People keep asking me if I was one of those who helped elect a living booger.

And I keep telling them, he wasn't my pick.

My wife kissed me after eating a booger...

You might think it is funny, but it's snot.

What's the difference between a prince and a booger?

A prince is heir to the throne and a booger is thrown to the air.

Girl if you were a booger

I would pick you first

How much does the average booger weigh?

Snot much.

Whatโ€™s the difference between spinach and boogers?

Kids don't eat spinach.

Daddy's gonna eat your fingers.

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Da...

A joke inspired by my 5 year old daughter who was trying to make up jokes.... why was the booger who was stuck in your nose so upset?

Because he wasn't picked yet.

Obviously this is where dad jokes and humor come from.

Is a booger really anything?

It'snot.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Apparently in the hobbies section of my job application - Golf, masturbation and rolling boogers is not suitable....

I was only joking...I hate golf.

What did the toothpick say to the booger?

What are you doing here?

What do you call cheese stuck up your nose?

A CheeseBooger

Fuzzy Green Booger

A woman walks into a pet store one day looking for a pet to buy.

The pet store owner walks up:
"Can I help you find anything?"

The woman replies:
"I'm looking for a companion."

Owner: "How about a dog?"

Woman: "I'm allergic to dogs."

Owner: "How about a cat?...

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Ham Boogers

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Older gentleman walks into the brothel...

... He walks towards the brothel mama, as she greets him he says:

"I would like something special"

She looks at him with judging eye:

"Well we have something nobody else has, but it's quite pricey, are you sure you want it?"

He smiles:

"Don't worry, money are not p...

What's the worst/best pickup line you ever heard

Mines if I were a booger I would pick you first

Thank God!

I sneezed into my hand, and when I looked I thought I saw boogers, but itsnot

My daughter can be so cruel...

Her: Hey dad, what is the difference between broccoli and boogers?

Me: I don't know, what?

Her (pointing at me): YOU, don't eat your broccoli!

I wrote this little ditty just seconds after waking up.

An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.

The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Use the word beautiful in a sentence...

Little Billy's first grade teacher asked the class if they could use the word beautiful in a sentence.

Little Billy's hand shot straight up, waving in the air like he's trying to shake off a booger, but the teacher ignores him because he is Little Billy.

"Sally," says the teacher, "can...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

a few lighter-side "yo momma" jokes

in general, the vast majority of "yo momma" jokes I hear are simply nasty or mean, with the only "humour" lying in the gross factor and/or the insulting nature of the dig (obviously those belong in /r/insults). but every now and then I hear a good one that makes me genuinely laugh, usually because o...

Sneezing girl

I was in my 4th grade glass sitting next to this girl, all of a sudden she produces a loud sneeze.

**ACHOOOOOO**

The whole class was silent, the teacher quietly asked if she needed a tissue

My friend notices a gooey substance dripping from her hand.

*Friend:* **Ewww are t...

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