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What did the pirate say when they were getting their ass eaten too aggressively?

Yarrgh, slow down you're swallowing me hole!

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What makes pooping in someone’s yard not passive aggressive?

Eye contact.

What do you call a hippo that tells other hippos to not be aggressive?

A hippocrite.

I've been breeding non-aggressive Siamese fighting fish.

I call them beta bettas.

The first rule of passive aggressive club is...

You know what, nevermind. It’s fine.

Why are farmers aggressive gamblers?

Because they raise the steaks.

What did the snowman say to the aggressive carrot?

Get out of my face!

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone gets too close to you, poke them in the gut with it as though it was a bayonette and shout ...

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month.

It’s nothing but period drama.

What did the aggressive walnut say to the group of peanuts?

You better hope I don’t cashew outside!!

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Redneck book of manners.....

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.


2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.


3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.


4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.


5. Even if you're ...

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A Cop just burst into my house...

And starting aggressively jerking me off...


... must have been a beat cop.

What did the passive aggressive cheese say?

Queso? (K......so?)

What does an aggressive computer dinosaur do?

An aggressive computer dinosaur goes **.rar** to assert its dominance

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My smart ass mouth always gets me in trouble.

I was rear-ended, which caused me to rear-end the car in front of me. The driver, who was a dwarf, approached
aggressively after the accident yelling, "I am NOT happy."

I decided that I would try to lighten things up and answered,
"OK, I can see that, but then which one are you?" ...

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A motorcycle officer stopped a man who ran a red light.

The guy was a real jerk, demanding, “Why am I being harassed by the Gestapo?!”
The officer calmly told him of his violation.
The man erupted in a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry and sexual orientation in explicit terms.
The officer took it in stride, saying nothing. When he finis...

A man was pulled over on the side of the road for speeding.

The officer said, "Sir do you know why I pulled you over"

"No idea sir" the man replied.

"Well I've got you clocked here doing 78 mph, I'll need to see your license and registration"

Handing over his papers the man replies "Officer I had no idea I saw a sign that said 78 I thoug...

My blind wife asked me to stop writing her passive aggressive notes and leaving them around the house.

I don't know if it's depression or what, but she said she was tired of feeling upset all the time.

The pandemic comes, and the country is in lockdown.

The coronavirus is killing tens of thousands.

Early on, a scientist says ***"Keep your distance and wash your hands regularly."***

The fellow shouted back, ***"No, it's OK - I don't need to keep distance, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me."***

The pandemic rages on. ...

A billionaire buys an elephant

Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how's your home life?

The other answers: Couldn't be better! I bought an elephant!

The other guy looks at him astonished: An elephant? Have you gone mad?

The guy replies, smiling: Oh, man, ...

I'm not passive aggressive.

Unlike *some* people.

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My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

I can tell you I nearly shit her pants.

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To people who get pissed off about passive-aggressive criticism...

What else do you do poorly?

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Science has found that honeybee venom helps kill aggressive breast cancer cells.

They've updated their name reflecting their new job to Boobees.

People say I’m too aggressive when I’m trading baseball cards.

It’s because I’m Ruthless.

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I'm scared of aggressive anal sex

Because it's dangerous ass fuck.

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I just watched aggressive sex between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p

It was HD LGBTQ BDSM

Two Chess Grandmasters sit down for a Drink

They get a little tipsy, and their tongues loosen up.

Charles: “My wife has been awfully quiet recently. I think she may be having an affair.”

Digory: “...”

Charles: “Well come on man, don’t be so glum.”

Digory: “Charles, I have a confession about my last mate.”

Ch...

Someone once told me that I'm passive aggressive all the time

I told him to please move on in life.

What do you call investing your partners paycheck into a crypto currency they don't like?

Passive aggressive income

What did the pacifist say to the aggressive musician?

Violins is not the answer.

What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say?

Kay, so?



Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.

Weatherman are like that over aggressive guy at the bar...

...always telling us how many inches we are going to get and always failing to deliver.

What do you call a Passive Aggressive Ogre with one eye?

A Sighcylops.

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There are two types of people on earth. People who are aggressively violent, and people who are aroused by vegetables.

As for me, I cum in peas

I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning

I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in

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A Science-Minded Deviant

There's this scientist that loves dolphins. He loves dolphins so much, he wants to figure out a way to make them live forever. For years he slaves away in his basement laboratory, and he believes that he has found a compound that when given to dolphins, will make them live forever. The only probl...

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Apparently taking too much Viagra can affect your IQ and cause aggressive behavior.

