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Bomber Jokes

A suicide bomber instructor says to his trainees

“Alright men, I’m only going to show you this once”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't see why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist suicide bomber on the off chance that when you die you get 72 virgins.

Just become a Catholic priest and get them now.

A suicide bomber blew up his own house..

Took work from home very seriously.

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What's difference between Hitler and the Boston Marathon Bomber?

The bomber successfully stopped a race

What's suicide bombers' biggest fear?

Dying alone

Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?

At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.

A suicide bomber training his new recruits:

"Okay, pay attention, I'm only going to show you this once"

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD

Sorry for such dark humor lol

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What would a suicide bomber die for?

A blowjob

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A suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before Allah

He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request. Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 prostitutes?"

Allah regarded him for a moment, then ...

Why are jokes about suicide bombers are not funny.

Well for starters, their delivery is just everywhere.

How do you know all suicide bombers self identify as being old?

They are all boomers in the end

An F-15 pilot was assigned to escort an aged B-52 Bomber

Being a bit bored he started executing loops and rolls, never worried about being able to catch up to his lumbering charge. He got on the radio to boast to the BUFF pilot.

"Ha! Anything you can do, I can do better!"

The bomber pilot replies, "Oh, yeah? Let's see you do this!" and kee...

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A suicide bomber went to heaven.

The Angel at the front desk greeted him.

"Hi, welcome. There are 72 very horny virgins waiting for you!"

"I knew it! said the bomber. "Bring me the women!"

The Angel smiled.

"Who mentioned women?"

Sven and Ole go to hell

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust h...

A terrorist commander is interviewing for a suicide bomber position...

"So good news-there is a sudden vacancy. We couldn't track down any of your recs, which is great. I just have one final question-where do you see yourself in the \*glances at watch\* next five minutes?"

Far from being fundamentalists suicide bombers are skeptics

They always have to C4 themselves.

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I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.

Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

How do you call a suicide bomber with Tourette’s?

A ticking time bomb

What do Eminem and Suicide bombers have in common?

they only get one shot

Library of Congress bomber…

Yesterday’s attempted bomber said there are 4 more bombs planted in DC. After botching bombing Congress by showing up at the Library of Congress, the FBI has ordered the immediate evacuation of :

-the Richmond Mall’s Supreme Food Court

-The Hexagon Building on Connecticut Ave

-...

What is the common thing between an entrepreneur and a suicide bomber ?

Do the job well on first try and they are set for life.

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

Anyone hear about the Mexican train bomber?

They say he had loco motives.

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber.

The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.

Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"...

I told a suicide bomber she looked fat

Boy, that really blew up in my face.

Moses

Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the ...

(DARK) Where does a suicide bomber go after they commit their crime

Everywhere

A guy was wondering what being a suicide bomber was like

So I told him, "C4 yourself"

What did the suicide bomber instructor say to the students ?

Right, I’m only gonna tell you this once

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it better to be a redditor rather than a suicide bomber?

You are guaranteed to meet more virgins..

What's worse than a suicide bomber?

....a suicide bomber with a resume.

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What do the Boston Bombers and Hitler have in common

Both tried to end a race

I just read about a group of suicide bombers that were dressed like clowns.

It's a really messed up story, but credit where credit's due...at least someone's trying to put the fun back in fundamentalism

The last thing the suicide bomber said to his friends....

I'm going out to smoke.

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Putin is sitting in his office when his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Putin!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"


"Well, Paddy," Putin replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"


"Rig...

My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.

He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.

A suicide bomber instructor addressing his class said.....

"Alright everyone, watch me closely because I'm only going to do this once"

A World War II Spitfire pilot is speaking in a church and reminiscing about his war experiences. "In 1942, the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember, one day, I was protecting the bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared!"

There are a few gasps from the parishioners, and several of the children began to giggle.

"I looked up, and realized that two of the fokkers were directly above me. I aimed at the first one and shot him down. By then, though, the other fokker was right on my tail."

At this point, sever...

What was the last thing the Australian suicide bomber was overheard saying?

Tadie’s tha die ta die.

The last batch of suicide bombers were very tight knit.

They used to sing together, dance together, laugh together. True brethren. At the end they had a blast doing their job.

BREAKING NEWS.. Isis suicide bomber has killed 78

of his family in his two bedroom flat. He had taken government advice and was working from home

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A Chinese general, an American Officer, and a random drunk asshole sit down in a bar and start to brag.

"If all our bombers were to be airborne at once," says the American, "you wouldn't be able to see any part of the sky".

"Hah" boasts the Chinese General, "if all our soldiers were to march at once, you wouldn't be able to see an inch of the ground."

