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Boo Jokes

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

What rhymes with “boo” and really stinks?

You

I got booed off of the stage at the start of my comedy act for saying that I still live with my parents...

That's the last time I do a gig at an orphanage.

Just been diagnosed with the dreaded ‘Peek-a-Boo virus’...



I’m being transferred to ICU.

Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peak-A-Boo accident?

To the I-C-U

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go?

The ICU.

I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me....

I'll return

My wife walked into the room and I snuck up behind her and yelled; BOO! She cried hysterically and ran outside.

I always do this to her but I guess it was funnier when I was alive.

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

Smithers! Are they booing me?

Oh, they're not booing you sir, they're shouting boocake day! Boocake day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boo fucking hoo...

Could also be gossip in Korea.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

My girlfriend is my Boo

but at the family reunion, she's "Taboo"

Everyone wants me to care about Russia and Ukraine right now. Boo-Hoo!

Crimea River

Did you hear about the guy that was injured in the freak peek-a-boo incident?

He had to be put in the icu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks the children in her class what they done at the weekend...

"I went out for the day, and rode on the choo choo", said Billy.

"Billy", said the teacher, "we don't use childish and immature language in my class. You rode on a train... Steve?"

"My dad and I went go-karting but I crashed and got a boo boo", said Steve.

"Steve, I just said we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'...

Boo me all you like, I just made it up.

I was at the local library trying to find a specific sound for my video project; that of a displeased audience. I was repeatedly listening to a variety of samples through the miniature speakers on the desk.

Unbeknownst to me, a lady who was sat at the desk in the next cubicle was growing irr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the bathroom and someone yelled "BOO"

Scared the crap out of me!
... Too bad I was at a urinal

The first female president

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive,...

Where do you take someone that got hurt playing peek a boo?

To the I.C.U

What has four legs and says BOO?

A cow with a head cold.

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

What do you call a Ghost without any Boo’s?

SOBER!

Note: (am Dad) I told this joke to my kids at Olive Garden last night, and an old lady made sure to let me know how corny it was

Did you know that "boo" means "return" in Australia?

That's because when you throw a normal meringue, it doesn't come back.

How does Mario communicate with Boos?

He uses a Luigi board.

I just watched an Australian cooking show and the audience cheered when the chef made meringue.

I was surprised...usually Australians boo meringue.

I've never been booed off stage.

I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage.

In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP.

Why do ghosts say booOoOoo?

Because they are disappointed in you...

You can really scare someone when you yell “Peek-a-boo!”.

Especially when they’re trying on clothes in the fitting room.

Did you hear about the epileptic who played peek-a-boo?

Now he seizure

Now he don't

What bees give you milk?

Boo-bees

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

Why is there only one Yogi Bear?

Because when they tried to create a second one, they made a Boo-Boo.

Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus?

Because he has holes in his hands

If cows say "moo" and ghosts say "boo", what does the ghost of a cow say?

Nothing. Cows don't have souls.

What's the scariest plant in the jungle?

It's bamBOO!

Why do pirates love reddit?

It be the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.

Whats the scariest animal in Canada?

A Cari-BOO

Why did the male ghost get scared after the female ghost said "boo"?

The male ghost wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

Heard about the alcoholic who lived in a haunted house?

They had a real problem with boos.

What plant is always trying to scare people?

bamBOO

I recently did a gig where I got booed off stage.

I recently did a gig where I got booed off stage for saying that I live at home with my parents. As soon as I said it the whole audience went: “Booooo!” That’s the last time I do a charity gig for an orphanage.


-Nathen Canton

Why did the ghost become a bartender?

Because he had a lot of boos.

Why is it cheaper to throw a party in a haunted house?

Because the ghosts will bring the boos

What's the scariest type of algebra?

BOO-lean

How does a ghost plan his day?

He makes a to-boo list

Gordon Ramsay goes to Australia and whips up a lemon meringue pie.

The whole audience cheers! “That's strange," he says. “I thought Australians usually boo meringue."

A blind guy and a hunchback…

A blind guy and a hunchback were drinking in a bar. The hunchback suddenly remembered he promised his wife he would be home before midnight. So he rushes home, taking a shortcut through the cementery.


While walking through this cemetery he suddenly hears: “BOO, i am a ghost, what’s on y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actor was on stage playing Macbeth...

...and when he did the soliloquy he performed it so poorly that everyone in the audience began to boo him loudly. Finally in humiliation he stopped and yelled, "Give me a break! I'm just an actor, I didn't write this crap!"

Where do ghosts go on vacation?

Mali-Boo!

What's the scary dessert that keeps coming back?

Boo! meringue

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boob itch

A boyfriend walks in on his girlfriend scratching her breast. Delighted that he caught a glimpse of such a rare occurrence, he cries, "Boob itch!"

His girlfriend turns to him, slaps him in the face, and says, "Don't call me that! And you didn't scare me."

Did you hear about the guy who got shot with a ghost gun?

He’s got a boo-boo

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

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