A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

“Alright men, I’m only going to show you this once”

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I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

Where do suicide bombers go when they die?

Everywhere.

A suicide bomber blew up his own house..

Took work from home very seriously.

What is a suicide bomber's greatest fear?

Dying alone

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

What do you call an exhibitionist suicide bomber?

A flash bang

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

What do Eminem and Suicide bombers have in common?

they only get one shot

What do you call jokes that a suicide bomber finds funny?

Boomer Humor

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Ireland Declares War on France

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

"Hallo!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"

"Well, Paddy," the President of France ...

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What do the Boston Bombers and Hitler have in common

Both tried to end a race

I just read about a group of suicide bombers that were dressed like clowns.

It's a really messed up story, but credit where credit's due...at least someone's trying to put the fun back in fundamentalism

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to the students ?

Right, I’m only gonna tell you this once

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A Chinese general, an American Officer, and a random drunk asshole sit down in a bar and start to brag.

"If all our bombers were to be airborne at once," says the American, "you wouldn't be able to see any part of the sky".

"Hah" boasts the Chinese General, "if all our soldiers were to march at once, you wouldn't be able to see an inch of the ground."

The situation grows tense, and the d...

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

The last thing the suicide bomber said to his friends....

I'm going out to smoke.

Steve joins the suicide bomber squad

When he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp, his leader supplies him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and a mobile for communications.

He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?

Leader: No, not for ...

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"...

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

I started dating a suicide bomber.

Edit: Well, this blew up quick!

The last batch of suicide bombers were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

A guy was wondering what it's like being a suicide bomber.

I said "C4 yourself"

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

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Who's the toughest

A group of old men were sitting at the local VFW, downing beers and trading war stories.

They were joined by another old man, who was new to their club, so they took their turns trying to prove who was the toughest.

First the Navy guy stood up: "I was on the USS Indianapolis, when it g...

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

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A suicide bomber is teaching a bombing class.

“Pay attention. I’m only going to do this once!”

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers. They can only attack once.

*Hindu* suicide bombers on the other hand...

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

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Why are there no female suicide bombers?

Good luck convincing a girl by telling her if she do it, she will meet 70 virgins in heaven.

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Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

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Little Johnny comes home from Sunday school.

His father asks him what they were talking about. "Exodus" he answers. "Oh, and what did you learn?" inquires father. "Well, you see Moses was leading his people out of Egypt and they came to the Red Sea. To get across Moses picks up his radio and calls for engineers. They quickly build pontoon brid...

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

What were the last words of the suicide bomber at the French restaurant?

Blown appetite.

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

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What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

My grandfather shot down 20 German bombers in the war.

Poor Friedrich, he was never cut out to be a fighter pilot.

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After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

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Why do you never see Old Suicide Bombers, after all they have less to loose?

Because A man who hasn't had a hard on in 10 years, has no use for 72 virgins.

several people were flying on a plane: a kid, a suicide bomber, the smartest man in the world, and the dumbest man in the world.

Suddenly, the pilot came running to the back and yelled “The plane is going down and we only have 4 parachutes but 5 people.” With this, the pilot took a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The 4 passengers all look at each other then begin a mad scramble for a parachute. Then, all 4 leap...

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

Bomber 1 : Do you think everybody would know about it?

Bomber 2 : Well, this has to blow up first.

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virg...

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

A suicide bomber dies and goes to heaven

At the pearly gates he meets St. Peter who tells him, "I bet you don't have the guts to do that again."

What did the trendy terrorist wear to the fashion exhibition?

A bomber jacket

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

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