A woman goes to the doctor's to have a strange mark on her tummy looked at. The doctor said, "Do you by any chance have a boyfriend who attends Wisconsin University?" Confused, the girl asks, "Why do ask?"

The doc chuckles, "I'm not just a doctor, I'm also an amateur detective. It looks like your lover likes to wear a sweater with the initial letter of their university emblazoned on the front. It's mildly abrasive quality has been rubbing on your skin."

"Not bad doc!" she says. "Not bad at all!...

Ants in your tummy

A guy complained to his doctor about stomach pain and after a quick x-ray his doctor tells him he has ants living in his lower intestines. The doctor tells him to buy a watermelon and poke a hole in it and sit on the hole so the queen ant can come down, taste it, and call out the rest of the ants so...

I heard a report about a bad outbreak of the tummy bug, apparently 9 out of 10 people there suffered from diarrhea.

I can’t stop thinking about that tenth person who apparently enjoyed it.

A little boy walks into his parents’ room

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother rep...

A middle-aged woman has a heart attack and sees the angle of death beside her in the ambulance.

"Am I dead?" she asks.
The reaper says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”.

When she wakes up after surgery, she is happy to be alive after that near death experience, and with 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets bre...

A lady with a mildly upset tummy gets on a street car for a cross town appointment...

When approaching the first stop, she notices the street car’s brakes make a horribly loud racket. Given the state of her upset tummy she decides that she can take advantage of the street car’s worn brakes. Cautiously, upon approaching the next stop she perfectly times the release of a small amount...

A plane was traveling across the Atlantic...

...when there was an explosion from one of the engines.

Pilot: "I'm afraid we're all gonna crash and die because it's just too heavy to keep it in the air."

Despite throwing all unnecessary items from the plane, it still descended rapidly.

Suddenly, a Frenchman stood up and shou...

Little John and his mother were attending church

Suddenly in the middle of mass, John clenched his tummy and looks distressed

Concerned his mother asks him, " What's wrong, son?"

John replies," My tummy really hurts, I think I am going to throw up"

Since the mass was still underway, she turns to him and says , " Ok, You know w...

Young Timmy asks his mother a question.

"Mummy?" begins Timmy

"Yes, Timmy?" she responds, a smile on her face.

"Why do you jump up and down on Daddy's tummy in bed at night?"

Slightly shocked, she held her composure. "Well, Timmy, it's because I'm pushing all of the air out of Daddy's tummy so that it doesn't look so ...

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken tothe hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up? "

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.She even had someone come in and change her hair color...

A kid asks his mom why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy

This kid went to ask his mom one day why she's always bouncing on Daddy's tummy. He didn't understand and would assume that it would hurt.

The mom responded that she was doing that so that Daddy's tummy would not bloat up and get fat.

The kid then replied, "Mommy, that's never going t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johhny was playing with a bottle in the street

when a priest happend to be walking by and said "what are you doing there sonny"
he said, "im playing with this bottle of sulphuric acid"
The priest, shocked said "don't you realise thats very dangerous!? Here, look. I'll trade you this bottle of Holy water.
Little Johnny said "oh, no way"...

Son walks in

And sees his mother jumping on his dad in bed

The day after son asks his mum what she was doing jumping on top of her dad and she replied that she was trying to remove air from his tummy.

Son replies"Mum is useless because the baby sitter keeps pumping him again"

A woman steps in front of a bus and dies instantly.

She finds herself at the pearly gates, being greeted by God himself.



He looks the woman up and down, and says "Hm... Strange. It's not your time! I'm sending you back."

"Sending me back? How long until it IS my time?" she asks.

"Worry not, my child. You have many, many m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dave was suffering from a terrible headache, so he went to see his doctor, who was a recent medical graduate.

The young doctor listened to him carefully and told him, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to pour some gin down your ass."


"What???" said Dave. The Doctor repeated patiently, "Go home, lie down on your tummy, open your ass wide and ask your wife to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How come when a woman is pregnant, people rub her tummy...?

How come when a woman is pregnant, people rub her tummy and say, "Congratulations" but no one rubs the guy's balls and says "Good job"?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"What is the fastest thing you know?"

"What is the fastest thing you know?" the interviewer asked to 4 candidates.

Dave, the American, replied,"A THOUGHT”. It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."

"That's very good!" replied the interv...

A cat goes to the doctor to get diagnosed

He goes to his office and says:

Cat:"Doc, the last few weeks have been really rough, My head is starting to hurt a lot and my tummy hurts"

Doctor:"Well, those are common symptoms for...Damn it I forgot what's its called!"

Cat:"C'mon doc, I'm dying from curiosity"

Doctor:"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man from Brazil

Who swallowed a dynamite pill

His tummy perspired

His butt backfired

And his balls flew over the hill

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Evolution of bowel issues

The evolution of communication about stomach issues with your significant other:

Dating: Sorry, I can’t go out. I don’t feel so well tonight.

