My little daughter came to me all excited, shrieking, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in October!” Playing along, I laughed, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...

It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them...

A cop pulls over a married couple on the highway.

Officer says to the husband, who was driving, "I'm pulling you over because I clocked you doing 65 in a 50."

"That's impossible officer, I had cruise control set to 55."

The wife chimes in "Ted, you know the cruise control doesn't work."

"Shut up woman!" shouts the husband.
<...

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On a crowded train, travelling somewhere in Europe.

A U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat before realizing that the only seat available was currently occupied by a well-dressed, middle-aged French woman's poodle.

The weary Marine asked, "Ma'am, may I have that seat?"
The French woman just sniffed, and said t...

A new guy starts work at a bakery.

He's handed his rota and his eyes lighten up: "Great, it's dinner-roll day!". The supervisor is puzzled to see such enthusiasm for so mundane a task as baking dinner rolls, but sure enough, the new guy goes to it with zest and panache and is soon turning out dinner rolls the like of which the superv...

Difference between falling from 1st and 10th floor

1st floor : Thud.....Silence......Shriek

10th floor : Shriek......Thud...Silence

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says "Man, it sure is hot in here."

The other muffin shrieks " Ahhhhh! A talking muffin!"

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Updating a classic for modern times [long]

When the news of covid hit Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me."


Well when lock downs started Tammy said "I don't need to worry, God will protect me". And she continued to see her friends, and be rude to restaurant staff when she got take out and show up to places tha...

Uncle Names Twins

A pregnant woman was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud m...

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Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

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Jane is on her honeymoon with Tarzan.

He lays stiff in bed awkwardly staring at the roof of the treehouse. "Have you ever had sex?" She asks, he stands up and points out the window, "when Tarzan horny, Tarzan poke hole in tree."

She walks over to him and says "Just do the same, pretend i'm the tree." He nods, and swiftly kicks he...

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A young painter once had an old ladder

The ladder was one he’d found in a dumpster a few years before and, since he was poor and needed a ladder, he snatched it up and considered himself lucky. Over time, as he used the ladder on large murals, it would invariably be off-kilter, would not sit flush to the wall, or a rung would slip and ro...

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A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot ...

A couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day. She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak...

Two blind pilots enter a plane.

They have sunglasses and white sticks. As the plane starts to move, the passengers are uncomfortable. The plane gains speed, but it stays on the ground. The remaining runway gets smaller and smaller, and the plane is rushing towards a fence.

The passengers start shrieking and suddenly the pla...

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

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This is a joke my dad always used to tell. Hope no one has heard it before

The Red Baron, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend for picnic by the river Seine. It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. The girlfriend leans over to The Red Baron and says, "Baron kiss me!" The Red Baron grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on his girlfriends Lips. "What ar...

A man walks into a museum.

While wandering, he trips and breaks a vase.
He panicks and picks the pieces up.
But the curator appears and almost has a heart attack.
"What have you done! that vase was 2000 years old." He shrieks.
"Oh thank God." The man sighs in relief. " I thought it was brand new."

A bumblebee suddenly wakes up in a cold sweat, realizing he has overslept and is about to miss his connecting flight home after a successful overseas business trip.

He makes a mad rush to the airport, suitcase in one hand, passport and airline ticket in the other. His tie flaps loose in the breeze, his shirt wrinkled and untucked, with his face covered in bushy bumblebee beard stubble.

He recklessly flies into the main entrance, nearly knocking over a fa...

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond. (Long)

The pond was at the edge of his land and his body wasn't as it used to be, so he hardly went to that part of his property but he decided he wanted to look it over. There were fruit trees surrounding the pond so before he left home, he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring some fruit back with him....

Marital Misunderstanding

It's 4.00am. A man comes stumbling home and bursts drunk into his bedroom. He's totally dishevelled, stinks of booze and has a goat tucked under his arm. His wife sits up with a shriek and shouts:

"How dare you come home in that condition! And what's that thing under your arm?"

Her hu...

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Me: I have a fear of the Backstreet Boys

Therapist: tell my why

Me: *shrieks in terror*

A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"

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Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

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My shop class teacher told me this one.

