Knead Jokes

...and as he kneaded, he counted each fold, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve..."

The baker's wife interrupted, "You missed one there."

"No I didn't," replied the baker. "I'm making uneleavened bread."

It's called "Knead for Speed".

"This hand workout dough!"

It rises to the occasion when it's kneaded the most.

I knead some answers

She goes to the bank and steps up to the counter. She asks the teller, "How old do you think I am?"

The teller looks her up and down and guesses 35.

"Nope, 50!" she says, and goes to Subway for lunch.

She asks the sandwich artist behind the counter, "How old do you think I am?"<... read more

They just knead to feel some pain.

Because they are usually kneaded

I took the job because I kneaded the dough.

Whoever it was, I'm sure they knead it more than I did.

While preparing the dough, he asks his boss: 'How do I know it no longer needs kneading?' 'As soon as your asscrack gets drippy with sweat', the boss says.

After a while, the trainee, tired of kneading, sticks his hand in his pants.
'No, not yet.'

I told him I can't do it for free I am sorry.

He asked why and I said

Sorry, I knead the dough...

You only pay for what you knead.

[cetacean kneaded]

Coz he kneaded a poo.

l knead you.

“Just What I Kneaded”

I just kneaded the dough


I'm sorry, I'll leave now...

Asked about their love, he replies “this here is all I knead”

He said "It's a knead two dough basis..."

He always said he wanted me to be a baker too, he told me I was bread for baking. I never tried it because I wanted to do it for the right reasons, not just because I knead the dough... then I found out that he was killed... a new baker put too much yeast in a large batch of dough and it rose too mu... read more

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I... read more

...he said, "you can't just want it, you gotta knead it!"

Because they knead dough to make a living.

First I was enjoying just mixing the ingredients. But after a while I kneaded it.

Don't go. I knead you

Those people, they knead bread.

For when they knead a poo

He kneaded the dough

I've been making a list for months of words that can be used to deliberately confuse people over the phone when phonetically reading out letters. Some letters like L are tough so I just added funny words to say.

A - aisle

B - bdellium

C - czar

D - Djibouti, Django, djemb... read more

Its done on a knead to know basis. Gotta get the dough somehow

They knead the dough.

She kneads me.

He kneaded the dough.