If you boil a funny bone...

It becomes a laughing stock.

You better upvote this because...

It’s Humerus.

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”

My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; righ...

RIP boiled water...

you will be mist

Carmen was eating a hard-boiled egg on the beach, but she dropped it.

Where in the world did Carmen's sandy egg go?

What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water?

I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard.

A boil killed itself.

It was a cyst did suicide.

Does anyone know how long it takes to cook those boil in the bag fish.

I didn't get any instructions at the fun fair.

I had some impure water so I boiled the hell out of it and collected the condensation...

Now it’s wholly water

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two eggs boiling in a pot.

One says, bloody hot in here, the other one says,

wait till you get out, they bash your fucking brains in.

What did the part First Nations, part French-Canadian pirate say after boiling a kettle on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey. I'm Métis. I made tea. I'm eighty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mom pronounces “boil” like “bull”

Needless to say, that southern twang is boilcrap

What did the tied up lobster fear more than boiling water?

Claw-Strophobia

What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?

A mist steak

PASSWORD PROBLEMS ( LONG ONE )

Windows : Please enter your new password.

User : cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

User : boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, the password must contain at least 1 numerical character.

User : 1 boiled cabbage

Windows : Sorry, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what really boils my piss?

Hotel kettles.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a "for sale" sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and i...

It's always a sad day when I end up having to boil water.

It will be mist.

I met someone with a fake boil on their face.

I wasn't sure how they made it, or what it con-cysted of.

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There was a vulture who had a rebellious son.

He would preen his feathers so they stood up, hang out with raccoons, and generally be a nuisance to the rest of the flock. Thinking that it was just a phase, his father didn't worry too much about it and hoped that one day his son would grow up.

However, one day his son came home with terrib...

I hate being cooked alive.

It makes my blood boil.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in an industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

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A cowboy ran out of food on the trail so he had to boil and eat his leather chaps.

The next day he pooped his pants.

Three doctors hire a nurse

Three doctors with a growing private practice decided they needed to hire a new nurse onto their staff to meet their needs. They hired a very qualified applicant named Sue, and met after a week to discuss the new nurse's abilities in her new role.

"She does a really good job with the patients...

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One day a scientist had a brilliant idea

He thought to himself, "People are so preoccupied with talking animals, why don't i make the first ever talking food!". This was a momentous idea that he just had, and he thought it best to experiment on his favourite food item: Matzo balls.

The scientist made a matzo ball, and after much tri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the Japanese chef ask to his boiling noodles?

Udon yet?

Tired of boiling water every time you make pasta?

Boil some at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.

My mate just asked me if he could put a teabag in my mouth and fill me with boiling water.

He must think I'm some kind of mug.

A watched pot never boils

but a redhead will sunburn regardless of witnesses

I was boiling a lobster, and it started screaming...

I felt bad, so I drove it to the woods and set it free.

The thing about cocaine is...

When you boil it down, it's not all its cracked up to be

I was boiling a pot of water on max temperature

It went from 0 to 100 real quick

P.S sorry Americans

I should have been more attentive; my pot has unexpectedly boiled over

Honestly. It was a little soup rising.

How do you make Holy Water?

You boil the Hell out of it

What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?

A HIGH-POT-IN-USE

How does an american make a cup of tea

They Boil a cup of boston harbour water

I love taking photos of myself standing next to boiling water.

My doctor says I have selfie steam issues.

Who's that band?

A little bar in a small town was having a concert night and most of the town showed up. They were curious to see who in this town of everyone-knows-everyone would go up and perform.

The barman introduced up on stage a couple of highschool kids, the Little Rascals, that were going through the...

Donald Trump walks into a doctor's office with an enormous red boil on his head.

The doctor says, “My God, why didn’t you come sooner?”
The boil says, “To be honest, I was ashamed to leave the house.”

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

RIP boiling water

You will be mist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Diary of an Englishman after he moves to South Africa....

**August 1**: Just got transferred with work from London, UK to our new home in Phalaborwa, Limpopo, South Africa. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally fo...

The kids next door challenged me to water fight in the front yard.

I'm just posting real quick while I wait for it to boil.

So my boyfriend's kettle has boiled dry all the water inside and he said "RIP water..."

"You will be mist."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Choosing a new password: potato

Choosing a new password: potato

\-Sorry, password must contain at least 8 letters.

boiled potato

\-Sorry, password must contain at least one number.

1 boiled potato

\-Sorry, password cannot contain spaces

50fuckingboiledpotatoes

\-Sorry...

SCIENTIST: I just boiled water.

ME: Solid.

SCIENTIST: No.

ME: I just mean that’s cool.

SCIENTIST: WRONG AGAIN!

A blonde is driving down the highway

She is applying make-up in her rear view mirror. Her car drifts into the next lane and trades paint with a pickup truck. They pull off to the side of the road, the driver of the pickup truck gets out and he’s fuming. He asks the blonde if she has insurance and she just stares at him blankly... So he...

Two honeydew melons in a patch had just met, but immediately fell madly in love with each other.

One of the melons came from a strict and abusive family, and desparately wanted to get married. The other melon loved her so much, that he went to the father's patch to ask his permission to marry.

"Sir, I am in love with your daughter, and I wish to marry her. Do I have your permission?", th...

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
5. One cannibal says ...

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