A physics teacher, an engineering teacher, and a shop class teacher all get on a plane.

As they're getting comfortable, the pilot comes in over the intercom. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen," he says, "I understand we have some teachers on our flight. We've got a special treat for them: ...

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The man hooking up with a lady warned her at the bar, "You should know I have a baby-sized Penis"

The lady says that's just fine and size doesn't matter.

They get to his apartment and he pulls down his pants, showing off an absolutely massive penis unlike anything she'd ever seen before.

"WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" she shrieks in terror.

"I told you I had a baby-sized Penis...

A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You are the lawyer!"

The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"

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Ladies night.

3 ladies are on a night out in a Harlem bar, discussing their men.

Lady 1: ".....well, I call mah man Long John on account o' he's got a looooooong John!

*much laughter, high 5's and shrieking follows*

Lady 2: "...uh-huh well, I call mah man Big Dick on account o' hes got a biii...

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A little boy tells his nursery teacher that he found a dead cat

'How did you know that it was dead?' Asked the teacher

'Because i pissed in its ear & it didn't move' Said the boy

'You did what?!?' Shrieks the teacher

'You know' Explains the boy, 'I lent over and went Pssst & it didn't move"

I went to the doctor the other day because I was having bad gas.

It wasn't bothering me because I'm Anosmic (no sense of smell), but my wife and kids were complaining.

By the time doctor came into the examination room, I had passed gas at least four times. They felt like smelly farts, but I couldn't really tell.

I told the doctor about my problem, ...

GOT MY CONCEALED GUN PERMIT YESTERDAY

went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small 9mm for home protection.

When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instruct...

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A travelling man stops at a pub in regional Australia for lunch and a beer.

He walks in and spots a poster that says "Make my horse laugh and cry and get $1000!".

The man goes up the bartender to ask what this is about.

Bartender: "We have a horse in the stable behind the bar, and if you can make it laugh and cry then you'll get $1000. We've had so many people...

A man and his wife were travelling down to sunny California for their honeymoon.

The husband arranged to go to their hotel a day earlier to prepare, and upon arrival sent his wife a quick email. But unfortunately he misspelled the address, and it got sent to a grieving widow, who's pastor husband had died the day before.

When the widow checked her email, she let out a shr...

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Two Priests and Two Nuns have dinner with His Holiness, the Pope.

Two priests are fishing on lake outside of Rome. It's a beautiful day, the sun is light, and the water is smooth. Suddenly the first priests fishing rod bends alarmingly; he has hooked a huge fish! It's a struggle but he managed to reel it in. It's a beautiful rainbow coloured fish and big enough to...

Two nuns were walking home one night down a very dark street.

One nun was called Sister Mathematical because of her gift for numbers and the other nun was called Sister Logical because of her gift for reasoning. They soon noticed that a man was following them. They would speed up, and he would speed up. They would stop, and he would stop. Sister Mathematical s...

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There once lived the most beautiful woman any man had ever seen. Unfortunately, a jealous old witch put a spell on the woman:

For the rest of her life, a tiny gremlin would live inside her vagina, and bite the dick off of any man who tried to lay with her.

Several suitors had tried and failed, always losing their precious member to the gremlin.

Finally one day a cunning young man decided to give it a go. W...

My wife walked in to the room, I snuck up behind her and yelled Boo!

She Shrieked, cried hysterically peed herself and ran outside.

I always do this to her but I guess it was funnier when I was alive.

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A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage.

A man and his newlywed wife are about to consummate marriage. Both are nervous and start getting undressed. The man takes his shoes and socks off and the woman shrieks "OMG! What's wrong with your feet?" The husband, having grossly misshapen toes replies "When I was a kid I contracted toelio." The b...

A senior citizen is pulled over by a state trooper for speeding.

The trooper says, “If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.” The old gentleman replies, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.” The trooper frowns. “That’s a repost, sir. You’re under arrest. I’m afraid I...

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Vampires!