But the fuck I care about some crappy Apple products anyways

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

My horse was way more aggressive than usual today

it threw me off

A Banana Walked into a Doctor's Office

He's sitting in the exam room when the doctor walks in, head buried in his notes, not really paying attention.

"I've got some bad news. You have stage 4 cancer, and it's very aggressive. We've caught it way too late. I'm afraid you only have two weeks left to live, Mr. Orange."

Looking...

What did the man say to the plumber aggressively trying to fix the tap?

C’mon man, you don’t have to faucet.

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Your dick is so small, that ...

Your dick is so small, that if you would sexual harass someone, it would be a Micro aggression.

My neighbors got pretty aggressive when I played 'Zombie' at full volume last night.

I thought silence causes violence.

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A man visits a therapist

"I work long hours to support my family. When I finally get home, my wife hands me the baby and the other kids are waiting for me to help them with their homework. After dinner, it's my job to clean up and help put the baby to bed. I have an endless list of things to fix around the house on weekends...

I identify as a aggressive letter

I guess I'm an alpha mail.

WHAT DO WE WANT? PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!

WHEN DO WE WANT IT?







Well, we're sure you're really busy with all of your important things.

So, we'll just have to wait, until you feel that we've waited long enough, and maybe then, you'll be able to find some time for others.

It's fine.

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I just saw two people having aggressive sex while camping.

They were fucking in tents.

Hippos are one of the most aggressive animals in all of Africa. What do you call it when a hippo kills something in one bite?

A hippo-crit.

A zoo purchased a female gorilla as their new start attraction.

However, she soon became very aggressive and very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined that the problem was she was in heat. With no male gorilla at the zoo, how could she be calmed down?

While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Davi...

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What do you call an aggressive reptile that likes to start shit with people on Instagram?

An instigator.

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

Why did REO Speedwagon have to get rid of their aggressive pet cat?

They couldn't fight this feline anymore.

“Hey man, congratulations on that aggressive knuckle cancer.”

(Fist bump)

I'm sick of all these passive-aggressive posts.

You know who you are.

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I was just having a quiet pint by myself in a half empty pub, when some guy comes over.

"Would you mind moving, that's my seat."

Seeing as though I'd been there an hour, and there was plenty of other empty seats, I politely refused.

He started getting quite aggressive at that point, saying "I've never seen you in here before, I've sat in that seat every Saturday night for...

Say what you will about George W Bush, but he wouldn't have stood for North Korean aggression...

He'd have invaded New Zealand by now...

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Unbeknownst to his wife, Steve has secretly been drinking at the bar all day.

He looks at his phone only to realize that its 2a.m. and he should be getting home before his wife is pissed.

He tries to stand up but falls flat on his face. Deciding he needs to sober up, he gets some water and waits an hour. Again, he tries to stand up. Again, he falls flat on his face....

My wife and I are playing the passive aggressive thermostat game...

She is currently winning 73 to 68

What’s the most aggressive fast food business right now?

its nacho business

How many passive aggressive people does it take to change a light bulb?

Don't bother, I'll do it myself.

To a store comes a woman and leaves her small dog outside and ties dog leash to something.

Then comes a man with a big and aggressive dog and does the same.

Woman walks out of the store and then comes back in, and says: "Sorry but my dog killed your dog."

Man looks all confused and says: "What? My dog is so strong and aggressive in could kill a human. How did your dog kill ...

"Dad, why are they taking down the traffic lights so aggressively?"

"I don't know, son, but they sure are pulling out all the stops."

Can you people please stop being so condescending and passive-aggressive?

Thanks!

My friend is really passive aggressive

The other day he said " you're a moron and you don't know what passive aggressive means!"

What did Putin say to the Ukraine when they complained about Russian aggression?

Crimea river!

I'm a passive aggressive driver.

I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one.

What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?

The punch is pretty weak

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Why did Russia sign the non-aggression pact with NazI Germany?

They were Stalin for time.

If someone does something to annoy you, DONT just be passive aggressive about.

Unlike SOME people I know.

There's a group of passive aggressive people that keep saying I'm a snoopy mailman

I know because they keep writing letters about it to their friends.

What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe?

"...ugh nevermind"

Aggressiveness is in the eye of the beholder.

Until he punches you in the face. Then aggressiveness is inbetween the eyes of the beholder.

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Aggressive driver

So the other day I was just chilling having a relaxing drive when suddenly some asshole comes up right behind me. Very aggressively he starts to flash his lights at me and honk like crazy because he wants to pass. I am thinking, Gandalf style; fuck you; you will not pass. So he goes to the left; I ...

