UPJOKE
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Booger Jokes

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

People keep asking me if I was one of those who helped elect a living booger.

And I keep telling them, he wasn't my pick.

How much does the average booger weigh?

Snot much.

My wife kissed me after eating a booger...

You might think it is funny, but it's snot.

Fuzzy Green Booger

A woman walks into a pet store one day looking for a pet to buy.

The pet store owner walks up:
"Can I help you find anything?"

The woman replies:
"I'm looking for a companion."

Owner: "How about a dog?"

Woman: "I'm allergic to dogs."

Owner: "How about a cat?...

What did the toothpick say to the booger?

What are you doing here?

Why did the booger cross the road?

So it wouldn't get picked on.

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

Girl if you were a booger

I would pick you first

A joke inspired by my 5 year old daughter who was trying to make up jokes.... why was the booger who was stuck in your nose so upset?

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

Dad, my classmate told the teacher I eat in the class

(Based on a true story)

"Dad, my classmate, Tom, told the teacher I eat in the class"

"OK, my son, did I teach you the art of sharing?"

"Yes, you do, dad. But I can't."

"You know, if you share what you eat with Tom, he probably won't tell the teacher."

"B...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy comes home from school

He tells his dad, "I got in trouble at school today for eating in class."
Dad replies saying, "what happened?"
"The teacher told me I needed to share with the class.
"So did you share with the class?"
"No, I didn't have enough boogers for 20 people!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently in the hobbies section of my job application - Golf, masturbation and rolling boogers is not suitable....

I was only joking...I hate golf.

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Ham Boogers

What's the worst/best pickup line you ever heard

Mines if I were a booger I would pick you first

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Older gentleman walks into the brothel...

... He walks towards the brothel mama, as she greets him he says:

"I would like something special"

She looks at him with judging eye:

"Well we have something nobody else has, but it's quite pricey, are you sure you want it?"

He smiles:

"Don't worry, money are not p...

Thank God!

I sneezed into my hand, and when I looked I thought I saw boogers, but itsnot

My daughter can be so cruel...

Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Me: I don't know, what?

Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!

Daddy's gonna eat your fingers.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Da...

Sneezing girl

I was in my 4th grade glass sitting next to this girl, all of a sudden she produces a loud sneeze.

**ACHOOOOOO**

The whole class was silent, the teacher quietly asked if she needed a tissue

My friend notices a gooey substance dripping from her hand.

*Friend:* **Ewww are t...

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