So a Man and His newly wedded wife were about to have Sex in this Transylvanian Hotel. She was lying on the bed, dress in nothing but her tiny lingerie. Just when he was about to get on the bed with her and do the deed. A Vampire crashed through the roof between them. It stood there, menacingly, and...

A farmer had an argument with his wife

and she brought her mother to live with them. After 3 weeks of nagging, the mother in law went out one morning to the barn to the donkey stall. She was picking up the straw, and saw a spider. She shrieked, and the alarmed donkey kicked her in the head and killed her.

All the farmer's neighbou...

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Spot

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.


The problem develope...

A teenage potato brings her boyfriend home to meet the parents. "So, what do you do for work?" asks the inquisitive father potato. “Oh, I work for a TV company as a sportscaster." The father potato is furious and tells the boyfriend to leave immediately.

“Why did you do that daddy?!” shrieks the distraught daughter, eyes wide.

The father shouts, “I’m not having *my* daughter hanging around with a commentator!"

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Lizzard

So, not mine, but my favourite. Worth a read, I promise.




Lizard Birth

If you' ve raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish,
the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

I had to take my son's...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...

There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.

"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progre...

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A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

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The Terrible Legend of Bahuda

Three explorers are making their way through a one of those generic jungles that always shows up in these sorts of jokes, when they are suddenly ambushed by a tribe of massive cannibals. (That's "massive" in the sense that they are very large, although they are also particularly passionate about eat...

Two nuns are out on their bicycles visiting the poor

But as they cycle around the village, they get a bit lost and find themselves rolling down a steep, roughly paved hill. Shrieking, the nuns bounce down the hill.

At the bottom, one says to the other, “My goodness, Sister! Have you ever come that way before?”

“No,” says the other, “Must...

The devotee and the mad elephant

There once was a wise Guru who lived in a temple. He had several devotees who studied under him. Every day, he would teach them things about God and world.

"Guru, where is God?" asked a devotee one day.

"Everywhere, my son," said Guru.

"Everywhere?"

"Yes, everywhere. In e...

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A man inherited a massive sum of money from his great aunt, but it came with a catch...

As part of the terms of the inheritance, he was required to care for her cherished grey parrot. The executor told him if anything should happen to the bird, or if he ever chose not to take care of it, he would have to forfeit the inheritance and estate.

At first, this seemed simple enough, bu...

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A Gorilla is sitting in a tree...

...and he is a pretty horny. There are no other apes around but he sees the lion eating a boar and he thinks about it and decides that a hole is a hole so he jumps down and fucks the lion in the ass. the lion lets out a terrifying roar and whips around but the gorilla has already finished and is run...

The curse of the coffin

Three men, Gary, Dan, and Job, grew up together as best friends. They dreamed of one day becoming rich and would do anything to attain wealth. One day, as they were sitting in the local bar, they overheard another group of men discussing the long lost buried treasure of Captain Sleazybeard. The thre...

A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion.

So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture t...

A man was constipated, so he decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him and explained,

The doctor examined him and explained:"I'm going to give you some suppositories.

I'll insert one now, and then I'll give you another one for later this evening."

Later that evening, the man asks has his wife to insert the suppository.

She agrees reluctantly, puts one hand on ...

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It was the first Christmas and the first of the three wise men slowly approached the stable and gingerly crossed over the threshold into a big pile of horse crap...

Looking down at his gold slippers he let out a shriek---" Je-sus Christ!"

The woman at the manger turned to her companion and said,"Joseph,that's a better name for the kid than Irving."

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A young man walks into a lamp post

"Ouch!" the lamp post shrieked. "that was hella painful"

Appalled by what he heard, the young man went all crazy and started running down the streets, where he saw road crossing chickens, stupid blondes, fatherless black kids and an insane number of lawyers, engineers, priests, scientists, do...

A barbarian warrior is captured by the enemy

He was taken before the leader, and told that he had one opportunity for life: he must survive four trials by ordeal.

The first was to walk barefoot across a trench filled with hot coals.

The second, to drink a full quart of the most powerful spirit.

Third, he had to enter a ca...

A man meets a nice woman online...

