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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

“Alright men, I’m only going to show you this once”

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like..

So I told him, “C4 yourself”

A suicide bomber blew up his own house..

Took work from home very seriously.

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What do the Boston Bombers and Hitler have in common

Both tried to end a race

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to the students ?

Right, I’m only gonna tell you this once

What's a suicide bomber's greatest fear?

Dying alone

Where do suicide bomber go when they die?

Everywhere!

What do you call a suicide bomber in his fifties?

A Boomer.

The last thing the suicide bomber said to his friends....

I'm going out to smoke.

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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school.

His father asks him what they were talking about. "Exodus" he answers. "Oh, and what did you learn?" inquires father. "Well, you see Moses was leading his people out of Egypt and they came to the Red Sea. To get across Moses picks up his radio and calls for engineers. They quickly build pontoon brid...

I started dating a suicide bomber.

Edit: Well, this blew up quick!

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

The last batch of suicide bombers were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"...

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers. They can only attack once.

*Hindu* suicide bombers on the other hand...

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

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Hello! Mr. Hussein?

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," Sadd...

What did the trendy terrorist wear to the fashion exhibition?

A bomber jacket

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force.

"In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, " he continues, "one day I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared."

At this point, several of the children giggle.

"I looked up, and rig...

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

What is my age ?

The new mathematics school teacher on the very first day asks a very complicated question.

Teacher: Let me see if you can answer this question :

"A train in Russia covers a distance of 600 kilometres in 4 hours . A bomber flies over a City in the Middle East and drops a huge bomb. A...

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

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A world war 2 fighter pilot is giving a talk to a group of school children about the Battle of Britain

An RAF veteran from the free Polish forces is giving a talk to a class of young school children and was trying to explain what the battle of Britain was like.

" Out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed ...

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What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

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Why are there no female suicide bombers?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

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Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

What were the last words of the suicide bomber at the French restaurant?

Blown appetite.

What was the last thing that went through a suicide bombers head?

His foot.

My grandfather shot down 20 German bombers in the war.

Poor Friedrich, he was never cut out to be a fighter pilot.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

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After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

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A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virg...

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

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Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

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An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

A suicide bomber dies and goes to heaven

At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who tells him, "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

Did you hear the story about the cyber-suicide bomber?

Blew up all over the internet.

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