I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

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A guy gets lost in the desert, he has food, water and his camel but no idea where he is.

As the days go by he gets hornier and hornier - he wants to fuck badly. So he tries to mount the camel but every time he is almost in, the camel pulls away. Day after day he tries, with the same result.



One day he comes across an airplane that's just crashed, the only survivor is a b...

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A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
"Well, sister,...

What do an Iranian Submarine and an Iranian Camel have in common?

They're both full of Iranian seamen.

What did the Indian man name his camel?

Humpal Singh

An altar boy is not unlike a camel at all.

They’re both meant to carry someone else’s load.

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NSFW Why are camels called the ship of the desert?

Because they’re full of Arab semen.

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Paddy and his camel

Paddy walks into a police station and reports his camel has been stolen.

The policeman says "how many humps does it have? "

Paddy replied "I can't really remember, one or two?"

The police man goes "well what colour was it, light or dark brown?"

Paddy replied "i cant reall...

Russian, American and UK special forces were assigned for a contest in the Sahara to bring one Camel to QH.

First the American Navy Seals, they sneak into the desert and after 3 hours they come back with a camel.
The UK SAS dispatch in the scorching desert, after 12 hours they brought a camel.
Russian elite Spetsnaz showing no emotions run into the desert. After 18 hours they came back, and they...

What Do You Call a Green Camel In a Forest?

Camelflage.

What do you call a camel with three humps?

Humphrey

What do you call a camel in a drought?

A dry humper!

What do you call a camel with only one hump?

A canel

What did the llama say to the depressed camel?

Don't worry, you'll get over this hump.

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If women have cameltoes then what do men have?

Missiletoes

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3 Englishmen get stranded in the desert when they come across a camel and decide how to divide it up.

“I’ll have the chest of course” said the man from Manchester.

“I’ll be eating the liver” said the bloke from Liverpool.

“I’m not hungry” said the guy from Arsenal.

Courtesy to my pastor's son. What do you call a camel with no hump?

Humphrey

Whats in a camels favorite cup of tea?

Chamomile

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An Elephant And a Camel Meet in the Desert.

The Elephant asks: "Lol what are those boobs for on your back?"

The Camel responds: "Keep talking with that dick in your face"

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A man was riding through the desert on his camel.

A man was riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert, so the man turned to his camel.

When he tried to position himself to have sex with his camel, the camel ran away. The man ran to catc...

Two camels are walking through the desert. One looks to the other and goes.

“I don’t care what anyone says... I’m thirsty...”

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What do you call an Arab man who owns both a goat and a camel?

Bisexual

Where did King Arthur park his camel?

In the Camel Lot

A Saudi couple and their camel are in the desert

They have been walking for days now and the journey is long and hard. One day the camel says to the man
“Oh please can I rest? This journey is too hard for me”
So the man pulls out a gun, holds it up to the camels head and says “camel going once”
The camel then immediately starts walking a...

A baby camel and his mother were lying around

A mother and a baby camel were lying around, and suddenly the baby camel asked, “mother, may I ask you some questions? Mother said, “Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you? Baby said, “Why do camels have humps?” Mother said “Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water ...

Adventures in Camel Riding

A man goes to Egypt on a holiday with quite a bit of money to spend. One day, he finds a shop with a camel for hire. Knowing that riding a camel would make treks through the desert much easier, the man decides to hire the camel. The man said to the Egyptian shop owner, “How do I control him?” The Eg...

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A man lost in the desert with his camel

Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have sex with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have sex with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he c...

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A man and his camel

Totally not me.
A man was riding his camel through the desert when suddenly he got horny.
He gets off the camel, puts a rock behind him, stands on the rock and try to fuck it but the camel walks away, so he follows it and tries again camel runs away again, this went on for some hours until he ...

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A camel and an elephant was talking

Elephant: You look weird with boobs on your back.

Camel: You're one to talk with a penis on your face.



Credit goes to my 6 year old.

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A caravan is crossing the desert. The elephant, walking beside the camel, asks "why are your tits on your back?"

The camel, slightly bemused, replies "What a strange question coming from someone with a dick on his face!"

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A little camel asks his mom "Mom, why do we have the two humpbacks?"

"So we can cross the desert and we don't have to drink at all." Says mommy camel

"But why do we have the long lashes?" Ask the little camel

"So the sand doesn't come into our eyes when there is a sandstorm," his mother replies.

