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Snivel Jokes

The ugly baby

A woman is getting on the bus with her baby in her arms. She's fumbling through her purse looking for the fare when the bus driver looks across and says "Gees lady, that's The Ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
She throws the fare at him and stumbles to the back of the bus in a huff.
"What happe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breakfast for the twins

Jimmy and Johnny were a couple of rambunctious kids, always pushing the envelope and often getting in trouble.
One morning they woke up and went downstairs to find their mother in the kitchen. "What would you like for breakfast this morning, boys?" she asked.
Jimmy says, "How's about s...

3 world leaders are on a plane...

...and are trying to decide who's the most benevolent.

The first leader says "I'm going to solve poverty!" So he tosses bags of money all over the world. He lands at the airport to refuel and he sees a little girl crying outside. "Little girl, why are you crying?" he asks.

She respon...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bloke with turrets syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from usi...

A little boy... Nfw'ish

So a little boy ran past a cop screaming bloody murder so the cop grabs him by the arm and settles him down.

Holding onto his shoulders he look in the boys tear stained eyes and asks

"son what happened?"

The boy snivels up a snot bubble and answers the cop

"Well officer ...

A mourning man goes to see Jesus

He walks up to messiah, eyes red from crying.


"Oh Jesus, he snivels", "I need you help. My father died and I ... I need you ..."


"My child, I am here for you, and I knew your father, he was a good man and is certainly in heaven now."


"Comforting as that is, Jesus, I ...

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