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Bomber Jokes

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

“Alright men, I’m only going to show you this once”

What's suicide bombers' biggest fear?

Dying alone

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

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What would a suicide bomber die for?

A blowjob

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What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

Everywhere.

Did you hear about the suicide bomber performing at the comedy open mic night?

He had everyone in pieces!

A suicide bomber training his new recruits:

"Okay, pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once"

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

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A suicide bomber went to heaven.

The Angel at the front desk greeted him.

"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very horny virgins waiting for you!"

"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"

The Angel smiled.

"Who mentioned women?"

Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber?

He had locomotives.

I am suicide bomber AMA

Wow this blew up fast.

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like

So I told him, "C4 yourself"

Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?

At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.

What did the suicide bomber say to the other suicide bomber?

I bet you don't have the guts to do that again.

Where does the suicide bomber go after dying?

All over the place

Why are jokes about suicide bombers are not funny.

Well for starters, their delivery is just everywhere.

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD

Sorry for such dark humor lol

How do you call a suicide bomber with Tourette’s?

A ticking time bomb

What do Eminem and Suicide bombers have in common?

they only get one shot

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

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It’s WWII and there’s a little anti-aircraft unit based on the east coast of England. The sergeant has a stutter.

One dark night they’re playing cards under the glow of their gas lamp, and suddenly they hear the distant sound of aircraft engines. The sergeant barks, “Ggggggggg-ggggg-gggggg-gggg-ggggg-get to the gggggg-ggg-gggggg-ggggg-gggg-ggggggg-ggg-gggggg-ggg-gun.”

All the men throw down their cards a...

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers

They can only do it once. Those Hindu suicide bombers are the real threat.

Far from being fundamentalists suicide bombers are skeptics

They always have to C4 themselves.

How do you know all suicide bombers self identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end

A terrorist commander is interviewing for a suicide bomber position...

"So good news-there is a sudden vacancy. We couldn't track down any of your recs, which is great. I just have one final question-where do you see yourself in the \*glances at watch\* next five minutes?"

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

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A Chinese general, an American Officer, and a random drunk asshole sit down in a bar and start to brag.

"If all our bombers were to be airborne at once," says the American, "you wouldn't be able to see any part of the sky".

"Hah" boasts the Chinese General, "if all our soldiers were to march at once, you wouldn't be able to see an inch of the ground."

The situation grows tense, and the d...

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

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Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

Steve joins the suicide bomber squad

When he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp, his leader supplies him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and a mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for ...

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to the students ?

Right, I’m only gonna tell you this once

What is the common thing between an entrepreneur and a suicide bomber ?

Do the job well on first try and they are set for life.

Ole and Sven are elderly friends who die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks And go to Hell.

The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.

He says to them

‘Doesn’t the heat and smoke bother you?’

Ole replies, ‘Vell, ya know, ve’re from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve’re yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.’

T...

A joke for world war 2 enthusiasts

A British World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the c...

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

BREAKING NEWS.. Isis suicide bomber has killed 78

of his family in his two bedroom flat. He had taken government advice and was working from home

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

The last batch of suicide bombers were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do the Boston Bombers and Hitler have in common

Both tried to end a race

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

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Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"


"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Right...

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An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

I just read about a group of suicide bombers that were dressed like clowns.

It's a really messed up story, but credit where credit's due...at least someone's trying to put the fun back in fundamentalism

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Worst joke I've ever heard

What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

A suicide bomber dies and goes to heaven

At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who tells him, "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

A suicide bomber walks into a bar

But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

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