They quickly hit it off, so he asks her out to dinner.

They date is going well, so the man invites the woman back to his place for a night cap.

Things are escalating quickly, so the man stops and looks the woman in the eyes.

"Listen, I need to be up front with you. Before we go...

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A guy walking down the street sees a sign above a store that reads "Cock Shop"

He decides to check it out. He walks in and heads to the counter and whips out his cock. The woman cashier lets out an audible shriek and asks "What the fuck are you doing?"

"The sign outside said Cock Shop, so..."

"Clock shop you idiot, the "I" is out" replies the angry cashier. "Look...

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Patrick brings home his new fiancé to meet his parents.

Patrick brings home his new fiancé, Stacy, and introduces her to his parents, who are staunchly Irish Catholic and very old fashioned.

His parents and Stacy get along very well and they have a nice dinner together. After dinner, they are in the living room exchanging stories, laughs, and bee...

An hysterical woman runs into

the country club proshop. "Help!" she shrieks, "I've been stung by a bee and I'm allergic!" unperturbed the pro says, "Calm down, ma'am, asking "Now just where were you stung?" "Between the first and second holes, " she replies. "Well, I'm no doctor, " he grins, "but offhand I'd say your sta...

Unjustice In Hell

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulphurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer snuggling up to a beautiful woman.

'That's unfair!' he cried. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to s...

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Of Biblical proportions

An elderly Catholic priest dies one night peacefully in his sleep after a long life of serving God, and finds himself standing at the pearly gates.

"You were such a pious and holy man in life," began St. Peter, "that as a reward you can make one request of me before leaving behind your worldl...

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Daffy Duck is at a convention

...and a groupie comes back to his hotel room and things start to get a bit hot and heavy, and after a while she says to Daffy, "Say, do you have any... you know, *protection*?"

And Daffy says "No, I kinda forgot to bring any, but that's OK, I'll just call reception," and he picks up the ph...

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are running from a serial killer

Frightened for their lives, they run into an alleyway and try to catch their breath.

"Quick!" says the brunette. "We have to hide!"

Wasting no time, the three girls run around the alleyway to find something to hide in. The redhead finds three human-sized bags and tosses them to her fri...

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[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

A knight and his men return to their castle...

...after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh," says the knight. "...

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An engineer, mathematician, and a programmer are trapped in another dimension

Suddenly before their eyes, the devil materializes.

"Escape from here is impossible without help from a higher power. I'll give you three wishes to escape. If you are still here, I can claim your soul."

"I wish to leave," said the engineer.

And so he disappeared, but a piercing ...

Put the P in pool

A police officer is on his beat walking past a public pool. A woman runs out of the pool area and shrieks “Officer!! Officer! There’s a man peeing in the pool!”

The cop responds “so what lady, everyone pees in the pool”

She responds, “well not off the high dive!”

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Some football fans are stranded in the woods

There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the li...

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Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

The living forest

There once lived a monk who took care of a sentient forest. The queen of a neighboring country heard of this forest and wanted to see it for herself, so she traveled there to meet the monk and see his forest.

The monk, honored by his esteemed visitor, showed her around, one beautiful grove af...

There is a horrible crash and 50 Pikeys are killed in a bus.

All 50 of them are sent up to heaven and are outside the golden gates where they are met by Saint Peter.



"Can we come in" one of the men ask.



Saint Peter has a look through the long list of sins they've committed and grimaces.



"You have all caused alot of...

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Hitler gets out of his morning shower and decides to check on his camps.

He dries his little handlebar and heads straight to Auschwitz to check on the Jews that he has gathered for safe keeping. Upon entering, he notices that none of his precious Jews are anywhere to be found. Hitler decides that they are probably finishing up in their morning shower as well, and goes to...

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A married man farts all the time...

And in one of his particulary explosive bouts of wind, his long suffering wife says the following. "One day you'll fart so hard you'll fart your guts right out!!"

With that, he just pays his wife's words with no heed and goes about his business.

A few days later, after the previous nig...

