Caw Jokes

Well, technically it's only a murder if there's probable caws.

A Pringull.

The host looked at my crow costume with a disappointed frown.

“I thought I told everyone to dress like a crime!” He said, gesturing at his blood soaked butcher’s apron, and severed human hand.

“I get yours, manslaughter! But I did indeed wear an appropriate costume. Now watch this; ‘C... read more

Cow 1: Did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: Good thing I'm a helicopter.

A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?" "Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."

He had him on probable caws for an attempted murder.

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar... read more

Crow: Miss, would you donate to my charity?

Woman: Why should I?

Crow: CAW CAW CAW CAW

Woman: What does that even mean?

Crow: Its four good caws

He wanted to make a long distance caw

'Whats your charity called?' , asks the lady.

' CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! ' , said the crow,

' It's four good caws'

Their friends are all up on the power lines yelling "caw caw!"

The judge threw the case out. He said he had just caws.

Caws and effect

Thought Caw.

There once was a crow who was not like the others. He always was on the telephone line, and never went down on the road to eat roadkill like the other crows. He also warned the ither crows of oncoming cars. One day a bus hit all the crows because all the other crow knew was "caw, caw"

Don't automatically assume it's a murder of crows.

You can't have a murder without probable caws.

Joe and his family went on vacation for about a week, but when he came back, Dave noticed that he was very different, his mood and tendencies had completely changed.

This was not the same Joe.

The smoking gun was that Joe's eyes were not his usual green, but blue.

He flew to J... read more

Because they spend all their time hanging out at the caw ledge.

Caw-ph, Caw-ph, caw-ph.

Yee-caw

He is told to go through the door marked by a gryphon. As he does so, he wonders what this is all about. When he enters the room, he is stunned to see Malfoy obviously inebriated on the floor, just slitherin' over to the side, towards a guy who would repeatedly huff 'n' puff clouds of smoke. Next to... read more

A caw-casian.

When I was in school, some professors noticed that the crows on campus were astoundingly intelligent. These crows recognized that when lights were green, cars could go and when they were red, cars would stop. Using this knowledge, the crows would put nuts on the crosswalk so that during a green ligh... read more

There were many dead crows on highways in the Rocky Mountains this year. Ornithologists suspected it was due to vehicles hitting the crows.

This was surprising because crows have adapted to feeding on carcasses by having two birds watching from the trees while two birds feed. If there is a v... read more

He was fired for Just Caws

Because of the caw fee.

One day OP decides to get off reddit for a bit and go for a nice leisurely walk. After walking for a few hours he pauses at a park bench and sits down to collect his thoughts.

A crow lands on the bench beside him and takes him off guard by saying hello.

“Are... are you a talking crow?... read more

The crow. He never complains without caws.

...when all of a sudden a crow landed in front of me and promptly keeled over on its side. I set my lunch down and leaned forward to see what the matter was.

In that moment, an owl swooped in, plucked my sandwich off the bench, and carried it up to the treetop above me. Imagine my further sur... read more

They're in caw-hoots.

They brought an Ornithologist in, who discovered that 90% had been killed by trucks. After some study, they figured out that it was because the crows could say "Caw!" but not "Truck!"

The phone rings. Ethel answers, hello? Hey Ethel Bob home. Yeah hang on. Hey Bob! Yeah? Phone caw!

it was joined by five more in a few minutes. They sat cawing softly a bit, then flew off different directions.

I think I just saw an attempted murder.

For the Good of the Caws.

Inside he meets the owner who takes him around the store and shows him all of the products. There were lots of different ones, candy shaped like a dog biscuit, the grass a cow would eat, the worms a bird would eat and even one that looked like a T-bone steak!

The boy is awe-struck and can’t ... read more

Caw the Cawps!

Backstory - my daughter just woke up telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because... read more

A crow is sitting on a telephone pole when his mate, another crow arrives.

Crow#2 asks his friend: "Hey buddy, what are you doing?"

Crow#1: "Nothing really, just sitting here and looking stupid"

Crow#2: "Sounds cool, I wanna try that, too!"

An hour later a 3rd crow arrive... read more

The new parents are doing what they can, and the three chicks are noisy and demanding.

One day, the scientists notice that one of the chicks isn't making noise anymore. They see he's making the motions, but no sound is coming from his beak.

The scientists decide to do something to try ... read more

As a boy i had dreams that told the future.

One night when i was young, a crow came to me in a dream.

"Your aunt is going to die!" It cawed.
I woke up immediately and ran to tell my parents.
They told me
"Go back to bed its only a dream."

Then that morning they got a... read more