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Whoop Jokes

AITA? I bought my coworker chicken avocado instead of tuna avocado from Subway, and now they’re mad.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub

TIFU when I brought my pregnant wife home a meatball foot long instead of the teriyaki chicken she asked for

Whoops, wrong sub.

Whoops, almost forgot to bring my llamas

Alpaca pair

TIL: After Pearl Harbor, US warships fired upon friendly u boats heading back to port.

Whoops, wrong sub.

What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?

"Whoops, my fault"

A redneck is hiking through the woods with two Native Americans

A redneck is hiking through the woods with two Native Americans. They happen across a cave. one of the Natives yells, "Whoop! Whoop!"

Another voice calls from the cave. "Whoop! Whoop!"

The man strips naked and runs into the cave.

"What was all that about?" The redneck asks...

I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokèStops...

a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband on a work trip when decides to call his wife at home...

A woman the husband doesn't recognize picks up the phone.

"Who is this?" asks the husband.

"I'm the maid. I was hired yesterday," says the maid.

"Ah. Could you put my wife on the phone?" asks the husband

"No, she's busy having sex with someone in the room upstairs," repli...

TIFU by hiding in poison oak

Whoops, wrong shrub

“Do you really have to lick the knife!?” she asked with a disapproving frown. “Whoops! Sorry! Force of habit.” I said, chuckling. “Lots of people do it though, don’t they?!”

“Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.”

I don't always whoop. But when I do...

there it is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A story is told that in the mid 1990s, two men go to visit a doctor who is acclaimed for his ability to treat melancholia.

"We can’t eat, we can’t sleep,” say the men. “We feel contantly miserable. Please help us, doctor.”

“Laughter is the best medicine, my friends,” says the doctor. “Take yourself off to The Gathering of the Juggalos, where you will find Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope of the Insane Clown Posse perf...

Whoops.. No Present

Forget about the past, you can't change it.

Forget about the future, you can't predict it.

Forget about the present, I didn't get you one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city guy decides to pursue his dream to be a lumberjack

So he moves to a remote logging town in the northern woods. It's just 40 men in this little community, hundreds of miles from the nearest town of any size, and he wonders how they manage their "loneliness," if you know what I mean.

One evening in the spring, after the day's work has ended, a ...

Two bowling teams, one made up of all blondes and one of all brunettes,

charter a double-decker bus for a weekend tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level.

The brunette team down below is whooping it up and having a great time when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anyth...

I accidentally sent my friend flowers over the internet

Whoops, E-Daisies

Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian!

Edit: whoops I meant Norwegian Navy

Edit 2: Thanks to commenters I have links to other people who have posted this joke! I haven’t been around very long so I didn’t know, go give them an upvote as well if you’d like!

2015:...

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth...

The doctor comes in and informs him that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. Your son is just a head!

But the father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and
compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar an...

Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

A man walks into a bar, and is torn apart in seconds.

Whoops, sorry. Bear\*

Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales

‘Sure’ replied the butcher ‘once upon a time an ox…’

Sorry messed up title should read ‘ox tails’ whoops

Carl and Clarance lived on opposite sides of the Mississippi River..

They lived their whole lives right across the river from each other, way back in the day. The nearest bridge across was 100 miles away, and both were too poor to afford an automobile, so from their youth they made a past time of shouting insults to one another from across the river.
For many yea...

I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL that in 1940 a German U-Boat captain found himself aboard a British vessel.

Whoops, wrong sub.

"A man goes to prison" joke with two opposite punchlines.

My grandpa used to tell this joke, one day I heard someone else tell it with almost an exact opposite punchline. I've never tried to type it out before, so sorry if this sucks, but here's how I first heard it:

---

A man goes to prison and the first night while he's laying in bed contem...

I don’t get it..Travis Scott is trash, but it seems everyone is dying to see him live

Whoops.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sex Professor

A professor gave a lecture to a room of university students, entitled "The Correlation Between Sex and Happiness".

He was determined to try out his theory with a simple test, and so asked any students who had sex once a week to stand up. Those who did laughed sheepishly or giggled, and the p...

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood

Whoops, wrong sub

TIL subway workers can get fired for messing up one sandwich.

Whoops, wrong sub.

[WP] You are an assassin in WWII trying to find a German defector on a U-boat. Unfortunately you got a little lost on the dock...

Whoops, wrong sub.

So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian...

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIFU by accidentally cutting down by neighbour's hedge instead of my own

Whoops, wrong shrub.

Just had a quickie in the back of a UPS truck

Oh whoops... They prefer the term "expedited package delivery"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was in 5th grade..

