UPJOKE
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Organ Jokes

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You shoul...

Med student was unable to identify an organ

So a viva exam was going on which the students had identify the organ shown and tell their functions.
There was this one student who was really struggling with identifying the organ that was shown to him. He was saying random organs like 'heart, kidney, liver etc'. The examiner eventually felt pi...

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

I organized a threesome last week.

There were a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive organ! Needless to say I stormed off…

But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for ovary acting.

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

Heaven is where the cooks are French, the police are British, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss.

Hell is where the cooks are British, the police are ~~German~~ American, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

What did the organ donor say to the transplant recipient after surgery?

Signed, sealed, de-livered I'm yours

I used to think the brain was the most important organ

Then I thought, look what’s telling me that

I used to disapprove of organ transplants…

But I’ve had a change of heart

It's easy to tell if someone is an organ donor.

In fact, its a dead giveaway.

Have I ever told you the story about the organ donor?

It's really disheartening.

If animal organs were compatible with humans...

Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.

Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.

Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

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There is a new female organ player at a small church...

She is a beautiful woman, but there is a problem: her ample bosom is causing an issue with the men in the church. While playing the organ, her breasts bounce and sway. Men in the church are getting distracted and many get in trouble with their wives for gazing longingly at her.

An old woman ...

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

I was never a fan of organ donation.

But then I had a change of heart.

Why did Bach have to sell his organ?

Why did Bach have to sell his organ?

A: Because he was baroque.

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Bec...

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What's the shortest organ in a goat?

An ISIS member's dick.

I would inform my friend that our "doctors" were actually organ traffickers but...

...I don't have the heart to tell him

Is good intention enough to be an organ donor?

No, it also takes guts.

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

Small Organ

A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got organized for a leg over.

After a few minutes, the girl started laughing. The fellow asked her what she found so amusing.

"You...

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

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So a penis walks into a bar,

So this penis walks into a bar, right? And the bartender says, “Why the fuck is there a giant walking penis in my place of business? What morbid Lovecraftian monstrosity is this, where a male sex organ has taken an anthropomorphic form and moved frictionlessly to my very own bar? What does this crea...

You know, people tell me organ meat is offal...

But personally I think German meats are the wurst.

What brand of sports clothing do personal organizers wear?

Under Armoire

I organized a threesome last night.

Two no-shows, but all in all a good time!

What is the difference between the government and organized crime?

Only one of them is organized.

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.

The male organ is confused.

It doesn't know whether it's coming or going.

I can’t be in the national organ donor program.

I just don’t have the guts.

I thought, "What organ in the body is the most important?"

The immediate answer was, "The brain". That makes sense....................

Wait a minute, what organ in the body is telling me that?!

What kind of organization is Atheism?

A non-prophet

My drivers license says I'm an organ donor,

but jokes on them because I own a piano.

I was recently targeted by an organ donation scam

They tried to convince me that, for a small monthly fee, I could have priority access to organ donation from the recently deceased.

It was a dead giveaway.

Hopefully George Michael was an organ donor...

... so on his last Christmas he gave someone his heart

Elon Musk organized a press conference about his project to solve global warming

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"

What do you call an emortal organ donor

A liver

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Which is the lightest organ of the male human body ?

Penis. Because thoughts can lift it.

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

Did you know, that if you take all of the human organs and spread them out on a football field.

You get arrested

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

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What is a man's most sensitive organ while masturbating?

His ears

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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls...

and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the ti...

After many years of Burning Man, the organizers decided to change the theme this year.

For the first time in history, we welcome you all to Drowning Man Festival.

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During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

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The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

I work for the Big, International Non-Governmental Organization.

And BINGO is its name-o.

The donor organ was going to be a bit late...

I was going to tell the patient, but I didn't have the heart to.

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

We tried that new fusion restaurant that only serves intestines and organ meat.

It was offal.

I hope Stephen Hawkins was an organ donor

I really need some parts for my go kart

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An organ grinder and his capuchin monkey are hired to perform at a local pub

The organ grinder is happily taking requests from the patrons, but his monkey is in rare form on this particular evening. The monkey is dancing around on tables, stealing food, lifting cigarettes, and getting into various other shenanigans. At one point, the monkey hops up on the bar and starts pick...

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The organ grinder

On a hot day an organ grinder comes into a bar with his monkey and orders a beer. As the organ grinder is sipping his beer, the monkey runs down the bar, squats over a martini, and dips his balls in to cool off.

The guy with the martini shoos the monkey away and orders another martini.
...

The liver is the only organ that can regrow if damaged....

I'll drink to that.

Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5

Little Billy started playing organ when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day...

A young woman, let's call her Emma...

... Loses her arms in a tragic bear accident. After healing, she decides to go get a job. The local church decides to find her some work she can do even without arms. She is hired as the new organ player.

Needless to say, her first day as an organ player goes poorly. She quits in shame.
...

Whats better than roses on a piano?

tulips on an organ...

Where do organic sodas live?

Carbon Nation

A group of organic molecules

A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and robbed all the precious jewels. A tall, strong man, armed with a gun came into the room and thrashed the robbers one by one. The guests were very grateful and asked for his name, to which he replied, "M...

The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind....

WHO cares

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An organization is like a tree full of monkeys,

all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

A son says to his father: "Dad, I'm thinking about a career in organized crime."

Father: "Government or private sector?"

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

What's a mailmans favorite organ?

Da Liver

How does a librarian organize their music collection?

They use the Dewey Decibel System

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

Abandoned slogan: “Become an organ donor...”

“...What have you got to lose?”

Which body organ loves life the most?

The Liver

Did you hear about Marie Kondo’s latest book on organizing closets?

It’s called Hanger Management

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

I organized a threesome last weekend

They decided to make it a duo and left me out.

Free Organic Pathologist Test

Go up to a tree and take a leak:

* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your s...

I accidentally joined an organization...

I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.

When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.

Played an organ for the first time today

I really enjoyed it, but my patient didn't.

What do you call it when an organic lifeform goes out with another organic lifeform?

Carbon dating.

Did you hear about the man who was taken off the organ transplant list?

He was so disheartened

Celine Dion is an organ donor...

So when she dies, her heart will go on.

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My local Chipotle is organizing a stand-up comedy night

I'm going for shits and giggles

The human brain is an amazing organ.

It keeps working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks
a year, from before you leave the womb, right up until you find religion.

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Why is an elephants leg considered a sexual organ in India?

When it steps on you, you’re fucked.

Homemade and 100% organic

Since it's my cake day, I'll give y'all a joke that I created by myself. One that tickles me.

Two car salesman were talking to each other about their sales. They were really impressed with the commissions they were making with electric cars. Then, one of them asked, "Why doesn't Dodge sel...

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

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Julia was organizing a cat show

Julia was organizing a cat show and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted the base to be made of the finest white marble w...

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

Imo everyone should consider organ donation

Ahhh actually I've had a change of heart

I'm trying to organize a hide and seek tournament but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find."

but it's really difficult... Good players are hard to find

Why are organ donations low ?

Because most people have pianos

Organ meeting (different from the one when they argue who is in charge)

All the organs and body parts have a meeting. Brain informs them that once a year, they can afford a therapy for one of them, to help it function properly again. Brain then asks them if they have any problems, so it knows which one needs therapy the most.
"All the smoking completely ruined us....

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