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Felony Jokes

What was the deck of playing cards sentenced to after committing a felony?

Solitaire confinement.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.

Guy 1: what are you in for?

Guy 2: selling weed to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.

Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s shit. I got a copy right strike and...

It's amazing how removing letters from something changes things so fast

For instance, if you remove enough letters from 'mailbox' you get 'felony'

I heard Sodium Chloride was charged with a felony!

Yes, it was a salt!

A short man was just convicted of a felony and was going down the stairs with his lawyer and the deputies

His lawyer said, "you should have listened to me, stupid!"

I'm like wow - that's a little con descending.

Does anyone else realize that baseball is actually illegal?

Hit and run is a felony.

Some people would call misappropriations of inauguration funds a felony...

but it’s actually pronounced Felania!

I was applying for Australian citizenship, and the guy asks me "have you ever been convicted of a felony?"

"Does stealing a joke count?" I asked.

What do you get when you put together a Shih Tzu and a Bulldog?

A felony, Frankenstein

The U.S. instituted a new law after a man dressed as Santa committed a felony.

It was called the Santa Clause.

They Say "Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life". Sure enough...

All of these felony convictions are making it awfully hard to get a job.

An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport...

An Englishman walks up to the immigration counter at the Sydney Airport. The officer asks, “Do you have any felony convictions?”

The Englishman replies, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”

Driving Questionnaire

A man had recently moved and was filling out forms at his local police station:

Q: Has your driver's license ever been suspended or revoked?

"No, never."

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a DUI?

"Oh yes, lots of times!"

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a driving...

whats the difference between green bay and chicago

in chicago moosehead is a type of beer and in green bay it’s a felony.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Generational Trauma is bullshit

My parents belittled me for every small mistake or just being myself as a kid, and I turned out fine. I only have two felony assaults on my record, and I control my anger by making my son cry when I get home from work.

Australian immigration asks...

Friend of a friend was entering Australia, going through customs.

Them: “Have you ever been convicted of a felony?” Him: “I didn’t know it was still a requirement!”

They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.

I tripped over my shoelaces one day and got arrested.

I guess it was a felony.

James Bond was charged with criminal possession of stolen property in the fourth degree.

The judge, while not surprised, did say it was Class E felony.

I fell on my knee and i went to jail

it was a *felony*

A defense Lawyer was cross-examining a police officer

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial - it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who pr...

In the early 1970s, researchers discovered that a certain enzyme in a specific breed of seagull chicks granted dolphins that ate them a dramatically increased lifespan…

Hoping that this could be made viable for humans, they started extensive testing.

Unfortunately, the breed of gulls wasn't native to the area around their laboratory.

They sent a research assistant up the coast to gather additional specimens.

On his way back with a truckload o...

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a bald eagle

A life time ban from the zoo and a felony...apparently

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