..I ran from a fight. My Grandma said "You fight back or you fight me!"

I whooped her ass that day.

What I say when I stop playing VR and I knock over a Blu-ray of a 2013 Sandra Bullock movie

back to reality whoop there goes gravity

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted.

Whoops, wrong sub.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Shopping at Tiffany’s

A lady walks into Tiffany’s, looks around, spots a beautiful diamond necklace and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely at it, she unexpectedly farts.
Very embarrassed she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little whoops and prays that a salesman wasn’...

TIFU by accidentally walking out with the footlong BLT of the guy ahead of me in line

Whoops, wrong sub

Im giving up drinking for a year

Whoops, that came out wrong

Im giving up, drinking for a year.

NSFW Guy is in the front row at the strip club.

NSFW

He’s quietly drinking and tipping the dancers when a particularly beautiful girl comes out and begins a sensual strip tease. The guy behind him immediately starts whooping and calling out, “yeah baby! take it off! Take it off!! woo hoo!”

As she gets completely naked and leaves the...

TIFU by putting ham in a muslim lady's foot long

Whoops wrong sub

Edit: Apparently this is the original version of the joke https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2qmkf0/tifu_by_mixing_up_by_wifes_sandwich_order_at/

A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prison

He is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.

After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison grounds.

He is overwhelmed with happiness and the thought of finally bein...

TIL that Nikola Tesla threw the bomb that killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, sparking WWI...

Whoops, wrong Serb.

My Sewing skills aren't up to scratch...

Whoops! Wrong thread.

What do you get an anti-vax kid for their 5th birthday?

A whooping-coffin

TIL that a class was taught by the wrong stand in teacher and the students knowingly went along with it.

Whoops, wrong sub.

TIL you can lose your job as a dominatrix by whipping the wrong guy.

Whoops, wrong sub.

I took the number 25 instead of the 52 today thanks to my dyslexia

Whoops, wrong bus

I swear if anyone makes fun of Mike Tyson...

I'll whoop their ath!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

V

V.

Whoops, lost ctrl.

As a dyslexic person who frequently fails to board the proper means of public transportation...

Whoops, wrong bus.

Re

Whoops, look like I got caught Re-posting...

TIL that, in 1917, England mistook an Italian maritime transport for a German one, so they attacked it.

Whoops, wrong sub.

A calculus joke:

A 120 pound camera sits atop a tripod. How much force does each leg hold?

Whoops. Meant to type 130. Forgot that the camera adds 10 pounds.

Does only being able to recycle number 1 and 2 plastics upset anyone else?

I just moved to a new city and they don’t recycle anything above a 2. Is it like this in a lot of places? I hope I can find somewhere to drop off my other plastics.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Redneck boy meets his dream girl!

A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.

"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."

Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone yo...

TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show.

whoops, wrong Saab

Girls that like me

*edit: Whoops, looks like I put the joke in title. My bad.

My girlfriend asked me "if I was a vegetable, what would I be"?

Apparently the answer she was looking for was "a Cute cumber", not "single"...whoops

TIFU by getting on the normal bus instead of the dyslexic one

Whoops, wrong bus.

If you ever trip in public...

...get up, laugh a little, and say, "Whoops, it's been awhile since I inhabited a body."

TIL that you can be kicked out of Subway for taking a bite out of someone else's food.

Whoops, wrong sub.

The Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town on a cold December day

"Just wait out here," says the Lone Ranger. "I need to see a man in the saloon. They won't let you in, it's illegal to serve alcohol to your people."

"It's freezing," complains Tonto as he hitches the horses to the rail. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Run up and down to keep warm," the L...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde comes home from school munching on a candy bar...

Her mom asks her where she got it.

"I got it from Johnny! All I had to do was climb the flag pole at school!" she says.

"Oh, Jenny! You're such a dumb-ass. He was just trying to look up your skirt and see your panties!"

"Whoops!" Jenny says.

The next day she comes home,...

I am one of the only survivors of the Kursk submarine incident. Ask Me Anything!

Whoops, wrong sub.

My vacuum cleaner recently had babies

Oh whoops, I meant my dog

I accidentally ordered a ham and cheddar instead of a turkey and swiss...

Whoops, wrong sub

[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest...

Whoops, wrong thread.

TIFU by watching Anime on a non-English website

Whoops, wrong dub

TIFU when my dyslexia made me take the wrong ride to work

Whoops, wrong bus

[x-post from r/dyslexia] Today I misread 63 as 68 so it took me twice as long to get home with the public transport

Whoops, wrong bus

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