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All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge......

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I pr...

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A small church had a very attractive big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ.

Unfortunately, she distracted the male part of the congregation considerably. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.

So one of the ladies approached Susan very discreetly about the problem, & ...

The brain is the most important organ in your body

\- *According to the brain*

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What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

What organ can expand to 10 times it's size...

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered so the teacher picked on a random student

Little Mary stood up and said, "You shoul...

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

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Which is the lightest organ of the male human body ?

Penis. Because thoughts can lift it.

It’s easy to tell if someone is an organ donor.

It’s a dead giveaway.

I organized a threesome last week.

There was a couple of no shows, but I did alright.

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

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The head of an organized crime syndicate realized his accountant had been skimming money from him for years.

Unfortunately the accountant only spoke Russian. So the boss hired a Russian interpreter and busted into the accountant’s home.

He tells to the interpreter, “tell him I want to know where my money is, AND I WANT TO KNOW RIGHT NOW!!” The interpreter conveys the message in Russian and the acco...

I hope Stephen Hawkins was an organ donor

I really need some parts for my go kart

Did you know that Athiest organizations are tax exempted?

Its because they're non-prophet organizations.

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What's the last organ in a dead body to go cold?

My penis.

Which of your organs never age?

Your kidneys

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally

caught him by the organ.

Don't get involved in organized insect crimes.

The mothia is ruthless.

What do you call it when robots organize an African themed party?

BotsWanna Party

The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19.

Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

What do you call a bunch of crows trying to organize a gang?

Attempted murder

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How do porn stars organize their day

They make to-do lists

We tried that new fusion restaurant that only serves intestines and organ meat.

It was offal.

I gave up my dream of becoming an organ donor

I didn’t have the heart for it

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly,
Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to
ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my
parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very
red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss John...

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What’s an elephant’s sex organ?

Their foot! Because if they step on you, you’re screwed.

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All the organs of a human body are having a meeting

The brain begins his announcement: “As you know, our body has been experiencing nutrient shortages over the past few years. We can’t keep it up like that. I am afraid we will have to terminate one of...”

The dick stands up and interrupts him: “Hey, I know! I know what to do! Let’s get rid of ...

Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.

It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet...

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body.

Then I realized who was telling me this.

The liver is the only organ that can regrow if damaged....

I'll drink to that.

My hair is always really messy, and I can never get organized.

I asked me friend today ''hey Jess, how do you get your hair like that?'' and she told me it's natural.


I wish that I had Jessie's curl

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A librarian was organizing her books when a man in a dark suit walked up.

"Hey, I'm Steven. I'll pay you $20000 if you show me your nipples tomorrow."

The librarian was shocked. $20000 was a solid 6 months of work. Dumbfounded, she nodded her head. Steven then left without a word of acknowledgement.

That night, the librarian had a lot trouble falling asleep...

I can at least tell you how Space Force organizes a party

They planet

What do you call an emortal organ donor

A liver

What has 13 hearts but no organs?

A deck of cards.

The biology teacher told us our skin is the biggest organ...

Here i was thinking it was the one they play in the church down the road!

I want to start a organization that supports struggling youths throughout Asia

I wanna call it "Youth'N'Asia!"

My Brain Amazes Me!!!

Not a joke!!! Just a bad incident that might make a few people chuckle who been through similar goof-ups!!!



Here it goes,



I have been living with my brain for 28 years now and I still don't know how it works!!!



I tried to train it but all in vain; its fun...

I tried to organize a hide and seek tournament.

But good players are hard to find.

So, now that antifa has been declared a terrorist organization...

...when will the U.S. government start arming them?

The donor organ was going to be a bit late...

I was going to tell the patient, but I didn't have the heart to.

This guy marched up to me and asked, "Excuse me, but have you considered becoming an organ donor?"

I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Father, I think this church should be able to afford its own!"

Where does bitish surgeons keep donor organs?

In Liverpool.

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What organ in the woman's body is still warm 15 minutes after her death?

My cock.

What's better than roses on your piano?

Tulips on your organ.

If you make money selling Indian bread...

You run a Naan Profit Organization.

Are male and female reproductive organs similar?

No. There’s a vas deferens.

We’ve been trying to organize a Fear of Commitment workshop.

But we just can’t seem to nail down a date.

Gamers and organ harvesters are similar in some ways.

They both loot through chests hoping to find rare loot to sell later on.

The FBI, CIA, and Los Angeles Police get into a bragging war about their tracking skills.

To settle the matter they agree to a contest between their best units. Whoever can track down an elusive white rabbit in a ten thousand acre forest wins the contest.

The FBI organizes a vastly complex operation with dogs, forestry experts, sharpshooters, the works.

The CIA takes sate...

The male organ is confused.

It doesn't know whether it's coming or going.

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

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I’m planning on donating my organs when I die.

Microbiology students are going to have a fucking blast with my penis.

A Sensitive Guy

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.


They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bed...

In a protestant church

I saw a large metal contraption with smoke coming from it.
I asked "Is that an organ?"
They said "No, it's a catholic converter."

Vital organ donors never laugh at my jokes.

It’s as if they have no heart.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

They're having a real problem with unlicensed food vendors in Seattle.

There's one case where a middle eastern food truck was using organ meat instead of chickpeas!

Yeah, the unlawful falafel was awful offal.