Engaged: I need to stay home honey. My tummy hurts.

Newlyweds: Ohhh. I don’t think that food agreed with me. I’m not feeling so well. Ta...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The first day of first grade

The teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand ...

My first girlfriend was experienced

On our third date my girlfriend and I made our way to the back seat of my car. I explained I was new at this so needed instruction. She unbuckled her pants and told me to start rubbing her tummy and whisper in her ear. As I rubbed her tummy and whispered "I love you" in her ear she said "lower, lowe...

A joke my pastor told this morning at church

A woman has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God.

"Will I die?" she asked.

"No," God replied, "You will live for another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days."

At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life.
...

Timmy and the priest #1

One day little Timmy is sitting on the front porch contemplating a bottle of turpentine. A priest walks by and asks Timmy what he has.

"Well, Father this here is the most powerful liquid in the world. This here is turpentine."

"Actually, Timmy, the most powerful liquid in the world is...

Two cannibals were walling down the street.

They were going to meet with all the other cannibals in their village, but as they're walking together, one turns to the other and says: "I don't feel so good."

The other one goes: "What's wrong?"

The first one whimpers: "My tummy, it hurts."

The second one says: "It must have ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A middle aged lady had a fall and went into a coma.

While in coma, she had a near death experience in which she spoke to God.

"You've been very kind and generous" said God. "I'll give send you back and give you many more years on earth." Poof! She was sent back and fully recovered.

She decided to get a facelift, a nose job, boob job, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady meets a little girl in the park with her dog.

She asks, "What's your name, little girl?"
"Blossom," answers the girl.
"Oh, that's a beautiful name. How did you get it?"
The little girl explained, "Well, my mommy was pregnant, and a blossom fell out of a tree and landed right on her tummy, so she named me Blossom."
"Oh, that's so nic...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Watching Childbith

The nurse approached him, smiling. "The labor is going great," she said. "Wouldn't you like to come in?"

"Oh, no," the man shook his head.

The nurse returned to the mother's side, and the labor progressed smoothly.

As the birth neared, the nurse returned to the man, now pacing f...

A five year old boy won't stop sucking his thumb...

His mother has tried everything: gloves on his hands, bad-tasting glaze on his fingernails, rewards charts, etc., but somehow or another her son would always end up with his thumb back in his mouth.

Finally, after many exasperating months, the mother bursts out with, "Listen, son: Every time ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 5 year-old son caught me having sex with my wife.

He asked, "Dad, what are you doing with Mom?"

"I was just pushing the air out of her tummy." I replied.

"It's no use, I saw our neighbor blowing air between Mom's legs every morning after you leave for work."

Dad how are babies made?

Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy swallow the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy walked out of the bathroom...

..... holding his tummy and walked up to his mom and said,"Mommy I have diarreah, can you give me a Viagra?" The mom perplexed told him, "You don't take Viagra for diarreah." The little boy replied, "But thats what you told daddy to take to get his shit hard."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy goes to the circus for the first time with his mom and dad...

His dad gets up and goes for a piss. While he's gone, one of the elephants rises up and rests his feet on a giant red ball. The little boy sees the elephant's genitals flop down and is shocked.

"Mommy! What's that thing under the elephant, that long hanging thing?"

Embarrassed, the mot...

Men are better cooks

With just a piece of sausage and an egg, they can fill a woman's tummy for 9 months.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tommy goes to the doctor complaining about increased appetite and insatiable hunger.

The doctor asks for the symptoms and diagnoses that he has tapeworms. The doctor prescribes medication and asks to meet him in a week. Tommy comes back and says that it was ineffective and that he still feels hungry all the time.

The doctor prescribes new stronger medicine but even then T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop was walking through the park...

...on a beautiful summer day. He comes upon a tiny blond girl in a white dress playing with a puppy under an apple tree.

"Hello, little one! What's your name?"

"Blossom", she chirps.

"And where did that come from?"

"When I was in my mommy's belly, an apple blossom fell...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

WOMEN eh!

Boob-jobs,

nose-jobs,

teeth bleaching,

tummy tucks,

liposuction,

colonic irrigation,

botox,

pierced ears,

pierced nipples,

pierced bellies,

pierced clits,

eyebrows plucked,

bikini wax,

armpits shaved,

l...

Two kids watch a pot-bellied man undress in a changing room,

One of them say "What is in your tummy that makes it so round?" To have some fun the pot-bellied man says, "A bomb". Dumbfounded the second child says, "What a short fuse!"

A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror

....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband "I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"
Husband says "well, your eyesight is spot on"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pillsbury Doughboy

So, the Pillsbury Doughboy was walking down the street one day minding his own business when Woody from Toystory happens upon him. The two recognize each other and say hello, and have a little chat. As the pair were saying their good byes, Woody asks "Can I poke your belly." Doughboy says "I would r...

Don't Eat Too Many Lollipops

A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.