Whats a suicide bombers worst fear?

Dying alone

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

“Alright men, I’m only going to show you this once”

A suicide bomber blew up his own house..

Took work from home very seriously.

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers. They can only attack once.

*Hindu* suicide bombers on the other hand...

The last batch of suicide bombers were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like..

So I told him, “C4 yourself”

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

BREAKING NEWS.. Isis suicide bomber has killed 78

of his family in his two bedroom flat. He had taken government advice and was working from home

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

What do you call an old suicide bomber?

A ka-boomer

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"...

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

A WWII pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared.


(At this point, several of the children giggle.)


I looked up,...

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

What do Suicide Bombers and people with Tourette’s Syndrome have in common?

They both tic.

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

What's something you'll hear from a Redditor that you'd never hear from a suicide bomber?

Damn, I never expected this to blow up!

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

What were the last words of the suicide bomber at the French restaurant?

Blown appetite.

A suicide bomber managed to kill everyone on the bus that I was on, including myself!

I was blown away.

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

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President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang.

"Hallo, President Bush" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your ar...

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What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

several people were flying on a plane: a kid, a suicide bomber, the smartest man in the world, and the dumbest man in the world.

Suddenly, the pilot came running to the back and yelled “The plane is going down and we only have 4 parachutes but 5 people.” With this, the pilot took a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The 4 passengers all look at each other then begin a mad scramble for a parachute. Then, all 4 leap...

What was the last thing that went through a suicide bombers head?

His foot.

Any plane is a bomber if you fly it right...

Right into the enemy that is.

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are there no female suicide bombers?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

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A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virg...

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

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After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

A suicide bomber dies and goes to heaven

At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who tells him, "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

Did you hear the story about the cyber-suicide bomber?

Blew up all over the internet.

Superman grandpa

On the first day of school the teacher asks the children to go home and ask for a family history story that has a morale in it. So one child comes to school the next day and tells the teacher this: you see, my grandpa was a bomber pilot. His plane was shot and he had to bail out. On his body was an ...

Did you know Francis was not the first choice to become the new Pope?

Actually it was a lesser know man, Cardinal Herzenbacher.
He'd been a man of God from an early age, a pacifist all his life. When WWII broke out, he was conscripted and forced to fight, and so became a bomber pilot.
A few months into the war he was shot down but survived, miraculously only l...

A suicide bomber walks into a bar

But he doesn't blow up, because it's an Allahu snack bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Russian, and a Japanese bomber are each about to leave on a mission,

The Japanese bomber drops a rope over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, the Russian bomber drops a coin over his hometown as a symbol of good luck, and the American bomber drops a bomb over his hometown as a symbol of good luck.

After the mission the Japanese pilot goes back to his homet...

Suicide bombers are almost nervous...

Because it's always their first time.

I applied for a job as a suicide bomber.

I said I have no previous experience, they didn't seem to mind.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

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