A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

Then I realized who was telling me this.

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

This guy marched up to me and asked, "Excuse me, but have you considered becoming an organ donor?"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Father, I think this church should be able to afford its own!"

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After death what is the only organ in a womans body that is warm

My penis

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

They say five inches of fat is needed to stop a bullet reaching the organs

Which explains America's obesity problem.

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

Where does bitish surgeons keep donor organs?

In Liverpool.

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

Been trying to organize a local hide and seek competition, but it's been quite difficult.

Good players are just hard to find.

The donor organ was going to be a bit late...

I was going to tell the patient, but I didn't have the heart to.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."





"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."





"I should be in charge,...

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

What do you call a person who gives feedback to living organisms?

A Bioreactor!

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

The male organ is confused.

It doesn't know whether it's coming or going.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD have a bet to see which organization is best...

They decide to release a single rabbit into the forest, and whoever can find it in the least amount of time is the best.

The FBI goes first. The interrogate all the animals, search every hole and cave and after 24 hours reluctantly admit that they can’t find the rabbit.

The CIA then go...

As long as it’s organic

The cannibal is dragging two coffins to home for his children. Kids see their dad and start screaming joyfully

Yaaay, daddy brought us canned food!!!

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.

It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.

What do you call a house that organizes your stuff?

Marie Condo.

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

The World Health Organization has declared that dogs cannot transmit Coronavirus, and there is no reason to quarantine dogs anymore.

W.H.O. let the dogs out.

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

Do you know about the World Health Organization?

Me : WHO?

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

My dad told me to get an organ donor card...

He’s a man after my own heart!

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl??

See? Sometimes alcohol IS the answer!!

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

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It takes guts to be an organ donor,

but it takes balls to be a semen donor.

I tried to create an organization for dads to protest drunk driving

But it was just a FADD.

Why was a group of lemurs framed for organized crime within seconds?

They were a conspiracy.

What kind of organization does an atheist start?

A non-prophet one

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

Humans are just organ banks

And so is my refrigerator

Hey, a job just opened up for a tulip planter.

You can plant *two* *lips* on my organ.

Just quit my side job as an organ harvester. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

It was too disheartening.

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There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

I was trying to explain what the world health organization was to my daughter.

She was like, “The who?

Did you hear abute the organization that advocates for Canadians’ gun rights?

The “NR, eh?”

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they’re herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.

“One of them’s missing,” said the first man.

“Oh dear.”

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

What did one organ say to the other when their person peed their pants?

You got to be kiddiney right now!!

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

What is better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on my organ.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work at a factory that turns organic waste into fence parts.

All I do for eight hours a day is make shit posts.

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

Why do atheists give away all their unnecessary money?

They’re a non-prophet organization

Why it's impossible for skeletons to create a Choir

They don't have the organs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a scientist doing research on some microscopic organisms.

To his surprise, he found out that a particular species was completely homosexual.

They're algae.

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

What is the most expensive thing I own?

My organs

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

I can't believe I got a life sentence for a little insider trading

Technically it's called organ harvesting, but that's just semantics

A friend told me that they read an article from a major health organization that Coronavirus is going to be worse than earlier reported.

“WHO said that?”

“Yes.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my girlfriend caught coronavirus I broke up with her.

The only micro-organism she's allowed to have inside of her is my penis.

The World Health Organization has asked photographers to lower their exposure while out doing their jobs…

I guess ISOlation is the name of the game.

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

i told my organ donor

i can’t liver without you

he said
my heart goes out to you

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

- Did you hear the World Health Organization is calling the Coronavirus a pandemic?

- WHO?
- The World Health Organization
- Yes
- Yes, what?
- WHO Is the World Health Organization
- The people in charge of global disease and health issues
- Who
- The people out there trying to prevent outbreaks
- Who
- The doctors and scientists working on a solution!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'...

What do you call a mediocre member of organized crime?

A mafiososo.

Sir Elton John is a great pianist.

But he sucks on the organ.

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

What do you call an experimental organ that’s part of the digestive system?

In-testin

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

What do a funeral home and an OCD insomniac excel at doing?

Organizing a wake.

A little boy asks his mom: "Is it true we have organs in our body?"

"Of course, darling!" replies the mother.
"Then I think I have a problem: one pipe is sticking out!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was going to say a joke about a common British mammal with excrement in one of its most sensitive organs

But no, that'd be a shit eye deer

I organized a threesome last night.

There were a couple of no shows, but I still had fun.

What’s worse than a skunk on a piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ

Ive had water stuck in my organ of hearing for the past hour...

It's very earitating.

Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.

Two melons: A Love Story

One day two melons were laying next to each other in the sunny field. The same thing is also going on in an alternate universe. Tom Melon looks over and sees the most beautiful melon he’s ever laid his melon eyes upon. “I have to get over there and say something to her” he thinks to himself. So he r...

Bullet in the womb

One day a pregnant lady walked into a bank and deposited her money. She then turned around and there was people robbing the bank they told everyone to get on the ground as the lady was pregnant she couldn’t get down in time and got shot three times in the stomach. She had surgery to try and remove t...

How does Trump differ from terrorist organisations?

Terrorist organisations take responsibility for their actions.

My weekend is looking like a poorly organized herb gardener.

Nothing but thyme on my hands.

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

The first 5G cell phone mast in town is put up

Suddenly, all sorts of people develop medical conditions. A citizens' initiative against the mast is formed. A public hearing is organized with the mayor and representatives of the telecom company. The people bring forward all the ailments they suffer from since the mast was erected.

The tele...

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