What do you call an unprovoked prison stabbing?

Shanks for nothing.

~

What did the prison guards say when they couldn't find the weapon used?


Shanks but no shanks.

My wife called me at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, I replied, "No..."

She responded, "How about now?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three guys are captured by cannibals.

The cannibals tell them they will be put to death and eaten, and their skins will be used to make canoes. But they can each choose their manner of death.

The first guy says he wants it to be quick and requests to be thrown off a cliff. So they tie him up and toss him off a cliff. The second g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A classic joke from my childhood.

There is the private in the army. On the day before he was about to be sent to the front lines, he has to visit the quartermasters and get issued his weapons.

Unfortunately, he overslept and ended up being very last in line. When he finally made it to the desk, the gun master regretted to inf...

People stabbing Julius Caesar were expecting a lot of things.......

Hearing Harder daddy! Was not one of them

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.

Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

Jack the Ripper goes to the Dr. with a stabbing pain...

Dr says, "Tell me more".

Jack says " My whole shoulder is sore".

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Dad told me stabbing a Donkey is easy

It turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

What is the difference between stabbing a man and killing a hog?

One is assaulting with intent to kill; the other is killing with intent to salt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British man, a Japanese man and an American man are kidnapped by cannibals...

The chief says to them: "First, you die. Then, we eat you. Then we make your skin into canoe. But you may choose how you die."


The British man says: "Gun."


The cannibals give him a gun that they took from a previous captive. The british man shouts "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" and ...

A maniac is on the loose after stabbing 6 people with a knitting needle...

Early reports from the police suggest he is following some kind of pattern...

A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye."

The psychiatrist said, "Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"

What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the reformed serial killer that murdered prostitutes by stabbing them with car keys?

He did the ho key pokey then he turned himself around.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.