UPJOKE
gastrointestinalintestineboweldigestionstomachdigestiveviralpancreaticbacterialurinarygastricabdominalanimalhumanorgan

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Things I hate intestinal tumors, colostomy bags, chemotherapy

Edit: quit telling me I'm missing a colon. I fucking know

A Guy Is fed up with his case of intestinal Worms

He decided its about time to have things checked out.


He goes and visits his local doctor, the doctor prescribes him medication.
He heads home and and struggles for weeks, to no avail.


He goes and visits a famous diagnostician, who tells him that the worms have grown f...

What did the English major have after getting intestinal surgery?

A semicolon

Scientists recently have been doing some new studies with the mummy of Egypt's famous boy king.

With the aid of highly advanced mri scans they were able to ascertain he suffered from a major gastro intestinal disorder. Apparently he was lactose intolerant. So it turns out, me and the Egyptian kid got a toot in common

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Metamucil...

I was at the grocery store today, and I noticed a large sale display on Metamucil fibre supplement, you know...the daily Drano for your intestinal tract. I noticed that the bottles said "now fortified with calcium for stronger bones" I think if you are trying to take a shit so hard that your bones a...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A dentist, doing his first extraction on a patient was nervous

When he got the molar out, his hand shook, he lost his grip on the instrument, and the tooth dropped into patient's throat

Dentist: Sorry, you are outside my specialty now, you should see laryngologist (throat specialist)

By the time patient went to laryngologist, tooth had worked its ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Dr. Watson is performing an autopsy. Holmes ask if he’s found the cause of death.

Watson: It would appear the decedent had a bowel obstruction. It caused a rupture in the intestinal wall, creating a septic condition and ultimately, death.

Holmes: Wait, John, are you saying he died of...

Watson: No Shit, Sherlock.

Problems of Bein a non-native English speaker

The problem with being a non native English speaker is, that your brain sometimes just sucks up random words and you then use them later without really having a proper intestinal lining of said words. You just hope you used them correctly.

A man walks into his Doctor's appointment and complains of a stomach ache.

"Is it bad? How long have you had it?" asks the doctor.

"It hurts a lot, and I've had it about a week now. I've tried my usual remedies, but nothing has worked."

"Alright," the doctor replies, "We'll run some tests then and I'll call you in a few days to come back once the results are ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

The danger of eating Chili

I went grocery shopping this weekend, which in
hindsight may not have been very wise.

You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'You're definitely going to shit yourself' chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful,which ...

What do you call a stomach ache you get from eating a Cuban sandwich?

Castro-intestinal distress.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.