UPJOKE
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Moo Jokes

Why did the scared cow say "Moo?"

Because it's a cow word.

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I thought of this today, did I make a new joke?

Moo!

Uh. I mean. Knock knock.
“who’s there?”
Time Traveling Cow.

Why did the moo run away?

Because it’s a cow word

Reddit is secretly run by cows, and I can prove it!

[remooved]

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

This guy shows up at a farm and says he knows how to make animals speak

The farmer says, "That's ridiculous."

So the guy walks up to the farmer's cow and says "Moo moo moo."

The cow replies in English, "Oh, thank you for asking. He generally treats me very well. He milks me promptly at 5:30am every morning. If I had one suggestion, I wish he'd change the w...

Courtesy of my seven year-old son: What do cows call their clothes?

Moo

A cowboy approaches this farmer and asks for a job...

... The farmer tells the cowboy that he has no vacancies - yet if the cowboy could do something special, he might consider.
The cowboy says: „Well, sir, I understand animals.“
„Ha,“ the farmer says, „how many times have I heard that before…“
In this moment, a cow moos from behind a s...

What do you call a cow that can't moo?

A milk dud



Credit to my 5 year old nephew

The cow goes 'moo.' The horse goes 'neigh'. The pig goes

Can I see your licence and registration?

Have you heard of Deja moo?

It's the feeling you get when you heard this bull before.

This is absolutely unoriginal but should be shared anyway, because it's so good. Have a great rest of your day!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What do cows like to do in their spare time?"

Go to the moovies.

So, what is their favourite genre?

Moosicals.

Also, who is their favourite Italian dictator?

Moosolini.

And what's their favourite food?

(After they inevitably say some "moo" pun, reply in your dryest, most serious voice)

... No, co...

What does an evil cow say after it does something evil?

“Moo hahaha…Moo hahaha”

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

What's pink and goes "moo"?

A pig with an identity crisis.

I hate when during a dinner party someone brings up how inhumane killing cows is.

They really know how to kill the moo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Déjà Moo

When you are sure you have heard this bullshit before.

It’s white, says moo but it’s not a cow

A sheep with a identity disorder

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn autocorrect!

My Wife texted me a selfie in a new dress and asked "Does this make my butt look big?"

I texted back "Noo!"

My phone autocorrected my response to "Moo!"

Please send help!

If a cat goes meow and a cow goes moo, what does the dog say?

Ed...ward..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adult Names

A man is driving his five-year-old son to school for his first day.

Suddenly the boy shouts out "Daddy! Daddy! Look at those moo cows in that field."

His father says "Hang on, you're a big boy now, you must use adult names. It's a cow, not a moo cow."

The boy i...

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said, “Baaaa.”

The first cow asked the second cow, “Why did you say baaaa?”

The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”

What do you call a bull with only one horn?

A moo-nicorn

Bad cows, bad cows,

whatcha gonna moo?!

If cows say "moo" and ghosts say "boo", what does the ghost of a cow say?

Nothing. Cows don't have souls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At kindergarten. Teacher: What new sounds you heard at the farm today? Kid 1: Moo. Kid 2: Oink. Kid 3: Quack...

Kid 4: get the fuck off my truck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Father is driving home with his child in the back seat

The boy looks out the window and, seeing a field full of cows, excitedly says to his father;

“Dad! Look! Moo moos!”

His father looks angrily in the rear view mirror and says

“They’re not called moo moos! They’re cows! Say it properly!”

The boy replies quietly “cows, dad.”...

What is the dairy farmer’s favorite Disney movie?

Moo-ana

A dog says to the other, “Woof!” The other replies, “Moo!” The first dog is perplexed.

He says, “Moo? Why did you say, ‘Moo?’”

The other dog answers, “I’m trying to learn a foreign language.”

Where does the hairy farmer hide his cows ?

In his moo stash.

I posted a Joke involving a cow, but it was a little offensive apparently so I'll take it down

[remooooved]

A new supermarket opened near my house.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing, and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.

In the meat department, there is th...

What do healthy cows eat for breakfast?

Mooesli

I whistled and ran up to the cow, and it fled, letting out this really loud and distinctive "moo" as it ran off.

It was quite a cow word.

A zooaphile, a pyromaniac, a necrophiliac and a masochist are walking around..

...and they see a cow. The zooaphile says "hey guys, I'd like some time with that cow". The pyromaniac says "that's cool with me but when you're done I'm gonna set that cow on fire". The necrophiliac says "that's cool, when the fire goes out I'd like some time with that cow as well". The masochist...

If cows go moo and sheep go baa, what do pigs say?

I'll make America great again

Water melon and flies

There's a little girl who rides her bike up and down her street every day. *mind you it's the deep south and mid-summer* and she's see's the same middle aged overweight woman eating watermelon on her front porch in her moo-moo and the woman just so happens to not be wearing underwear. Any of these d...

Everyone knows the Russians sent a dog to space, but lesser known is the mission where they sent a cow.

The mission went terribly and everyone involved, including the cow was sworn to secrecy. He was a cows-moo-not.

how does a cow wash its mouth??

using a moo-thwash.

sorry. if you did nto like it..
i got this idea while i was .... showering.. thought to share with you all.

What do you call a black and white cow?

Moo-latto

A brunet, a redhead, and a blond are trying to break out of the prison...

It took them weeks to find a weak spot on the wall where they could climb over in the middle of the night. After waiting for a cloudy, moonless night, they are finally ready to escape.

As the brunet climbs over the top of the wall, she makes a little bit of noise, and one prison guard asks an...

What did the cow say when the chicken tried to tickle her?

"I'm not in the MOOOOOOOd!"

Three sheep are in a meadow

The first one says, “baaa”

The second one says, “baaa”

The third says, “moo”

The first one says, “what did you say!?”

The third one says, “Sorry. I’m currently studying a foreign language.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Funny.

A labourer applies for a job on a farm.

The farmer asked him if he had experience and what he was particularly good at.

The labourer gave him his CV and said that he could actually communicate with animals.

The farmer wanted to test him and took him to the chicken shed.

O...

cow herd holding a meeting to trap poachers.....

cow head: moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.

cow herd: moo moo moo

all nodded in unison: a pen.

Two in one!

"Knock knock"

"Who's th-"

"MOO! Tank."

"Tank who?"

"You're welcome. Knock knock."

"Who's there?

"Time travelling interrupting cow."

How does the cow own the dance floor at barnyard parties?

He's got the moos like Jagger.

Theres been an outbreak of bovine novovirus in Austria.

The hills are alive with the sound of moo sick.

what is the difference between a sad ghost and an angry cow?

one boos sadly the other moos madly

What did Donald Trump say to the cow?

Fake moos!

Recent polling of Redditors indicates users prefer Paul Bunyan and his animal companion to the current mascot.

Seems you prefer the blue moo in lieu of the Snoo.

I'm not gonna lie, my girlfriend is a cow. But there's something intriguing about her...

She moos in mysterious ways

Give me your best kids knock-knock jokes!

My 4 year old is a budding comedian, and her new favourite is knock-knock jokes. She keeps asking me for new ones that she can tell to people, but I can't find many good ones that she will understand.

The current go-to's are:

Knock knock -- Who's there? -- Europe! -- Europe who? -- No,...

What is a exodus of Cows called

A Moo-vement

Who is the most famous cow in France?

Albert Camoo

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