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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."





"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."





"I should be in charge,...

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, Linda, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.

The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Linda very discreetly about the problem, and told her to m...

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After death, the only organ in the female body which remains warm...

is my penis.

The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out.

The brain is the most important organ in your body.

-Brain

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

My dad told me to get an organ donor card...

He’s a man after my own heart!

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What’s the warmest organ in a dead body after 24 hours?

My dick

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

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It takes guts to be an organ donor,

but it takes balls to be a semen donor.

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

What kind of organization does an atheist start?

A non-prophet one

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

I was trying to explain what the world health organization was to my daughter.

She was like, “The who?

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

A friend told me that they read an article from a major health organization that Coronavirus is going to be worse than earlier reported.

“WHO said that?”

“Yes.”

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

Humans are just organ banks

And so is my refrigerator

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

Just quit my side job as an organ harvester. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

It was too disheartening.

What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

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What is a man's most sensitive organ while masturbating?

His ears

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult.

Good players are hard to find.

How does the nasa organize a party?

They planet.

What do you call a bunch of crows organizing a gang?

Attempted murder.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he found out his school was organizing a show and tell about classical music ?

I'll be Bach.

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Two old jews are sitting in a park and reading newspaper

One of them notices that the other's paper is from a really antisemite organization and basically a pure antisemitic propaganda

"What the hell are you reading? Why don't you read our jewish papers?"

"You see Chaim" the other man says calmly "When I read our newspapers all I see are pog...

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

i told my organ donor

i can’t liver without you

he said
my heart goes out to you

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

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We decided to organize an intervention for our friend, who is addicted to taking laxatives.

I said, “This shit needs to stop.”

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

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Silicon boobs are organic and 100% natural

Because Silicon is the most common element in the Earth's surface.

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My grandfather organized bukkake parties for the Nazis.

They were excited about all the faceism.

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

A little boy asks his mom: "Is it true we have organs in our body?"

"Of course, darling!" replies the mother.
"Then I think I have a problem: one pipe is sticking out!"

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

Man I hate organic chemistry

It can be so indecisive. Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group it always responds: “Ether”.

Can someone explain nonprofit organizations to me?

They don’t really make any cents.

I organized a threesome last night.

There were a couple of no shows, but I still had fun.

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School

The male teacher in a girls’ school asked the science class: “Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?”

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, “Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain ...

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they don't have any organs!

What sound does an organic train make?

CH3COOH CH3COOH

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Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ.

Then I thought,look what’s telling me that

I'm considering a career in organized crime.

Which is best : Government or Private Sector ?

I'm organizing a rally against the right peaceably to assemble.

It will be the protest to end all protests.

(There, original joke. Looking forward to coming back in a few days and seeing a re-post of it make the front page.)

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

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A professor asks his students which organ is the most important. One student immediately shouts his answer. “The penis,” he says.

Professor: Please tell me how you arrived at your conclusion.

Student: Circular reasoning.

Professor: Logical phallusy.

Four surgeons are discussing about who they like to operate on.

The first one says “I like to operate on librarians. When you open them up, everything is sorted alphabetically”

The second one says “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up, everything is numbered and organized”

The third one says “I like operating on electricians. When...

I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now

they are a non-prophet organization

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A woman I had been seeing told me after we had sex for the first time, "I didn't know you had such a small organ."

I told her, "I didn't know I was going to be playing Carnegie Hall."

What do you call it when an organic lifeform goes out with another organic lifeform?

Carbon dating.

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

I’m a pianist.

My girlfriend asked me if I’d like rose on my piano. I told her that I’d rather have tulips on my organ.

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

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Why is an elephants leg considered a sexual organ in India?

When it steps on you, you’re fucked.

I like Elton John. Brilliant on the piano

Sucks on the organ tho.

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A self-made millionaire decided that he was lonely and needed to find a mate. So, he organized a bit of a competition for it.

As his search neared the end he narrowed the choices down to four.

One was a doctor. She was a surgeon, made incredible money. She was focused and driven. Because she was so wealthy on her own, he knew she wasn't in it only for the money.

One was a lawyer. Again, a successful professio...

My job as an Organ donor

Is literally killing me.

How did the organic vegetable die?

Natural causes

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

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What organ can expand to 10 times it is size............

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student
Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going ...

What is better than a rose on your piano?

Tulips on your organ

An english schoolteacher was in Switzerland...

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make final preparati...

Miss Beatrice, the church organist,

was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea.
As he sat facing her ...

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Catholic school girls

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with t...

If Amazon were a human what would be it’s most important organ?

Da liver

How do you organize a trip from the Earth to Mars with your friends?

You planet

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

What is the difference between organized crime and the Whitehouse?

The Whitehouse isn’t organized.

What do you call a terrorist organization of math teachers

Al-Gebra

What kind of food do organ donors eat?

Organic

People in China eat all kinds of crazy foods

But for some reason they only take halal organ donors

What’s better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ

(Not original but worth the share)

At the start of the wedding party the organizer announced that they had ordered a whole pig, but something went wrong with the delivery and the pig would be late/not coming.

One guest said: "I hope this will be the last time in this relationship that someone says "what is taking that pig so long?""

The government offered to buy my guns from me

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

I tried to set up autopay for my hospital bill but I must have missed by one letter.

Instead I had my vital organs removed, toxicology tests, and a pathologist report on how I died.

Human organs are the opposite of old action figures

People pay a lot more for them once you take them out to the original packaging

At dinner last night

The waiter kept making the freudian slip calling the caesar salad caesarean salad. I asked him if he had any natural births, because I am eating organic.

Nobody at the table found this funny so I thought I would share because I found it hilarious.

An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist....

An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist are asked if a certain horse will win the race. The organic chemist asks what the horse has been eating and drugs given to it. The analytical chemist asks for the makeup of the track and mud. The physical chemist starts with "If we as...

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.

Spider-Man.

How do you transport an organism with a membrane bound nucleus?

Eukary-it

What is the two best part of a wedding?

The playing of the organ and the coming of the bride.

I want to quit my job and start a non-profit organization...

...but my wife insists that it doesn’t sound like a good business decision.

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Three scientists want to know how long can an organism live without shitting

They try to test it with a pig, so they put a plug in his butthole and start feeding him for days.

The first two weeks the pig is ok, but the third week the scientists see that the pig has become very very fat, so they decide to remove the plug from his ass.

The problem is they don't k...

Organ meeting (different from the one when they argue who is in charge)

All the organs and body parts have a meeting. Brain informs them that once a year, they can afford a therapy for one of them, to help it function properly again. Brain then asks them if they have any problems, so it knows which one needs therapy the most.
"All the smoking completely ruined us....

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The organ grinder

On a hot day an organ grinder comes into a bar with his monkey and orders a beer. As the organ grinder is sipping his beer, the monkey runs down the bar, squats over a martini, and dips his balls in to cool off.

The guy with the martini shoos the monkey away and orders another martini.
...

I’m thinking about starting an underground business selling human organs...

It’s gonna take a lot of guts.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is organizing a marathon to raise money for the rebuild of Norte Dame...

... It's slogan is ...

'Run with me if you want to give'

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