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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

I thought, "What organ in the body is the most important?"

The immediate answer was, "The brain". That makes sense....................

Wait a minute, what organ in the body is telling me that?!

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Battle of the Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxy...

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There is a new female organ player at a small church...

She is a beautiful woman, but there is a problem: her ample bosom is causing an issue with the men in the church. While playing the organ, her breasts bounce and sway. Men in the church are getting distracted and many get in trouble with their wives for gazing longingly at her.

An old woman ...

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You shoul...

The World Health Organization...

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.

Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Scientists say the world's largest organism is slowly being eaten

But I didn't see any bite marks on your mom

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Which is the lightest organ of the male human body ?

Penis. Because thoughts can lift it.

It’s easy to tell if someone is an organ donor.

It’s a dead giveaway.

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go upto a tree and take a leak:


* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on yo...

I used to be against organ transplants

But then I had a change of heart

What's the first thing in organized ghost does in the morning?

Makes a to boo list

I was recently targeted by an organ donation scam

They tried to convince me that, for a small monthly fee, I could have priority access to organ donation from the recently deceased.

It was a dead giveaway.

I organized a dozen professional boxers to stand in a row and hit anyone that got near them

That was my best punchline ever

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So a penis walks into a bar,

So this penis walks into a bar, right? And the bartender says, “Why the fuck is there a giant walking penis in my place of business? What morbid Lovecraftian monstrosity is this, where a male sex organ has taken an anthropomorphic form and moved frictionlessly to my very own bar? What does this crea...

We tried that new fusion restaurant that only serves intestines and organ meat.

It was offal.

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Body parts were arguing, about who should rule the organism.

I should rule! Said the brain. I tell you all how to work!

No! I should! Said heart. I pump blood, so you all can live and have nutrients!

Bullshit! Said kidneys. We filter toxic things out of the blood! Without us you all would get poisoned!

What? Said stomach. I digest the foo...

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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.

The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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There were these three guys at the lake, a German, an Englishman and a Nigerian.

The German took out his dick, put it in the water, waited a while and told the others: "I can feel the water it's a 32 degrees Celsius".


The other two were amazed. "Let me try", the Englishman said. So he put his organ in the water, waited and said: "To be more exact, the temperature i...

A Local United Way Office Realized That the Organization Had Never Received a Donation From the Town’s Most Successful Lawyer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

“Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give...

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Longer Each Day

Ralph awoke one day to realize that his member had inexplicably been growing larger and staying erect longer with each passing day. He was delighted, as was his wife. But after several weeks, his sex organ had grown to nearly 20 inches and Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressin...

I hope Stephen Hawkins was an organ donor

I really need some parts for my go kart

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.

They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering ...

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

Whats better than a bunch of roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ

I organized a threesome last week.

There was a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

I gave up my dream of becoming an organ donor

I didn’t have the heart for it

Which of your organs never age?

Your kidneys

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The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

What two secret organizations rule the world through control of important metallic elements?

The Aluminati and the Tinplars.

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What's the last organ in a dead body to go cold?

My penis.

The liver is the only organ that can regrow if damaged....

I'll drink to that.

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How do you know an elephants’ sex organs are in its feet?

Because if it steps on you, you’re fucked!

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

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What’s an elephant’s sex organ?

Their foot! Because if they step on you, you’re screwed.

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

Homemade and 100% organic

Since it's my cake day, I'll give y'all a joke that I created by myself. One that tickles me.

Two car salesman were talking to each other about their sales. They were really impressed with the commissions they were making with electric cars. Then, one of them asked, "Why doesn't Dodge sel...

A plane crashes in the pacific ocean. The only survivors are five men and a gorgeous woman

After a few days they end up on a desert island. After several failed attempts to get in contact with the outside world, they give up and come to terms with the fact that they have to spend the rest of their lives on this island.

They quickly acquire the necessary skills to build houses and l...

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All the organs of a human body are having a meeting

The brain begins his announcement: “As you know, our body has been experiencing nutrient shortages over the past few years. We can’t keep it up like that. I am afraid we will have to terminate one of...”

The dick stands up and interrupts him: “Hey, I know! I know what to do! Let’s get rid of ...

What do you call an emortal organ donor

A liver

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What came first the chicken or the egg?

The chicken , eggs don't have any sexual organs So they Can't Cum.

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

What's worse than a dead muskrat under your piano?

A diseased beaver on your organ.

Did you know that Athiest organizations are tax exempted?

Its because they're non-prophet organizations.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.

What do you call a bunch of crows trying to organize a gang?

Attempted murder

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

What's worse than lobsters on your pianos?

Crabs on your organs.

An ovary walks up to another ovary and says...

"Hey, did you order an instrument from some crazy people?"

"No I didn't," says the ovary.

The first one replies: "Well there's two nuts outside trying to move an organ in!"

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

The donor organ was going to be a bit late...

I was going to tell the patient, but I didn't have the heart to.

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

What do you call a hospital who lists all their donor patients in alphabetical order

Organ-Ized

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

Where does bitish surgeons keep donor organs?

In Liverpool.

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

The male organ is confused.

It doesn't know whether it's coming or going.

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.

But good players are hard to find.

Did you know that Indian Restaurants make most of their money on their flatbread?

They’re naan-profit organizations.

This guy marched up to me and asked, "Excuse me, but have you considered becoming an organ donor?"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Father, I think this church should be able to afford its own!"

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One Day

Editors of a magazine asked 50 women what they would do if they had a male sex organ for one day. Most of them said, "Probably get a salary increase."

They say five inches of fat is needed to stop a bullet reaching the organs

Which explains America's obesity problem.

The Paradox Association has fragmented due to internal conflicts.

Many members have subsequently joined The Irony Society, but leaders of both organizations have issued statements clarifying that simultaneous membership remains an unresolved issue.

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

I can at least tell you how Space Force organizes a party

They planet

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

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The 5k organizers were shocked to find out someone spiked all the water jugs with Viagra.

Although it did explain why so many came running today.

If you are having trouble unlocking your front door, take out your wallet and arrange all the bills in mathematical order.

Because organizing your finances is key.

I want to start a organization that supports struggling youths throughout Asia

I wanna call it "Youth'N'Asia!"

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

We’ve been trying to organize a Fear of Commitment workshop.

But we just can’t seem to nail down a date.

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

What did one organ say to the other when their person peed their pants?

You got to be kiddiney right now!!

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It takes guts to be an organ donor,

but it takes balls to be a semen donor.

An Emperor wanted to prove that he was greater than Alexander the Great

So he visited an elderly Council of Historians who had the power to write an Emperor's legacy after his time and spread his fame far and wide.

He asked them, "O Great Historians, what made Alexander a Great King? I wish to be greater than him and the greatest in human history"

And he ...

A man goes to the doctor.

He tells the doctor he's been hearing strange buzzing noises all week. The sounds come and go at all times of day, but they have been most intense at night. Sometimes there are multiple distinct buzzes at a time, at different frequencies. The patient says he has hardly slept for the past week becaus...

My dad told me to get an organ donor card...

He’s a man after my own heart!

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

Why does government hate organised crime?

They don't like competition

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

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