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Boil Jokes

What do you get if you boil funnybones?

A laughing stock.

If you boil a funny bone it becomes a laughing stock.

That's pretty humerus.

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

NSFW What did the egg say to the boiling water?

I just got laid and you expect me to be hard in3 minutes?!?

She was standing in the kitchen preparing 2 soft boiled eggs for breakfast

wearing only a 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'

Not wanting to lose the...

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

I'll tell you what makes my blood boil...

Crematoriums.

I boiled some noodles in water

It was Pho Nominal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choose a new password :

Choose a new password :

potato

Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

Sorry, password mu...

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

Bloody Passwords

PASSWORD PROBLEMS:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage


WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage



WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
...

It boils my blood when people use to, too, and two incorrectly

Like cmon guys it's really not to hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is my absolute favorite "so bad it's good" joke

A man went to the doctor with a horrible itch in his ass. After an examination, the doctor gave him his diagnosis:

\- You have an enormous tapeworm in there. This is not a matter of normal treatment, so my advice to you is to insert a boiled egg in your anus followed by a gummy bear. Call me ...

A chef I know just boiled up a chicken carcass with seasoning, vegetables and nitrous oxide.

I told him he's made himself a laughing stock.

You Know What Really Makes My Blood Boil?

Temperatures Of Over 100 Degrees Celsius.

Why should you always melt chocolate over boiling water?

Because if you try and melt it under boiling water, you’ll die.

A boil killed itself.

It was a cyst did suicide.

How do French people know how long to boil an egg?

They just know when they boiled enough.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what really boils my piss?

Hotel room kettles.

I'm so hungry right now I could boil a hyena!

But I'd only make myself a laughing stock.

My son was eating his boiled egg for breakfast, when he said “dad, I think this egg is out of date.”

I said “stop messing about, just eat it.”

He said “but Dad it’s really really out of date.”

I said “I don’t care, just eat the damn thing!”

He said “Okay dad, but do I have to eat the beak and feet too?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

Did you hear about the guy who escaped a firing squad only to fall into a vat of boiling oil?

He went from the firing plan into the fryer.

Why did the blonde student boil her assignment?

She wanted to get 100 percentigrade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I took a few pages from Moby Dick and boiled them to see what it tasted like.

It was just okay, but I might not do it again. It was a novel tea.

I really like boiling fruits for hours

That's my jam

What do you call a clown after you've boiled it for 10 hours?

A laughing stock!

A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly die in a fire and end up before God...

"You are all going to hell!" he announces. "As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Ea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Maid asked the master's wife for a pay raise!!

The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?”
Maria: “Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze.” “The first is that I iron better than you.”
Wife: “Who said you iron better than me?”...

I was boiling some noodles until the pot suddenly began to float.

Needless to say, it was soup rising.

Ever since I bought $GME shares, my wife won’t stop boiling chickens.

She likes the stock.

I met someone with a fake boil on their face.

I wasn't sure how they made it, or what it con-cysted of.

A watched pot never boils

but a redhead will sunburn regardless of witnesses

The troubles of foreigners in Canada

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.

"This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked 'C' gave me boiling water."

"But, Monsieur, 'C' stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."

"Wait a...

"You know what really makes my blood boil", asked my clearly agitated wife whilst we watched a show about unsolved crimes.

"Yes", I replied whilst further lowering the atmospheric pressure in her tank.

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.

What it all boils down to ...

is evaporation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two eggs boiling in a pot.

One says, bloody hot in here, the other one says,

wait till you get out, they bash your fucking brains in.

Why does a teapot whistle when it’s boiling?

Because it’s telighted!

SCIENTIST: I just boiled water.

ME: Solid.

SCIENTIST: No.

ME: I just mean that’s cool.

SCIENTIST: WRONG AGAIN!

What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?

A mist steak

A sign on a restaurant window says "If you order it and we don't have it, you instantly win one million dollars"

A man walking by notices the sign and walks in the restaurant and sits down at the table with a smirk on his face. The waiter asks what he will be having and the man says "I will have white rhinoceros stew please." The waiter comes out with a boiling hot bowl of exactly what the man ordered. The man...

Whom did the German philosopher quote when his friend dipped his hand in boiling oil?

Johann Gottfried

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