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A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

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Passive-aggressive people are the worst.

I wish you'd take a fucking hint, Dave.

What did one passive aggressive republican say to the passive aggressive democrat?

I don't know, let me go check my Facebook feed.

How many passive-aggressive people does it take to change a lightbulb?

Oh never mind, I'll just sit here in the dark...

The KGB, the FBI and the Cia are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.

The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investiga...

Three inmates at the insane asylum gather around the lunch table to plot how they can break out and regain their freedom.

Rudy, the longest standing resident explains they should all meet along the Southern wall at precisely midnight, whereupon he will use his recently illegally acquired hospital issue flashlight to vault them over the wall. Then it’s a short walk across the border into Mexico.

Upon hearing the ...

A Texan Is Walking Around Rural Ireland With A Very Aggressive & Dangerous Looking Pit Bull On A Leash.

He passes a ramshackle farm with an old man standing outside of it leaning on the gatepost & smoking a pipe who is looking very curiously at the pit bull.

Farmer:- "Bejaysus, what kind of dog is that??....NEVER seen one like it before!!"

Texan:- "Well sir, this here is what you cal...

A wife finds a bathtub on her kitchen table.

A wife comes home and finds her husband sitting next to a new bathtub on the kitchen table. Shocked, she asks him where it came from.

“Well,” he says. “I went out today to pick up some tiles for our bathroom. So, I walked around the store, looking for the perfect color, when I saw the perfec...

Dave and his girlfriend are at a party on a hot day.

It’s a good party, everyone is having fun. And eventually the catering comes in, and everyone starts lining up to get their food and drinks. Dave’s girlfriend is feeling a bit tired, so Dave offers to go up and get her a drink. She happily thanks him and asks for some lemonade just to quench her thi...

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A man is having vulgar aggressive sex with his woman...

She asks him: "Wo wo wo... honey... would you be a little bit more considerate and classy?"

Him: "Like how?"

Her: "Pretend you're at a classy dinner with classy friends..."

Him: "Sure, could you please pass me that tit?"

A bride gets drunk at her reception and wakes up with a hangover, unable to remember anything she did at the reception. She asks her maid of honor what happened.

"Your groom and I got drunk and started dancing together," says the maid of honor. "Then you got drunk, and the alcohol must have made you so aggressive that when you saw us dancing, you kicked him in the balls."

"Ouch!" says the bride. "That must have hurt."

"It sure did!" says the ma...

Why are answers on Quora so long?

An interesting question. Before coming to answer it, let us look at the basic presupposition which underlines this, and indeed all questions, in that there must or should be a single, concise and unitary answer to any given query.

Johnson and McCabe in their seminal work "Revealed: the Art of...

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Two women decides to go out and have some fun without their husbands.

The night turned out great it was a lot of fun. They got tipsy so they headed back home, but on the road they had a sudden urge to pee, so they climbed over the wall of a graveyard nearby. When finnished, they recocgnised they’ve got nothing to wipe themself clean with. One of them used her panties ...

The color of the upvote is red, that’s why it’s called Reddit

*just a joke no need to get aggressive*

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The baboon.

The zoo owner is becoming concerned because his star attraction, the baboon, is becoming more and more aggressive. He calls an old buddy of his from college, who happens a to have been a zoology major. The zoo owner explains what has been going on, and asks his friend if there is anything that can b...

Florida Woman Stops 12' Alligator with a .22 cal Beretta Pistol

\[Long\] This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.

What's the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

Here's her story in her own words:

"While walking along the edge of a pon...

Jim walked into a bar......

Jim, walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bartender

”Please give me a plate of chicken wings and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, cause when I eat,
I want everyone to eat!”

The bartender complies to this by giving Jim a plate of chicken wings ...

What do you call hummingbird on hummingbird crime?

A micro-aggression.

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[NSFW] Count your days of blessing!

The monkey wife is tired of her husband's aggressive sex drive and so she prays to God for help. God appears and asks what can He do for her.
"Well, take his penis away for a month!", she goes. God tells her that that won't be fair to the monkey alone. "So take the dicks of all the animals for a...

A man dies and goes to the Pearly Gates.

When he gets there, he is perplexed and confused to see everyone aggressively whipping eggs, and mixing flour and batter.


He looks around and finds an entire section specially reserved for decoration, with elaborate arrangements of strawberries, frosting and tiering that would have done...

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

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