Liver Jokes

Dominos: "We don't do liver."

Man with hand over the phone whispering to his wife, "I thought you said they do the liver?"

Wife: "I said they do deliver."

Man: "Not according to this guy."

The German doctor replies: "That's nothing. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job."

The Russian doctor replies: "Well, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and in 2 weeks he was looking for a job."

The... read more

I'll drink to that.

So I can drink more, and care less

One dog is a rottweiler, the second dog is a German shepherd and the third dog is none other than the Taco Bell Chihuahua. They were just sitting at the bar when suddenly who should come walking in but Lassie herself. She saunters up to the three dogs and says, "If one of you can creatively use 'liv... read more

He didn't like onions.

Fortunately I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I only abuse it when I'm drinking

So a viva exam was going on which the students had identify the organ shown and tell their functions.
There was this one student who was really struggling with identifying the organ that was shown to him. He was saying random organs like 'heart, kidney, liver etc'. The examiner eventually felt pi... read more

Spleenbasin

"That's ridiculous" said the doctor. "You'd never know if you have liver disease, there's no discomfort of any kind".

"Exactly!" says the man "Those are my precise symptoms!"

Because they are well organized

She said I had a cute liver failure.

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

and the doctor tells him he needs a transplant. Then man asks if it is necessary.

The doctor says its liver die.

Hepatitis Eh?

That surgeon really de-livered!

Did you just make them an organ donair?

You just have to beat your liver.

I guess you could say he always de-livered.

Because without it you'd die!

Oregon

The doctor asked: "When do you typically drink?"




The man replied: "i drink when flying. Calms the nerves."




The doctor sat back. "I see. Would you describe yourself as an alcoholic? Perhaps alcohol isn't the issue after all."




The man thought fo... read more

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

Dude: Stop listing your problems man. Just give me the menu.

well, it depends on the liver.

Nobody really likes liver on pizza anyways.

A liver pool.

A sturgeon.

Three dogs are walking down the street when they spot an enticing female poodle. The German Shepherd, English Bulldog and the Mexican Chihuahua approach the poodle to win her over.

The poodle decides to make a game of it, and tells them "I will go with whichever one of you can best use the w... read more

Patient: "No thanks, I'd like my baby to keep her liver".

Alcohol poisoning is a liver die situation.

The boss looks over their resumes, sees they are all equally qualified, and can't decide who to hire. He decides to give them a test.

Boss: Fellas, I can't decide who gets the job, you are all equal in
every way. So here's a question, whoever gives me the best
an... read more

Doctor: You are in trouble, your liver is enlarged

Patient: Does that mean I have more space for whisky now?

After the *delivery*.

The clerk looks at him and asks: 'Aren't you a vampire?'
The vampire says: 'Yes, I am.'
To that the clerk responds: 'Oh, then I have much better stuff for you than bread. I have bloody sausages, nice fresh liver, duck blood, pork blood - whatever you want!'
The vampire replies: 'No, thank... read more

A recent study has identified the hospital operations with highest rate of mortality.
In the United States it’s open heart surgery.
In Australia it’s liver transplants.
And in Russia it’s opening a window…

Lets just say

(•_•) / ( •_•)>⌐□-□ / (⌐□_□)

OP De-livered


 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Not ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^a ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^true ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^story

He heard it had de*liver*y flavor.

she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one C... read more

Livers are important.

The father looked at the nurse with a scared face and said “I’d rather my baby be born with a liver.”

Now I'm getting the electric chair after I was caught trying to get the liver of a politician.

It turns out they need their liver.

I’ve always hated liver!

I said "But doc, I love alcohol so much! Isn't there anything I could do?"

He rolled his eyes and said "Cry me a liver."

The Brain to the Liver: “You’re a 6.”

The Spleen to the Colon: “You’re a 7.”

The Urethra to the Bladder: “Urinate.”

OBGYN: Hi, I'm here to deliver your baby.

New Parents: But but but.... we want him to keep his liver!

They see a billboard saying:

Vodka + water = kidney problems;

Rum + water = liver problems;

Whiskey + water = heart issues;

Gin + water = brain damage;

Says one to the other “dude, looks like there are some serious issues with water supply in this town”

Our livers!

Why don't they just order it without the livers?

Mitch McConnell goes to the doctor for a regular checkup. The doctor checks his heart. Then he checks his breathing, his eyes and ears. He does the works. After finishing checking him up and just before sending him out the door McConnell asks.

McConnell: “Hey doc I’d like to donate my body to... read more

Don't babies need their livers?

A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whiskey; it's give... read more

They should just avoid putting the liver in the first place

The Liver

Next morning He found Her asleep on the same spot and quickly went to the meat shop and bought a whole cow liver, went back home and carefully placed it right by her crotch and left to work.
When He came back home found His wife crying and had a pale face. He said whats wrong?

Wife: I los... read more