Camel Jokes - 104 Hilarious Camel Jokes

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[NSFW] A nun and a priest are crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.

On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."

"I know, father." "In fact, I don't think it l...

Where would you park your camel?

The Camelot.

PS Booze helped with this and now I'm laughing alone in my apartment

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Camel in the Camp

There was a major that got newly stationed in a base in the middle east. As he inspecting the base, he saw a camel tied to a post. Confused, he calls the nearest private.

"Private Doe!"
"Sir! Yes, sir?"
"What is this camel doing here at our base?" Asks the Major
"Sir, the camel is he...

100 camels

A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you 100 camels for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was tryin...

A pack of donkeys is called "a drove". But what do you call a pack of camels?

It's called "the reason your daddy left", Johnny. That's what it's called.

The unusual camel

A man is walking through the desert. He's been lost for a while and he's kinda losing hope.

Behind a sand dune he sees what looks like a camel rental shop. Clearly a mirage.. or is it?

It doesn't disappear as he gets closer so he enters the main tent and is greeted by the owner.
...

A nun and a priest were crossing the desert on a camel..

They were almost half way across when the camel began wheezing, and hacking, and coughing up blood. Before long the camel collapsed dead underneath them. The two stood for a while in the blazing sun, and the priest finally broke the silence by saying, "You do realize sister, that it's only a matter ...

A baby camel asks his father, “Dad, why do we have a hump on our back?”

The dad replies, "So that we can store water in those."

He then asks, "Why do we have hooves then?"

The dad replies, "To prevent our feet from sinking in the sand."

After thinking this over, he then asks, "Then why do we have big eyelids?”

The dad rep...

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Did you know that camels can last longer without water than sex?

They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.

What do you call a camel with three humps?

Humphrey

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Camel joke (take 2)

A wealthy London business man had been doing business in Saudi. His Saudi associate was so pleased with his work he decided to send him a camel as a special gift. The man woke up one morning at his home in Central London and found a camel tied up in the front yard with a note of appreciation tied ar...

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Priest, nun, camel, laugh.

A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a make-shift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died.

After several days of not being r...

Is it possible to make a case for the camel?

weAlreadyDid.

What do you call a camel that looks the same walking forward as it does walking backward?

A palindromedary.

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My granpa shared this joke with me many moons ago in an email chain I just found in my inbox, I thought I’d share it with yous.

A new ArmyCaptain
was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan Desert.

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel behind the mess tent.

He asks the sergeant why the camel is kept there. The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you
kno...

Camel Joke

A young camel asks his mother
“Why do I have a big hump on my back”
The mother replies
“You use it to store water when your in the desert”
“That’s cool” says the young camel “ And why do I have these big hooves”
The mother answers “Your hooves stop you from sinking in the quicksand w...

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Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box...

A man is stranded in the desert with nothing but a camel.

As the days drag on, all alone with no sign of civilization in sight, the man becomes increasingly lonely. One day, the feeling is so strong that he loses his better judgement and decides to make love to his camel.

So the man pulls down his pants and positions himself behind the camel. Then, ...

Baby camel asks its mother

Baby camel: Why do we have these humps on out backs?

Mother camel: We store water there for when we walk long distances in desert and we don't have water for days.

Baby camel: Ok. What are our long eyelashes for?

Mother camel: When there is a sandstorm, they stop sand from enter...

What is the difference between a camel and a dromedary?

A heap.

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A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks.

He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”

The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”

The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all rig...

2 guys crossing the desert on a camel

All of a sudden the camel falls from exhaustion. One guy says "what are we gonna do?" His friend says "see that big puddle over there? We will drag him up there I will hold his head in the puddle and you suck on his behind try and get water in his stomach." So they drag the camel to the puddle. ...

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Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?

Because it's full of Arab Semen.

A lieutenant is freshly stationed in the middle of the desert.

When he first arrives he notices the men all caring for a camel. Bathing it, feeding it their best food, and treating it like a goddess. The lieutenant ask the sergeant why the men are taking such good care of the camel. The sergeant goes on to explain how if the men are ever feeling “lonely” they u...

How do camels learn to mate ?

They read the Llama Sutra.

Alpaca my bags, I think.....

I was at an Arab carvery one time and I ordered a slice of camel.

"Certainly, sir," said the attendant. "One hump or two?"

You know that a camel with two humps..

is a bactrian camel. A camel with one hump is a dromedary camel.

What do you call a camel with no humps? Humphrey

A camel walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, "Another one? That's the third one this month!"

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Sightseeing with a Camel

Two guys from some indeterminate country come to NYC to sightsee. They find that there are no rental cars available. A fairly shady guy offers to rent them a camel to see the sights. Needless to say they were suspicious.

