UPJOKE
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Moo Jokes

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

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I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

Why did the moo run away?

Because it’s a cow word

Moo!

Uh. I mean. Knock knock.
“who’s there?”
Time Traveling Cow.
AI Image Generator

Reddit is secretly run by cows, and I can prove it!

[remooved]

The cow goes 'moo.' The horse goes 'neigh'. The pig goes

Can I see your licence and registration?

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

This guy shows up at a farm and says he knows how to make animals speak

The farmer says, "That's ridiculous."

So the guy walks up to the farmer's cow and says "Moo moo moo."

The cow replies in English, "Oh, thank you for asking. He generally treats me very well. He milks me promptly at 5:30am every morning. If I had one suggestion, I wish he'd change the w...

Deja Moo...

The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Have you heard of Deja moo?

It's the feeling you get when you heard this bull before.

This is absolutely unoriginal but should be shared anyway, because it's so good. Have a great rest of your day!

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said, “Baaaa.”

The first cow asked the second cow, “Why did you say baaaa?”

The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At kindergarten. Teacher: What new sounds you heard at the farm today? Kid 1: Moo. Kid 2: Oink. Kid 3: Quack...

Kid 4: get the fuck off my truck!

It’s white, says moo but it’s not a cow

A sheep with a identity disorder

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud



Credit to my 5 year old nephew

Why does a cow say "moo" when you scare it?

Because it's a cow-word.

A cowboy approaches this farmer and asks for a job...

... The farmer tells the cowboy that he has no vacancies - yet if the cowboy could do something special, he might consider.
The cowboy says: „Well, sir, I understand animals.“
„Ha,“ the farmer says, „how many times have I heard that before…“
In this moment, a cow moos from behind a s...

Why does the cow say moo?

So that he can, for a brief moment, escape the unbearable scream that is silence

What's pink and goes "moo"?

A pig with an identity crisis.

A dog says to the other, “Woof!” The other replies, “Moo!” The first dog is perplexed.

He says, “Moo? Why did you say, ‘Moo?’”

The other dog answers, “I’m trying to learn a foreign language.”

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

Bad cows, bad cows,

whatcha gonna moo?!

If cows say "moo" and ghosts say "boo", what does the ghost of a cow say?

Nothing. Cows don't have souls.

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn autocorrect!

My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does this make my butt look big?"

I texted back "Noo!"

My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"

Please send help!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Déjà Moo

When you are sure you have heard this bullshit before.

I posted a Joke involving a cow, but it was a little offensive apparently so I'll take it down

[remooooved]

If cows go moo and sheep go baa, what do pigs say?

I'll make America great again

I hate when during a dinner party someone brings up how inhumane killing cows is.

They really know how to kill the moo

Where does the hairy farmer hide his cows ?

In his moo stash.

What does an evil cow say after it does something evil?

“Moo hahaha…Moo hahaha”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adult Names

A man is driving his five-year-old son to school for his first day.

Suddenly the boy shouts out "Daddy! Daddy! Look at those moo cows in that field."

His father says "Hang on, you're a big boy now, you must use adult names. It's a cow, not a moo cow."

The boy i...

What do healthy cows eat for breakfast?

Mooesli

What currency do you use to buy a cow?

Moo-ney

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

Water melon and flies

There's a little girl who rides her bike up and down her street every day. *mind you it's the deep south and mid-summer* and she's see's the same middle aged overweight woman eating watermelon on her front porch in her moo-moo and the woman just so happens to not be wearing underwear. Any of these d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The joke store

A guy gets a job at a practical joke store.

To help him learn the ropes, the proprietor has him spend the first week just sorting through all the different practical jokes they sell, learning what they do and making sure everything's correctly labelled and organised. And what a variety! They'...

A brunet, a redhead, and a blond are trying to break out of the prison...

It took them weeks to find a weak spot on the wall where they could climb over in the middle of the night. After waiting for a cloudy, moonless night, they are finally ready to escape.

As the brunet climbs over the top of the wall, she makes a little bit of noise, and one prison guard asks an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny.

A labourer applies for a job on a farm.

The farmer asked him if he had experience and what he was particularly good at.

The labourer gave him his CV and said that he could actually communicate with animals.

The farmer wanted to test him and took him to the chicken shed.

O...

A zooaphile, a pyromaniac, a necrophiliac and a masochist are walking around..

...and they see a cow. The zooaphile says "hey guys, I'd like some time with that cow". The pyromaniac says "that's cool with me but when you're done I'm gonna set that cow on fire". The necrophiliac says "that's cool, when the fire goes out I'd like some time with that cow as well". The masochist...

What did the cow say when the chicken tried to tickle her?

"I'm not in the MOOOOOOOd!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A city slicker retires to the country...

Following a successful career on Wall St, Jim buys some land out in Nebraska to live a simpler life.

He has some of the land cleared and a huge, brand new ranch built.

Construction crews finish up, landscapers complete the final touches, and he moves the family in.

The next morn...

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Father is driving home with his child in the back seat

The boy looks out the window and, seeing a field full of cows, excitedly says to his father;

“Dad! Look! Moo moos!”

His father looks angrily in the rear view mirror and says

“They’re not called moo moos! They’re cows! Say it properly!”

The boy replies quietly “cows, dad.”...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al the farmer was stuck on his crossword puzzle and asking everyone for help. . .

"What's a three letter word that means low?" he asked his wife. She suggested dim but that didn't fit. Then he asked his son who suggested dim too, and so Al grew even more frustrated, but it was time to milk the cows. While out there he decided to ask his favorite cow Margaret the same question:...

What do you call a group of Canadian cows?

Moose.

What do you call a dragon with leather boots?

Moo-shoe

Everyone knows the Russians sent a dog to space, but lesser known is the mission where they sent a cow.

The mission went terribly and everyone involved, including the cow was sworn to secrecy. He was a cows-moo-not.

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