I'm not racist." I said to my buddy. "But I prefer my sandwiches cut diagonally." "That's not racist." he said.

"Exactly!" I replied. "I said I wasn't racist."

Wanna hear a diagonal joke?

Coming right up!

a bishop walks up to a bar

and the bartender says ‘you can’t do that. you can only move diagonally.’

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally.

Classic rook-y mistake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the “bishop” came to our church yesterday.

He was a fucking imposter. Not **once** did he move diagonally.

Today in church they asked what a Bishop does

Apparently “move diagonally” wasn't the answer they were looking for.

From a kid in the local chess club

Kid: Do you know why bishops move diagonally?
Me: No, why?
Kid: Because catholic priests never go straight

A bishop came to Church Today

Clearly he was an impostor.
Never once moved diagonally.

The Bishop was late for service

One day, the Bishop was late for church service.
He said it was traffic, but I don't think he went straight there.

He probably went diagonally.

I met my town's bishop at Easter mass today but I think he might be an imposter...

... he didn't move diagonally

Long

A primary school class has just returned to school after the summer vacation. The teacher asks them, one by one, to come up to the blackboard and draw something exciting that happened during their holidays. First up was Jimmy. Jimmy draw a series of diagonal lines across the blackboard. What's that ...

What did the bishop say after they redid the vestibule with black and white tiles?

"It looks nice but now I can only enter and exit diagonally "

I live next to a church in Cheshire...

...and I invited the bishop over for dinner. Took him ages to arrive - turns out he can only move diagonally.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Watchmaker

The Boy was due to meet his friends down the third alley from the green sign. The bar at the end of that alley, they had said, was a place where spirits and souls mixed together with the languid flow of warm summer air.

But The Boy had started drinking when the sun was still ascending, and n...

The best part of being single is being able to sleep around...

You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle.

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