"And Mom, why are our feet so wide?"
"So we can...

2 Arabian men are riding camels in the desert...

2 Arabian men are riding camels in the desert.

The first Arabian man barely has to stop for water for his camel and the other Arabian man has to constantly stop for water for his camel.

One day, they reach a town and they both go to the water trough.

The one Arabian man asked, ...

Smokin’ Old Ladies

Two ladies in their 80s, best friends Ethel and Delores, are smoking while enjoying each other’s company.

“Delores,” Ethel starts, “how do smoke regularly but your lips never chap or crack?”

“Well, I use these,” Delores responds as she pulls out a condom. She then cuts the tip of the c...

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A man rides through the desert on the back of a camel

After days of travel he starts to get horny and extremely pent up. So he gets the thought: "Might as well do it with my camel".
With that goal in mind, he grabs a shovel and starts piling up sand behind the camel so he could reach it, but every time he got on top of the pile, the camel walked out...

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The Trained Camel (Long)

A businessman was leaving a little town in the deserts of Africa but didn't want to walk to the Cairo where the airport was. He wandered around trying to figure out what to do when he came across a camel salesman. He said "I'd like to buy a camel please to take me to Cairo."


The sa...

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Foreign Legion recruit asks about sex

Jean Pauls life is going nowhere so he decides to look for adventure and decides to join the Foreign Legion. After six weeks exhaustive training he is feeling sexually frustrated so asks the Corporal what options the troops have for sex.

The corporal listens to him and tells him if he wants ...

A camel Goes into the coffee shop

The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"

100 camels

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was tryin...

Where would you park your camel?

The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when ....

...the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelas...

Three Bedoins are arguing over a will...

Three brothers are told that their father had left one half of his property to his eldest son, one third to the second, and one sixth to the third.

All was going well until they go to their father's camels. Their father left 19 camels, which doesn't divide by 2,3 or 6. They argued and argued ...

When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel.

I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

Time telling camel

There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square. One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. “What time is it, sir?”
The...

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Nomad and the camel

A nomad was walking in the desert all alone and very horny. As he was wandering aimlessly in the desert he saw a camel and decided to fuck it, he immediately rushed to the camel and right before he was going to fuck it, the camel fled. He chased down the animal and caught it again and right before h...

What do you get when you cross a camel with a polar bear?

A fireside rug you can have a good hump on.

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The lone nomad and his camel

A lone nomad was trying to pass through the desert on his camel. He had enough water and rations to complete his journey, but the loneliness was tornmenting him.

He rode his camel for three days and three nights without running into another soul. Eventually, the heat of the desert started p...

Camel

An old man finds a condom in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.

“It’s a condom,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.

“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”

Gr...

Two old ladies were outside smoking one day when it started to rain…

One of the ladies took out a condom, cut off the tip and put it over her cigarette.

The other lady said, "Hey, that's a good idea.
What's that called?"

The lady responded, "It's a condom."

The other lady said, "Where can I get one of those?"

She said, "Oh, just about...

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A man from Miami Beach travels to the Middle East and finds camels so fascinating that he decides to buy one and bring it back home with him.

For the next month, he rides the camel all over the city. The next day when goes to get the camel, he finds that it is has been stolen.

He goes to the police department to report it stolen. The desk sergeant asks him to describe the camel.

He says incredulously, "What do you mean, de...

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The camel leg thief

Shaun is a tourist visiting a small town in the Arabian desert. He stops into a shop one day and when he's finished, he finds that his camel is missing its legs. Shocked, he approaches a bystander and asks if he saw who took his camel's legs. The bystander squints at him, looks at the camel, and say...

Two Englishmen crash in the desert...

They begin to trek through the sands trying to find help. After a day and night of walking the two men are dying from thirst and so incredibly hungry when they spot 3 camels crest the nearest dune and head towards them.

One man turns to the other and says, "Thank goodness, we're saved!" and b...

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In the middle of the desert, an Arab's camel lamed.

Fortunately he quickly found a garage to fix it. They slowly led the camel over a pit, whacked its balls with a pair of bricks and like a rocket it ran off into the desert.

"Great work", the Arab said, "but how am I supposed to get to my camel now?"

"Slowly walk over the pit..."

