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Castration Jokes

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The kids don’t know the difference between castration and a vasectomy.

True story:

Fellow teacher in the lounge during lunch: “They have no knowledge of basic human anatomy. They thought that getting a vasectomy meant having your balls chopped off.”

Me: “When it comes to the difference between castration and a vasectomy, there is a vas deferens.”

T...

Castration

Jack goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want to be castrated."

Doc: "I can't do that! We only do something that extreme if it's an emergency."

Jack: "I've thought about this and I want it done. If you're not going to do it, I'll find another doctor who will!"

Doc:...

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A terrorist group decides to hold a public castration of three villagers.

They ask to the first villager for his occupation. When he says that he's a woodsman they castrate him with an axe.

Then they ask to the second villager. Frightened, he says that he's a farmer. They castrate him with a sickle.

When the turn comes to the third villager they see that he ...

Some people think vasectomies and castration are similar procedures

but there's a vas deferens between the two.

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Castrating a bull.

Farming salesman knocks on the door of the
farm house wanting to sell the latest bull castration apparatus.

After his long sales pitch the farmer explains that his family have been using the same method for generations and he is not interested.

Salesman asks about the farmers techn...

Castration

A man comes into the Dr. office and says he needs to have a procedure done. The Dr. asks, what procedure, the man replies "Umm, castration, I need to be castrated or my girlfriend won't marry me!" Puzzled the Dr. asks, "Castrated, do you know what that means?" The man quickly replies, yes I know w...

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A man is lost in the woods and it is getting dark.

As he walks through the woods he comes across a small cabin. He goes up to the cabin and knocks on the door. An old Chinese man opens it. 

“I’m lost in the woods and I need somewhere to stay for the night,” the man said. “Can I please stay here?” 

“Sure,” said the Chinese man. “But as ...

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

They asked if I could perform the castration.

I said I could pull it off.

I was gonna make a joke about castration,

But i don't have the balls.

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3 Chinese Tortures :).... Trust me You will love it.

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"

"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you ...

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You are not the boss of me.

A couple visit their family doctor. "Doc, I'd like you to perform a castration on me." The doctor is taken by surprise and says, " Whoa now, that's a bit extreme..." The husband cuts the doctor off mid sentence, "Look here Doc, the wife and I have discussed this for some time and while we want you ...

That's the word I was looking for! (Possibly NSFW)

A man walks into a doctors office and says to the doctor "I want you to castrate me"

The doctor says "NO! I will never do such a thing"

Man: "What if I give you $1000 in cash?"

Doctor: "No"

Man: "What about $5000?"

Doctor: "Well... if you insist"

And so, the...

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A man goes to a doctor and says "Doc, I want to get castration procedure done"

Perplexed, the doc probes the patient on why he wants to get this done, cajoles him not to, requests him to reconsider, but the man is adamant. He says "I want to get castration done because my friend got it done and now has a great sex life" The doc agrees after getting the patients consent on pape...

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Mr. Johnson has been having constant headaches ever since his teenage years. For years and years his doctor tries to cure him, but the headaches only get worse and worse.

Finally, one day, the doctor asks Mr. Johnson to undress. After inspecting Mr. Johnson's body, he sees the problem.

"You have an extremely rare condition," explains the doc. "Your testicles are pressed up against your spinal cord, giving you headaches. This condition has no known cause and on...

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What do you call it when a Cuban communist leader cuts your balls off

Fidel Castrations

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Headaches

This guy has been suffering these terrible, excruciating headaches for months and finally decides to go to the doctor, despite his aversion to doing so. He explains to the doctor what's going on, so the doctor decides to run the gamut of tests on him to see if they can pinpoint what's wrong.
<...

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The cottage in the middle of the woods

An explorer was lost in the forest, and luckily came upon a cottage in a clearing. He knocked and an old Chinese man opened the door. The man was willing to let the explorer stay on one condition: he didn't approach his daughter or he would impose the three worst Chinese tortures upon him.

D...

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A man discovers some weird fuchsia spots on his penis

after returning from a pleasure trip to Xinjiang. So he sees his doctor, who has no clue what it is and sends the guy to his medical school mentor. The old mentor pages through some of his dusty books and finally identifies the disorder as a rare, China-specific venereal disease, the only cure for w...

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A man goes to his doctor because he’s been having headaches for the last 20 years.

The doctor performs a thorough examination and tells him his diagnosis. “The only way to cure your headaches is castration.” The man is taken aback, but, because he has kids and it tired of the headaches, he decides to go through with the procedure. It works, and his headaches are gone for the fi...

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A man is lost in the woods, but finds a cabin next to a small ravine

He knocks on the door and an old Chinese man answers. He asks if he could possibly stay the night, and the Chinese man says he can "But..." he warns "My daughter is very beautiful, and if you lay a finger on her I will inflict upon you the worst three tortures China has ever produced."

The ma...

A translated Chinese Joke

*Apologies in advance, as this joke does not translate cleanly. I had to adapt part of it so it could make sense*






A eunuch (think Varys from Game of Thrones) was wandering around town.

Back in ancient China, many high ranking jobs had castration as a requireme...

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The three tortures.

A tourist got lost hiking in some mountains in China. It started snowing so he decided to seek shelter. He came upon a tall tower with light in the window, so he pounded on the door. A little old Chinese man opened the door.

"WHAT YOU WAN' ROUND EYE"

Shocked that the old man spoke engl...

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So a guy is hiking in a forest and it's getting dark

He's too far from his car to make it back by nightfall and the woods are dangerous at night. Luckily, he comes upon a clearing with a quaint little cottage in the centre. A middle-aged Chinese man is sitting outside the cottage watching the sunset.
The hiker asks the wizened man if he could stay ...

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A man is suffering from the worst headaches...

From about age 14, a man has been getting more and more intense headaches. They started mildly annoying, but have been consistently getting worse month after month, year after year.

Finally, after about 7 years of troublesome headaches turning into bothersome headaches, turning into debilita...

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