They guy says " The camel knows all the things you'd want to see. Just...

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A guy runs away and joins the French Foreign Legion...

...and a couple of squaddies show him around. "Here's where we camp, here's the toilet, and here's the camel for when you get horny."

"What?" the guy says, incredulous.

"Yeah," the squaddies say. "Here there are no women--not even photos are allowed."

"No way am I using that cam...

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A man was walking with his camel in the desert and he was so horny

so he decided to fuck the camel so he tried to put his dick in the camel but the camel moved it’s ass left and right so he couldn’t , so he decided to keep going with the camel in the desert until he heard a scream for help he went there and found a very hot woman sinking in quick sand so he saved h...

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A Nun, a Priest and a camel

So theres a nun and a priest walking through a vast desert with their camel. On the camel is their water and food plus all other belongings. They've been walking for a few days before suddenly the camel collapses. The priest checks its breathing and confirms it's dead. With too far to go and no way ...

What’s a camels favourite meal?

Desert.

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An elephant and a camel meet on a road

Elephant: Say, why is it you have your breasts on your back?

The camel paused for a second.

Camel: That's an unusual question coming from someone who has a dick on his face.

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A man is travelling through the desert on a camel.

After a few days of travel the camel starts slowing down and eventually stops. The man gets of and starts dragging the camel after him when he sees an oasis in the distance. He drags the camel to the oasis where there is a woman standing on a ramp with a hammer in her hand. "Friend, did he stop?" Th...

A man in the desert rents out a camel to ride on.

The rental guy asks, “Have you ever ridden one of these?”

The man replies, “No.”

“It’s simple. If you say Woah, it will walk. If you say Woah Woah, it will run. If you say Woah Woah Woah, it will run so fast you have to pray to god to stop.”

The man hops on the camel and says “W...

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An elephant asked a camel, "Why do you have boobs on your back?"

The camel was stunned for a second and then replied, “That’s a good question, especially coming from a freak who has his penis on his face!"

I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.

A baby Camel asks his Mother

"Mom, why do we have these huge three-toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well son when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."

"Bloody Brilliant!" Says the baby camel.

A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great ...

What do you call a camel that eats another camel?

A camibal

What’s the difference between a camel and your mom?

Only 2 people can ride a camel at a time…

Why are there no Christian camels?

They don't have bibles

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...

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Two elderly ladies are smoking outside...

It stared raining and one of the ladies pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and puts it over her cigarette so it won't get wet. The other lady thinks this is a great idea so she decides to head to the store to buy some condoms.
When she gets there she goes to the counter and asks the cashier fo...

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A Camel and a Captain

An army captain got sent to a remote desert outpost. On the first day his lieutenant shows the new captain around, he shows him the weapon depot, the officers mess and then takes him to a small tent. Inside the tent, lies a sleeping female camel.

The confused captain asked him why they had a...

What's the difference between camels and humans?

A camel only takes one to hump.

What is the best day to eat Camel meat?

Wednesday

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A man was crossing the desert with his camel and his dog, when suddenly ..

the camel asked him "are you sure we're heading in the right direction ?"

Freaked out by the talking camel, he ran away, threw himself behind a nearby cactus. The dog freaked out too and followed his master. As he was catching his breath, the dog asked : "what did that asshole say ?"

A camel can work all week without drinking..

A man can drink all week without working.

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A guy gets lost in the desert, he has food, water and his camel but no idea where he is.

As the days go by he gets hornier and hornier - he wants to fuck badly. So he tries to mount the camel but every time he is almost in, the camel pulls away. Day after day he tries, with the same result.

One day he comes across an airplane that's just crashed, the only survivor is a b...

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Camel Mechanic

A man buys a camel from an old trader who tells him, that it will only start walking if it hears a special word. The man is so excited about having his own camel, that he completely forgets the special word and can't get it to move. After many hours of trying, he decides to go looking for the old tr...

When you’re a camel…

very day is hump day!

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Learned this one when I was 5

The elephant said to the camel: Haha! You have your tits on your back!
Then the camel answered: So what? You have your dick om your face!

(it was hilarious when I was 5, and I still giggle a bit when remembering it)

Camel

An old man finds a condom in his grandson’s apartment and asks what it is.

“It’s a condom,” replies the grandson, sheepishly.

“What do you use it for?” asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, “I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain.”

Gr...

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Shaun is a tourist visiting a small town in the Arabian desert.

He stops into a shop one day and when he's finished, he finds that his camel is missing its legs. Shocked, he approaches a bystander and asks if he saw who took his camel's legs. The bystander squints at him, looks at the camel, and says to Shaun "ah, that would have been the Camel Leg Thief, you ca...

