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What's the difference between an Art School Graduate and a loose anal sphincter?

One is a failing artist, the other is an ailing fartist.

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I'm really fortunate for my sphincter muscle.

Without it I'd lose my shit.

Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter?

Because it's a catastrophe :-)

Yeah, ok, I'll be going now.

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My dad went to his girlfriends house for the first time when he was in college...

It was thanksgiving dinner, and he had been invited over since they had been dating for well over two years. In the middle of the meal, he felt a fart brewing. Hoping it wouldn’t be a sphincter-symphony, he lifted a cheek and slowly let it out. To his dismay, it was audible (though more of a piccolo...

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Police tricked an anal rapist into confessing.

They caught him hook, line, and sphincter.

CNN recently released a new report from one of Trumps closest aides. The unnamed source has disclosed that Trump has been diagnosed with sphincter dysfunction.

President Trump responded: "the news is fake, but the leaks are real."

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Parts of the body having a debate.

One day all the body parts are gathered together to discuss who amongst them should be the leader.

The brain steps forward and says "I should be the leader for i am the cleverest. I keep everyone organized and find solutions to problems."

Everyone is quite impressed until the heart st...

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What did the colon say to the sphincter?

Cut the shit!

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A woman is speeding down the highway

while driving her convertible sports car. She flies past a billboard, behind which is parked a highway patrol officer. Startled by her outrageous velocity, the cop flicks on his lights and siren and pulls out from his hiding spot, tearing up asphalt to close the gap.

She notices his approach...

Sure, the BMW symbol kind of looks like a sphincter, but

I could already tell by the way you were driving.

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This guy was constipated...

... so his rectum and sphincter start talking.

"Cmon rectum, you can do it! Push!"

"Don't patronize me, asshole!"

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The Magic Fish

A man is fishing on a lake when he catches a fish.

The fish says to the fisherman, "I'm a magic fish! I since you caught me I have to grant a wish ...But only on one condition."

The fisherman asks what the condition is.

"In order to grant your wishes I need to swim up int...

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Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident.

He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.


"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.


"Yes sir, what's happened?...

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I Wrote This On The Toilet

Toss and turn I clench my cheeks,
I'm half awake and half asleep,
My stomach growls and up I sit,
To take my nightly sloppy shit

And as I stumble in the dark,
I concentrate lest I should fart,
For if I do disaster strikes,
I'll shit my pants in this cold night

A...

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The organs in the body get into an argument...

(Heard this from my mom who works in a hospital...)

The brain says "I'm the most important. I control everything". The heart says "yeah, but without me, you'd have no blood and couldn't function". The lungs say "but without me, you'd have no oxygen in the blood". They liver says "yeah but ...

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What's the smartest muscle in the human body?

The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas.

Gliding Eagles

Two eagles were gliding at a high altitude and discussing life, when a F-15 fighter jet zooms above them. It throws them off course and ruffles up their feathers.

They calm down and get back on track gliding next to each other.

The first eagle, excitedly 'Wow!! Now thats what I call sp...

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The generals' stroll

Two generals are walking through a military base when they notice a pile of dog shit in front of them. They stop, examining it ponderously and begin to debate. The debate stretches on and on until the taller and thinner of the two calls out to a nearby soldier:

"I say, private! Tell us what t...

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He was extremely nervous to have dinner with his girlfriends family

He was sitting around the table with his girlfriend right next to him, her mother on the other side, her two siblings in the middle two seats, her father directly across from him at the head of the table, and the family dog, Spot, relaxed on the floor.

All of a sudden the urge to fart hit ...

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