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Four Surgeons are getting coffee

Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered".

"I think librarians are the easiest" said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetic...

My local store organizes their shampoo aisle like Ajax.

Head and Shoulders above the rest.

What is atheism?

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Fun Fact: If you were to take out all the organs in your body and stretch them out

You'd die.

What do you call someone who believes the world is run by a shadow organization of Mexican chain restaurants?

QdobAnon

I’ve decided to become an organ donor...

That way when I die an elephant gets a new trunk.

I recently visited a restaurant that only serves internal organs.

It was offal

What do a newborn baby and a victim of organ theft have in common?

They’ve both been delivered.

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shitty jokes

what do you call an organ donation center in england?

A liverpool

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

If someone asks you to make them lunch and you put kidneys and liver in a pita...

Did you just make them an organ donair?

An organic bakery advertises that they hire the best people for the job, regardless of criminal history...

I think they should have thought about their name alittle more at Dave's Killer Bread.

How did the butcher know he’d been handling too much organ meat.

He felt offal.

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool.

I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's organ?

Apparently it was an inside joke

100% rock-solid proof that Trump laundered Russian mob money through the Trump Organization:

\[removed by Federal government\]

what has four letters, is a vegetable if you take away the last, an organ if you take away the first, and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment if you take away both

pear

My dad told me to get an organ donor card...

He’s a man after my own heart!

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[NSFW] A priest and an old blind woman who plays the church organ, are preparing for the weekly sermon.

Every week, the organ player eats a banana to keep her energy up before the crowds arrive, but she always seems to have terrible trouble peeling it.

The priest sees an opportunity and decides to swap the banana for his penis. The organ player grabs his tackle and starts fondling it.

...

I just witnessed a doctor accidentally drop a fragile organ transplant...

It was a heart-breaking scene.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

Came up with this organically, but please let me know if you’ve heard it (or a similar version) before and I’ll remove!

A son says to his Dad:
“Dad I have terrific news to share with you! My girlfriend and I had grown tired of trying to work around the constant unknowns associated with COVID when it came to planning a traditional engagement/marriage. Loving her dearly and wanting to be married soon, we instead pla...

Why are eyes always the last organ harvested?

because they dilate

What did one organ say to the other when their person peed their pants?

You got to be kiddiney right now!!

Humans are just organ banks

And so is my refrigerator

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It takes guts to be an organ donor,

but it takes balls to be a semen donor.

Do you know about the World Health Organization?

Me : WHO?

Why did the fish accept its death after losing its respiratory organs?

Because it lost the gill to live.

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After sex a woman tells a man that she didn't like his performance, that his organ was to small.

He looks at her and says "I didn't know I would be playing in a cathedral".

Organic chemistry is difficult.

Those who study it have alkynes of troubles.

My town organized a competition yesterday to find out who is the best contortionist.

My friend entered himself and won.

Stomach finds out all organs are organizing to plot against it.

It turns to bladder and says: urine this?

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Which organ in your body is in charge?

A long time ago, all the organs in a human body got into an argument, as to who should be in charge of the body, who is the most necessary one.

The brain said "I am obviously the one! I make all the decisions!"
The stomach replied "Well I feed the entire body! That is the most important ...

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

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Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

Did you hear about the road made of body parts?

They call it the Organ Trail

What do you get when you perform an organ transplant

A liver

I’m an organ donor and the other day I was on my way to donate blood.

But I had to stop when the police started asking me about where the heck did I get a bucketful of blood.

Best gift for your Valentine.

An upright organ. . .

Think about it.

I must congratulate my Niece.

She has just passed he mouth Organ test.


Well done our Monica.....

Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?

It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"

It's four good caws

I organized a "Fat Lives Matter" march. We all got very tired...

I can't breathe.

Doctor: "Have you ever thought of donating organs after your death?"

Man: " Yeah, I will donate my brain"
Doctor: "Good, all tiny bits help"

What do you call a buck, doe, or fawn that, through no fault if its own and most likely the result of a congenital birth defect, has no organs with which to see?

No eye deer.

As long as it’s organic

The cannibal is dragging two coffins to home for his children. Kids see their dad and start screaming joyfully

Yaaay, daddy brought us canned food!!!

Organs

Sorry you might not have gotten it because it’s an inside joke

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All of the organs of the body ...

All of the organs of the body got together to decide who should be their leader. The brain made it's argument first: "I am the center of consciousness and all thought. Clearly, I'm best suited for the job." Then the heart spoke up: "Regardless of how brilliant the thought or idea may be, without hea...

A 6-year-old walks into a bar...

The bartender tells says they don't serve minors as all they have are hard liquors. The child says he wants two whiskies then a malt. The bartender says that he needs to see ID. The child shows an ID from another country, claiming he is 95 years old. The bartender gives the child the ID back and ask...

A world with the undead

Imagine a world where zombies exist, but they're not dangerous. Just like you and I every day, except they eat brains.
The government has decided that humans can donate their organ to zombies for consumption.
Everything is pretty much back to normal.

A man and a woman end up going on...

Why are the brake discs of Miley Cyrus' car shaped like a human organ?

'cause nothing brakes like a heart.

“Hi, I’d like to donate my organs”

Nurse: “You’ll have to go to the DMV for tha—“

Me: “No, I’m ready now”

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