UPJOKE

### I collect binary variables

Someday I'll be a booleanaire

### 3 men die and head to the gates of heaven

One is a mathematician. One is a philosopher. One is a lawyer. St. Peter is there to determine if he will let them in. He tells all three men he is going to ask them a question and that if they get it correct they will enter heaven.

He pulls the mathematician into a room and asks him: “What ...

Sure, why not.

### I made a program to generate puns, but I stored them in the wrong type of variable

No pun int. Ended

### How do you introvert a variable?

You get it by itself.

### Two random variables were talking in a bar

They thought they were being discrete but I heard them continuously.

### What did the programmer say to the variable?

Well, I do declare.

### What is your favourite variable?

I'm not sure, It's always changing.

### What’s the difference between redneck newlyweds and two variables in a dataset?

The variables aren't necessarily related.

### Old tribal wisdom says that wh...

Old tribal wisdom says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. Businesses, however, often try other strategies. These include...
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this hor...

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### 3 Guys in hell

This is the story of an engineer from intel, a guy from the pentagon, and a small skateboarder all three ended up in hell after signing a contract with the devil himself

so he says to them

\- I will give each of you a chance to go to paradise, but beware, no second chance, it's eith...

### Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:

Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...

### A man flirts with a mathematician

"Imagine you are a variable and your clothes are constants, and then you derive."

"Well, I would be naked but I would also have fewer curves."

### A woman is urgently rushed to hospital by her brother to give birth to twins.

In the hospital, she gives birth to a boy and a girl. She loses consciousness shortly after.

A few hours later, she wakes up with a doctor standing over her. She asks "Where are my children?"

The doctor replies "They're in the next room with your brother. He said you wouldn't m...

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### Pirate pick-up lines

“I must be huntin’ treasure, ’cause I’m diggin’ yer chest.”

“Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber.”

“See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments, Baby.”

“Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin’?”

“Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and p...

### A recent study has shown TSA random searches are in fact random

After hundreds of hours of observation at dozens of airports researchers were able to say with a high degree of confidence that TSA searches are applied randomly. The frequency of brown skinned men entering the line was highly variable and had no discernible pattern.

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### A student seemed upset so a math teacher walks up to him.

The teacher says hey tommy what's wrong?

Tommy says I'm having girl problems and I need help solving this issue.

The teacher says I'll do what I can.

Tommy says I don't want to tell you their names so let's call them x y and z. I like y and yesterday in the lunchroom I ran into ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

### Sherlock is waiting for Watson to come out of the bathroom.

Trying to pass the time, he decides to work out what is taking Watson so long. He makes a list of all the variables, and calculates the probability of each one. Finally, he comes to a conclusion.

"Are you constipated, Watson?"

"No shit, Sherlock!"

### A physicist walks into a bar and finds another physicist sitting alone drinking, so he walks up and asks if there's anything wrong.

He responds, "I can't find the variable for the initial height of a problem I'm working on."

The other physicist said, "Y0?"

### Two smart jokes

What does a scientist call it when they're A/B testing and they find a third variable?
An emergent C

What element do British people like early in the morning?
Strong-tea-um

Variable

### The difference between a crow and a raven.

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their...

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### LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

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### The Astronomer

An astronomer on an extended lecture tour became weary of delivering the
same lecture night after night.  He confided this state of mind to his
chauffeur as they were driving to their next destination.  The chauffeur
expressed a similar boredom in his line of work.
"I've got it!" sa...

### 'I Love You' is a mathematical function

'I Love You' is a mathematical function where,

'I Love' - is constant and ;
'You' - is a variable..

### Why Businessmen earn more than engineers !

Our mechanic's professor's reasoning of

"Why businessmen earn more than engineers ! "

If we equate the two variables namely into the two field's general statements,

- Time is money
- Knowledge is power

We know,

- Power = Work / Time

Substitute the variab...