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A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

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"Excuse me sir, would you happen to have the time?"

Some American tourists were cruising the marketplace in Cairo, Egypt, looking for some souvenirs to bring home with them, and one of them came across a man knelt down by a camel and he asked.


"Excuse me sir, would you happen to have the time?"


The Egyptian looked at him, reache...

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A man is travelling through the desert on a camel.

After a few days of travel the camel starts slowing down and eventually stops. The man gets of and starts dragging the camel after him when he sees an oasis in the distance. He drags the camel to the oasis where there is a woman standing on a ramp with a hammer in her hand. "Friend, did he stop?" Th...

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The camel

A captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks.

He asked the sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?"

The sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's ...

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Camel and elephant meet

A camel meets an elephant. The elephant asks jokingly: “Why do you have two breasts on your back?” The camel replies: “With a face like yours, I’d just shut up.”

A man is walking along the beach when...

...he trips over an antique lamp. A genie pours out, ominous and towering. "Thank you, kind soul," the genie says, "I have been trapped in that lamp for so long. You're a gentleman and a scholar for freeing me."

"I'm no such thing," says the man, "I'm a simple man with simple needs."

"...

What do you call a camel that eats another camel?

A camibal

A Man and his Camel

There once was a very strange, lonely man living out in the woods alone. His family has been gone for many years, and has lived most of his life without anyone. He has had no physical contact with people in such a long time, other than going to town every could of months. But he wanted this to chang...

A muslim man is riding a camel and his wife is walking

A muslim man is riding a camel through the desert and his wife is walking on foot 10 m in front of him.

Another muslim man notices that and says: Don't you know that Holy book of Qur'an says that wife should always walk behind her husband?

The first muslim answers: when the book of Qur...

A guy decides to wander the desert for 2 weeks with only supplies and a camel.

After a week though, he starts thinking about women and gets aroused. Considering he’s a week into his solemn stroll, he tries to think of a solution to fulfill his needs. The only solution he could think of was the camel.

He pulls down his pants and begins to try to ... seduce ... the camel...

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A man is looking to rent a camel...

He drives around and notices on the side of the road a man sitting with a sign that says, "Camel 4 Rent". Being ecstatic, he pulls over and talks to the owner regarding a rental.

"It will cost you $250 for one hour," says the owner of the camel.

"$250??? That's pretty expensive. How a...

Two Old Ladies go out for a smoke in the rain

As they're smoking, Old Lady 1 takes out a condom, cuts off the end, and puts it over her cigarette. Old Lady 2 looks at her and, realizing what a good idea it is, asks "hey where'd you get that."

"The Pharmacy, you can get a huge box of em down there."

The next day, Old Lady 2 goes i...

What does a camel do on a pudding?

Walks through the dessert

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A man is lost in the desert [nsfw]

He has plenty of food and water, enough to survive for a long time; what is really bothering him is that since he hasn't seen another soul for weeks, he is really, really horny.

In the distance he spots a camel and decides he's going to fuck it. He's pretty good at catching up to the camel, ...

What do you call a camel that hates cows?

Drama-dairy.

Courtesy of my eight-year-old

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+Do you speak English?

-Yes!

+Name?

-Abdul Al-Rhazim.

+Sex?

-Three to five times a week.

+No, no... I mean male or female?

-Yes, male, female... Sometimes camel.

+Holy Cow!

-Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.

+But isn't that hostile?

-Horse sty...

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Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

Whats he difference between a camel and a college student?

Camel can go daaaays without drinking.

So, a one-hump camel marries a two-hump camel, and they have a baby, but the baby didn't have a hump.

So they named him Humphrey.

A hunter tribe in Siberia catches a Camel.

They kill it, and wonder what it is. To find out, they ask the best hunter.

He answers "It is not a fox, it is not a rabbit. Ask the chief of the tribe, he might know".

They ask the chief.

He says, "Not a reindeer, and not a seal. I don't know what it is".

As a last re...

Did you know that camels aren't indigenous to Australia? They were shipped there by the British.

Oddly enough, so were the Australians.

What do you call a three-humped camel?

A cancer patient.

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a camel toe, a bunch of hares and a fish no one can find.

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

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Why don't they teach Driver's Ed and sex education on the same day in the Middle East?

They don't want to wear out the camel.

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