Apprehended Jokes

A mild-mannered man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating wom... read more

He was resisting a rest

Nein nein!

Says, “He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those Medellín kids.”

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

They caught him fleaing the scene

He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.

"Excellent work, as always, agent. Operation *Girlfriend Experience* was an outstanding success because of you. The villain has been apprehended and is awaiting sentencing," the superior comments.

"Thank you, sir. Just doing my duty," she responds.

"But there is one thing..." he contin... read more

They were close, but no cigar.

The Who let the dogs out.

Police apprehended a musician for stealing the right half of the piano.

He was in treble.

When they apprehended him he explained he was looking for his dog named Snickers

When apprehended, the man said he had heard it was profitable to sell Crip toes.

Officer on scene: We're at 1120 Elm Street. A woman has just shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor.

Dispatch: Have you apprehended the suspect?

Officer: Negative; the floor is still wet.

So an old lady calls 911 late one night. The dispatcher answers "911, what is your emergency?"

"There appear to be two men rummaging through my shed."

"A breaking and entering? We'll have an officer over in an hour."

"An hour? But they won't be here in an hour. They're breaking ... read more

The infamous Morgue Murderer was finally apprehended for his crimes of breaking into morgues and brutally slitting the throats of unsuspecting employees.

It turns out that it really never pays to cut coroners.

Desperate to get back out and perhaps lead semi-regular lives, the two cellmates try to brainstorm for an escape plan. A mere hour and a half later, one of the men comes up with a plan: steal some children's craft scissors, smuggle them back to the cell, cut through the floor, and cut out a tunnel b... read more

The news travelled fast around the tribe and soon after, the confusion led to anger. Upon his return from the jungle, the white British zoologist who was living with the tribe for the past 3 years, was quickly apprehended and brought to the tribe's chief to be urgently judged.

At first, the t... read more

Three brothers, Marty, Jim, and Joe Sly, were apprehended robbing a small town bank after shooting the security guard.

The judge sentenced them to death by hanging, but the people realized they didn't have a gallows.

They used a square box for the base, put a heavy pot on a raised pl... read more

He walks in and is seated next to the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his life. All he can think about is how he has to marry her. He strikes a conversation with her and they hit it off. They leave the bar and as they're walking out she gives him her number, her name was Lela.

They had... read more