What happens when you get a bladder infection?

I dont know exactly, but urine trouble.

What do you call a country populated by people with weak bladders?

A uri-nation.

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

I don't get why people think pee is stored in the balls. It is a fact that pee is stored in the BLADDER.

There is a vas deferens between the two.

What's the difference between a pizza box and a bladder?

You feel better when your bladder is empty.

Me: Doc, my pee is tea colored. I think I have a bladder infection.

Doc: I see...

Me: What's urinalysis?

What do you call someone with spasms and bladder problems?

A twitch streamer.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

If piss comes from my bladder and semen comes from my balls, what comes from my finger?

YOUR MOM!!!

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What did Gandalf say to the guy with a shy bladder?

"You shall not piss."

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

People have asked if I pee when I take a shower

And the answer to that question is "yes, yes I have", to which I usually get a look of disgust from them. But I can't help it, I simply can't hold my bladder when I'm taking a shit.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Three old man are complaining about their age

The first old man grumbles "it sucks being 70, I can't take a piss because of my bladder issues, it never seems to want to come out unless I take my pills"


The second old man scoffs and goes "nah nah, 80 is where it gets real bad. My bowels are so bad, I can't shit without prunes and laxa...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Here's a dump of 8 fairly decent Dad Jokes!

**What do you call a homosexual police dog?** ^(a gay-9)

**Did you know that I was addicted to the hokey-pokey?** ^(luckily, I turned myself around)

**How do crazy women go through the forest?** ^(Through the psycho-path)

**You know what happens when you get a bladder infection...

New Redneck word: Oedipus

My uncle Edโ€™s got bladder problems, youโ€˜d be amazed how long it takes Oedipus!

Get your bowl ready for some Soup

Because this acrobat is about to do the splits and he has a very weak bladder

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Hamlet has to pee [Hamleak]

Quick little blurb I wrote in class:
โ€œTo pee, or not to pee, that is the question.
Whether โ€˜tis nobler in the bladder to suffer the slings and arrows of painful retention.
Or to take arm against a see of urine and by opposing relive it.
To go-to pee,
No more; and by a leak we say t...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

โ€˜โ€˜Twas the night before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A guy goes to the doctor for a physical. [Long]

The doctor tells him they have a new machine that can diagnose all ailments with 100% accuracy with a urine sample and would like to have him be the first to use it. The guy, curious, agrees.

The guy gives a urine sample and the doctor pours it into the machine. After some beeping and boopin...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

a little boy is being potty trained by his parents.

All starts going well except when in restaurant, the kid shouts "I need to pee!"

Embarrassed, the parents come up with a new idea. They tell their son "from now on, when you need to pee, just say you need to whisper". The son likes the idea. When he needed to go, he would say "Dad! I need to ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

No one can drink that much beer!

A woman and her husband go into a bar

The husband drink three pitchers in ten minutes.

He goes to the bathroom to empty out his bladder.

While inside a raggedy man comes up to his wife and says "I want to kiss you"

"My husband's in the bathroom! Absolutely not!" She ret...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident.

He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.


"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.


"Yes sir, what's happened?...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An upstart comedian speaks to a famous movie producer ...

"So, what's your idea?"

"Well, I want to make the film about how a wealthy New York businessman raised his child to become a selfish, arrogant prick just like himself. The boy's such a fucking asshole that even his neglectful father gets sick of the rat and sends him to a military academy. ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man takes his wife Susan to Jamaica for their honeymoon.

While out partying and drinking at a nightclub, the husband feels the pressure building in his bladder and rushes to the bathroom. He begins to relieve himself when he notices a tall Jamaican man at the urinal next to him is looking straight as his dick. Too drunk to care, the husband continues to...

An Elderly Couple Go To Their Doctor For A Checkup

The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee, the good Lord turns the light on for me."

 

The doctor decides not to co...

First thought when coming across a skid mark in the toilet

Women:
"Eeww! That's horrible; I must get cleaning equipment before I can use this."


Men:
"Hmmm... Can I remove this with the contents of my bladder?"

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Little Timmy woke up one morning desperate to pee.

He bounded out of bed and hurtled across the landing to the main bathroom. Eager not to cause an upset, he carefully prised open the bathroom door.
In the bathroom, Timmy's sister, Lucy, was shaving her legs. Unfortunately, she caught a spot on her razor, causing a stab of pain. Blood started to ...

A SEAL and his Sculpture

There was a Navy SEAL living undercover in the depths of Eastern Russia where they regularly hold ice sculpting competitions. He had been there for a while and was longing to liven up his stay there so he decided to enter the next one. There was a shop in town that he could buy sculpting supplies fr...

A blind man goes on vacation

A blind man goes on vacation. He's never been to Texas, and decides to check it out. He books his plane tickets, heads to the airport, and gets on the plane. When he sits in his seat, he's amazed to discover that the seat is much bigger than any airplane seat he's ever sat in.

"Wow, this seat...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two old men are talking about life.

One says to the other, "I've been having trouble going to the toilet recently, waking up in the middle of the night to empty my bladder and can't go when I get there. Things are becoming really irregular. Do you have the same problems?"

The other old man replies, "Nope, perfectly regular. I p...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

The Wagerer

A guy walks into a bar, is seen by the bartender wandering from table to table, occasionally making them laugh, occasionally getting a scowl and pocketing a few dollars. Finally, he makes his way to the bar and sits down. "Whats all that about?" asks the barkeep

"Oh, I'm a professional wagere...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two guys and a snake ....

This is a true story.
Two good friends, Jerry and Ralph, were out walking in the desert one day when Jerry goes off behind a cactus to take a leak. While he's draining his bladder a snake leaps up and bites him on the end of his dick. Ralph on hearing Jerry's scream runs over and says, "What ha...

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