The situation grows tense, and the d...

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A suicide bomber goes to heaven to receive his 72 virgins...

But all he sees are other men just like himself.

Confused, he asks one of them where his virgins are.
The man replies, "Brother, we are all virgins."

What does my wife and a suicide bomber have in common?

They're nowhere near me when they blow.

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An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

A suicide bomber tripped outside a news kiosk

He's all over the front pages.

Have you heard about the suicide bomber fetish?

Wearing only a vest you run out in public and blow your DNA all over everyone.

What does a redditor and a terrorist bomber teacher have to say in common?

EDIT: Didn't expect this to blow up!

Its not the Islamic suicide bombers you need to worry about...

Its the Buddhist ones - they keep coming back!

A suicide bomber school instructor addresses his students

“Today will be a demonstration. Pay very close attention because I’m only going to show you this once.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-week strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.


The unrest began last Tuesday, when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death, would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54. A spokesman said increases in rec...

I'm not worried about Muslim suicide bombers. They can only attack once.

*Hindu* suicide bombers on the other hand...

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After killing himself and several others, a suicide bomber is given 72 virgins to use as he pleases.

When the suicide bomber arrives, he notices that they're all on laptops. He finds this strange, and asks one what they're doing. The virgin responds, "We're playing Fortnite. Wanna join?"

What did the Fort Knox bomber say?

Wow this blew up thanks for the gold

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when a kamikaze bomber blows up a chocolate peanut butter cup factory?

Reeses pieces

The teacher to his pupils in a suicide bomber lesson

"Please, pay attention cause I'll only say this once"

My friend is a car bomber

But he’s doing it less, saying he’s cutting back on his “car bomb footprint”

(Idk not that good just thought of it)

A college student, A banker, and a bomber are on a plane

They are losing altitude and fast. The pilot says they need to lose some weight if they want to survive. The college student drops his backpack. The banker drops a large safe. The bomber drops a bomb.

A few hours later, walking down the street, a child is sitting crying on the curb. A man as...

[NSFW] What do you call a French suicide bomber?

Napoleon Blown-Apart



Posting from mobile and don't know how to tag nsfw

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10 ISIS suicide bombers decided to blow up a building

"We must pick a building that will have a mass effect on western culture" the leader says. So they research all the popular websites they can find and have decided on the reddit headquarters.

"YES!!" Another exclaimed! "We can not only dismantle their social construct but we can all attack ...

A suicide bombers last day on the job...

is also his best day on the job.

I don’t get why more people don’t become suicide bombers

I mean, you have guaranteed job security for the rest of your life!

Why is the suicide bomber getting so much coverage?

I mean seriously, the guy is all over the place!

What did the imam say when he buried the suicide bomber?

"Rest in piece."

What did the redditor say when he opened his package from the UniBomber?

Wow, I did not expect this post to blow up

What do college students and suicide bombers have in common?

It's impossible to find either with any experience.

several people were flying on a plane: a kid, a suicide bomber, the smartest man in the world, and the dumbest man in the world.

Suddenly, the pilot came running to the back and yelled “The plane is going down and we only have 4 parachutes but 5 people.” With this, the pilot took a parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The 4 passengers all look at each other then begin a mad scramble for a parachute. Then, all 4 leap...

Suicide Bombers don’t like to be called explosives

They self identify as fireworks

What was the last thing that went through a suicide bombers head?

His foot.

A terrorist tells the suicide bomber they shouldn't attack the Statue of Liberty, because she's "too easy" ...

The bomber shrugs and replies "Eh, I'd still bang"

How many people did the Islamic suicide bomber intend to kill?

Allah them.

Bomber 1 : Do you think everybody would know about it?

Bomber 2 : Well, this has to blow up first.

What did the suicide bombers son say when his son went off to an American college?

They blow up so quickly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim suicide bomber walks into a crowd of infidels and blows himself up.

He is immediately transported to Paradise, where he finds himself surrounded by seventy-two of the ugliest women anyone has ever laid eyes upon. The suicide bomber is crestfallen.

"C'mon, think it through," Allah pats him sympathetically on the shoulder. "Why do you think they're still virg...

Why is it easy to defeat an army of suicide bombers?

There are no experienced ones

Sometimes I wonder about suicide bombers...

What makes them *tick*?

My grandfather shot down 20 German bombers in the war.

Poor Friedrich, he was never cut out to be a fighter pilot.

What did the suicide bomber from the Rebel Alliance say before detonating?

ADMIRAL ACKBAR!

What did the guidance councilor say to the suicide bomber?

What do you wanna be when you blow up?

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