bullying when that's something her husband has a problem with

But no one criticized Laura Bush for wanting to teach kids how to read

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out.

I say bought, I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.

I've been bullying this kid

Good thing hes an orphan. Who's he gonna tell, his parents?

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

I used to bully someone in a wheelchair.

He didn't stand up for himself.

There was an order of friars…

There was a religious order of friars who had to figure out a way to raise money in order to do much needed repairs to their monastery. They were so good at growing flowers they decided to open a florist shop. After all, there was only one other florist in town and he was overpriced, not to mention ...

My youngest kid and I like to bully the big one.

That's what we call my wife.

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Today i saw a kid getting beaten up at school by 4 bullys so i decided to take a step

This fucker got no chance versus 5 of us

What does a bully say to SpaceX?

Gimme your launch money!

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My friends and I get bullied a lot

I was at school, going to the lunchroom with my friends- James (he has Parkinson's Disease), Alex (he's mute), Megan (she's completely blind in both eyes), Abby (she has asthma) and Hayley (she's albino). I myself am paralyzed from the waist down and so I need to use a wheelchair. Since my friends a...

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A boy named Steve was being bullied by a boy named Billy.

Billy's parents were vegan, and one day Billy's father had a stroke out of nowhere, despite his healthy lifestyle.

Ever since Billy's dad was hospitalized after the stroke, Billy became very more and more aggressive to the point where he would bully Steve and hurl insults at him daily for no ...

Why should you never bully a fifth grader gypsy?

Because his father is in the eleventh grade.

I met this little boy today who told me he is starting at a new school tomorrow and was afraid that the other kids would bully him.

I told him, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize. Why would anyone pick on you?"

Why does Earth bully other planets?

Because they have no life.

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Bullying

\- I am here at the school because my daughter is being bullied.

\- Who is your daughter?

\- That chubby one that looks like a capybara, seating in the back of the class.

Owning the ultra-competitive rival

So there’s this guy who likes to play sports but he’s fairly casual about it. That he sometimes loses isn’t a big deal until his old rival and school bully shows up in his life again.

At first, the bully acts as if he has changed his ways and now just wants to hang out with his former vict...

When people start bullying me about my weight, I cut myself.....

another piece of cake

I was bullied...

When I was a little kid this other kid in a wheelchair used to bully me but I couldn't do anything about it because I felt bad making fun of him. So for the rest of my life people knew me as the guy who "couldn't stand up for himself" and I think that's ironic considering it all.

What do you get when you cross a lab monkey and a bully?

I don’t know, but it’s about to beat you up after Rhesus..

Disclaimer: Took this one from r/adviceanimals

How would you describe the average bully?

Mean.

Everyone thinks Goliath was this big, tough, Jew-bully.

But really, he was a Gentile giant.

A bully and his gang walk into a Subway store

He then sees the sandwich artist (that's what they are called) is a skinny, young, inexperienced kid- a perfect target to bully while ordering some subs. He walks up to the kid and starts his order of his 6-inch sub

The kid then proceeds to cut a footlong sub bread in half for a 6-inch sub wh...

Bullying

As I was walking home from school, I saw a kid getting bullied by three other kids, so I decided to help. I knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against the four of us.

I remember when I finally knocked out the school bully. I thought I'd be an instant hero, but apparently...

...it's 'appalling behavior' for a parent.

What did the blonde say when the classroom bully stole her pencil?

I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN WRITE NOW

When I was younger a bully used to take my money...

He still does, but now he asks if I want fries with my order.

The bully problem.

The kid comes home crying to his mommy.

"Mommy, some bad kids in school keep saying my head is big!".

Mom answers "next time it happens, run after them and give them some good punches!!!"

Next day, kiddo comes crying again. "Mommy, some bad kids in school called me big headed ...

I told my bully he was just a child having an existential crisis.

He said “I know you are, but what am I?”

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Bobby loved board games.

His collection of board games was massive, he had games from the 40's, 50's, 60's up to today. But one day, the neighborhood bully came over and saw Bobby playing and took all of Bobby's player pieces and broke them, all the Monopoly tokens, all the Battleship ships, all the markers for Sorry!, etc....

A schoolyard bully asked all of his usual victims to get together and be waiting for him so he could get through all of his beatings quickly this time, but none of them showed up.

End of joke. There was no punchline.

Govt. Statistics show that 35% of all school kids fall victim to online bullying and this can only mean 1 thing

65% of my emails aren't going out

Did you hear about that masochistic bully?

He was just begging to get punched

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