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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist named Susan, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled.

They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, ...

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

Humans are just organ banks

And so is my refrigerator

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all ...

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What’s the warmest organ in a dead body after 24 hours?

My dick

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

What did one organ say to the other when their person peed their pants?

You got to be kiddiney right now!!

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.

So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"

Just one guy stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."

"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're...

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

Just quit my side job as an organ harvester. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

It was too disheartening.

Mann organic chemistry is so difficult

I get into alkynes of trouble.

How does the nasa organize a party?

They planet.

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult.

Good players are hard to find.

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What is a man's most sensitive organ while masturbating?

His ears

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

Who's the world health organization?

Yes

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My grandfather organized bukkake parties for the Nazis.

They were excited about all the faceism.

Man I hate organic chemistry

It can be so indecisive. Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group it always responds: “Ether”.

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

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Silicon boobs are organic and 100% natural

Because Silicon is the most common element in the Earth's surface.

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

Can someone explain nonprofit organizations to me?

They don’t really make any cents.

i told my organ donor

i can’t liver without you

he said
my heart goes out to you

I like Elton John. Brilliant on the piano

Sucks on the organ tho.

My dad signed me up for organ donation.

He's a man after my own heart.

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

I'm considering a career in organized crime.

Which is best : Government or Private Sector ?

What do you call an experimental organ that’s part of the digestive system?

In-testin

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

Google announces new usage of an old tool: sending vital organs for surgery via landlines. The organ at the other end will be a working copy of the original, giving an unprecedented supply of life-saving organs to families in need.

They're calling it "The Fax of Life."

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

A little boy asks his mom: "Is it true we have organs in our body?"

"Of course, darling!" replies the mother.
"Then I think I have a problem: one pipe is sticking out!"

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

I organized a threesome last night.

There were a couple of no shows, but I still had fun.

What sound does an organic train make?

CH3COOH CH3COOH

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I was going to say a joke about a common British mammal with excrement in one of its most sensitive organs

But no, that'd be a shit eye deer

Ive had water stuck in my organ of hearing for the past hour...

It's very earitating.

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

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A self-made millionaire decided that he was lonely and needed to find a mate. So, he organized a bit of a competition for it.

As his search neared the end he narrowed the choices down to four.

One was a doctor. She was a surgeon, made incredible money. She was focused and driven. Because she was so wealthy on her own, he knew she wasn't in it only for the money.

One was a lawyer. Again, a successful professio...

I'm organizing a rally against the right peaceably to assemble.

It will be the protest to end all protests.

(There, original joke. Looking forward to coming back in a few days and seeing a re-post of it make the front page.)

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Catholic school girls

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with t...

How would you feel if someone stole all of your organs

I would feel gutted

What do you call it when an organic lifeform goes out with another organic lifeform?

Carbon dating.

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A professor asks his students which organ is the most important. One student immediately shouts his answer. “The penis,” he says.

Professor: Please tell me how you arrived at your conclusion.

Student: Circular reasoning.

Professor: Logical phallusy.

Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.

How did the organic vegetable die?

Natural causes

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A woman I had been seeing told me after we had sex for the first time, "I didn't know you had such a small organ."

I told her, "I didn't know I was going to be playing Carnegie Hall."

You know what the best part of organized sports is?

Yeah me either

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Why is an elephants leg considered a sexual organ in India?

When it steps on you, you’re fucked.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ.

Then I thought,look what’s telling me that

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no sex organs?

Still no fucking idea.

The government offered to buy my guns from me

But after a thorough background check of the buyer, I am not comfortable with selling weapons to organized crime.

What do you call a terrorist organization of math teachers

Al-Gebra

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA?

The Make-A-Wish foundation.

My job as an Organ donor

Is literally killing me.

A robot musician’s collection of instruments will never be complete.

They can never get any organs.

At the start of the wedding party the organizer announced that they had ordered a whole pig, but something went wrong with the delivery and the pig would be late/not coming.

One guest said: "I hope this will be the last time in this relationship that someone says "what is taking that pig so long?""

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

If Amazon were a human what would be it’s most important organ?

Da liver

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After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis

I want to quit my job and start a non-profit organization...

...but my wife insists that it doesn’t sound like a good business decision.

What is the difference between organized crime and the Whitehouse?

The Whitehouse isn’t organized.

Heaven is a place...

* where the cops are british
* the chefs french
* the mechanics german
* the comedians american
* the lovers italian
* and everything is organized by the swiss

Hell is a place...

* where the cops are american
* the chefs british
* the mechanics french
* the come...

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

Never ask a felon to organize something numerically

Not unless you're prepared to handle the con sequences.

How do you transport an organism with a membrane bound nucleus?

Eukary-it

An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist....

An organic chemist, an analytical chemist, and a physical chemist are asked if a certain horse will win the race. The organic chemist asks what the horse has been eating and drugs given to it. The analytical chemist asks for the makeup of the track and mud. The physical chemist starts with "If we as...

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Why are medical engineers that build organs assholes?

They give us truss tissues.

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I just found out that my grandfather was refused his organ transplant.

