Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

Once upon a time there lived a woman in Brampton who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately they always gave her a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively reaction.

When it became apparent that she and her boyfriend would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man but I don't think he can live with my problems." So she decided to make the supreme sacrifice and give up beans.
A year later her car broke down on the way home from work. Sin...

I decided to eat my baked beans through my nose.

In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision.

Why do baked beans want to move to Queensland (Australia)

Because they all want to live in Cairns!

(a city in Queensland Australia, for non aussies)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you eat peanut butter and baked beans?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your ass

How can you tell the difference between a can of soup and a can of baked beans?

Read the label.

looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online...

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

Whats the difference between a baked bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay to have a baked bean on my face.

What was the name of the meth cook who got caught stealing baked beans?

Heinzenburg

a little corny but here it goes...what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans.

I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

During my school days I was living on baked beans.

A house would probably have been a smarter option.

*From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?'

'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'

'And why is your son crying?'

'He wants his lunch back.'

What do you call a sunburnt vegan?

A baked bean

Two woman riding in an elevator in a very lavish and posh building..,,

when a young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, “Romance” by Ralph Lauren, at $180.Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, “Chanel No. 5...

I fell in love with an amazing man

When he proposed I decided to make a huge sacrifice: I gave up on my favourite food, beans.

A few months later, on my birthday, my car broke down. Called him to let him know I was coming later. Suddenly I smelled baked beans from a nearby restaurant and couldn't help myself. I figured I'd hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A married truck driver goes into a brothel

He says to the madam "I'll give you $500 for your ugliest girl and baked beans on burnt toast."

The madam replies "For $500 I'll give you my best looking girl and a 3 course meal."

The truck driver replies "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

Imagine this told with a Boston accent...

Why are there 239 beans in every can of Bostons baked beans?

Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too farty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars a...

What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?

Baked beans

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctor asks a prostitute,

do you know who the father is? prostitute replies. Oh for goodness sakes If you ate a can of baked beans would you know which one made you fart?

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