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Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Fucking everywhere

What's a suicide bombers biggest fear?

To die alone.

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like..

So I told him, “C4 yourself”

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

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What can the Boston marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't?

End a race

What do you call an old suicide bomber?

A ka-boomer

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

What do you call a suicide bomber who’s only “meh” at his job?

An okay boomer

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"...

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

What do Suicide Bombers and people with Tourette’s Syndrome have in common?

They both tic.

What's something you'll hear from a Redditor that you'd never hear from a suicide bomber?

Damn, I never expected this to blow up!

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

What were the last words of the suicide bomber at the French restaurant?

Blown appetite.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an ...

A suicide bomber managed to kill everyone on the bus that I was on, including myself!

I was blown away.

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What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

What goes Kaboom followed by a KaFlop?

A suicide bombers body

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

My grandfather shot down 20 German bombers in the war.

Poor Friedrich, he was never cut out to be a fighter pilot.

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Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

What was the last thing that went through a suicide bombers head?

His foot.

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

What did the suicide bombers' teacher told their students in the practical lesson?

Pay attention, because I'll teach you guys ONLY ONCE!

Did you know Francis was not the first choice to become the new Pope?

Actually it was a lesser know man, Cardinal Herzenbacher.
He'd been a man of God from an early age, a pacifist all his life. When WWII broke out, he was conscripted and forced to fight, and so became a bomber pilot.
A few months into the war he was shot down but survived, miraculously only l...

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A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virg...

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Why are there no female suicide bombers?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

Don’t worry about Muslim suicide bombers, they can only do it once...

..Hindu suicide bombers are the real worry.

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After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

What do you say to a 60 year old B-17 pilot?

Okay bomber

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

What do you call a terrorist who is good at baseball?

A Bronx Bomber

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

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Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

Decrease the odds of terrorism on a plane

The odds of a suicide bomber being on your plane are 1 in 10 million.

The odds of two random unrelated suicide bombers on the same plane are virtually impossible.

So if you want to guarantee that you won’t die from another suicide bomber on your flight then you should wear a bomb.

What does the suicide-bomber monk, who hates janitors but loves puns, do, before blowing himself up?

He looks at the closest custodian and says

"PEACE IS EVERYWHERE!"

Did you hear the story about the cyber-suicide bomber?

Blew up all over the internet.

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

A suicide bomber is teaching some new recruits...

He said, "Watch this demonstration carefully. I'm only going to do this once."

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An American, a Russian, and a Japanese bomber are each about to leave on a mission,

The Japanese bomber drops a rope over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, the Russian bomber drops a coin over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, and the American bomber drops a bomb over his hometown as a symbol of good luck.

After the mission the Japanese pilot goes back to his homet...

Suicide bombers are almost nervous...

Because it's always their first time.

Why am I not afraid of suicide bombers?

Because they're all first-timers

Did you hear about the suicide bomber

Who refused to blow up in front of a crowd??
They say he was a real people Persian

A suicide bomber walks into a bar

But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.

I applied for a job as a suicide bomber.

I said I have no previous experience, they didn't seem to mind.

In what career do you become more incompetent with more years experience?

Suicide bomber

An ISIS member's son once said: "My daddy was a suicide bomber..."

"...I wanna be just like him when I blow up."

Why don't you ask a suicide bomber for directions?

He'll make you go everywhere but where you want to go.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

Bought myself a really tight fit bomber jacket the other day

But once I had got it on it wouldnt go off...

What is a suicide bomber's favorite TV show?

The Big Bang Theory.

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