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Redneck Car Share

A redneck girl asks her daddy if she can borrow the truck this weekend. “Sure thing Mary Grace, but y’all know if daddy does a favour for you then daddy needs a favour in return and y’all know what your daddy needs! Your momma don’t be doing no favours for daddy these days”
&nbsp;

The ...

A bunch of groan-worthy one-liners

- Three guys walk into a bar. The fourth one ducks.

- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

- Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, "Something's fishy about this."

- Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "Oh ...

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These two guys , Scott and Steve die in a horrible plane crash

As they approach the pearly gates they come upon an able bodied administrator who goes by the name of Peter. This saintly individual welcomes them and says, we are a bit backed up today so we can offer you a visit with some of your fallen comrades while you wait if this pleases you. They quickly ...

Two French generals...

... of the Napolean army were watching a battle from a nearby hill. Suddenly, a stray bullet struck one of them in the shoulder. Without an instants' pause, he turned to his aide. "Fetch me my red jacket," he commanded. As the aide rushed to comply, he turned to the other General, and explained that...

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An Irish bloke goes to the doctor

and says "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya wood".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible," he says, "there is a $20 bill lodged up here". Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, only to see another $10 bill appear. "This is...

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On a cold night, during the Korean War, A young lieutenant arrives at a lonely Army camp.....

He was sent to replace the company commander who fell ill. The men greatly liked the old commander and weren't thrilled about getting a new one.. needless to say, the young lieutenant had a hard time fitting in but that didn't stop him from trying.
One night, while doing paper work, he saw severa...

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My German girlfriend rates our sex from 1-10...

Recently we were trying anal, and she started shrieking "nine" over and over again...

I guess she likes anal.

Visit to local gun shop

So I went to stay in the US and started getting used to the American way of life...
.
.

After a few months of staying there, I thought I should have a personal handgun as well.
.
.

Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon. 
.
.
.

So, today I wen...

An old man and an old woman went on a vacation to Las Vegas every year...

Each time as they walked past the helicopter rides the woman would say to the man "please please please take me on a helicopter ride!"

Every year the old man inquired about the cost of ride. Every year $100 was the response from the operator.

Being a frugal old man he would look over a...

The Future went to the hospital...

... with his wife, Past, as she was due to deliver their new baby. As the contractions got closer and more intense, the door bursts and there stood Present- out of breath from having run from the parking garage and soaked with sweat.

“I got here as fast as I could, dear- I wouldn’t miss the ...

A Priest and a Golfer are playing Golf.

On the first hole, the priest gets a hole-in-one. The golfer, wanting to show up the priest, tries to get a hole in one too. He hits the ball. It goes and goes. But it stops right in front of the hole. "Damn it! I missed!" yells the golfer. "Sir, That sort of language is not tolerated! If you say th...

An old Saint's joke

A Cajun died and went to hell.
The devil assigned him the usual punishment...put him in the mass pit where the heat was melting others. The devil came back sometime later, surprised to find the Cajun just sitting around, not even misting, much less sweating. "How come you're not so much as swea...

So an elderly couple

Jim and Jane, in a nursing home were having a torid love affair. Well, at 97 and 93, "torrid love affair" translates to a once weekly meeting at the nursing home TV room, where Jane holds Jim's johnson through an episode of "Friends".

This went on for a while, but one day Jim didn't show up....

A joke about hell

A man from Michigan, sick of the cold, decides he wants to take a break and go to Florida for a few days. His wife happens to be on a business trip and will arrive later. After the man arrives, he decides to send his wife a quick email to let her know he arrived safely. His wife had recently changed...

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The last joke my grandma told me

Note: My grandmother used to call me up once a week and tell me the latest joke that she had picked up from who knows where. She passed away earlier this year and I cannot begin to say how much I miss her jokes. This one was the last one that she ever told me. It wasn't the funniest by itself bu...

A muscular man walks into the bar with a tiny ragged doll

"What can I get you?" the bartender asks.
“A whiskey, neat, keep it coming” the muscular man orders.
Drink after drink, the bartender finally gathered the courage to ask;
"Why did you carry that tiny ragged doll around?
No offence sir, but one would normally assume it’s not your...

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