Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me....

I'll return

My wife walked in to the room, I snuck up behind her and yelled Boo!

She Shrieked, cried hysterically peed herself and ran outside.

I always do this to her but I guess it was funnier when I was alive.

I was injured while playing peek-a-boo

They took me to the ICU

Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peak-A-Boo accident?

To the I-C-U

The first female president

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein.

She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?"

"I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive,...

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[NSFW] What do you call a haunted pair of breasts?

BoOoOoOoOobs

Boo me all you like, I just made it up.

I was at the local library trying to find a specific sound for my video project; that of a displeased audience. I was repeatedly listening to a variety of samples through the miniature speakers on the desk.

Unbeknownst to me, a lady who was sat at the desk in the next cubicle was growing irr...

I got booed off stage for saying I still live with my mum...

Never doing a charity gig for an orphanage again...

Where do you take someone that got hurt playing peek a boo?

To the I.C.U

Why did the crowd boo at the comedian when he lost at boxing?

He didn't use his punchline.

I was watching Australian Master Chef last night...

Some guy made a meringue and everybody cheered...

I thought... That's odd, normaly in Australia they boo meringue

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees

A football player asked his wife if she ever cheated on him

This is translated from Arabic, I don’t know if it’s going to be funny as in Arabic but I’ll try my best *fingers crossed*

A football player once asked his wife if she ever cheated on him, she answered with “yes, three times.” He then asked “Ok, tell me about the first time.” She said, “Do y...

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What do you call a bee's ghost?

a BOO-bee

Hahaha.. like .. boobie.
Plz don't hurt me. I know it's bad

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden:...

What is an Australian ghost's favorite pie?

Boo meringue

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

The one about the mental patients and the baseball game

There once was a doctor at a mental hospital, who had to take care of the craziest and most mentally unstable patients in the hospital, which they called the "nuts." The doctor, along with his assistant, would soon get through a breakthrough by giving them simple orders and addressing them as "nuts....

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A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'...

A comedian takes her friend to a joke-tellers' convention...

The comedian shows her friend the sign-up list for performers, then they grab their seats. The first performer walks out onto the stage, and says:

"16!"

He gets a few chuckles.

"5679!"

The crowd starts to laugh

"227!"

The crowd is in uproar, practically dryi...

My older sister came back from her first year of college and was talking about her favorite sorority initiation called Boo-Khaki

I didn’t know it was required of sororities to hate on khakis, like whats the big deal?

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An annual weaponry competition is being held.

There is one representative each from every country. Each representative wields the main weapon of sorts from their culture. A fly is released within the range if the representative and they must cut it. The nore precise or beautiful the cut, the more points.

The next competitor goes up, repr...

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

Why does the selective Ghost only haunt Bars and Pubs..?

... He's addicted to Boos

Never trust a ghost when it says "i love you"..

It was just the boos talking

*Knock Knock*

Who is there?

Boo!

Boo who?

Do not become upset with me, for I am only forming words into a sentence designed to create feelings of humour, and to a lesser extent, humiliation. Please, allow me to explain that is all done in the form of comical relief, and to make you feel happy...

As an artist, I feel there's no difference performing between normal people and ghost

Cause in the end they just boo at me.

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Why was the dyslexic comedian booed?

He punched up the fuck line.

From my 7 year-old son: What rhymes with 'boo' and really stinks?

You.

Why I oughta...!

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Did you hear about the arrogant group of ghosts that like to get up in your face?

They're Boo! cocky....

Kids I play with love peek-a-boo!

Except they get happy when I hide and sad when I appear

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I was in the bathroom and someone yelled "BOO"

Scared the crap out of me!
... Too bad I was at a urinal

It is WWI. The Germans and the Italians are fighting in trenches.

The Germans have a plan. Since almost all Italians are named Mario, a German would yell, "Hey, Mario!" An unfortunate Mario would pop his head up with "si?" and a German sniper would put a bullet into his forehead. Every day, a few Italians died with "Hey Mario!" "Si?" Boom!

One day, the Ital...

What do ghosts wear to formal events?

BOO-ties

Tried to tell a joke to the ghost that haunts my house but I don't think he liked it...

...he just looked at me and boo'd.

My son told me this joke when he was two. "Knock knock..."

"Who's there?"

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"CHICAGO"

He's almost 13 now, so... even if you downvote me straight to Hell, this works out.

Because I can just give him a lecture over why it's all his fault, and then I will be a successful parent today.

I was booed off stage and locked out of a karaoke bar for singing Danger Zone too many times very poorly

They told me I had too many unsuccessful Loggins attempts

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What do pandas say on Halloween?

Bam-BOO!

That's the entire joke but this subreddit won't let me post such a short joke, so I'll tell a little story like one of those irritating-as-fuck internet recipe intros that gives WTMI.
My four year old is fascinated by finding the perfect joke. He'll often pick up on jokes from tv ...

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

What did the ghost say to the bees?

Boo bees!

What do you call a Ghost without any Boo’s?

SOBER!

Note: (am Dad) I told this joke to my kids at Olive Garden last night, and an old lady made sure to let me know how corny it was

What has four legs and says BOO?

A cow with a head cold.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

My son came up with this one...

I was walking to the bedroom with a 20-ounce drink. My son was hiding behind the wall and said "boo". He asked "were you scared?" I told him "no, but what if I were and spilled this drink all over myself?" He said "then that would be on you". I told him "nice pun". He still doesn't get it.

Someone once tried to tell me a really boring joke about chicken seasoning

I just said "Boo! Yawn!"

I had a job interview today, so I started with some sweeping, after which I displayed my twirling, then a little peek-a-boo, and I finished with a most vigorous flapping

I don't think they were impressed with my cape abilities.

Did you know that "boo" means "return" in Australia?

That's because when you throw a normal meringue, it doesn't come back.

I was watching an Australian cooking show, and people started cheering when the chef made a meringue .

I was shocked. Usually Australians boo meringue.

What do scary pandas eat?

BamBOO!

What doea a panda call a jumpscare?

bamBOO

What is a ghost's favourite plant

Bam boo

Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM


Answers:

1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?

Well, you don't have alzheimers, but y...

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I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed this morning.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

Why can't you play peek-a-boo with Jesus?

Because he has holes in his hands

If cows say "moo" and ghosts say "boo", what does the ghost of a cow say?

Nothing. Cows don't have souls.

What did the ghost say when it woke up with a bad hangover?

“Man, I really need to lay off the boos.”

How does Mario communicate with Boos?

He uses a Luigi board.

What's an Australian ghost's favourite dessert?

Boo-meringue.

Did you hear about the epileptic who played peek-a-boo?

Now he seizure

Now he don't

You can really scare someone when you yell “Peek-a-boo!”.

Especially when they’re trying on clothes in the fitting room.

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What do you call a ghost’s boobs?

Entities

What do you call a ghost of a pie that you cant throw away because it keeps coming back?

Boo-meringue

What car does a ghost drive?

A BOO-gatti

Why did the male ghost get scared after the female ghost said "boo"?

The male ghost wasn't ready for a committed relationship.

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