I don’t have the balls to tell him.

What kind of food do organ donors eat?

Organic

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What organ can expand to 10 times it is size............

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"
No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student
Little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going ...

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Three scientists want to know how long can an organism live without shitting

They try to test it with a pig, so they put a plug in his butthole and start feeding him for days.

The first two weeks the pig is ok, but the third week the scientists see that the pig has become very very fat, so they decide to remove the plug from his ass.

The problem is they don't k...

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What do you call a homosexual photosynthetic eukaryotic organisms found in the Middle East?

Al-Gay

Every year I organize a patient-relative charity event to benefit Alzheimer’s research.

I tell the patients to invite their whole family but nobody ever shows up.

My uncle always told me, "The real treasure, was inside of you the whole time".

As kind as that sounds, he sold organs to the black market for a living.

Human organs are the opposite of old action figures

People pay a lot more for them once you take them out to the original packaging

Arnold Schwarzenegger is organizing a marathon to raise money for the rebuild of Norte Dame...

... It's slogan is ...

'Run with me if you want to give'

TIL that spiders reproductive organs are found in their front arms.

Spider-Man.

I talked with some old hippies at an organic farm the other day

They were just standing in the middle of their field, watching the tiny shoots of the newly growing vegetables emerge from the earth. And I asked them what they were watching. They replied: “This is the dawning of the age of asparagus, age of asparagus”

What is Atheism..?

A non-prophet organisation.

One ovary says to the other ovary, “Hey, did you order any furniture?”

The other says, “No, why?”
“There are a couple of nuts trying to shove an organ in.”

A death row prisoner found himself in the heaven after his death.

He asked the god,"Do all executed prisoners go to heaven?"

The god replied,"No,but all organ donors will go to heaven."

Why did Bach have over 20 children?

His organ wouldn't stop

What worse than a lobster on your piano?

Crabs on your organ..

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The organ grinder

On a hot day an organ grinder comes into a bar with his monkey and orders a beer. As the organ grinder is sipping his beer, the monkey runs down the bar, squats over a martini, and dips his balls in to cool off.

The guy with the martini shoos the monkey away and orders another martini.
...

What's the difference between Trump and a single cell organism? l.

Single cell organisms have a wall

My friend is weak in differentiating organic molecules

He says they are all alkene.

I just found that my ex-girlfriend needs a kidney transplant

But I'm not worried, because her body hasn't rejected any organ in the last 5 years

-- Credits to Tom Cotter

Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?

Because it’s always pushing electrons around

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

I’m thinking about starting an underground business selling human organs...

It’s gonna take a lot of guts.

Organ meeting (different from the one when they argue who is in charge)

All the organs and body parts have a meeting. Brain informs them that once a year, they can afford a therapy for one of them, to help it function properly again. Brain then asks them if they have any problems, so it knows which one needs therapy the most.
"All the smoking completely ruined us....

I'm organizing a class action lawsuit against Huggies and Pampers.

Their diapers never hold the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

Three organized weaklings defeat an army of barbarians.

When asked how they did it, they responded:

"You know what they say, knowledge is power."

The people still didn't understand, so the trio explained it further:

"Well, you see, we were in formation"

Last Halloween, Schwarzenegger, while carrying a piano over his shoulders, throws me an organ.

"What's this for?" I say.

He replies, "I'll be Bach.

And you be Beethoven."

Why is PETA such an inefficient organization?

They refuse to kill two birds with one stone

I’m a Latino nurse and while I was doing my rounds, one of the surgeons burst out of the operating room and told me to help finish the operation. I cut the patient’s organ on the wrong spot but luckily I miscalculated and saved their life. No one thought I could do it and I shocked them all.

Nobody expected the Spanish missed incision.

Junior Terrorist

A junior terrorist is thinking of ways to revolutionize the ways terrorism is done and has many ideas ranging from cyber-attacks to psychological warfare to biochemical strikes. The junior terrorist brings these ideas to the senior terrorist that has been with the organization for decades.
T...

What's more beautiful than a delicate rose placed gracefully upon an elegant grand piano?

Somebody putting tulips on your organ.

Vegans don't beat their meat

They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"

Why don't Atheist churches have to pay taxes?

Because they're a non-prophet organization

We had to say goodbye to the church choir last Sunday.

It was due to unforeseen organ failure.

What's better than roses on your piano ?

Two lips on your organ.

My uncle is a well known organ player.

They even have his picture up at the playground warning parents to keep their kids away from him.

They always say “1 Organ Donor will save 8 lives”...

*shouldn’t it be 7?*

I accidentally joined an organization...

I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.

When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman.

There was a joke telling contest in Germany

Nobody laughed, but it was very well organized.

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What's the smallest organ in a goat?

An ISIS members' dick.

What’s the most lively recycling center?

The organ transplant center

The Dyslexia Association of America held an organization-wide toga party.

Everyone came dressed as goats.

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A man is about to have sex with a woman

He takes his dick out of his trousers. She laughs and says "you've got a small organ."

The man replied "Well, it's never played in a cathedral before."

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