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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Bec...

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, ‟Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, ‟You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I ...

We tried that new fusion restaurant that only serves intestines and organ meat.

It was offal.

I gave up my dream of becoming an organ donor

I didn’t have the heart for it

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

The liver is the only organ that can regrow if damaged....

I'll drink to that.

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

What do you call an emortal organ donor

A liver

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

Heaven is a place where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and everything is organized by the Swiss...

Hell, on the other hand, is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Americans.

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

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After death what is the only organ in a womans body that is warm

My penis

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

Then I realized who was telling me this.

This guy marched up to me and asked, "Excuse me, but have you considered becoming an organ donor?"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Father, I think this church should be able to afford its own!"

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.

But good players are hard to find.

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

What do you call someone who believes the world is run by a shadow organization of Mexican chain restaurants?

QdobAnon

A Sensitive Guy (NSFW-ish)

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the ...

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.

Where does bitish surgeons keep donor organs?

In Liverpool.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

The donor organ was going to be a bit late...

I was going to tell the patient, but I didn't have the heart to.

Nurse: Doctor, I have organized the list of donor's hearts, livers, kidneys in alphabetical order

Doctor: Wow, its very *organ-ized*

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

What do you call the secret organization of tight-lipped Soviet honey makers?

The Cagey Bees

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

An organic bakery advertises that they hire the best people for the job, regardless of criminal history...

I think they should have thought about their name alittle more at Dave's Killer Bread.

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

The male organ is confused.

It doesn't know whether it's coming or going.

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

The World Health Organization has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract COVID-19 and have released them all from quarantine.

It's safe to say that WHO let the dogs out.

I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god.

Its a naan prophet organization.


I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.

The FBI, the CIA and the LAPD have a bet to see which organization is best...

They decide to release a single rabbit into the forest, and whoever can find it in the least amount of time is the best.

The FBI goes first. The interrogate all the animals, search every hole and cave and after 24 hours reluctantly admit that they can’t find the rabbit.

The CIA then go...

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married maybe it's time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. Yo...

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

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Having some areas in pandemic lock down and others not in lock down is like...

trying to organize the pissing section in a swimming pool.

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

What is atheism?

A non - prophet organization

As long as it’s organic

The cannibal is dragging two coffins to home for his children. Kids see their dad and start screaming joyfully

Yaaay, daddy brought us canned food!!!

I always wanted to be a doctor..

So I studied and applied myself to a prominent university.
Once we got the test, we were supposed to arrange letters P N E I S to form one of the most important of human parts, whis is best when used upright.

Those who wrote SPINE are now doctors.
The rest of us write stupid jokes on re...

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

My dad told me to get an organ donor card...

He’s a man after my own heart!

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It takes guts to be an organ donor,

but it takes balls to be a semen donor.

One popular feminine symbol of true romance is roses on a piano.

Most masculine ideas of romance include tulips on an organ.

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

What do you call someone who doesn’t wear a seatbelt?

An organ donor

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NSFW

A woman walks up to the club pro and asks for a lesson. So he says “Hit a few balls and let me see how you swing.” She sprays balls right and left, slicing and shanking the ball.

So the pro tries changing her back swing, changing her grip, and nothing is working. Exasperated, he finally says...

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You didn't expect a snail joke, but here it is.

**God:** To each of man and woman, I bestow a way to sexually reproduce with distinct organs, the act of which will give them the ability to express love and gain from it the nectar of pure pleasure.

**Angel:** And what about snails?

**God:** Snails can go fuck themselves.

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

Do you know about the World Health Organization?

Me : WHO?

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Man goes to see a doctor about a life-long affliction... (long)

Man (In a raspy, hoarse voice): Doctor, you have to help me, as you can hear, my voice is hoarse and I can barely speak because it hurts too much. It's been like this since I was a teenager. I can't find work, can't talk with friends, or meet a woman. It's ruining my life. Can you help me?
...

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman, particularly despondent over the death of her husband, Earl

She decided she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital ...

If you think you are nothing and worthless, please dont

Your kindeys and your lungs are worth $7000. You can sell me your organs at any time

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Three surgeons are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.

First surgeon says, ''I prefer engineers. When you cut them open, all their organs are so well arranged.''

Second surgeon says, ''I prefer painters. They are so colourful from inside.''

The third one pauses and says, ''I prefer lawyers since they are the easiest to operate on. Not only...

After it was determined that dogs could not transmit COVID-19 to humans, the world health organization deemed that all companion pets could be let out of quarantine

We really should have seen this coming, they told us WHO let the dogs out for years

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

What kind of organization does an atheist start?

A non-prophet one

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married.

She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on t...

Humans are just organ banks

And so is my refrigerator

How does the solar system organize a party?

**They planet!**

What do you call an organic compound in which a hydroxyl is bound to a carbon atom of an alkyl??

See? Sometimes alcohol IS the answer!!

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

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A big trip to the mountains with married women and their mothers-in-law was organized. They would go there by separate busses (the women in one bus and the mothers-in-law in another).

During the trip to the mountains, the bus carrying the mothers-in-law had a flat tire. Suddenly the bus driver lost control and the bus fell off the mountain, at least a couple thousand meters downhill. No chance anyone in that bus survived it. Obviously all of the women started cheering up, startin...

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

I was trying to explain what the world health organization was to my daughter.

She was like, “The who?

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

I tried to create an organization for dads to protest drunk driving

But it was just a FADD.

I accidentally started a worldwide terrorist organization.

I just didn’t expect it to blow up so much

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

Did you hear the one about the little boy running around inside a Catholic Church?

The priest caught him by the organ.

Did you hear abute the organization that advocates for Canadians’ gun rights?

The “NR, eh?”

The NSA is:

a government organization that actually listens to you!

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.

Two men are organizing a herd of deer.
Seeing as the had 26 deer, they decided to label each one with a letter of the alphabet. As they’re herding them into an enclosure, they realize they only had 25.

“One of them’s missing,” said the first man.

“Oh dear.”

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

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So my mate and I were doing this pub quiz and he'd had a couple of drinks too many

and he was just at that state where he thought it was funny to buzz in on every question and answer "*My Dick!!*".

The quizmaster asks "What is the largest organ in the human body?"

***BUZZ!***

and we're waiting for it, and my mate calmly answers "The skin".

Which is of c...

A minister of a church meets with the church council

A minister of a church meets with the church council

The council says, “These are dire times. The church only has $5 million and we need about $10 million to survive”.

They all sit quietly, looking sad about this news. The minister then gets up and leaves the room.

The minister ...

I never knew my grandfather but I just learned he had a purple heart.

It's terrible what alcoholism does to your organs.

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I work at a factory that turns organic waste into fence parts.

All I do for eight hours a day is make shit posts.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I-deer!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no I-deer...

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no reproductive organs?

Still, no fucking, I-deer!

Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer?

It’s a non-prophet organization.

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

What do you call an experimental organ that’s part of the digestive system?

In-testin

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