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A man and his camel

A man was riding his camel through the desert. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Seeing as there were no women in the desert he turned to the camel and started positioning himself for sex. The camel immediately ran off so the man chased it, caught back up to it then s...

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A new soldier, fresh out of boot camp, is deployed to a remote base in Afghanistan.

After about a week, the young soldier is approached by his Staff Sergeant.

"Private, how is everything?" he asks.

"It's ok sir, it's just so desolate out here. Some of the guys have been deployed here for months... there's no women anywhere... what do they do.... you know, for women...

So I said "That's not a camel...

That's my wife"

Baby camel talking to daddy camel

"Dad, why have we got these humps?"

"Well, my son, we are the ships of the desert, we fill them up with water and can walk for hundreds of miles across the desert wastes"

"Dad, Why have we got big feet?"

"Well son, we are kings of the desert, but the desert sand are soft and tre...

I tried riding a camel instead of a horse once.

It had its ups and downs.

When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel.

I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

What kind of camel throws a hissy fit when you milk it?

A drama dairy.

\[My brother answered "A male one", which might be funnier.\]

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An Elephant and a Camel met for the first time..

Elephant: Yo, why do you have titties on your back?

Camel: Hahaha, it's better than having a dick on my face!

What do you call a cow having an affair with a camel?

A drama dairy! :D

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The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.

After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

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Baby camel asks his mother...

-mum,why do we have a hump?

-because,son,we need it to store water.

Baby camel thinks about it for 5 minutes and then says:

-mum,why are our eyelashes so long?

-because,son, they protect us from sand.

Baby again thinks for 5 minutes before it says:

-mum,why ...

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What's common between a camel and non-peneterative sex

Dry humping.

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A lone camel driver was about to embark upon a long journey from west Sahara to Egypt.

He packed all the gear he could think of for the journey that would last for a couple of months. No thing had escaped his mind. Lots of water, food, first aid kit, even three toothbrushes to last him the whole way.

Only after a week, well into the desert did it dawn on him that while he had r...

My 5 year olds goto joke: What do you call a camel with 3 humps?

Pregnant.

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What kind of sexual act does a Camel like?

Dry Humping

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A young camel is walking around with its mother

He says: "Mom, why do we have two humps?" The mom thinks for a second and replies: "Well, my son, we use it to store fat. In the desert food can be quite scarce so the fat in our humps helps us survive."

After a few moments the little camel says: "Mom, why do we have these long eyelashes?" Th...

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The Trained Camel (Long)

A businessman was leaving a little town in the deserts of Africa but didn't want to walk to the Cairo where the airport was. He wandered around trying to figure out what to do when he came across a camel salesman. He said "I'd like to buy a camel please to take me to Cairo."

The sa...

A man was traveling through the desert on his camel

The sun was shining hot and unforgiving and the man was sweating immensly.

"oh i cant bear this sun, its so hot"

Suddenly a guy on a bicycle drives past him with insane speed. The man on the camel is shocked and suprised how the man can drive so fast in this heat.

After an hour...

A newly arrived First Lieutenant stationed at a military camp in the midst of a vast desert...

When arrived, he noticed something peculiar. He observed that his fellow soldiers were diligently taking care of a camel. They were bathing it, feeding it the best food, and treating it as if it were a goddess. Intrigued, the First Lieutenant inquired with a Sergeant about what made this camel so sp...

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A camel meets an elephant.

A camel meets an elephant. The elephant asks jokingly: “Why do you have two breasts on your back?” The camel replies: “With a face like yours, I’d just shut up.”

What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?

A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.

My 7 year old told me this joke. I hadn't heard it before - What does a camel use to hide itself?

Camelflage

What do you call a camel you can't see?

A Camo

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A priest and nun are traveling through the desert when their camel suddenly dies

They are stranded there distraught and sure to die. Finally the priest looks at the nun and says,

“Sister, I have to be honest with you, being a man of God I have never looked upon the body of a naked woman and, as we are sure to die, I would like to see one before I go.”

The nun looks...

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Two men and a camel in the desert

Two men were stranded in the desert. They had a camel with them to carry all their supplies, but by now they had been walking for days and were out of food and water.

They were so dehydrated that their tongues were swelling in their mouths and they could barely walk.

Lo and behold the...

How do camels blend in?

With camel-flage

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Nomad and the camel

A nomad was walking in the desert all alone and very horny. As he was wandering aimlessly in the desert he saw a camel and decided to fuck it, he immediately rushed to the camel and right before he was going to fuck it, the camel fled. He chased down the animal and caught it again and right before h...

