What do you get when you hit a poodle with a bulldozer?

A puddle

UK politician Boris Johnson has promised to lie in front of bulldozers clearing a path for the 3rd Heathrow runway.

This should be no problem for him as he has already had plenty of practice lying in front of a bus!

(Credits to /u/canalavity and /u/chrisjd)

Why did the dog chase the bulldozer?

It doesn't like Cats.

What do you call a bull that is always felling sleepy?

A bulldozer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little eddy

Little Eddy has really upset the girls at school.

After months of enduring his foul language and sexual innuendoes in class, the girls one day get together before class and decide, if today, Eddy says anything even remotely sexual or offensive, we will all get up at the same time and walk out...

What's yellow and hurts when it falls in your eye?

A bulldozer

A bus full of journalists is on its way to Mar-a-Lago.

The bus veers off the road and overturns. Emergency vehicles rush to the scene, only to find Trump with a shovel in his hand, and Stephen Miller on a bulldozer.

A paramedic asks " What happened to all the passengers ? "

Trump says " They were all dead, so we buried them ! "

...

What do you call sleeping male cattle?

Bulldozers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

War - Canada vs. USA

Newfoundland, Canada, declares war on the U.S.A!!!

President Trump was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Trump, " a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Archie, up ‘ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada, eh?
I am callin' to ...

The rainforest cafe is getting to realistic

I was just sitting there enjoying my chicken tenders when a bulldozer destroyed 30% of the cafe

What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?

A bulldozer.


I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.

Air Force One Vanished

The Air Force One vanishes somewhere over a remote farm. Quickly, a rescue party is sent to the last known location. Instead of the plane, they just find a farmer on a bulldozer.

Rescuer: "Have you seen the presidents plane anywhere?"
Farmer: "Yeah it crashed on my field about an hour ag...

Bought the 'Sounds of the Rainforest cd,

not as relaxing as I hoped. The 1st half was birds chirping, rest was chainsaws and bulldozers.

A math teacher invented something.

A math teacher invented the worlds first underwater bulldozer.

He called it his 'Sub-tractor.'

I was watching some construction workers today

outside my office building. They were laying down a bunch of grass.

I saw a forklift come in carrying rolls of grass, when all of a sudden a huge bulldozer came out of nowhere and crashed full speed into the forklift. Both the driver of the forklift and the grass went flying...

It was...