The 50+ Best Boil Jokes

This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!" My eyes lit up and I thought, "This is my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table!

Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove.

More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

NSFW What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I just got laid and you expect me to be hard in3 minutes?!?

Rest in peace, boiling water.

You will be mist.

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil...

Crematoriums.

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said “dad, I think this egg is out of date.”

I said “stop messing about, just eat it.”

He said “but Dad it’s really really out of date.”

I said “I don’t care, just eat the damn thing!”

He said “Okay dad, but do I have to eat the beak and feet too?”

Did you hear about the guy who escaped a firing squad only to fall into a vat of boiling oil?

He went from the firing plan into the fryer.

A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide.

I told him he's made himself a laughing stock.

I boiled some noodles in water

It was Pho Nominal

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A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

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I took a few pages from Moby Dick and boiled them to see what it tasted like.

It was just okay, but I might not do it again. It was a novel tea.

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I had a nasty looking boil on the end of my penis. So I phoned my doctor and he asked if I could take a picture and send it to him. I mistakenly sent it to everyone in my address book!

Cost me a fortune in stamps.

How do French people know how long to boil an egg?

They just know when they boiled enough.

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

"You know what really makes my blood boil", asked my clearly agitated wife whilst we watched a show about unsolved crimes.

"Yes", I replied whilst further lowering the atmospheric pressure in her tank.

Why should you always melt chocolate over boiling water?

Because if you try and melt it under boiling water, you’ll die.

You Know What Really Makes My Blood Boil?

Temperatures Of Over 100 Degrees Celsius.

I'm so hungry right now I could boil a hyena!

But I'd only make myself a laughing stock.

What do you call a clown after you've boiled it for 10 hours?

A laughing stock!

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You know what really boils my piss?

Hotel room kettles.

Why did the blonde student boil her assignment?

She wanted to get 100 percentigrade.

A boil killed itself.

It was a cyst did suicide.

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

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The Maid asked the master's wife for a pay raise!!

The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.” “The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”...

Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won’t stop boiling chickens.

She likes the stock.

A sign on a restaurant window says "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win one million dollars"

A man walking by notices the sign and walks in the restaurant and sits down at the table with a smirk on his face. The waiter asks what he will be having and the man says "I will have white rhinoceros stew please." The waiter comes out with a boiling hot bowl of exactly what the man ordered. The man...

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

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This is my absolute favorite "so bad it's good" joke

A man went to the doctor with a horrible itch in his ass. After an examination, the doctor gave him his diagnosis:

\- You have an enormous tapeworm in there. This is not a matter of normal treatment, so my advice to you is to insert a boiled egg in your anus followed by a gummy bear. Call me ...

A politician dies...

...and ends up at the pearly gates. St. Peter looks at him and finds his name in his book.

"So, you're a politician..."

"Well, yes. Is there a problem?"

"Oh no, there is no problem. But we have a policy for people in your profession, you have to spend a day each in heaven and he...

Donald Trump walks into a doctor's office with an enormous red boil on his head.

The doctor says, “My God, why didn’t you come sooner?”
The boil says, “To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.”

Does anyone know how long it takes to cook those boil in the bag fish.

I didn't get any instructions at the fun fair.

The best soup stock is made by boiling chicken feet for hours and hours

After all, it's made from scratch.

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.

I met someone with a fake boil on their face.

I wasn't sure how they made it, or what it con-cysted of.

What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?

A mist steak

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs boiling in a pot of water?

Stew

Waiter: Sir I have Stewed Liver, Fried Kidney, Boiled Toungue and Frozen Legs.

Dude: Stop listing your problems man. Just give me the menu.

What kind of business involves boiling knees, elbows and shoulders in vats of water?

A joint stock company

It's always a sad day when I end up having to boil water.

It will be mist.

A man working at a coffee manufacturing plant slips and falls into a vat of boiling hot coffee.

Friend: I can only imagine it was a slow death.
Wife: no. It was instant.

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Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

Why does a teapot whistle when it’s boiling?

Because it’s telighted!

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

This family seemed angry with me when i asked them if they wanted their order fried or boiled...

Anyways, I didnt like working in the cremation center

What it all boils down to ...

is evaporation.

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