Adventures in Camel Riding

A man goes to Egypt on a holiday with quite a bit of money to spend. One day, he finds a shop with a camel for hire. Knowing that riding a camel would make treks through the desert much easier, the man decides to hire the camel. The man said to the Egyptian shop owner, “How do I control him?” The Eg...

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War camel.

So a plane goes down in the Sahara in WW2.
The survivors are a lieutenant, a sergeant, a corporal and a private. They have a days rations and are many days out from the nearest town.

The looty sends the corporal to scout around for anything to help in their predicament. He returns with a...

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A man goes to a camel service stop

He tells the worker "My camel won't walk, can you help?"

"Sure" He signals to the automotive lift "Put the camel on the lift"

The man drags the camel on the lift and the worker slams the camels balls with 2 bricks and it runs off

"How am i supposed to catch it now?" To which the...

A camel Goes into the coffee shop

The barista, about to add the sugar asks, "one lump or two?"

A zookeeper called a coworker at home and said they were out of camel food.

The zookeeer at home said, “alpaca lunch”.

What do you call a camel in a drought?

A dry humper!

A Man and his Camel

There once was a very strange, lonely man living out in the woods alone. His family has been gone for many years, and has lived most of his life without anyone. He has had no physical contact with people in such a long time, other than going to town every could of months. But he wanted this to chang...

Here’s the oldest dirty joke I know

Ethyl and Gladys walk the same route every day, and they stop at the same bench to smoke a cigarette before finishing their walk back to their apartments.

One day, just as they lit their cigarette, it starts to rain. Neither ladies brought umbrellas.

Gladys, the innovator s...

The Passion Camel

A young man decides to join the foreign legion.

When he arrives at the fort In the middle of the desert he is shown around by the sergeant.

"Hello recruit, this is where you will sleep, this is where I sleep, you eat over there.. and that shed over there, that's the Passion Camel"
...

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A Saudi couple and their camel are in the desert

They have been walking for days now and the journey is long and hard. One day the camel says to the man
“Oh please can I rest? This journey is too hard for me”
So the man pulls out a gun, holds it up to the camels head and says “camel going once”
The camel then immediately starts walking a...

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Elephant says to Camel "Lmao you got 2 Boobs on your back"

"With a face like yours, I'd shut the fuck up" goes Camel.

Dad and son camel

Son says "dad can i ask you a question?"
Dad says "course you can son ask away."

Son: "why do we have these big humps on our backs?"

Dad: "well, when where walking across the desert for many many miles, we need a drink of water and are humps store water for us to drink"

Son: ...

Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.

Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.

A rookie reporter gets his first interview with a guy who castrates camels.

Not knowing where to start he asks: “how do you castrate a camel?”
The guy repsonds: “Well I take two large flat stones and slap them together.”

The shocked reporter asks: “Isn’t that a very painful ordeal?”

“No, you just have to make sure your fingers don’t get stuck inbetween thos...

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A man was walking across a desert with his camel

A man was walking across a desert with his camel. It had been close to 10 days since the two had left the last oasis.

In the blazing heat, the man decided to take a sip of water. But noticing that he had only a few ounces of water left, he decided to save it for later.

The blazing hea...

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The lone nomad and his camel

A lone nomad was trying to pass through the desert on his camel. He had enough water and rations to complete his journey, but the loneliness was tornmenting him.

He rode his camel for three days and three nights without running into another soul. Eventually, the heat of the desert started p...

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A man is looking to rent a camel...

He drives around and notices on the side of the road a man sitting with a sign that says, "Camel 4 Rent". Being ecstatic, he pulls over and talks to the owner regarding a rental.

"It will cost you $250 for one hour," says the owner of the camel.

"$250??? That's pretty expensive. How a...

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You hear about the guy who walked into a camel orgy?

He went to the store for a fuckin’ pack of Camels, after all

What do an Iranian Submarine and an Iranian Camel have in common?

They're both full of Iranian seamen.

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An Elephant And a Camel Meet in the Desert.

The Elephant asks: "Lol what are those boobs for on your back?"

The Camel responds: "Keep talking with that dick in your face"

A baby camel and his mother were lying around

A mother and a baby camel were lying around, and suddenly the baby camel asked, “mother, may I ask you some questions? Mother said, “Sure! Why son, is there something bothering you? Baby said, “Why do camels have humps?” Mother said “Well son, we are desert animals, we need the humps to store water ...

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A man lost in the desert with his camel

Every day he gets lonelier and lonelier, when it gets to the point he decides he is going to have sex with his camel, but he couldn't reach, so every day he would try and try again to have sex with his camel standing on hills and on rocks but the camel would just try to run away. until one day, he c...

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